ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2014-04-21 12:20 am
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2014-04-21 12:20 am
Story: "Hairpins" Part 27
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," and "Green Eggs and Hulk."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26. Skip to Part 28, Part 29, Part 30.
"Hairpins" Part 27
At first Phil had intended to stabilize game night with Clint and Natasha, whom he knew well enough try new things without risking the relationship. Rocky though life had gotten over the last several months, they had a solid foundation of trust on which he could build. With the other Avengers, Phil didn't have that yet, and their various backgrounds made it difficult to create a connection. Their reliance on him, as on each other, was still tentative and fragile.
Tony asking to join, and then bringing Bruce, had complicated matters before Phil quite felt prepared to level up the exercise. It had worked out beautifully so far, though, with only a few minor wobbles. Already they were growing closer. Phil was grateful for that progress.
That left just one more Avenger.
Phil sighed. He felt conflicted about that. He'd grown up admiring Captain America, and learned everything possible about him. Beyond the public image, he later delved into the classified details. Phil knew far less about Steve Rogers as a private individual, though. Not much had been recorded prior to Project Rebirth, just some bare-bones biographical data. Phil yearned to know more. He wanted to reach out and help when Steve was so obviously hurting, flung out of time into an unfamiliar and lonely life. But he wasn't sure what would really help, and what would just make matters worse.
Phil had always hoped that SHIELD and Stark Industries would find Captain America, but never really imagined getting to meet him in person. That had left Phil with all his mental defenses down. As a result, the initial encounter had been painfully awkward for both of them. Now they needed to move past that, somehow, in order to work together as a team.
"Hope," Phil murmured. He opened a fresh page on the Starkpad, tapping the Intelligent Search square. "This time, I don't want to get caught off guard."
"May I be of assistance?" JARVIS offered.
"Yes, please," Phil said, smiling. He had suspected that command would ping JARVIS for attention. The formality of the phrasing reminded Phil how easily JARVIS could hide in plain sight, pretending to be an ordinary program. "I want to find pajamas for Steve, just in case."
The search page scrolled to the side, making space to display Steve's measurements. Phil flicked his fingers across the body map the way he'd seen Tony do. The model spun in place to give him a back view of Steve's impressive shoulders. From the look of things, standard measurements wouldn't account for some of the places where Steve carried his bulk.
"That must make fitting shirts a challenge," Phil said. No wonder Steve wandered around in things that stretched taut over his muscles. It couldn't be very comfortable.
The screen brought up examples of Steve's clothing purchases. "Sir has attempted to direct tower residents toward several reliable tailors," JARVIS said. "Unfortunately Steve seems reluctant to avail himself of such services, or indeed, to make any noncritical purchases at all."
Steve had grown up poor, then joined the army, neither of which gave him much opportunity to learn what fit him or what he liked. SHIELD had provided Steve with living space, but it was a hovel. Phil felt outraged on his behalf. It's lucky that Tony managed to convince Steve to move into the tower, Phil thought. Getting Steve to take advantage of expanded resources ... might take more work.
* * *
Notes:
The nature of trust is that it entails a leap of faith, which enables people to take greater risks with each other. Trusting more leads to higher benefits, particularly in collaborative projects.
Self-awareness includes a distinction between public self and private self. Different parts of the personality are known to self and others. This can affect relationships. It's important to know your true self. While Steve doesn't like to make a spectacle of himself, he is quite consistent between public and private life. But Phil doesn't want to risk stepping on hidden emotional landmines, because he knows that people can be very different in public and in private.
Loneliness is a feeling of dearth when someone wants more companionship and/or intimacy than they have. It can affect heroes and other famous people, because fame has drawbacks. Steve feels lonely because he's lost everyone he knew, which hurts so much that it's taking him for him to heal enough even to try reaching out to new people. Fury really cut his legs out from under him. Loneliness is a widespread problem today. There are ways to overcome it.
Mental defenses can be used in positive or negative ways. This helps people resist persuasion and reframe negative thoughts. In The Avengers we saw Phil, who is normally calm and competent, quietly but thoroughly drop his brain at Steve's feet when they first met. It has taken a while for Phil to get himself back into working order. If he can't say no to Steve, that's not good for either of them -- but there's always going to be a soft spot there, because Phil grew himself around the ideal of Captain America.
Choosing clothes that look good depends on body type. There are guides for such things as t-shirts and suits. This project thoughtfully uses customized t-shirt sizes to accommodate different body shapes. In the movies, Steve often appears in clothes that are too small, because that makes him look bigger. In the context of this series, he does it because he doesn't know any better -- he has body dysphoria, he's not used to having enough money to buy things, and he won't ask for help this early. He's never really learned to pick for fit, fashion, and personal expression because it wasn't an option. That gets better in time.
[To be continued in Part 28 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26. Skip to Part 28, Part 29, Part 30.
"Hairpins" Part 27
At first Phil had intended to stabilize game night with Clint and Natasha, whom he knew well enough try new things without risking the relationship. Rocky though life had gotten over the last several months, they had a solid foundation of trust on which he could build. With the other Avengers, Phil didn't have that yet, and their various backgrounds made it difficult to create a connection. Their reliance on him, as on each other, was still tentative and fragile.
Tony asking to join, and then bringing Bruce, had complicated matters before Phil quite felt prepared to level up the exercise. It had worked out beautifully so far, though, with only a few minor wobbles. Already they were growing closer. Phil was grateful for that progress.
That left just one more Avenger.
Phil sighed. He felt conflicted about that. He'd grown up admiring Captain America, and learned everything possible about him. Beyond the public image, he later delved into the classified details. Phil knew far less about Steve Rogers as a private individual, though. Not much had been recorded prior to Project Rebirth, just some bare-bones biographical data. Phil yearned to know more. He wanted to reach out and help when Steve was so obviously hurting, flung out of time into an unfamiliar and lonely life. But he wasn't sure what would really help, and what would just make matters worse.
Phil had always hoped that SHIELD and Stark Industries would find Captain America, but never really imagined getting to meet him in person. That had left Phil with all his mental defenses down. As a result, the initial encounter had been painfully awkward for both of them. Now they needed to move past that, somehow, in order to work together as a team.
"Hope," Phil murmured. He opened a fresh page on the Starkpad, tapping the Intelligent Search square. "This time, I don't want to get caught off guard."
"May I be of assistance?" JARVIS offered.
"Yes, please," Phil said, smiling. He had suspected that command would ping JARVIS for attention. The formality of the phrasing reminded Phil how easily JARVIS could hide in plain sight, pretending to be an ordinary program. "I want to find pajamas for Steve, just in case."
The search page scrolled to the side, making space to display Steve's measurements. Phil flicked his fingers across the body map the way he'd seen Tony do. The model spun in place to give him a back view of Steve's impressive shoulders. From the look of things, standard measurements wouldn't account for some of the places where Steve carried his bulk.
"That must make fitting shirts a challenge," Phil said. No wonder Steve wandered around in things that stretched taut over his muscles. It couldn't be very comfortable.
The screen brought up examples of Steve's clothing purchases. "Sir has attempted to direct tower residents toward several reliable tailors," JARVIS said. "Unfortunately Steve seems reluctant to avail himself of such services, or indeed, to make any noncritical purchases at all."
Steve had grown up poor, then joined the army, neither of which gave him much opportunity to learn what fit him or what he liked. SHIELD had provided Steve with living space, but it was a hovel. Phil felt outraged on his behalf. It's lucky that Tony managed to convince Steve to move into the tower, Phil thought. Getting Steve to take advantage of expanded resources ... might take more work.
* * *
Notes:
The nature of trust is that it entails a leap of faith, which enables people to take greater risks with each other. Trusting more leads to higher benefits, particularly in collaborative projects.
Self-awareness includes a distinction between public self and private self. Different parts of the personality are known to self and others. This can affect relationships. It's important to know your true self. While Steve doesn't like to make a spectacle of himself, he is quite consistent between public and private life. But Phil doesn't want to risk stepping on hidden emotional landmines, because he knows that people can be very different in public and in private.
Loneliness is a feeling of dearth when someone wants more companionship and/or intimacy than they have. It can affect heroes and other famous people, because fame has drawbacks. Steve feels lonely because he's lost everyone he knew, which hurts so much that it's taking him for him to heal enough even to try reaching out to new people. Fury really cut his legs out from under him. Loneliness is a widespread problem today. There are ways to overcome it.
Mental defenses can be used in positive or negative ways. This helps people resist persuasion and reframe negative thoughts. In The Avengers we saw Phil, who is normally calm and competent, quietly but thoroughly drop his brain at Steve's feet when they first met. It has taken a while for Phil to get himself back into working order. If he can't say no to Steve, that's not good for either of them -- but there's always going to be a soft spot there, because Phil grew himself around the ideal of Captain America.
Choosing clothes that look good depends on body type. There are guides for such things as t-shirts and suits. This project thoughtfully uses customized t-shirt sizes to accommodate different body shapes. In the movies, Steve often appears in clothes that are too small, because that makes him look bigger. In the context of this series, he does it because he doesn't know any better -- he has body dysphoria, he's not used to having enough money to buy things, and he won't ask for help this early. He's never really learned to pick for fit, fashion, and personal expression because it wasn't an option. That gets better in time.
[To be continued in Part 28 ...]
Re: Another key point, though subtle
Thank you!
>> Phil and Jarvis are working * together * now, fully equal and bringing their A game to --
picking out a pair of jammies. <<
*laugh* Yes, it's ironic for them to start with something so prosaic, and yet the symbolism is really important. These jammmies both need and deserve the A game.
>> I can definitely see Tony casually mentioning, "Hey, my tailor's exclusive, you guys will keep him from being bored," rather than the more practical, and personal, reasons that some of the others would have to actually seek out a tailor. <<
Yes, that's true. But especially this early, it's going to sound like Tony trying to buy affection or just being profligate with money. That's uncomfortable for Clint (who is already traumatized and barely functional), panic-inducing for Bruce (who is barely managing to stay instead of fleeing), and disgusting to Steve (who hates conspicuous consumption and doesn't think he needs special stuff). It's hard for them to parse it as Tony taking care of them. The more they resist, the more things he throws at them in desperation hoping something will work -- and that's probably a key reason why they wound up hiding from each other.
>> Black Widow has some pretty specific needs for her range of movement, Steve and Thor both make off-the-rack look like straitjackets, for example. <<
Yes, that's true. *ponder* I would bet that Natasha is still using whomever Pepper told Natalie about, because they were obviously girltalking. At this stage, Steve is a long way from being ready to shop sensibly.
>> Tony wouldn't see how someone could be uncomfortable with THINGS instead of WORDS-- think about how much of his past experiences involve the other person throwing presents or hobbies at him instead of actually TALKING with him. <<
Yes, exactly. To Tony, things are Safe. Things can't hurt you unless you hurt yourself with them or somebody else uses them against you. They won't yell at you. To Bruce, Steve, and Clint things are argument starters or unreliable variables. You use what you have, but you don't necessarily trust it. Bruce is just frigging indifferent, look at the way he treats his glasses, his clothes, he built lab equipment out of junk and didn't care. He has allll the attachment problems. But at least Lab Is Safe to him, as much as anything can be. Clint feels safe up high, probably doesn't trust anything but his bow and maybe a few other personal weapons. Steve is used to not having things or else they break because they can't stand up to him. Then he feels like crap. So they often balk when Tony want to give them things, which hurts Tony a lot more than he admits, which makes him want to try giving them something different because he's desperate for these people to like him, and by the end of the week they're all hiding in their rooms.
>> It's completely plausible that he has to stop and parse out the differences between why Bruce, Steve and Clint each seem to just pick whatever's handy instead of going for a more personalized (often of necessity, also tailored) wardrobe. <<
That takes a lot of time. You can see it unfolding through the series.
>> "They grew up with way less money than I did," is barely the tip of that particular iceberg. <<
Painfully true.
>> Despite the small details of the scene, and its brevity, I feel the dynamic between Phil and Jarvis is much easier, much more solid on both sides. <<
Yay! I'm glad it worked. You'll get to see more of this as they play out the selection.
>> Phil is definitely more relaxed and has dealt with most of the worry about Jarvis, and Phil's own lingering guilt and shame. <<
Yes. Phil is relatively tranquil by nature. It takes a fair bit to rattle him, and he returns to center quickly most of the time. He's like Steve, that way.
>> It also seems like the story is getting ready to wrap, sadly. <<
I think there are three chapters left after this one.
>> The only thing that keeps that idea from being TERRIBLE, is, of course, that as soon as it ends, I can click the first chapter and re-read straight THROUGH. <<
Hee! And of course, there will be more goodies to follow.
>> Thanks for posting this. Next chapter on Wednesday? <<
You're welcome. Yes, Wednesday is the plan.
Re: Another key point, though subtle
Re: Another key point, though subtle
That may be part of it. However, I think that Steve feels comfortable dressing a certain way. He shouldn't have to change that just to please other people. Tony can be a dick teasing about "old fashioned" clothes but there are in fact people who still dress that way, and it's perfectly okay. Ideally, Steve should have information about modern clothing styles, and a little friendly coaching, so that he can make an informed choice.
>> SHIELD has given him wacky messages. <<
SHIELD has given him a few garments that don't fit and probably zero information. Part of that is barefaced manipulation. Part is because, when you have 70 years of data to catch up, you cover the most critical stuff first and clothing is not it. That's way behind things like "Don't say 'n*gg*r' and don't touch women you don't know, or somebody will mace you."
>> He's figured out men don't wear hats. <<
Most don't. I'm amused that Erik Lehnsherr often wears a hat even when he doesn't have the helmet on. I swear, I wanted to turn the felt one over to see if it was lined with foil.
>> Parsing the communication of clothing without any context; every piece of knowledge he holds may sabotage him. Lots of what we in the 21st century know about men's clothing dates to the Korean War and since. <<
Yes, that's an issue.
Re: Another key point, though subtle
The clothes they gave him constitute a message, which I parse as "someone at SHIELD doesn't know the difference between "The Waltons" and Brooklyn and "I'm too Sexy for My Shirt is someone's pool pick for Karaoke Song Steve will sing.
Re: Another key point, though subtle
There are always exceptions, though, and it's important to remember them.
>> The clothes they gave him constitute a message, which I parse as "someone at SHIELD doesn't know the difference between "The Waltons" and Brooklyn and "I'm too Sexy for My Shirt is someone's pool pick for Karaoke Song Steve will sing. <<
*laugh* Yeah.
Re: Another key point, though subtle