Backstopping to Solve Problems

[ysabetwordsmith]

"Backstopping" explains how to support a person with autism, or absolutely any other trait that sometimes puts them at odds with the surrounding world. (That's everyone.) You learn what matters to someone you care about, and when you see a problem approaching, you give them a chance to solve it themselves. If they can't, you have a backup plan so it doesn't snowball into a disaster.

Now, this is a very complex skill.  It requires knowing the person very well, because you have to know what causes problems for them and how to solve those problems.  It depends on intimacy and tolerance, because if you try it with a stranger they are likely to bite your head off for being presumptuous.  Ideally, it's something you work out over time, with thoughtful negotiation, which may be verbal or nonverbal per mutual preference.  You have to know when to listen to the words, and when to pay more attention to the nonverbal signals.  You also have to gauge for scope, because people learn through making mistakes so it's not good to prevent all of them -- but you definitely want to solve the problems that could have serious consequences.

Not everyone has this kind of skill, or even the potential to acquire it, but if you can it's really useful.  Ideally, you and your friends/family will do this for each other.

Comments

[mdlbear]

Interesting. I'm not very good at it, and neither is Colleen -- we both need it, in different ways -- but we do what we can for one another. Poor Colleen! She often sees me at my worst, and it tends to upset her. Sometimes that's an understatement.

She has gotten good at telling when somebody needs to eat. When in doubt, feed the bear?

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

A basic-needs check is easy to memorize. Is everyone safe, warm, dry, clothed, fed, watered, and not bleeding?

Re: Yes...

[mdlbear]

Yeah; now that I think of it I got pretty good at reading our kids when they were pre-verbal. But their needs were a lot less complicated back then.