>> I would think that non-gender-specific advice would be hard to come by; <<
It is.
>> too many things might be gender-specific and even orientation-specific. Although that's just a guess; my own experience in that area is very limited. <<
Some things are gender-specific. However, many things which seem gender-specific are not necessarily so. For instance, playing with one's hair is a display gesture usually cited as feminine, but it's not. It appears in people who have long hair. Lawrence has long hair, Stan has short hair, so Lawrence signals interest with gestures that are usually considered feminine, like tucking his hair behind his ears. Stan shows his reciprocal interest by petting Lawrence's hair, although he's careful to keep it to light touches until invited to go further. But Lawrence isn't a girl, and Stan appreciates that -- he notices that Lawrence has a beard, however small, and that affirmation of gender is very important to Lawrence.
Some things that are gender-neutral signs of sexual/romantic interest include:
* watching the person very closely * putting on clothes or other adornments believed to be attractive to the object of affection * wanting to spend time together * frequently talking about the object of affection to other people
A nearly universal sign of serious interest is putting the other person's wants or needs ahead of your own. Most people take care of themselves first. Changing that is a sign of pulling someone into a very central role in one's life. For someone like Stan who does habitually put other people ahead of himself, it's not as obvious; but it's a glaring change in someone like Lawrence who has to take care of himself because (until recently) nobody else would.
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dancing_serpent
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2014-08-11 04:19 am (UTC)It is.
>> too many things might be gender-specific and even orientation-specific. Although that's just a guess; my own experience in that area is very limited. <<
Some things are gender-specific. However, many things which seem gender-specific are not necessarily so. For instance, playing with one's hair is a display gesture usually cited as feminine, but it's not. It appears in people who have long hair. Lawrence has long hair, Stan has short hair, so Lawrence signals interest with gestures that are usually considered feminine, like tucking his hair behind his ears. Stan shows his reciprocal interest by petting Lawrence's hair, although he's careful to keep it to light touches until invited to go further. But Lawrence isn't a girl, and Stan appreciates that -- he notices that Lawrence has a beard, however small, and that affirmation of gender is very important to Lawrence.
Some things that are gender-neutral signs of sexual/romantic interest include:
* watching the person very closely
* putting on clothes or other adornments believed to be attractive to the object of affection
* wanting to spend time together
* frequently talking about the object of affection to other people
A nearly universal sign of serious interest is putting the other person's wants or needs ahead of your own. Most people take care of themselves first. Changing that is a sign of pulling someone into a very central role in one's life. For someone like Stan who does habitually put other people ahead of himself, it's not as obvious; but it's a glaring change in someone like Lawrence who has to take care of himself because (until recently) nobody else would.