Healthy Vulnerability
May. 3rd, 2013 01:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithAs part of the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," and "Building Trust." Skip ahead to "Coping with Emotional Drop."
Healthy Vulnerability
Vulnerability refers to openness and risk-taking in relationships. There is always a chance of getting hurt, yet without taking that chance, close bonds are difficult or impossible to form. Vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with trust in connecting one person to another.
Other emotions may cover up vulnerability, such as anger or indifference. It is related to fear, and people generally try to avoid fear. In particular, they doubt their own worth. So choosing to be vulnerable in a relationship also means trusting that you are worth taking a chance on, and that the other person will not take advantage of you.
Despite the negative connotations, there is value in vulnerability. It is a gateway to intimacy. It's important that people in a relationship be equally vulnerable to each other. If one is exposed and another not, or less so, then that creates a power imbalance which can distort the relationship.
People may get caught up in the idea of rejection and abandonment, and thus shy away from potential vulnerability, especially abuse survivors. It is difficult to balance vulnerability and trust after an abusive relationship. Watch for signs of trust issues in vulnerable moments. Pay attention to how much and what kind of trust is offered. There are steps for acknowledging the harm done and overcoming it. It's important to balance openness and safety.
Experiencing vulnerability and openness can lead to an emotional drop afterwards. This is most often called "sub drop" from its appearance in the kink community, but it can occur after sensual or other intimate scenes that are not heavy BDSM. A related concept is "con drop," the letdown after a convention when you've spent all weekend with like-minded people and must then return to mundane life. The effects can also apply to the dominant partner in a scene, or for that matter, anyone after an intense emotional experience. The aftercare is similar, shoring up a person's physical and mental stability. Be alert for this possibility in yourself and others if you are doing emotional work, and be prepared to take care of the drop if it happens.
How do you perceive vulnerability? What are some of its pros and cons? How have you approached vulnerable times in a relationship?
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," and "Building Trust." Skip ahead to "Coping with Emotional Drop."Healthy Vulnerability
Vulnerability refers to openness and risk-taking in relationships. There is always a chance of getting hurt, yet without taking that chance, close bonds are difficult or impossible to form. Vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with trust in connecting one person to another.
Other emotions may cover up vulnerability, such as anger or indifference. It is related to fear, and people generally try to avoid fear. In particular, they doubt their own worth. So choosing to be vulnerable in a relationship also means trusting that you are worth taking a chance on, and that the other person will not take advantage of you.
Despite the negative connotations, there is value in vulnerability. It is a gateway to intimacy. It's important that people in a relationship be equally vulnerable to each other. If one is exposed and another not, or less so, then that creates a power imbalance which can distort the relationship.
People may get caught up in the idea of rejection and abandonment, and thus shy away from potential vulnerability, especially abuse survivors. It is difficult to balance vulnerability and trust after an abusive relationship. Watch for signs of trust issues in vulnerable moments. Pay attention to how much and what kind of trust is offered. There are steps for acknowledging the harm done and overcoming it. It's important to balance openness and safety.
Experiencing vulnerability and openness can lead to an emotional drop afterwards. This is most often called "sub drop" from its appearance in the kink community, but it can occur after sensual or other intimate scenes that are not heavy BDSM. A related concept is "con drop," the letdown after a convention when you've spent all weekend with like-minded people and must then return to mundane life. The effects can also apply to the dominant partner in a scene, or for that matter, anyone after an intense emotional experience. The aftercare is similar, shoring up a person's physical and mental stability. Be alert for this possibility in yourself and others if you are doing emotional work, and be prepared to take care of the drop if it happens.
How do you perceive vulnerability? What are some of its pros and cons? How have you approached vulnerable times in a relationship?
