Poem: "Falling Over Forward"

[ysabetwordsmith]

This poem is spillover from the October 6, 2021 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from dialecticdreamer. It also fills the "Why are you helping me?" square in my 10-17-21 card for the Fall Festival Bingo. This poem has been sponsored by edorfaus. It belongs to the Broken Angels thread of the Polychrome Heroics series and follows "A Very Clear Mind."


"Falling Over Forward"

[Evening of Sunday, April 10, 2016]

Cas came home from the second day
of the trauma care workshop. It had
been exhausting and nerve-wracking,
but he felt more confident now and
he had a new medical kit to carry.

Looking around the living room,
he wondered where Hali was.

Heron was visiting to teach
some healthy touch class for
the sex workers, so Simon had
come along to watch Dairinne
and offered to take Hali too.

Cas found them downstairs.

The girls were occupying
themselves in the play corner
while Simon read a story.

Well, Cas was pretty sure
it was a story. It was in Irish,
so it could've been a grocery list.

"Daddy!" Hali squealed, running
to wrap herself around his legs.

"Hi, sweet pea," Cas said
as he picked her up for a hug.
"I missed you. Did you miss me?"

"Yes!" Hali said, squeezing him.

"What did you do today?"
Cas said. "Did you have fun?"

"We played and maked
cookies," Hali told him.

Cas smirked. "Are there
any left?" he wondered.

"We baked to Finn standards,"
Simon assured him. "You don't
need to worry about dessert."

"Then thanks for extra help,"
Cas said. "We love cookies.
What kind did you make?"

"Oatmeal breakfast cookies,
chocolate mint spinach cookies,
and rainbow swirl cookies,"
Simon said. "Plenty left."

Cas frowned. "Spinach?
In cookies?" he said.

"All you can taste is
the mint and chocolate,
but the spinach means
they're not empty calories,"
Simon said. "We used
natural food colors in
the rainbow ones too."

"Oh yeah, I do that,"
Cas said, smiling.

"I discovered that
when I went to raid
the kitchen," Simon said.
"So how did class go?"

"Scary but useful,"
Cas said, then shyly
presented his new card.

"Congratulations," Simon said.
"You worked hard on that."

"Yeah," Cas said, patting
the Yellowstone kit at his hip.
"I got a new everyday-carry kit
too. I hope I don't have to use
it, but ..." He just shrugged.

"Kid, we all hope that we don't
need to use our first aid training
or gear for anything worse than
skinned knees," Simon said,
"but it sure is good to have
those in case of a crisis."

"True," Cas said. "I do feel
a little less worried now."

"Good," said Simon. "Go
take off your jacket and
get some more hugs. I'll
take Dairinne to the gym."

They had a whole room
of exercise equipment
in the other side of
the basement, along
with the patch room.

Cas had just hung up
his jacket and put Hali
back on his hip when
he heard a loud thump.

He bolted toward the gym.

Simon and Dairinne were
lying on a turquoise mat.

"Are you okay in here?"
Cas squawked. "What
on earth happened?"

"Falling practice,"
Simon said. "I'm
sorry, Cas, I didn't
realize the sound
would carry so far."

"I can't hear everything,
not squeaks or jingles
usually, but big thumps
and clangs, yeah," said Cas.

"I apologize for scaring you,"
Simon said. "Nobody's hurt,
we really are just practicing."

"Okay." Cas took a deep breath,
trying to slow his galloping heart.
"Just, today's been a lot of work.
Another day, a noise like that
might not bother me as much."

"Should we find something else
to do?" Simon said. "No big deal."

Cas shook his head. "I don't
want to interrupt you," he said.

"Would you like to watch for
a while?" Simon invited.

"Um ... I guess?" Cas said.

"All right, Dairinne is toddling,
so I'm showing her how to fall
without getting hurt," Simon said.

"Does that work?" said Cas.
"I mean, she's so little ..."

"I taught all the Finnlings
starting when they stood up
and could begin understanding
simple instructions," Simon said.
"You've seen the results of that."

The Finnlings were some of
the calmest people Cas had
ever seen, and he wouldn't
want to mess with any of them.

"Okay, we can stay and watch
for a little bit," Cas decided.

"Dairinne, watch," said Simon.
He balanced on his knees, then
fell forward, slapping his arms
against the mat. "BOOM!"

Dairinne giggled. "Again!"

"Now it's your turn,"
Simon said. "Get on
your knees. Hands up.
Tip yourself forward."

Dairinne fell, patting
the mat. "Boom!"

Hali squealed and
giggled too. "Boom!"

"Would you and Hali like
to play, too?" Simon offered.

"I ... don't know," Cas said,
frowning. "Her wings are fragile."

"Okay, we'd need to account
for that, just like I have to be
more careful with my legs
these days," Simon said,
waving a hand at the scars.

"Hali can't fall backwards
at all," Cas said, fidgeting.

"Neither can Dairinne, yet,"
said Simon. "We're practicing
front falls because those are
easiest, and they're also
the most common mishap
for children learning to walk."

"Yeah, I've seen that," Cas said.
"Hali still bonks into things a lot."

"So, this would help her learn
to land safely then," said Simon.

Cas bit his lip, hard, then let go.
"I don't dare risk letting her get
hurt again," he said. "But I don't
want to wrap her in cotton, either."

"Excellent balance," said Simon.
"So let's check that. I'm fully trained
in self-defense and safety, so I know
how to teach it. We have gel mats
to absorb the force and prevent
injury. Can you think of anything
we need to cover beyond those?"

"You can't touch her wings,"
Cas said. "She's still skittish
about that, even if it's not
as bad as it used to be."

"No wing contact, got it,"
said Simon. "That's fine,
when I'm spotting, I have
a hand ready to reach under
Dairinne's front if it looks like
she might fall the wrong way."

"Yeah, that'd be all right,"
Cas said. "I can't ... think
of anything else, but it's ..."

"Hard to let go? Or hard
to trust?" Simon said gently.

"Hard to let go," said Cas.
"I know you wouldn't let
Dairinne risk getting hurt."

"Would you like to try this
yourself first, to see that
it's safe?" Simon said.

"Oh god no, I'm way
too big," Cas protested.
"I'd break something for sure."

"You don't have to play. Would
Hali like a turn?" Simon said.

Cas heaved a sigh, then put
her down. "You can play with
Simon and Dairinne if you want."

"Boom boom!" Hali crowed,
jumping onto the blue mat.
Her eyes widened. "Squishy."

"That's right, it's very soft,"
Simon said. "These mats are
designed so people can land
on them safely. That's why we
only play this kind of game
on top of mats like this."

"Okay," Hali said, looking
to make sure she was on it.

"The second rule is that you
have to do exactly as I say,"
Simon said. "The third is that
we never play this game alone.
You'll only be playing it with me.
Can you remember those?"

Hali scrunched her forehead,
looking at her little fingers.

"Let's count them," Simon said.
"One: mats. Two: listen to me.
Three: only play with me."

"One, two, three," Hali said,
showing him three fingers.

"That's right, good job,"
Simon said. "Watch me.
I get up on my knees, on
the mat. I hold my hands
in front of my face, making
a triangle. I turn my head
sideways. Then I fall. BOOM!"

"Boom!" said Hali and Dairinne,
laughing and clapping over it.

"This way, I don't hit my head, and
my hands spread out the force of
landing so it doesn't hurt," Simon said.

"Me!" Dairinne said, wiggling in place.
She plopped on her butt, then got up.

Cas noticed that she didn't cry, or
even hesitate, just went back to
what she was doing before.

Maybe that had something
to do with the falling practice.

"Okay, Dairinne wants a turn,"
Simon said. He talked her
through the process again.

"Me?" Hali asked, but when
she got closer to Simon,
she started to tense up.

"Shake yourself out a bit,"
Simon said, demonstrating.
"We need to be loose and
relaxed when we fall, so it
doesn't knock our breath out."

Hali shook herself, then went
right back to a ball of tension.

"Hmm ... did you hear your daddy
set the Hali rule?" Simon asked.

"Me rule?" she said, frowning.

"That's right," Simon said.
"No wing touching. Right?"

Hali turned to look at Cas.
Her wings twitched a little.

"Simon won't touch your wings,"
Cas said. "If you start to fall
wrong, he'll catch you with
a hand under your front."

"Okay," Hali said, stepping
closer to Simon. "Me try!"

"That's a brave girl, I can
see you'll be good at this,"
Simon said. He showed
her how to kneel and hold
her hands. "When you're
ready, just lean forward."

Hali leaned forward and
fell onto the mat. "Boom!"

It was sloppy -- even Cas
could see that much -- but
Hali bounded up, glowing
with pride in her attempt.

"That was a great first try!"
Simon said. "Watch me
and Dairinne, then you
can go again. I bet you'll
do even better next time."

All three went through
several more rounds
before the girls began
to lose interest in it.

"Cas, what about you?"
Simon said. "Now that
you've watched for a while,
would you like to give it a try?"

"I'm too big," Cas said. "It's
really rough for me when I fall."

"Falling is scary but good practice
for life," Simon said. "We must fall --
in love, out of love, into new experiences,
out of old habits, deeper and further into
ourselves. We must fall, since life is
falling over forward. All we can do
is learn to how to fall safely."

"I guess that makes sense,"
Cas said slowly. "I'm still ..."
He sighed. "I'm afraid to try it."

"That's okay," Simon said easily.
"There are plenty of other ways
you could learn to stay safe."

Cas shuffled in place. "I
am not the muscle, Simon."

"Self-defense is so important
to know in today's society,"
Simon said. "It's not just
that you might get mugged.
It's more for confidence."

"Like what?" Cas asked.

"It's the way you hold yourself
when you walk into a room,"
Simon said. "Every step you
take is more sure and you
become much more aware
of your surroundings. That
discourages possible threats."

"Really?" Cas said. "Okay,
discouraging threats is good.
I still don't think I could do that."

"You underestimate yourself,"
Simon said. "Stop thinking
about what you'd do if someone
threatened you, and start thinking
what you'd do if they threatened Hali."

Without thought, Cas flared his wings.
They weren't even part of his body,
but Simon leaned back a fraction
of an inch and settled into a stance
that was probably meant for combat.

"There, you see?" Simon said.
"You're entirely capable of being
dangerous if you feel it's warranted.
We'll get to you being worth it later."

Cas shook himself, trying put
his wings back where he could
ignore the feel of them in his mind.

"So, how should I think about
threats, then, remembering that
I'm not muscle?" Cas asked.

"The essential thing is always
to bear in mind that trouble can
appear at any time," Simon said.
"Be alert. Be aware. Be ready.
Just don't wear yourself out."

"That sounds like a contradiction,"
Cas said. He watched the girls,
who were currently playing with
the fasteners on Simon's gym bag.

"Well, you're concerned about falling
so how do you avoid that?" Simon said.

"I watch where I'm going," Cas said dryly.
"It doesn't take much more than that."

The girls looked up from playing
with Simon's gym bag and giggled.

"Here's the thing about self-defense,
folks," said Simon. "You will be attacked
far more often by tree branches, ice patches,
and sidewalk cracks than you ever will by
muggers or supervillains. So that's just
another reason to start with falling practice."

Cas sighed. "Tree branches," he said.
"I'm so tall, I bump into things sometimes."

"We can work on situational awareness
and it'll help that too," Simon said smoothly.
"It's just part of watching where you're
going, and you already do that.

"Okay, that's more familiar,"
Cas said. "I can deal with that."

"You know, Cas, if you're not
comfortable with the hand-to-hand
or falling sort of self-defense, there's
another form that you are exceptionally
well equipped to employ," Simon said.

"What other form?" Cas wondered.

"Running," Simon said solemnly.
"It's a fantastic form of self-defense.
After all, you will always have
your weapon with you!"

Cas laughed. "Okay, you
got me there," he said.
"But what makes you
think I'd be good at it?"

"Your legs, Cas, you've
got those big, long legs,"
said Simon. "You could
outrun anything short of
a track athlete or speedster.
You'd have to practice, though."

"I used to like running," Cas said.
"When I was little, I wanted to try out
for track and field team, but we never
stayed anywhere long enough."

"Well, you can pick it up now,"
said Simon. "Come to think of it,
why don't you talk to your boss?
A jogging route or two makes
a fine addition to a neighborhood."

"Don't people just run ... wherever?"
Cas said. "All our parks are tiny,
and we don't have any trails."

"You may not now, but who knows?"
Simon said. "There might be a place
to put one. Meanwhile, you could
mark routes with paint or signs,
wherever the sidewalks have
shade trees or benches."

"Water fountains," Cas blurted.
"Boss puts those in the parks.
They have a bubbler and
a water-bottle filler too."

"Now you're thinking,"
Simon said, grinning.

Cas nibbled his lip again.
"Why are you helping me?"
He waved a hand at the girls,
who were currently exploring
Simon's spare shoelaces. "Or
giving Hali extra lessons?"

"Well, it's like this," Simon said.
"We like you. Heron likes you a lot.
You fit with our family, so we tend
to think of you as family. This is
how we take care of family, Cas."

"You just ... pick people up?"
Cas said, baffled. "Because
you like them? That's it?"

"That's it," Simon said.
"Have you ever heard
someone say that Finns
are tractive as maxitack?
Or compared us to things
like taffy, burrs, or velcro?"

Cas chuckled. "Yeah,
the boss does that."

"That's because it's
true," Simon said. "We
do not pick up everyone --
Heron excommunicated
some terrible roommates
one time -- but we sure
do tend to collect people."

"Excommunicated?"
Cas said. "How?"

"Heron is Pastafarian,"
said Simon. "So he
stopped feeding them."

Cas felt his eyes widen.
"What on earth did they do?"

"A long list of crummy things,
but it ended in one of them
breaking into Heron's room
to let a stranger get into it,"
Simon said. "Fortunately by
then, Heron was mostly staying
at Maisie's place, so the girls
helped us take care of him."

"That's awful," Cas said. "He
won't mind you telling me?"

"No, that story got around
the whole family pretty fast,"
Simon said. "You've seen
how protective we are."

Cas thought about
Simon showing Hali
and Dairinne how
to fall safely, and
making it fun to try.

Simon was a veteran,
and Cas felt pretty sure
he was a total badass
who could outclass most
of Lincoln's street toughs.

Cas also thought about
how confident the Finnlings
all were, and concluded that
Simon knew what he was doing.

"Yeah, okay," Cas said. "We can
work on finding ways I can practice
falling over forward. And if you want
to teach Hali more, I can pay in food."

Simon grinned. "I'll take that deal,"
he said. "Your home cooking
is worth its weight in favors."

Cas felt a little bit like he was
falling, and he wasn't even
sure what he was falling into.

Maybe that was okay, though.

Simon seemed to know all about it,
and was more than happy to show him.

* * *

Notes:

This poem is long, so its notes will appear separately.

Comments

[fyreharper]

<3

[fyreharper]

"You just ... pick people up?"
Cas said, baffled. "Because
you like them? That's it?"

Yes, exactly. Of course. What better reason?

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I know, but it confuses the heck out of some folks.

[siliconshaman]

Finn's are basically walking examples of how society should work...

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

They are that. I figure if I keep giving good examples, maybe some folks will feel inspired to try it themselves. "What would the Finns do?" is a good guideline.