Hard Things
Aug. 16th, 2017 04:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithLife is full of things which are hard or tedious or otherwise unpleasant that need doing anyhow. They help make the world go 'round, they improve skills, and they boost your sense of self-respect. But doing them still kinda sucks. It's all the more difficult to do those things when nobody appreciates it. Happily, blogging allows us to share our accomplishments and pat each other on the back.
What are some of the hard things you've done recently? What are some hard things you haven't gotten to yet, but need to do?
What are some of the hard things you've done recently? What are some hard things you haven't gotten to yet, but need to do?
(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-16 10:04 am (UTC)What I *have* to do, though, is help my son:
- sit down with the educational advocate
- hire a mediator
- get him into a school program that will actually move him forward into success rather than just promote to the next grade
I realized this summer that somehow none of the occupational therapists taught him to tie knots once he had the fine motor control, because they were focused on social skills, and now he's convinced he can't do it at all. He turned twelve this week. He struggled through fifth and sixth grade and now he's being forced to go on to seventh grade.
At least he gets praise for dealing with frustration less violently than his sister...
Thoughts
Date: 2017-08-16 10:18 am (UTC)That sucks.
>>- get him into a school program that will actually move him forward into success rather than just promote to the next grade<<
Good luck with that.
>> I realized this summer that somehow none of the occupational therapists taught him to tie knots once he had the fine motor control, because they were focused on social skills, and now he's convinced he can't do it at all. <<
*sigh* Occupational therapists are supposed to ask the client -- which at minimum should be you, and preferably should be him -- for a set of goals. What can he not do that he wants or needs to do? What is happening that he wants to stop? And then their job is to figure out how to get from here to there. They aren't supposed to make up the goals, because everyone's needs are different, although it's easy to get priorities scrambled in a complex situation.
Hm, it might help to split it and have one person teach social skills, another physical skills. It's hard enough juggling one batch of hard things, without having to account for two totally different batches of stuff.
>> He turned twelve this week. He struggled through fifth and sixth grade and now he's being forced to go on to seventh grade. <<
That sucks. It's not a real education then, people are just lying to make themselves look good, because it'll look very bad for them if he drops out or you pull him out at that level due to them not in fact teaching him things. If they won't quit lying, your best bet is to move him somewhere else, or at least be honest about the fact that he's not getting an education and quit pressuring him to fake it.
>>At least he gets praise for dealing with frustration less violently than his sister...<<
Yeah, but what does that really get him, other than not punished? It's not getting his needs met, which sucks. This matters because when needs aren't met, people tend to up the ante eventually, which is exactly how a child goes from saying no to pulling away to bolting to hitting. So often, the resources aren't there, and people just expect them to suffer silently.
I hope you can find solutions.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-21 07:41 pm (UTC)Try this ...
Date: 2017-08-22 02:32 am (UTC)* Use big rope instead of small shoelaces.
* Use two short lengths of rope in different colors so you can tell them apart.
* Instead of trying to tie a whole knot right away, break down the process into individual tasks. Learn how rope or shoelace feels and moves. Practice sticking it through loops of itself or holes in a lacing card. Learn the words for rope, knots, and actions. Then study the overhand knot before trying to do that and the loops.
* Consider different bow methods. Some people just can't get the hang of some bows, but can learn others.
* If he likes books, the Klutz Book of Knots is good. If he prefers computers, there are animated and text instructions. If he likes math/geometry, consider different shoe lacing patterns. At least then you get a cool design instead of the same stupid thing everyone else is wearing.
* Finally, shoe tying isn't a measure of personhood, sanity, or maturity. It's just a thing many people do. Some folks prefer slip-on, velcro, buckle, or other types of shoe and that is fine. Tying knots is useful for practicing dexterity, but it's not the only way, and probably not worth the headache if it has turned into a trigger. You don't have to eat the eggplant.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-16 02:30 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2017-08-16 06:34 pm (UTC)That's a lot to deal with.
>> It's giving me panic attacks, which is not a thing I usually have problems with. <<
:( Not fun.
>> And yes, I'm seeing a therapst. <<
I hope that helps. For some people it makes a big improvement, for others just eats up more time and energy.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-08-16 07:57 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-08-16 08:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-16 02:41 pm (UTC)A friend is arriving tomorrow afternoon. Motivation received.
I unpack the replacement: and I'd bought an elliptical, and both of our toilet bowls are round.
Go back to Home Depot, explain that it was bought a long time ago, and the SKU is no longer in their system, so they can't give me credit. No problem, I'll give it to the Habitat For Humanity store.
Buy two new toilet seats. Go home. Open box. Bolt head is over an inch tall, clearly can't close the little cover over where the bolt head rests.
Go to hardware store In The Village. Narrowly avoid pursuit by giant weather balloon. Purchase hacksaw. Cut off head of bolt in convenient niche seemingly designed for such. Write strongly-worded email to manufacturer complaining that the wrong parts kit was included with my two new toilet seats.
Still, I got the job done.
Get a reply to my email later that afternoon. If I had used a box-end wrench, the top part of the bolt is designed as a torque limiter and snaps off when the proper amount of torque is achieved to prevent anything from stripping, leaving the proper amount of clearance for the cover to close.
*facepalm*
Perhaps some day I'll learn to read instructions properly. I read them, it's just some how the part about the top part of the bolt snapping off on its own just did not sink in.
The nastiness awaiting me is taking out part of a wall to replace the valves and head of the master bath wall. That part, in and of itself, isn't too difficult, it's clearing out all the crap in front of the wall. My wife has a bookshelf there covered in fanfic that she's bought at cons over the years that hasn't been touched in the 15 years that I've known here, yet she doesn't want to throw it away.
Thoughts
Date: 2017-08-16 06:50 pm (UTC)That might make sense to people familiar with that particular trick, but most people would be confused by it, because very few things are designed to break as a feature not a bug. Even if you put it in the instructions, it's not an easy concept to grasp, because it's opposite how most things work. That's not a user-friendly design concept, and if it's the only way to make that work, they need to go out of their way to explain it in a big pullquote. 0_o
>>My wife has a bookshelf there covered in fanfic that she's bought at cons over the years that hasn't been touched in the 15 years that I've known here, yet she doesn't want to throw it away.<<
Some things have sentimental rather than practical value, and if someone's not willing to give it up, that's often because it's a load-bearing wall in some non-obvious way. Doesn't make it less pesky though.
taxing matters
Date: 2017-08-16 02:52 pm (UTC)My incentive for doing this, though, is that once *that* ugly business is laid to rest, my partner and I can set a date to "make it legal". :-)
Re: taxing matters
Date: 2017-08-16 07:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-16 03:24 pm (UTC)-ZB
(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-17 10:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-16 04:13 pm (UTC)...
Restless, touch deprived, need to get out. Can't. Not without spending funds I don't have. I hate online classes for that. *HATE* Also? All the cuddle parties in Indy seem to want donations and I'm barely covering myself; I can't spare for anything else right now. :(
I had a concert last Friday that helped some, but not enough. Not near enough. And I meant to writ about that in last week's Good News post because I had just enough money for the tickets for me and a friend (She took care of the transportation to and from) and the artist is one we both like and he is amazing, and it was a much needed good time, and this is the second year in a row seeing him, and it was just...gaaaahhh so good and ndeed, but still not e-bloody-nuff. :( >.>
Granted I have the others here...but physical company. *sighs* )Also, a system we know that we are connected enough to has sent some people over and it's helping, but I'm still like...needing other voices and things. *sighs*
-Fallon~
Thoughts
Date: 2017-08-16 07:34 pm (UTC)*hugs offered* Text anxiety sucks. :(
>> Restless, touch deprived, need to get out. Can't. Not without spending funds I don't have.<<
Bummer. Touch starvation is really hard on mammals.
>> I hate online classes for that. *HATE* <<
Yeah, that's a reason why we need the "least restrictive" education rule.
>> Also? All the cuddle parties in Indy seem to want donations and I'm barely covering myself; I can't spare for anything else right now. :( <<
That sucks too. I've noticed that cuddle parties and buddies started out as a way to meet an unmet need, but quickly turned into an untapped business opportunity, thus almost immediately re-excluding large swaths of people who most need healthy touch but have the hardest time getting it. Seniors, people with disabilities, etc. are frequently poor, so any price tag turns them away.
However, at some point you may have your own place. You could then host cuddle parties of your own.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-08-17 03:32 pm (UTC)"*hugs offered* Text anxiety sucks. :("
It does...really does. I fel better knowing my practice scores have gon up (quite a bit) but I'm still so anxious that the LBRP )The thing I do to ground and center myself)...is running out of steam on me. Rather quick too-which is rare because that one is one of the few that usually lasts all damn day and has been constistent with me for the past...what's it been three weeks now?...that I've been doing it. Thing is awesome for grounding/centering. :d
"Bummer. Touch starvation is really hard on mammals."
It is. I didn't realize it could be physically painful. I'd go for a massage, but I'm not up for paying 35 dollars (Not bad for a sixty minute for students) and I keep forgetting to ask a friend of mine if she's still needing volunteers. I'd much rather spend the tickets to go all the way to the east side than the two miles to the testing center today.
"Yeah, that's a reason why we need the "least restrictive" education rule."
Right? That rule is necessary on all levels. I at least get to go in next semester for 1 class...and I'm hoping Pharmacology is there, too. if I have to take one more online class I'ma go in-freaking-sane. I've had two straight quarters in a row with at least one online class, and I feel so...blah.
"That sucks too. I've noticed that cuddle parties and buddies started out as a way to meet an unmet need, but quickly turned into an untapped business opportunity, thus almost immediately re-excluding large swaths of people who most need healthy touch but have the hardest time getting it. Seniors, people with disabilities, etc. are frequently poor, so any price tag turns them away."
Yeah, I haven't looked sence, but there was one on eventbright for May-and it was anywhere from 35-40 dollars to get in. I just...couldn't. Not wit that and the transportation. I'm not sure I'd want to pull up and away with an open door bus. There aren't many questions asked about where you're going-but it's still awkward.
"However, at some point you may have your own place. You could then host cuddle parties of your own."
We own our condo. But our association is pesky: No intake clients; no businesses out of the home. So anything more than about half-a-dozen people would get crowded car wise and would...probably get us in trouble-profit turning or not. Not to mention my place is small, and furniture isn't moveable, so while a couddle party with 2-6 people would work-anything above that would get cramped. It's not a bad thought for when we have a house or some sort of bigger place, though.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-08-16 08:23 pm (UTC)I rented a room, complete with signed rental agreement, to Woman who had gone so far as to leave notes on my door in the past wanting to live here. This was 7/31; she paid a deposit to halt advertising the space until 8/3, which was her move in date when she would pay the first month's rent. After repeated texts asking the ETA on 8/3, she texted she was visiting her parents 150 miles away and her dad was unexpectedly ill in the hospital; she had spotty reception for texts and asked for an extension until the 4th, which I granted. No news until the 6th, saying she again had spotty reception and the dad was still ill. Did not answer repeated texts and messages, so I advertised on the 7th and had a tenant move in on the 8th.
I am keeping the deposit. I met my agreement, so this was hard, why? Because a/she had tried for so long to move in, b/is nice, c/lost her sister to cystic fibrosis on 7/10, d/two months back, endured benign tumor of the throat surgery removal, e/had no financial difficulty meeting the rent *if all she claimed is true, anyway*, f/endured knee surgery right after the throat surgery and finally g/wants to stay long term. No contact since 8/6; of course, her sister's death means her parents lost a child and the whole sitch absolutely sucked.
O_O
Date: 2017-08-16 08:57 pm (UTC)Re: O_O
Date: 2017-08-17 05:26 am (UTC)Re: O_O
Date: 2017-08-17 05:29 am (UTC)ugh
Date: 2017-08-19 02:48 am (UTC)Re: ugh
Date: 2017-08-19 03:04 am (UTC)That sucks. :(
>> I have been asking about status for three and a half weeks and got no reply <<
They were probably avoiding an unpleasant conversation as long as possible. Not exactly a great sign. :/ It's better to be honest when an employer feels that someone is not a good fit. It still sucks but at least the person has more time to look for another job.
>> I now must face searching for a new job and interviewing while I currently have a job but only for one more week which is frustrating and maddening and sad I really like this position and the people that I was working with. <<
That is really hard.
>>I honestly don't know why they aren't keeping me because they said that I was doing a good job and that they liked me and that I was good at what I was doing but yet that I wasn't a good fit<<
Possibilities include they may have the work for that position but not really the money for more than interim-level pay, which is dishonest but common. Another is they may want to get rid of you for some reason that would get them sued if they admitted it. Or they could've lied about the quality of your work and couldn't be arsed to explain what you needed to improve. Also not a good sign of quality in an employer.
>> so I am asking for an exit interview on Monday to try and ascertain the real reason that I am being let go and to find things that I can improve upon I hate hard conversations like that.<<
Good luck with that.