Backstopping to Solve Problems

[ysabetwordsmith]

"Backstopping" explains how to support a person with autism, or absolutely any other trait that sometimes puts them at odds with the surrounding world. (That's everyone.) You learn what matters to someone you care about, and when you see a problem approaching, you give them a chance to solve it themselves. If they can't, you have a backup plan so it doesn't snowball into a disaster.

Now, this is a very complex skill.  It requires knowing the person very well, because you have to know what causes problems for them and how to solve those problems.  It depends on intimacy and tolerance, because if you try it with a stranger they are likely to bite your head off for being presumptuous.  Ideally, it's something you work out over time, with thoughtful negotiation, which may be verbal or nonverbal per mutual preference.  You have to know when to listen to the words, and when to pay more attention to the nonverbal signals.  You also have to gauge for scope, because people learn through making mistakes so it's not good to prevent all of them -- but you definitely want to solve the problems that could have serious consequences.

Not everyone has this kind of skill, or even the potential to acquire it, but if you can it's really useful.  Ideally, you and your friends/family will do this for each other.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I love this idea. I'd also add, though, they that this is more about support than anything else--find a way to be there if you can, but if the person honestly doesn't want help, get out of the way. Respectful support is more helpful than anything else in the world, especially with autism.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

The original author emphasized providing multiple opportunities to self-solve, and I emphasized knowing the person, for exactly that reason.

You have to be able to distinguish between:
* I really mean X.
* I am saying X because saying what I really mean is socially unacceptable or even dangerous.
* I am saying X because I cannot brain or word right now, but X is an autopilot feature.

Then figure out the underlying problem, possible solutions, and whether you can or should intervene.

Re: Yes...

[librarygeek]

Recognizing when I am on autopilot is a VERY good skill around me. :-/ The friend of mine, who is known for dealing very well with others who are much less functional on the autism spectrum than I, says that a good first answer is often food. Feeding when on the edge of a meltdown gives SOMETHING concrete to focus on rather than the over stimulus original problem.

Re: Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

There are many glitch points and solutions which work across a wide range of underlying conditions. "I'm not going to continue this argument until I've seen you eat something" is a terrific example.

I had a teacher in college who told us up front that her abuse history made her check out sometimes, and that if we noticed her going on autopilot -- or if she was able to tell us that was happening -- then we should just wait quietly until she came back and was able to resume ordinary function. That worked.

Re: Yes...

[librarygeek]

His technique was more stating that HE is hungry, and what am I eating too? I wasn't arguing at the time, just half a heartbeat away from totally nonverbal, and REALLY needed something else as a focus.

Got me to the local convenience store, touchscreen ordering, and made sure I ate some before asking what was happening before he saw me. Worked. :-)

He helped enough to get me through a long drive afterwards, cheerfully.

[spaceoperadiva]

I've been on the receiving end of well-meant interventions that were more problematic than helpful. This is really clear on how to give meaningful support.

And what a wonderful blog overall!

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I've been on the receiving end of well-meant interventions that were more problematic than helpful. <<

So have I, because many things which are helpful to other people are troublesome for me, and vice versa. I have a really hard time convincing people of this, and that's one reason I limit my interactions and don't want to be around certain people. Somebody could get hurt and that is not good. I expect people to accommodate my needs and negotiate mutual wants. In return, I will accommodate theirs to the best of my ability, even if that means I have to get up in the middle of my sleepcycle to come perform pest control (which is one of my household roles).

>> This is really clear on how to give meaningful support. <<

That's why I linked it. I've found very little that explains how to be supportive in such explicit terms.

[makoyi]

Thank you for linking this. I will print it out and pass it on to some special ed teachers I know because it very clearly outlines a healthy practice for independence-building interventions. Their school system is really pushing independence-building right now but not giving any guidance, direction, or research to inform new practices.

You're welcome!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Thank you for linking this. I will print it out and pass it on to some special ed teachers I know because it very clearly outlines a healthy practice for independence-building interventions. <<

I'm glad I could help!

>> Their school system is really pushing independence-building right now but not giving any guidance, direction, or research to inform new practices. <<

Okay, I'm going to hope that the teachers A) have enough autonomy to implement ideas, and B) are sane decent human beings who really want kids to learn independence.

1) First agree on some goals. Kids need to learn to set their own goals for self-guidance later in life. Tell them to pick something that they care about. Since it's a school activity, you might also request an academic goal, because then you can talk about how things learned in school are applicable to real life. (If kids get stuck on this, then they may need to back up to Know Yourself activities to identify what they care about.)

2) Make sure the goals are reasonable and measurable. There are lots of systems for this; SMART is a good example.

3) Identify some steps. Do you want a new bike? You should probably know enough math to figure out how much money to save for it, and enough mechanical skills for basic maintenance.

4) Encourage kids to go as far as they can on their own, and then ask for help when they get stuck. They might choose to ask a friend, ask the teacher, look up something in the library, etc. Talk about how to know when you're stuck, what options you have for getting unstuck, and how to choose the best action.

Activities for independence, by nature, require a lot of student choice. Don't think you can "make" someone independent!

Another terrific activity for independence is making safe mistakes. Pick a skill, any skill. Go as far as your confidence level, the area where you can consistently deliver accurate results. Then find a safe way to push past that. You don't want anyone to get hurt, or fail so badly that it undermines their willingness to continue at all. You're looking for that boundary zone where they get some things right and some things wrong.

Then look at the mistakes and analyze what went wrong and why. What do you need to do in order to fix that mistake? What skill are you missing? That is something you could work on to improve your overall performance. What would you gain if you could do this new thing better?

Re: You're welcome!

[makoyi]

In general, having teachers be more mindful of the ability of their special needs students to be independent is, I think, a good thing. I definitely agree with 2 and 3 and think they're already doing pretty well on those fronts. With this article, I'll try to bring up 4. The safe mistakes practice is good too and I think it's something teachers generally try to do - though it's important that teachers understand that there's a distinction between pushing someone dyslexic to be 'more normal'/less dyslexic (which is ridiculous) and pushing them to develop coping strategies that work for them to improve their reading in some way (duration, speed, comprehension, or even just enjoyment, for example) and sometimes I see that getting lost. #1 - there's some of that - one girl with Down Syndrome wanted to learn to ride a bike so that's her biggest goal of the school year and there's a paraplegic kindergartner who is a lot less annoyed now that teachers get the message from above as well as from him that he is capable of doing very many things independently, but a large part of that is that these kids were already very good self-advocates able to speak up for themselves and their needs. Unfortunately, I think seeing that become more widespread would take a huge paradigm shift in public education as a whole. Kids are rarely consulted - whether their IEP is for autism or mobility issues or because they're an off-the-charts genius. And when they are consulted, it is not a negotiation - it's often phrased in a way which makes it clear the only appropriate answer is total agreement because compliance is so highly prioritized in public education as a whole.

Re: You're welcome!

[zeeth_kyrah]

Bleah. If compliance is the only answer, then you're trying to make criminals, not citizens. I am so SICK of it. :6

Re: You're welcome!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Actually it's meant as a filter. They want to separate the good slaves (citizens) from the bad slaves (prisoners).

[chanter1944]

I'm going to emphasize that, with backstopping or independence building, it is *vital* that the person on the receiving end is genuinely consulted and fully consenting. The alternatives are shame, embarrassment, resentment and long-term trust issues, to say nothing of social stigma and internalized othering all tangled up together. I speak from experience.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That's why the original author emphasized giving the person several chances to self-solve and I emphasized knowing their parameters. It's very easy to mess up, either not intervening when someone is truly in dire straits or butting in where you are not wanted. Mistakes in either direction get people hurt. It's a master-level skill but it is terrifically useful when done right.

I speak from experience of effective and destructive attempts to provide backstopping for some of my matters. I am not very good at doing it for other people, but have managed to memorize a few specific examples which are very useful.

[mdlbear]

Interesting. I'm not very good at it, and neither is Colleen -- we both need it, in different ways -- but we do what we can for one another. Poor Colleen! She often sees me at my worst, and it tends to upset her. Sometimes that's an understatement.

She has gotten good at telling when somebody needs to eat. When in doubt, feed the bear?

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

A basic-needs check is easy to memorize. Is everyone safe, warm, dry, clothed, fed, watered, and not bleeding?

Re: Yes...

[mdlbear]

Yeah; now that I think of it I got pretty good at reading our kids when they were pre-verbal. But their needs were a lot less complicated back then.

[helgatwb]

My Mama and I are very good at doing this for each other, because the things that work for me, work for her. My little sister? Well, Mama is good at supporting her...

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

It is very challenging to learn the pattern for someone who is very different from yourself, but some people manage to do it. My partner's people skills far exceed my own.

Re: Yes...

[helgatwb]

My husband is also good at figuring it out, mostly because he's so observant.

Mama is just good with kids, especially ones she's raised, or helped raise.

Backstop to build independence

[mockingbirds_song]

That's a brilliant article. I use it all the time with kids from 12-18 months up depending on the individual and it really builds their independence especially the debrief it helps them realise what went wrong.

Re: Backstop to build independence

[ysabetwordsmith]

Yes, exactly! As soon as children start interacting with the world, you give them age-appropriate choices, like holding up two different toys or shirts to let them choose. Food choices are important too, as they learn what they like or dislike. It teaches how to test things and identify patterns. If you go to the zoo, you have to decide which things you want to see the most, because (at a big zoo) there usually isn't time to see them all.

For a precious few decades between being worked to death and being micromanaged, children were largely left free-range. It was glorious. They had all kinds of adventures. I miss that. Now parents have been arrested for letting kids go to the park or even play in the yard. You don't learn independence that way. You learn terror and resentment.

[lilly_c]

I see and do a lot of this in my work, I find that I have to adjust my methods slightly from client to client. One of my client's has Rhetts, so they can't speak but can make noises, use arms/hands, eyes to communicate and I make decisions for them based on the reaction to each situation.

Yay!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I see and do a lot of this in my work, <<

Good for you!

>> I find that I have to adjust my methods slightly from client to client. <<

It's highly individual. People have different places where they always mean what they say, or where they gloss over things, or where they have problems that don't word well.

>> One of my client's has Rhetts, so they can't speak but can make noises, use arms/hands, eyes to communicate and I make decisions for them based on the reaction to each situation. <<

Nonverbal communication carries a LOT of information. I'm glad you can work with that.