Coping with Stressful Situations
Jan. 13th, 2017 05:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithA friend is going through a rough patch, so I put together some resources for what to do when your life blows up in your face. You can also use these for supporting someone else.
Here are the most basic steps of self-care in the form of question prompts.
Know how to deliver Emotional First Aid for yourself and for others. Make an EFA kit stocked with things you find soothing. You can even make a portable, pocket-sized EFA kit that fits into an Altoids tin.
Soothe yourself with stress relief activities for the 5 senses.
Explore the categories of coping skills with their pros and cons. Here is a list of 99 coping skills.
Grounding techniques can relieve anxiety and other unpleasant emotions.
Try some relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation.
Many herbs can ease anxiety and promote calm. Consider aromatherapy or dreampillows if you're not into herbal tea. Note: if you have issues with intrusive memories or a fresh trauma, do NOT use rosemary, which enhances memory. Save that to study for tests or address lost/fading memories.
Stressful experiences often interfere with sleep. Take extra care with your sleep.
Acute stress reaction is a normal response to an abnormal event. Most people will freak out or freeze up for a few days, then gradually recover. Treatment typically consists of common sense comforts. The most important point is to listen if someone wants to talk about what happened, but don't pressure them to do so.
Preventing PTSD is important, but caregivers are just beginning to identify things that help. First, understand that PTSD is fundamentally a sorting error: the brain can't file traumatic memories properly, so they replay over and over again. Playing a stacking-and-sorting game such as Tetris can activate the brain's sorting function. Making a care diary, timeline, or trauma scrapbook can help place memories in context as part of the life story.
Bad stuff happens to everyone sometimes. You can cope with it. You can help other people cope with it. Learn the skills to be a hero. The world needs more of those.
Here are the most basic steps of self-care in the form of question prompts.
Know how to deliver Emotional First Aid for yourself and for others. Make an EFA kit stocked with things you find soothing. You can even make a portable, pocket-sized EFA kit that fits into an Altoids tin.
Soothe yourself with stress relief activities for the 5 senses.
Explore the categories of coping skills with their pros and cons. Here is a list of 99 coping skills.
Grounding techniques can relieve anxiety and other unpleasant emotions.
Try some relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation.
Many herbs can ease anxiety and promote calm. Consider aromatherapy or dreampillows if you're not into herbal tea. Note: if you have issues with intrusive memories or a fresh trauma, do NOT use rosemary, which enhances memory. Save that to study for tests or address lost/fading memories.
Stressful experiences often interfere with sleep. Take extra care with your sleep.
Acute stress reaction is a normal response to an abnormal event. Most people will freak out or freeze up for a few days, then gradually recover. Treatment typically consists of common sense comforts. The most important point is to listen if someone wants to talk about what happened, but don't pressure them to do so.
Preventing PTSD is important, but caregivers are just beginning to identify things that help. First, understand that PTSD is fundamentally a sorting error: the brain can't file traumatic memories properly, so they replay over and over again. Playing a stacking-and-sorting game such as Tetris can activate the brain's sorting function. Making a care diary, timeline, or trauma scrapbook can help place memories in context as part of the life story.
Bad stuff happens to everyone sometimes. You can cope with it. You can help other people cope with it. Learn the skills to be a hero. The world needs more of those.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 12:11 am (UTC)... Somebody read about a portable comfort box in the form of an altoids tin. I can't find the link to it, but it had things like a piece of candy, comforting pictures, a scratch and sniff sticker, and a small rock to ground negative energy in that was supposed to be dropped on the ground after use.
If I can find the tutorial I'll put a link up here, but there is an additional idea for anyone who needs an small kit that's easy to hide or carry.
- Alecto
(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 01:08 am (UTC)Agreed, this is an EXTREMELY useful compilation and one I will refer to frequently. Having it all in one spot helps a lot.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 01:23 am (UTC)It's in one of
I could have sworn it was its own post rather than a comment, but oh well.
(If anyone would rather have that taken down, please feel free to screen/delete my comment. I would like to get a heads up, hopefully with why so I can avoid repeating stepped-upon toes or accidentally-crossed boundaries, but it is okay if not.)
- Alecto
Thank you!
Date: 2017-01-14 03:42 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2017-01-14 03:42 am (UTC)Re: Thank you!
Date: 2017-01-14 03:44 am (UTC)Thank you very, very much. I will be using and sharing this.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2017-01-14 09:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 01:26 am (UTC)http://dialecticdreamer.dreamwidth.org/7246.html
Also useful gathered mostly from
(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 01:34 am (UTC)And ooh. You just reminded me we have a memory file for self care, which I now have things to add to. Thank you. :)
- Alecto
Wow!
Date: 2017-01-14 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 03:46 am (UTC)I am very pleasantly surprised to be on there!
*bookmarks for reference*
(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 02:24 am (UTC)Well...
Date: 2017-01-14 03:21 am (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2017-01-14 05:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 03:45 am (UTC)*offers virtual hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-15 12:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-15 08:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 03:54 am (UTC)Well...
Date: 2017-01-14 04:00 am (UTC)self-care for caregivers?
Date: 2017-01-14 05:37 am (UTC)Re: self-care for caregivers?
Date: 2017-01-14 05:56 am (UTC)Alas! That is very sad, and all too common.
This often falls on women, rarely on men. He may find it harder to connect with some resources as a result, as most of what little there is assumes female caregivers.
>> Have you any posts or links useful for overworked caregivers in such situations? <<
Yes, I do. I hope this helps.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/caregiving-stress-and-burnout.htm
https://www.vitas.com/resources/caregiving/signs-of-caregiver-burnout
http://www.thedynamicturnaround.com/caregiversburnout.htm
http://resources.caregiver.com/
http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/anticipatory-grief/
https://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/07/after-the-caregiving-ends/
And hey, I found one male perspective:
http://www.caregiver.com/articles/caregiver/male_perspective.htm
Now for the part that sucks: 99% of materials about caregiver burnout are all talk and no action. They urge people to "get help" but usually there is no help available. Duh. If there was help, people would have used it already before they fucking drown. This is a job that almost everyone is unwilling and/or unable to do, which means most people avoid it if they can. (I don't have the capacity for it either, although I've watched other people do it.) So it is absolutely vital to include: If there is no help, it is not your fault. You are only responsible for what you can do, not for doing everything. Sometimes people will heap more shit on you than you can carry. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with society being poorly designed to support people.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-01-14 08:31 am (UTC)I never knew that.
Suddenly my habit of playing Match 3 games when I'm suffering from symptoms of what I've always called stress makes a lot more sense.
Well...
Date: 2017-01-14 08:39 am (UTC)Understand that traumatic stress exists on a spectrum:
* acute stress reaction -- a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, in which most people freak out or freeze up for a few days and then come out of it on their own
* acute stress disorder -- same short-term reaction but so intense it interferes with safety or other everyday concerns, and doesn't start going away pretty quick
* post-traumatic stress disorder -- a cluster of strong symptoms after a single traumatic incident which disrupt daily life; diagnosed after 1-3 months, ongoing
* prolonged duress stress disorder -- massive symptoms resulting from not one but repeated or ongoing trauma
** developmental trauma disorder -- the hot mess you get when trauma happens so early and often that it prevents a healthy psyche from developing in the first place, rather than breaking an extant one
** prolonged adaptation stress syndrome -- a more subtle but equally devastating mess created when one's fundamental nature is unacceptable or unwanted, and one attempts to falsify type in order to survive
You don't have to qualify for PTSD in order to have traumatic stress. But many of the same techniques work on different manifestations of stress. Just note there are also differences: PDSD is harder to fix because the brain doesn't believe "safe" will stay that way because it hasn't before, PASS is best fixed by learning to be yourself and affirm your identity, etc.
Re: Well...
Date: 2017-01-14 10:01 am (UTC)Just note there are also differences: PDSD is harder to fix because the brain doesn't believe "safe" will stay that way because it hasn't before, PASS is best fixed by learning to be yourself and affirm your identity, etc.
I don't know what PASS means. (Though I definitely understand the feeling of "safe" being temporary at best, because, well, it IS. Physical and economic security don't last.)
Re: Well...
Date: 2017-01-14 10:08 am (UTC)If it's fairly close to whatever bad thing happened to or around you, then it will probably fade in a few weeks. That's the thing to watch for, if it gets a little better. (If it's not getting better, or gets worse, that's likely to take more work to fix.) You can help this along by being gentle with yourself, using your coping skills, and if it's not too painful, trying to sort the bad memories into the timeline of your life. It's a thing that happened; it sucked; it doesn't define you. People can recover from pretty awful shit.
>> (It's a pain in the ass, though it's undoubtedly less serious than PTSD.) <<
Yep, that is a pain in the ass. Validation and social support help too. There's not much official for the less-serious end of the scale, but happily it's a place where friends and family are usually better suited anyhow.
>> I don't know what PASS means. <<
Prolonged adaptation stress syndrome: the mess left from pretending to be someone you're not, or doing something you suck at because it's all there is.
>> (Though I definitely understand the feeling of "safe" being temporary at best, because, well, it IS. Physical and economic security don't last.) <<
There are ways to work on that. However, they require being in a safe space. Looking at America today, I'd have a hard time arguing with that. Let's say, there is a spectrum of safety and it helps to know roughly where you are on it, because overestimating the current danger is exhausting while underestimating it can get you killed.