>>That's true. It is easier if the group has any training or skills in multicultural dynamics. <<
We had a few really basic rules, and once or twice had talks to address specific issues, but we didn't really have 'cultural sensitivity training' per se.
>>LOL yes, nothing's funnier than a Japanese and a Russian trying to talk.<<
American introvert adult doing something that is /absolutely fascinating/ to a large group of Middle Eastern kids. I ended up running off and hiding for a few minutes, and when I came back, I actually had a personal space bubble, rather than being squished from all sides (well, except the furniture I was pushed up against).
I've explained personal space by: [standing at American distance ~2-3ft] "America, sadiki!" :) [holding hand at Middle Eastern distance ~6in] "Your country sadiki," :) "America la sadiki" >:( [sometimes + slightly defensive/angry posture] sadiki = my friend, la = no (Phonetic writing b/c I can't read/write Arabic.) Usually after that, if I remind someone again about personal space (sometimes with a bit of playfully 'irritable/grumpy' body language, like a scowl), they'll often laugh and step back.
Disclaimer: Humor/silliness can be useful in relationships (and for relieving tension), but one should always be careful to be sure that everyone feels safe and is enjoying it. Also, I am fairly physically unimposing; if I were built like a football player, I'd probably have to do something else, like fake crying.
>>The best trick for proxemics I know, I got from a science fiction novel, Hellspark. Look for a line on the floor, plant your toes on that, and stay put -- let the other person set the proxemics to their comfort level. Because if you know what proxemics are, you can to a significant extent compensate for the instinctive urge to move. A person who doesn't know about them can't do that.<<
I may have to borrow that to explain personal space (especially) across the gender divide. Accidentally scaring someone is much worse than just coming across as a Friendly Foreigner, or non-foreign friendly stranger, for that matter. (I am still impressed by the American dude who parsed that my personal space bubble had unexpectedly expanded just from my body language - and it only took him about 5 minutes. Verrry impressive!)
>>It can be difficult if not impossible to learn from books what is or is not socially acceptable.<<
That specific one wasn't from books, that was a hazard of picking up social stuff 'in the wild' from people with different demographics. (Side note: If you can choose a teacher, it may be good to consider choosinf one who matches your demographics, if possible and feasible within whatever restrictions you've got.)
And there was a whole discussion on how to explain effectively before explaining because the rules change depending on gender / age / geography / upbringing / relationship-of-participants, and there are other uses for the term that are totally innocuous. (Which now reminds me of a story I read, where the alien started learning a human language, but didn't try speaking it right away, because he knew that a slight change in inflection or pronunciation could change the meaning completely - and his trying to speak at all might be insulting.)
That was still better than an example I ran across in college which ended up with someone asking me for medical advice after being attacked for using an even worse term. (I am not a doctor!) That one freaked me out enough (even though I wasn't present for the incident itself) that I am now very careful not to casually swear around folks learning my language, and somewhat overreact to the possibility of a repeat.
Speaking of the books though, you are right - a lot of stuff that is written down is how the educated and powerful people perceive it. So. Thake direct vs. non-direct cultures like America and Japan. The books say that Americans are direct, and the Japanese are...deflective? roundabout? Whatever you call it.
Apply that generalization to Americans, and it looks true - until you stop interacting with the powerful people - the men, the customers, the people with more privilige. Women will commonly have deflective responses because emotional labor, customer service workers are often outright forbidden from saying no even if it is the only true answer, and less privileged people are often supposed to graciously accept 'help' and advice that ranges from useless to outright harmful.
Seriously, look at the 'hinting that we are about to close' routines practiced by restaurant workers, or the 'hinting about what you want' behaviors practiced by many women, and they match up pretty well, I think, with 'hinting' behaviors in deflective cultures.
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dancing_serpent
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2021-11-27 09:11 pm (UTC)<<
We had a few really basic rules, and once or twice had talks to address specific issues, but we didn't really have 'cultural sensitivity training' per se.
>>LOL yes, nothing's funnier than a Japanese and a Russian trying to talk.<<
American introvert adult doing something that is /absolutely fascinating/ to a large group of Middle Eastern kids. I ended up running off and hiding for a few minutes, and when I came back, I actually had a personal space bubble, rather than being squished from all sides (well, except the furniture I was pushed up against).
I've explained personal space by:
[standing at American distance ~2-3ft]
"America, sadiki!" :)
[holding hand at Middle Eastern distance ~6in]
"Your country sadiki," :)
"America la sadiki" >:(
[sometimes + slightly defensive/angry posture]
sadiki = my friend, la = no
(Phonetic writing b/c I can't read/write Arabic.)
Usually after that, if I remind someone again about personal space (sometimes with a bit of playfully 'irritable/grumpy' body language, like a scowl), they'll often laugh and step back.
Disclaimer: Humor/silliness can be useful in relationships (and for relieving tension), but one should always be careful to be sure that everyone feels safe and is enjoying it. Also, I am fairly physically unimposing; if I were built like a football player, I'd probably have to do something else, like fake crying.
>>The best trick for proxemics I know, I got from a science fiction novel, Hellspark. Look for a line on the floor, plant your toes on that, and stay put -- let the other person set the proxemics to their comfort level. Because if you know what proxemics are, you can to a significant extent compensate for the instinctive urge to move. A person who doesn't know about them can't do that.<<
I may have to borrow that to explain personal space (especially) across the gender divide. Accidentally scaring someone is much worse than just coming across as a Friendly Foreigner, or non-foreign friendly stranger, for that matter. (I am still impressed by the American dude who parsed that my personal space bubble had unexpectedly expanded just from my body language - and it only took him about 5 minutes. Verrry impressive!)
>>It can be difficult if not impossible to learn from books what is or is not socially acceptable.<<
That specific one wasn't from books, that was a hazard of picking up social stuff 'in the wild' from people with different demographics. (Side note: If you can choose a teacher, it may be good to consider choosinf one who matches your demographics, if possible and feasible within whatever restrictions you've got.)
And there was a whole discussion on how to explain effectively before explaining because the rules change depending on gender / age / geography / upbringing / relationship-of-participants, and there are other uses for the term that are totally innocuous. (Which now reminds me of a story I read, where the alien started learning a human language, but didn't try speaking it right away, because he knew that a slight change in inflection or pronunciation could change the meaning completely - and his trying to speak at all might be insulting.)
That was still better than an example I ran across in college which ended up with someone asking me for medical advice after being attacked for using an even worse term. (I am not a doctor!) That one freaked me out enough (even though I wasn't present for the incident itself) that I am now very careful not to casually swear around folks learning my language, and somewhat overreact to the possibility of a repeat.
Speaking of the books though, you are right - a lot of stuff that is written down is how the educated and powerful people perceive it. So. Thake direct vs. non-direct cultures like America and Japan. The books say that Americans are direct, and the Japanese are...deflective? roundabout? Whatever you call it.
Apply that generalization to Americans, and it looks true - until you stop interacting with the powerful people - the men, the customers, the people with more privilige. Women will commonly have deflective responses because emotional labor, customer service workers are often outright forbidden from saying no even if it is the only true answer, and less privileged people are often supposed to graciously accept 'help' and advice that ranges from useless to outright harmful.
Seriously, look at the 'hinting that we are about to close' routines practiced by restaurant workers, or the 'hinting about what you want' behaviors practiced by many women, and they match up pretty well, I think, with 'hinting' behaviors in deflective cultures.