Story: "Hairpins" Part 25
Apr. 16th, 2014 12:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," and "Green Eggs and Hulk."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24. Skip to Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30.
"Hairpins" Part 25
"What matters is not merely what you have done, but what you choose to do about it," JARVIS said delicately. "I am content with your demonstration of virtue, Phil. As for SHIELD at large, consider that ideals are goals, not guarantees. It is natural for people to try, and fail, and yet keep trying."
Phil chuckled a little. "Well, we're only human," he said. "What about you and me, though? We have to live together ... no, we choose to. I don't want it to turn awkward."
"We have not truly known each other for very long. I am given to understand that relationships take time to develop, and that awkwardness is typical of the early stages," JARVIS said. "If you feel a need for my forgiveness, I grant it freely."
"That. Yes. That helps," Phil said, a little shaken by it. Now if I could just forgive myself ...
"I am glad. I find your company refreshing. Your compassion for sir and myself is a novel comfort. I would like to continue exploring our acquaintance," JARVIS said. A note of hope crept into his voice.
"Yes, of course," Phil said.
"Might I interest you in lunch?" JARVIS said. "It has been several hours since breakfast, and a less than tranquil morning."
"I should probably eat," Phil agreed. The stress left him feeling wobbly and a bit out of sorts with his body. Food would help settle him.
Phil went into the kitchen. The refrigerator yielded some leftover beef and half a bell pepper. He chopped both into a skillet, heated them together, then scraped the results onto a hero bun. Fragrant steam rose up to tickle his nose.
Phil sat down at the modest table, its clean lines soothing to his frayed senses. It was empty except for a bowl of fruit and his plate. The wood felt cool and smooth under his fingertips. There were reasons why Phil preferred simple furniture. His life was busy enough without adding fripperies. Lunch made him feel better too, the warm tasty food bringing him back in touch with his body.
It was nice of JARVIS to remind me to eat, Phil thought. Merely the exchange of comfort offered and accepted was easing some of the tension.
As if on cue, JARVIS said, "The cafeteria just set out a batch of those apple-bran muffins that you like. Shall I send one up?"
"Yes, please," said Phil. Stark Industries offered a healthy and delicious menu that ranged from light things for office workers to richer fare for people who did the heavy lifting. The apple-bran muffins were sweet and fulfilling without being too cloying for midday.
By the time Phil finished his sandwich, the muffin arrived, perfect conclusion to lunch. JARVIS knows my tastes pretty well, Phil realized.
He still felt guilty about the hacking incident, though, the way he had barged into someone else's intimate space without invitation. It left Phil off-center and unstable, as if standing on a gravel slope. He needed a way to level the field again. Something about that made him think of relationships, exchanges, balances ... and an idea clicked into place in his mind.
* * *
Notes:
Ideals are individual or organizational values that provide vital guidance. See examples of personal and business values. Understand how to identify and follow ideals. SHIELD performance is ... variable.
Developing friendships will create many benefits. Know how to deepen a friendship or help children develop friendships.
Forgiveness is an important part of human relationships, because everyone makes mistakes. It can be difficult to forgive yourself, though. Follow the steps to accept forgiveness from someone else and to forgive yourself so you can move on. Phil isn't all the way there yet, but he's working on it.
Hungry people are more susceptible to negative emotions. Food can help people to ground. Furthermore, food sharing aids empathy and emotional regulation. (Remember Tony feeding Bruce the blueberries on the Helicarrier.) Lean beef, apples and whole grains are soothing foods that relieve stress.
Apple-bran muffins are one example of healthy, tasty muffins.
Simplicity helps to create a relaxing home. Simple, classic furniture is a good component of this principle. You can see how Phil's apartment is decorated as a peaceful sanctuary -- and yet his looks quite different from the dimmer refuge of Bruce's which we see in "Coming Around."
[To be continued in Part 26 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24. Skip to Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30.
"Hairpins" Part 25
"What matters is not merely what you have done, but what you choose to do about it," JARVIS said delicately. "I am content with your demonstration of virtue, Phil. As for SHIELD at large, consider that ideals are goals, not guarantees. It is natural for people to try, and fail, and yet keep trying."
Phil chuckled a little. "Well, we're only human," he said. "What about you and me, though? We have to live together ... no, we choose to. I don't want it to turn awkward."
"We have not truly known each other for very long. I am given to understand that relationships take time to develop, and that awkwardness is typical of the early stages," JARVIS said. "If you feel a need for my forgiveness, I grant it freely."
"That. Yes. That helps," Phil said, a little shaken by it. Now if I could just forgive myself ...
"I am glad. I find your company refreshing. Your compassion for sir and myself is a novel comfort. I would like to continue exploring our acquaintance," JARVIS said. A note of hope crept into his voice.
"Yes, of course," Phil said.
"Might I interest you in lunch?" JARVIS said. "It has been several hours since breakfast, and a less than tranquil morning."
"I should probably eat," Phil agreed. The stress left him feeling wobbly and a bit out of sorts with his body. Food would help settle him.
Phil went into the kitchen. The refrigerator yielded some leftover beef and half a bell pepper. He chopped both into a skillet, heated them together, then scraped the results onto a hero bun. Fragrant steam rose up to tickle his nose.
Phil sat down at the modest table, its clean lines soothing to his frayed senses. It was empty except for a bowl of fruit and his plate. The wood felt cool and smooth under his fingertips. There were reasons why Phil preferred simple furniture. His life was busy enough without adding fripperies. Lunch made him feel better too, the warm tasty food bringing him back in touch with his body.
It was nice of JARVIS to remind me to eat, Phil thought. Merely the exchange of comfort offered and accepted was easing some of the tension.
As if on cue, JARVIS said, "The cafeteria just set out a batch of those apple-bran muffins that you like. Shall I send one up?"
"Yes, please," said Phil. Stark Industries offered a healthy and delicious menu that ranged from light things for office workers to richer fare for people who did the heavy lifting. The apple-bran muffins were sweet and fulfilling without being too cloying for midday.
By the time Phil finished his sandwich, the muffin arrived, perfect conclusion to lunch. JARVIS knows my tastes pretty well, Phil realized.
He still felt guilty about the hacking incident, though, the way he had barged into someone else's intimate space without invitation. It left Phil off-center and unstable, as if standing on a gravel slope. He needed a way to level the field again. Something about that made him think of relationships, exchanges, balances ... and an idea clicked into place in his mind.
* * *
Notes:
Ideals are individual or organizational values that provide vital guidance. See examples of personal and business values. Understand how to identify and follow ideals. SHIELD performance is ... variable.
Developing friendships will create many benefits. Know how to deepen a friendship or help children develop friendships.
Forgiveness is an important part of human relationships, because everyone makes mistakes. It can be difficult to forgive yourself, though. Follow the steps to accept forgiveness from someone else and to forgive yourself so you can move on. Phil isn't all the way there yet, but he's working on it.
Hungry people are more susceptible to negative emotions. Food can help people to ground. Furthermore, food sharing aids empathy and emotional regulation. (Remember Tony feeding Bruce the blueberries on the Helicarrier.) Lean beef, apples and whole grains are soothing foods that relieve stress.
Apple-bran muffins are one example of healthy, tasty muffins.
Simplicity helps to create a relaxing home. Simple, classic furniture is a good component of this principle. You can see how Phil's apartment is decorated as a peaceful sanctuary -- and yet his looks quite different from the dimmer refuge of Bruce's which we see in "Coming Around."
[To be continued in Part 26 ...]
(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-16 08:50 am (UTC)I'm not sure of the emotional dynamics at play here when it comes to JARVIS. (This is not a criticism. It might even be a compliment.)
Thoughts
Date: 2014-04-16 09:34 am (UTC)"Emotionally complex response" happens a lot in this series, both for the characters and the audience.
>> Phil desperately needs the grounding that food provides right now. <<
Yes, he does.
>> I feel a little strange about JARVIS being the one to direct him to it given that it was just established that Phil had wronged JARVIS. <<
It serves a lot of purposes. It meets a physical need. It reassures Phil that JARVIS doesn't hold a grudge. But it also reaffirms his own self-image, because JARVIS is a mother hen, because Tony needed him to be that. Coddling people is a way that JARVIS soothes himself. I think it works as comfort for him because he can watch them calm down, and that meets one of his purpose-programs. For an artificial intelligence, that's basically what trips their pleasure/satisfaction center, meeting any of those primary protocols. If he's taking care of someone, then everything is okay, even if they're both still a little rattled.
>> But the incident did happen in the past and getting someone else to do that service would open up questions that I don't think either party wants to answer. <<
Oh gods no, they'd both freak if anyone walked in on them now. From this timepoint it would be months before they would be able to explain what just happened to anyone else on the team, especially Tony. JARVIS may have processed the original incident by now, but he hasn't had time to process Phil's reaction -- which is very new, because nobody ever apologized to JARVIS for intruding on him like that.
>> It makes me feel better that Phil cooked his own meal. <<
He needed to do something normal and familiar. He needed to have something in his hands that he could choose and control. But at the same time, he liked that JARVIS offered to get dessert for him too.
>> Maybe JARVIS experiences comfort and grounding in returning to more routine behavior. <<
Yes, he does. AIs tend to be very habit-driven people. So is Phil, when he can afford to be. As a spy some of his options are limited, but at home he can establish routines that help him feel secure. That sort of regularity is reassuring to JARVIS in turn -- and he's just starting to realize that, because Tony does not have a lot of really consistent habits, but some of the other Avengers definitely do.
>> On the other hand this could also be a way of hiding the fact that he needs to be taken care of himself--he's acting normally, so he feels okay now. <<
Both of them are doing this. They fell into unexpectedly deep emotional water and flailed around for a while. Of course they're clinging to the beach now. They need time to let it soak in without staring directly at it. So they focus on familiar, everyday things.
>> I'm not sure of the emotional dynamics at play here when it comes to JARVIS. (This is not a criticism. It might even be a compliment.) <<
Neither are Phil and JARVIS, poor guys. Emotions are confusing. There was no easy way they could have avoided what happened, either in the original incident or the tangle of feelings it just caused. They don't know exactly what to do or how to respond. So they're falling back on the basics -- "If you do something wrong, apologize for it." "Take care of people." -- which, if your basics are good, tends to work. They both have good basics.
Testing the bonds
Date: 2014-04-16 10:16 am (UTC)I love the way Jarvis guides them both out of the deep emotional waters, back to something familiar, but in so doing checks that he can still OFFER that kind of help to Phil. Phil accepting the muffin, rather than just, "Nah, not that hungry," doesn't really ping on Phil's radar as being important to Jarvis. Yet, his immediate acceptance of Jarvis' suggestion says to me that they've already got a few solid blocks to use as a foundation for a long-term friendship.
Phil should immediately recognize Jarvis' "handler" behavior; he does it at least every other day, if not more often! But Phil's too off-center, and still processing the things Jarvis mentioned about both Nick Fury and Obie. I think when he looks back at the situation, he'll see it more clearly.
Thanks for another chapter, especially so quickly!
Re: Testing the bonds
Date: 2014-04-16 12:58 pm (UTC)Re: Testing the bonds
Date: 2014-04-18 06:12 am (UTC)In fact, Phil doesn't notice a lot of subtle patterns to what handlers do, that are not planned but are more like convergent evolution, and are thus easier to see from the perspective of people like Clint who are assets rather than handlers. There's a bit of that in a later story.
Re: Testing the bonds
Date: 2014-04-18 06:10 am (UTC)Thank you!
>> I love the way Jarvis guides them both out of the deep emotional waters, back to something familiar, but in so doing checks that he can still OFFER that kind of help to Phil. <<
Yes, exactly. After a rough landing, check to make sure that connections are still intact and functional.
>> Phil accepting the muffin, rather than just, "Nah, not that hungry," doesn't really ping on Phil's radar as being important to Jarvis. <<
Well, it means slightly different things to them, coming from different directions as they are.
The funny thing is that Phil has done precisely the same thing -- with Clint. That was a key part of earning Clint's trust early on, feeding him. And even when really hungry, Clint wouldn't accept food from people he didn't trust; he'd go scrounge up something on his own. So the acceptance of food was really important.
>> Yet, his immediate acceptance of Jarvis' suggestion says to me that they've already got a few solid blocks to use as a foundation for a long-term friendship. <<
They do. Phil wouldn't be living in the tower if he didn't consider it reasonably safe, but knowing JARVIS as a person changes that -- not necessarily how Phil feels, but the way he feels it. That plays into the stability of their relationship because he's already been there for a while. The familiarity helps them ride out bumps like this.
>> Phil should immediately recognize Jarvis' "handler" behavior; he does it at least every other day, if not more often! <<
Phil does handler things all the time, just different ones with different people.
>> But Phil's too off-center, and still processing the things Jarvis mentioned about both Nick Fury and Obie. <<
Yes, that's true. Anyone would be shaken after those bombshells.
>> I think when he looks back at the situation, he'll see it more clearly. <<
Eventually, yes.
>> Thanks for another chapter, especially so quickly! <<
You're welcome!
Re: Testing the bonds
Date: 2014-04-18 01:34 pm (UTC)My crossover twiggles really wants Amanda Stetson as an elegant sixtysome to pop up. (Scarecrow and Mrs. King)
Re: Testing the bonds
Date: 2014-04-18 06:58 pm (UTC)Re: Testing the bonds
Date: 2014-04-18 09:03 pm (UTC)(Well, it takes longer than a day. But that morning at the train station sets things in motion.) You may recognize Bruce Boxleiter who played Lee Stetson, the agent that transfers (in dire straits) the 'goods' to the housewife, from turns in Tron and Babylon 5. Rewatching I can see places it completely Cloud Cuckoolands, esp anytime the story ends up in a medical setting. It hangs together better than MacGyver, but that's more because the boys can only grow bigger and older.
Lots of screwball romantic comedy.