Poem: "Even If I Could Stop It"
Dec. 25th, 2021 10:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis poem was written outside the regular prompt calls. It fills the "Even if I could stop it, I wouldn't." square in my 10-1-21 card for the Fall Festival Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by a pool with fuzzyred, ng_moonmoth, janetmiles, and edorfaus. It belongs to the Not Quite Kansas series. (See the landing page.)
Warning: This poem contains material that may disturb some readers. ighlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes canon-typical violence, a destructive curse, disorientation, vomiting, smashed building, presumed self-destruction of the curse caster, consensual but jarring use of magic, and other mayhem. If these are touchy topics for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Even If I Could Stop It"
[Wednesday, November 28, 2018]
Gideon was still collecting grimoires,
ancient tomes, anything that might
help him understand more about
the strange magic of this world.
He was also coming to realize
just how dangerous it could be.
He and Raymond were walking
home from Funkenstein's Bookstore
when Gideon felt a crackle of energy.
He was getting more sensitive,
which was often a good thing,
but right now felt ominous.
"What's up?" Raymond asked.
"Can't you feel that?" Gideon said.
It was crawling over his skin in
sharp waves now, like someone
dragging nettles over his body.
Raymond shook his head.
"I'm not the magician here."
"It's coming from over there,"
Gideon said, pointing to a gap
in the hedges by the sidewalk.
Campus, and the area around it,
was littered with nooks and crannies
that let people study in peace -- or
get up to all sorts of trouble.
Beyond the gap there lay
a round patio of gray bricks
encircled by more hedges.
Chalk marks covered the bricks,
each little symbol inside one brick,
dozens of them in concentric circles.
Standing in the middle was a goth girl
with long, shaggy black hair and
way too many piercings. Tattoos
crawled over her pale skin, animated.
Lightning crept between the bricks
around her feet like a blue whirlpool,
slowly but steadily gaining speed.
"Oh, that can't be good," said Gideon.
"I'm calling Barb," Raymond said
as he took out his phone and dialed.
"What are you doing?" Gideon asked
the crazy-looking girl in the circle.
"I'm going to destroy my enemies,"
she said. "They live in the apartment
behind me. There will be nothing left."
"Oh hell no," Raymond snapped.
"Whatever it is, you stop this right now!"
She threw back her head and laughed.
"Even if I could stop it, I wouldn't."
Gideon scrambled for a spell to cast
protections around the area, but
even as he chanted, he knew
that it wouldn't be enough.
The curse already had
too much momentum.
Then something hit him,
knocking him sideways into --
he couldn't tell what or where.
Everything seemed distorted,
the wrong shape and color,
jarring angles that smeared
and bent around each other.
Screeching cacophony
swirled around him and
he seemed to be spinning.
Gideon crashed to the grass
and clutched at it desperately.
His stomach lurched and
he threw up, heaving
and heaving until
nothing came out.
A hand touched him
and he flinched violently,
scrambling away from it.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, it was
the only way that I could
keep you safe," Barb babbled.
Gideon looked up, blinking
to clear the lingering smears
from his vision. Yeah, that
was Barb, and Raymond was
still throwing up in the yard.
"Wha'happen?" he mumbled.
"Raymond called me and
said something was wrong,"
Barb explained. "When I got
to you, the curse was about
to explode. I damped down
what I could, then pulled both
of you into a side dimension."
"That was the worst trip I've
ever been on," Gideon said.
"I'm sorry," Barb said again.
"I know it's hard on humans,
especially when unprepared,
but that was better than letting
the curse tear you apart."
Raymond pushed himself
up to his knees, but couldn't
seem to stand on his own.
"She was trying to destroy
an apartment building,"
he said. "How is it?"
Barb pointed across
the street to a gap in
the hedge, now larger
and edged with smoke.
Behind it, the front of
the building was smashed,
but the whole thing wasn't
gone as she had claimed.
The brick patio was gone,
though, nothing but a crater
and wisps of smoke where
it had hidden in the hedges.
There was no sign of the girl.
"Shit," Raymond said. "I had
hoped we could stop her."
"Nothing can stop a spell
when it is that far along,"
Barb said, shaking his head.
"I think we blunted it, though,"
said Gideon. "That's something."
"Yeah, it should've been bigger,"
Barb said. "That was quite
a protection spell you cast."
Gideon gave a weak smile.
"Thanks for helping," he said.
"I hear sirens," Raymond said,
looking up the street. "We
need to get out of here."
He tried and failed again
to make it to his feet.
Barb held out a hand.
"I can give you both
a little boost of energy,
enough to get home,"
he said. "It shouldn't
hurt too much. I think."
"On whose pain scale?"
Raymond said, grimacing.
"Yours?" Barb said, not
sounding very confident.
He'd been practicing with
them, and his healing magic
was getting a bit less awful,
but it was still a last resort
unless they were feeding him --
and Barb was skittish about that.
"Okay," Gideon said, taking a hand.
"Rev me up so we can head out."
The magic zapped through him
like a giant jolt of static electricity,
not so much painful as jarring.
It could've been a lot worse.
Raymond gritted his teeth
and took Barb's other hand.
The sparkle of magic was brief
and he only flinched a little.
Raymond staggered upright.
"Thanks, Barb," he said.
"Lean on me," the demon said,
and managed to get Gideon
on one side and Raymond
on the other. "Let's go."
He led them along a route
less open than they usually
took between there and home.
They all stumbled downstairs
and flopped on Raymond's bed.
It was easier to recover if they
were together; something about
their energy seemed to boost
each other's refresh rate.
Gideon still felt a little weird
curling up with a purring demon
and a sort-of-cop beside him.
He wouldn't change it, though.
They were best friends he'd ever had.
* * *
Notes:
This is the girl who cast the curse.
The brick circle is several blocks from Funkenstein's Bookstore.
fuzzyred, ng_moonmoth, janetmiles, and edorfaus. It belongs to the Not Quite Kansas series. (See the landing page.)Warning: This poem contains material that may disturb some readers. ighlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes canon-typical violence, a destructive curse, disorientation, vomiting, smashed building, presumed self-destruction of the curse caster, consensual but jarring use of magic, and other mayhem. If these are touchy topics for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Even If I Could Stop It"
[Wednesday, November 28, 2018]
Gideon was still collecting grimoires,
ancient tomes, anything that might
help him understand more about
the strange magic of this world.
He was also coming to realize
just how dangerous it could be.
He and Raymond were walking
home from Funkenstein's Bookstore
when Gideon felt a crackle of energy.
He was getting more sensitive,
which was often a good thing,
but right now felt ominous.
"What's up?" Raymond asked.
"Can't you feel that?" Gideon said.
It was crawling over his skin in
sharp waves now, like someone
dragging nettles over his body.
Raymond shook his head.
"I'm not the magician here."
"It's coming from over there,"
Gideon said, pointing to a gap
in the hedges by the sidewalk.
Campus, and the area around it,
was littered with nooks and crannies
that let people study in peace -- or
get up to all sorts of trouble.
Beyond the gap there lay
a round patio of gray bricks
encircled by more hedges.
Chalk marks covered the bricks,
each little symbol inside one brick,
dozens of them in concentric circles.
Standing in the middle was a goth girl
with long, shaggy black hair and
way too many piercings. Tattoos
crawled over her pale skin, animated.
Lightning crept between the bricks
around her feet like a blue whirlpool,
slowly but steadily gaining speed.
"Oh, that can't be good," said Gideon.
"I'm calling Barb," Raymond said
as he took out his phone and dialed.
"What are you doing?" Gideon asked
the crazy-looking girl in the circle.
"I'm going to destroy my enemies,"
she said. "They live in the apartment
behind me. There will be nothing left."
"Oh hell no," Raymond snapped.
"Whatever it is, you stop this right now!"
She threw back her head and laughed.
"Even if I could stop it, I wouldn't."
Gideon scrambled for a spell to cast
protections around the area, but
even as he chanted, he knew
that it wouldn't be enough.
The curse already had
too much momentum.
Then something hit him,
knocking him sideways into --
he couldn't tell what or where.
Everything seemed distorted,
the wrong shape and color,
jarring angles that smeared
and bent around each other.
Screeching cacophony
swirled around him and
he seemed to be spinning.
Gideon crashed to the grass
and clutched at it desperately.
His stomach lurched and
he threw up, heaving
and heaving until
nothing came out.
A hand touched him
and he flinched violently,
scrambling away from it.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, it was
the only way that I could
keep you safe," Barb babbled.
Gideon looked up, blinking
to clear the lingering smears
from his vision. Yeah, that
was Barb, and Raymond was
still throwing up in the yard.
"Wha'happen?" he mumbled.
"Raymond called me and
said something was wrong,"
Barb explained. "When I got
to you, the curse was about
to explode. I damped down
what I could, then pulled both
of you into a side dimension."
"That was the worst trip I've
ever been on," Gideon said.
"I'm sorry," Barb said again.
"I know it's hard on humans,
especially when unprepared,
but that was better than letting
the curse tear you apart."
Raymond pushed himself
up to his knees, but couldn't
seem to stand on his own.
"She was trying to destroy
an apartment building,"
he said. "How is it?"
Barb pointed across
the street to a gap in
the hedge, now larger
and edged with smoke.
Behind it, the front of
the building was smashed,
but the whole thing wasn't
gone as she had claimed.
The brick patio was gone,
though, nothing but a crater
and wisps of smoke where
it had hidden in the hedges.
There was no sign of the girl.
"Shit," Raymond said. "I had
hoped we could stop her."
"Nothing can stop a spell
when it is that far along,"
Barb said, shaking his head.
"I think we blunted it, though,"
said Gideon. "That's something."
"Yeah, it should've been bigger,"
Barb said. "That was quite
a protection spell you cast."
Gideon gave a weak smile.
"Thanks for helping," he said.
"I hear sirens," Raymond said,
looking up the street. "We
need to get out of here."
He tried and failed again
to make it to his feet.
Barb held out a hand.
"I can give you both
a little boost of energy,
enough to get home,"
he said. "It shouldn't
hurt too much. I think."
"On whose pain scale?"
Raymond said, grimacing.
"Yours?" Barb said, not
sounding very confident.
He'd been practicing with
them, and his healing magic
was getting a bit less awful,
but it was still a last resort
unless they were feeding him --
and Barb was skittish about that.
"Okay," Gideon said, taking a hand.
"Rev me up so we can head out."
The magic zapped through him
like a giant jolt of static electricity,
not so much painful as jarring.
It could've been a lot worse.
Raymond gritted his teeth
and took Barb's other hand.
The sparkle of magic was brief
and he only flinched a little.
Raymond staggered upright.
"Thanks, Barb," he said.
"Lean on me," the demon said,
and managed to get Gideon
on one side and Raymond
on the other. "Let's go."
He led them along a route
less open than they usually
took between there and home.
They all stumbled downstairs
and flopped on Raymond's bed.
It was easier to recover if they
were together; something about
their energy seemed to boost
each other's refresh rate.
Gideon still felt a little weird
curling up with a purring demon
and a sort-of-cop beside him.
He wouldn't change it, though.
They were best friends he'd ever had.
* * *
Notes:
This is the girl who cast the curse.
The brick circle is several blocks from Funkenstein's Bookstore.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-12-26 05:34 am (UTC)Well, if you trust them you might fuss at some point, but the first reaction will likely be 'what happened?'
If you don't trust them, you flip out.
Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-26 05:47 am (UTC)Conversely, Gideon and Raymond have been working with Barb for a while now. They know that demonic stuff is often bizarre, unpleasant, and painful. So while they weren't expecting this particular iteration at this time, the general feel of it is familiar. That makes it less likely to read as an attack, even in the context of a curse going off. And of course, once they knew it was Barb, it became just another iteration of him doing something useful with unfortunate side effects.
Together they got through this with the least-worst outcome that was likely possible given how they encountered the curse in progress. Far from ideal, hard on all of them, but at least they quashed the curse enough that it didn't demolish the whole building. That's quite an accomplishment.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-26 06:01 am (UTC)Yeah, but there's different kinds of hurt. Accidentally hurting someone in a safe/trusting context is very different that a mistrusting one (and even some neutral but contextually problematic ones).
Kinda a cross between The Power of Trust and If It You, Its Okay tropes, I guess?
...also, sometimes life sucks, but if someone is willing to put out effort to make you feel safe, then it sucks a little less.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-26 11:23 am (UTC)Also, accidentally belting someone who grabs you unexpectedly is different than beating them up on purpose. Barb has had a lot of people beating on him just because they could. He seems confident that his human friends won't do that sort of thing on purpose -- or at least, enough to take the risk.
>> Kinda a cross between The Power of Trust and If It You, Its Okay tropes, I guess? <<
True.
>> ...also, sometimes life sucks, but if someone is willing to put out effort to make you feel safe, then it sucks a little less. <<
I think that has made a big difference for them. Even when they're doing risky or unpleasant things together, they're trying to make it as safe and tolerable as they can. For values that include a mystic who cocked up reality, a semi-former cop, and a demon.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-26 08:16 pm (UTC)Contrast the I Did What I Had To Do and the Its For Your Own Good crowds...exact same action, possibly a similar-ish intent of 'make things better' but very different perception.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-26 09:02 pm (UTC)Then again, there are times when you need a supervillain because the necessary action is awful and a superhero would hesitate. But supervillains have a harder time forming and maintaining relationships because of that.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-26 09:29 pm (UTC)Don't tell me killing people is good, even if "He needed killin.'" Don't stamp someone's boundaries and then turn around to complain when they cannot hold their boundaries enough to interact with you. Don't demand gratitude because you decided what I needed for me - whether you were right, but especially if you were wrong.
And if operating with people who have very different ethical sets (or sometimes life experience), try to work out a way to not accidentally hurt each other before you need it.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-27 03:10 am (UTC)That's true.
I was thinking of things like the chayne incident where Shiv hacked off a friend's arm. A superhero couldn't have done it, or at least, not fast enough -- there's only a few seconds of time to act.
>> But one should be prepared to accept and deal with the consequences, as best as they can. <<
Hell, Shiv couldn't have handled that aftermath gracefully even if he hadn't gotten pounded into the floor a minute later. What matters is that he was able to do it fast enough to save Ragno's life. The aftermath was horribly awkward for everyone, even with support.
Looking at the Kansas trio here, Barb isn't particularly good at handling anything, since the whole idea of social skills is new to him. Gideon is still young and short on common sense. But Raymond seems like a good cop, and is older enough to add some much-needed steadiness to the group. At least, they're getting by together in a really fucked-up situation, and getting farther than any of them could have alone. That's my threshold for a functional family: it makes life easier instead of harder, or at least it enables you to survive hardships you probably wouldn't by yourself. And they do care about each other, even if they're sometimes clunky about showing it; that matters too.
>> Don't tell me killing people is good, even if "He needed killin.'" <<
True by many ethical standards, though not all.
>> Don't stamp someone's boundaries and then turn around to complain when they cannot hold their boundaries enough to interact with you. <<
Story of Shiv's life. For that matter, a common thread among many supervillains.
>> Don't demand gratitude because you decided what I needed for me - whether you were right, but especially if you were wrong. <<
At least Terramagne-America tends to do better than here in that regard. Their emergency protocols generally include presumed consent (e.g. if someone has a heart attack and isn't advertising Do Not Resuscitate, you assume they would prefer to get CPR because a majority of people would), but they also have ways of handling restitution in case the person does not give retroactive consent.
The gratitude issue is patchier. There's more diversity in parties and social events, which helps. But you still see a significant number of foster kids told to perform gratitude for things they didn't want, which can really fuck up someone's willingness to exchange goods and services. I'm not even sure where Shiv's erratic streak of generosity came from, but I think at least some of it may have predated the Finns. Society is damn lucky that kid is better than they thought of him, in a lot of ways.
>> And if operating with people who have very different ethical sets (or sometimes life experience), try to work out a way to not accidentally hurt each other before you need it. <<
Throw together a good cop, a dumb college kid, and a demon in a dimension that's home to none of them -- those are three very different ethical frameworks that they're trying to interface.
I think they have had some discussions about advance directives regarding spells and healing. Raymond and Gideon are still trying to teach Barb what consent is and how it works, since the poor demon's experience with that only started after they met. But a lot of that seems to be inspired by things that happen, so they talk it out like, "Okay, this just happened, what if X or Y, what should we do then?" And looking at the results they got from a given bit of magic, is that worth doing again or not? So at least they're thinking about it.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-27 04:19 am (UTC)...A sufficiently damaged hero might be able to manage something like that, if they've planned extensively or (more likely) been through that before. But I think it would definitely be a shades-of-grey hero and very unlikely. (An unsullied hero couldn't do it without breaking, I think.)
>>Hell, Shiv couldn't have handled that aftermath gracefully even if he hadn't gotten pounded into the floor a minute later. What matters is that he was able to do it fast enough to save Ragno's life. The aftermath was horribly awkward for everyone, even with support.<<
But he didn't go around saying cutting off arms is good, or whining about how he wanted a medal for saving someone's life, or whatever. As I recall, he wasn't happy, but he wasn't demanding gratitude - or anything really, he was honestly surprised when people apologized to him.
Very different from the "but I was trying to help!" crowd. That argument works once, maybe twice, not every single time.
>>...which can really fuck up someone's willingness to exchange goods and services.<<
Or willingness/ability to interact with people and take care of their own basic needs. And not just foster kids either.
>>I'm not even sure where Shiv's erratic streak of generosity came from, but I think at least some of it may have predated the Finns.<<
Foster sibs maybe? I know he had that foster sister he got along with, and there may have been a few other people... If he could manage to learn "Do X for people you like/want to keep around" that would be enough to start. Even if it was framed as a mutual protection gig.
Even before the Finns he could function with other people. By which I mean he could interact with people without giving off an Uncanny Valley affect, he could coexist with and work with some people in groups... Media often forgets, but even 'bad guys' need some social skills and a social framework of sorts, or they'll be ranting all alone on a street corner at best.
Fun idea: Ask who the most dangerous person in the room is... and someone suggests the Knight in Sour Armor, but most people suggest the Jesus Expy who looks after the whole neighborhood and the Team Mom socialite who knows everything about everyone. Because KiSA is a grumpy loner, but JE and TMS both have extensive social networks... and very protective/devoted friends/relatives.
>>Society is damn lucky that kid is better than they thought of him, in a lot of ways.<<
Society is damn lucky that most people want to feel safe and happy. Otherwise society would be dead, and... actually, then we could be all Daughters of the Apocalypse with the people who didn't go all Warboy death cult at each other.
>>...only started after they met.<<
I don't think I've seen that one. (I think maybe it hasn't been published?)
>>But a lot of that seems to be inspired by things that happen, ...<<
Unless you have extensive experience with a given scenario (and likely a checklist) that will happen. Honestly, even with experience, it'll likely happen at least a bit, just because you cannot convey and remember everything. (I wonder if there are articles on human/demon cultural differences in this world.)
If they can start recognizing patterns, they can try to tackle the underlying issue (i.e. personal space, private property and advance permissions all tie into boundaries/consent). Or they can start devoting bonding time towards acknowledging/addressing more minor issues (i.e. practicing spells, figuring out a mutually acceptable level/expression of clinginess, setting an 'ask me anything' time for odd questions...)
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-28 04:00 am (UTC)Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-28 04:14 am (UTC)Sorry, I did the best I could with the photos I could find. That kind of search is always a bit hit-or-miss.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-28 10:47 am (UTC)Re: Yes ...
Date: 2021-12-28 11:07 am (UTC)I have yet to hear, "Shoving desks out of windows, bastards trapped everything." But I keep hoping.
I may be hippiespawn in this time, but I still remember Rome by firelight. Fun times.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-12-26 09:01 am (UTC)Yeah.. I know a few Goths and Edge Lords (and Ladies) who'd do that if they could. One advantage of L-space, at least it limits the damage they can do.
Well ...
Date: 2021-12-26 11:08 am (UTC)The most common accidental cursing happens when people follow their instincts without knowing what they're doing. They pour a ton of emotion into destroying something, like a person's shirt or picture -- think cutting up, burning, or shooting at an ex-partner's image or belongings. Occasionally the results can be conspicuous, although more often it's just bad luck, injuries, or death that can at least sort of be explained with ordinary means.