Poem: "Why People Hold onto Memories"
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ysabetwordsmithThis poem was written outside the regular prompt calls. It was sponsored by a pool with fuzzyred. It belongs to the Rutledge thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.
"Why People Hold onto Memories"
[Tuesday, July 1, 2014]
At six o'clock, Oscar and Labib
closed their temporary office.
Sunrise Strip Mall had
a good location and included
the Sunrise Day Care on one end,
two stores, and an office plant service.
The wide end held an office block now
rented by the Business Incubator.
"Would you like to share supper?"
Labib asked on the way out.
Mandy's Diner had hired
a new Syrian cook to expand
their halal menu. Now they
had a nasty yogurt drink and
a mint lemonade that Oscar loved,
a weird cake and rice pudding, and
some ridiculous stuffed zucchini.
There were all kinds of new kebabs,
of which he adored the cherry one.
Who put cherries in what was
basically a long skinny meatball?
But it was beyond delicious.
"I'd love to," Oscar said
as they stepped outside.
The sun was sliding down
the western sky and shadows
were already deepening under
the trees, but sunset itself
was still hours away.
Oscar had just finished
locking the outer door when
something went whump.
A weight slammed into him,
knocking him to the ground.
Labib pressed himself tighter
on top of Oscar, mashing
him into the concrete and
yelling something in Arabic.
A loud CRACK sounded nearby.
Oscar looked up and glimpsed
a couple of teenaged boys
running between the cars.
"Stay down!" Labib barked,
shoving his head flat. "Wait
for the shelling to stop."
"What the fuck, dude?"
Oscar said. "It's just
some dumb kids lighting
fireworks in the parking lot."
"F-fireworks?" Labib said.
"Yeah, they shouldn't be doing
that, but it happens," Oscar said.
"Usually they do it in the park and I
yell at them for the fire risk. They may
have thought pavement was safer."
Finally Labib slumped off him.
"Why do it at all?" he said.
"Well, it's July," Oscar said
as he sat up and looked around.
The culprits were long gone, though.
"Fireworks are traditional then."
"I thought -- I thought that was
later this week," Labib said,
counting on his fingers.
"Did I lose the days?"
"Nah, it's only the first.
The fourth isn't until Friday,"
Oscar said. "Some people
just like to get an early start."
Labib rubbed shaking hands
over his face. "It sounded
like a bomb," he said.
"Well, yeah," said Oscar.
"They're related. That's why
folks aren't supposed to light more
than little stuff inside city limits, and
not just any time. The rules aren't
strictly enforced, though, because it's
rarely worse than kids goofing off and
nobody wants to be a hardass."
"So this, it's not just today, it's
going to keep up all week?"
Labib's voice cracked.
"Are you -- no, you don't
look okay," Oscar said,
frowning. "What's wrong?"
"Damascus," Labib admitted.
"When the bombing started, I
used all the connections I had
to get my family out of the country.
It worked, but ... now I have no one
outside my wife and children. That's
hard, and loud noises sometimes
remind me of the unrest there."
"Shit," Oscar said with feeling.
"Let's go back inside for a bit."
He offered Labib a hand up.
The older man was shaken
and wobbly, so Oscar kept
a discreet hand behind him
as they slipped into the office.
"Splash some water on your face,
maybe it'll help," Oscar suggested.
"But you're the one who's bleeding,"
Labib said, waving at his face.
Startled, Oscar touched his mouth,
and yeah, now he was actually
paying attention, that stung.
He went into the bathroom
and looked in the mirror.
He must have bitten his lip
when he hit the ground.
There was a raw spot on
his chin, too, but at least
his beard hid most of that.
Oscar grabbed the bottle of
Refresh nonalcoholic mouthwash
and rinsed his mouth until his lip
finally stopped oozing blood.
Then he dabbed antiseptic
over his chin. Nothing more
to do about that, because
a bandage wouldn't stick
and damned if he was going
to shave a spot so it would.
"All done," Oscar said when
he came out. "Your turn."
Labib disappeared inside
the bathroom without a word.
The rhythmic swishing of water
told Oscar that he was making wudu.
He'd already done the afternoon prayer,
and it was nowhere near sunset, so
it must be just for the comfort.
Oscar went into the breakroom
and started the hot water for
a batch of Syrian herbal tea.
It was mostly made from
flower petals, not tea leaves,
but it looked pretty and smelled nice
and sure worked to settle nerves.
When Labib came out of the bathroom,
he made a beeline for the coffee station,
and Oscar pressed a teacup into his hands.
"Feeling better now?" Oscar asked.
"A little," Labib said. "I must apologize
for knocking you down. I was a fool."
"It's okay," Oscar said. "You were
just trying to keep me safe. If it
had been a real bomb ..."
Then Labib would have
taken the shrapnel instead
of Oscar. It made him shiver.
"It wasn't. I should have remembered
that this is America and there are
no bombers here," Labib said.
"Just numbskulls who couldn't
wait three days for fireworks,"
Oscar said, shaking his head.
"It's the thought that counts."
"All right," Labib said, clutching
his tea like a life preserver.
Oscar poured himself a cup
and took a sip. It was weird,
but it was growing on him.
"Will you be okay?" Oscar said.
"You haven't seemed so, uh,
jumpy before this. I'm worried."
"Most of the time, I'm not jumpy. I
was lucky; I got my family out in time,"
Labib said. "It was just so loud and
so close -- if that had been real, it
could have dropped a building on us."
"Scary thought," Oscar said quietly.
"If I had memories like that, I'd
probably be a lot jumpier."
"I think the only reason why
people hold onto memories
is because memories are
the only things that don't
change when everyone else
does," Labib whispered.
Oscar thought about
all his relatives who had
moved away over the years.
"Yeah, I get that," he said.
"Everyone needs something
to hold onto, so that you don't
wind up drifting through life."
"I am adrift now, though,"
Labib said glumly. "Everyone
but my family I had to leave
behind -- friends, neighbors,
men I knew from the mosque."
Then he lifted his chin. "But I
am lucky. Most others were not."
Oscar's stomach took a sudden trip
to his toes. "Oh, shit," he said.
"What?" Labib asked.
"If most other Syrians had it
worse than you, how will they
react to fireworks?" Oscar said.
"I think this problem is bigger
than just you knocking me down."
Labib muttered something in Arabic
that probably meant Oh, shit.
"Will you be okay for a little while?"
Oscar said. "I want to call the mayor,
and somebody should probably
give Mr. Khaled a heads up too."
"Go, make your call," Labib said,
waving him all. "I'll tell Ibrahim."
So Oscar returned to his office
and shut the door. With luck,
Theodore would still be at work.
Predictably, he got some secretary
who tried to fob him off instead of
actually putting him through.
"The mayor is very busy,"
she said. "Is this an emergency?"
"It's urgent," Oscar said. "I'm
trying to keep it from becoming
an emergency. So unless he's in
the can, put him on the damn phone!"
She gave an outraged sniff, but
at least she made the connection.
"Oscar, what's wrong?" Theodore
sounded distinctly worried. "I know
you wouldn't get fussed over nothing."
"Some idiot kids lit a loud firework in
the parking lot, and Labib thought it
was a bomb. He knocked me down
and tried to cover me," Oscar said.
"We need to quash the fireworks
outside the Fourth of July, at least
for this year -- maybe a few years."
"That won't be easy," Theodore said.
"You know how frisky people get,
just from chasing them in the parks."
Oscar sighed. "I think that's actually
why they chose the parking lot," he said.
"We have to do something, though,
before anyone really gets hurt."
"Are you all right?" Theodore said.
"Your voice sounds a bit odd."
"It's nothing," Oscar said. "I bit
my lip when I hit the ground, is all.
What worries me is that Labib isn't
usually jumpy, and he freaked.
If one unexpected firecracker can
do that to him, what's it going to do
to the rest of them, all week long?"
"Nothing good," Theodore said.
"All right, we'll need to arrange
an announcement. I can talk
with the Fire Department and
Public Health, if you'll handle
Parks and Recreation."
"That I can do," Oscar said,
grateful to have something
actually in his wheelhouse.
"Somebody needs to reach out
to Ibrahim," said Theodore. "He's
the one people will turn to in panic
if they believe they're being bombed."
"I think Labib is on it, or will be,"
Oscar said. "He's shaken,
but he should snap out of it
and work on solutions."
"Speaking of which, how
do you plan to handle all of
the inevitable violations?"
Theodore said. "People are
used to getting away with this,
even though they know they
shouldn't be doing it."
Oscar thought about that.
He really didn't want to involve
the cops, who'd be busy enough
with extra drunk-and-disorderly calls.
He needed more than a warning ticket,
though, or kids wouldn't take it seriously.
"Community classes," Oscar decided.
"Choice of EFA or PTSD support, and
Syrian culture or Syrian civil war.
Add fire safety if necessary."
"That sounds like a good start,"
said Theodore. "What about
repeat offenders, though?"
"First offense, two classes,
one emotional, one cultural,"
Oscar said. "Second offense,
the other two classes plus
fire safety if they didn't
do that one already."
"And save the cops for
the third," Theodore added.
"That'll work. Not many kids
will want to risk more classes
in the middle of summer."
Oscar laughed. "Well, I
sure as hell wouldn't have."
"Speaking of kids, though, are
those classes right for them?"
Theodore wondered.
"College kids or teens
are most of the ones who
light fireworks, and they'll do
fine in adult classes," Oscar said.
"Younger ones, make their parents
take the classes, and give the kids
an age-appropriate talk about
not scaring the skin off people."
"That sounds like a good plan,"
Theodore said. "You're really
getting good at this, Oscar."
"I don't know what the heck we're
going to do about the Fourth itself,
though," said Oscar. "It's not fair
to ask people to give up fireworks."
"Open a bigger shelter," Theodore said.
"Every year the veterans and some folks
with sensory issues get together and throw
basement parties where the sound and smell
don't carry. If they run out of room, I open
an underground storm shelter for them."
"Oh, that's a great idea," Oscar said.
"When one of my cousins was little,
he was so scared of fireworks that
he'd wet himself, so we used to go
downstairs and show home movies
instead of going to the fairgrounds."
"That would work," Theodore said.
"We could throw an Americana Party.
Show our new neighbors what else
we do for the Fourth besides fireworks."
"Picnics. Parades. Party games.
Family photos. Telling stories.
Red, white, and blue food -- hell,
red, white, and blue everything,"
Oscar said with a laugh.
"Come to that, I think that
the veterans already bought
a gross of T-shirts tie-dyed
in red, white, and blue to
give away," Theodore said.
"The Vermont clothes were
a hit," Oscar said, nodding.
"So your cousin -- did he
ever get used to fireworks?"
Theodore asked him.
"Yeah, my uncle bought
pea-sized poppers to play with,
and the girls made fake fireworks
with flower petals. My mom cooked
maple pecan popcorn for the movies."
Oscar said. "Four years later, Jake
set the yard on fire with Black Cats."
"Well, we'll try to avoid that part,"
Theodore said dryly. "The rest
of it sounds very promising."
Oscar hadn't thought about
any of this in years -- so many
of his relatives had moved away --
but they were happy memories.
He could pull together the same kind
of party now, he felt sure of it.
Maybe it would help Labib
and the other Syrians.
"I've got enough ideas
to start with," Oscar said.
"Good, then let's get on it,"
Theodore said. "I'll call you
tomorrow to touch base on
whatever progress we've made.
Thank you for bringing this
to my attention, Oscar."
"You're welcome,"
Oscar said, and
wrapped up the call.
When he went back to
the breakroom, Labib was
still talking on his phone
in Arabic, but quickly
said his goodbyes.
"Oh, your face," he said.
"It's coming up bruises!"
"Don't worry about it,"
Oscar said. "I've hurt
myself worse than this
every time I wipe out on
the slopes. What's up?"
"I have warned Ibrahim
about the fireworks this week,"
Labib said. "He thinks his sons
may find them upsetting too,
but we have some ideas for
coping with the challenges."
"Great, because Theodore and
I came up with a few things too,"
Oscar said. "We'll do what we can
to discourage out-of-bounds fireworks,
but we also thought of ways to make
the holiday more comfortable for you
and yours. It's not a new problem."
"I suppose not," Labib said. "It just
feels very conspicuous, sometimes."
"Nah, we have veterans who feel
the same way. Plus I have a cousin
who was scared of fireworks as a boy.
I think I'll call him up and invite him
to come for a visit," Oscar said. "I've
got room for Jake and his family
to stay with me in the cabin."
"That's kind of you," said Labib.
"I'm thinking basement parties,
introduce folks to traditions for
the Fourth of July that don't
involve blowing things up,"
Oscar said. "Movies, games,
maple and pecan popcorn,
red, white, and blue everything."
"It sounds nice," Labib said.
"Do you have a basement?"
"Yeah, but mine's a walkout
so it won't work. We need one
all underground to block the noise,"
Oscar said. "I'll ask around, but
the mayor already offered to open
a storm shelter if we need one."
"Not everyone might feel
comfortable in something that
looks like a bunker," Labib said.
"So we sort 'em out and send
those folks to a private home
if they need to hide from fireworks,"
Oscar said. "We can make it work."
"I do believe we can," Labib said.
He was almost smiling now.
"Come on, let's head over to
Mandy's Diner," said Oscar.
"At least let me buy you supper
to make up for my town's screwup.
We can talk about party planning
and EFA over delicious food."
Labib chuckled. "I am glad
that you like our food," he said.
"That Kardal is a real whiz at
the grill, and as a wilderneer I
do not say that lightly," Oscar said.
"Then it is good that we could bring
such joy to your town," Labib said.
"Yeah," Oscar said. "It really is."
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its notes appear elsewhere.
fuzzyred. It belongs to the Rutledge thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. "Why People Hold onto Memories"
[Tuesday, July 1, 2014]
At six o'clock, Oscar and Labib
closed their temporary office.
Sunrise Strip Mall had
a good location and included
the Sunrise Day Care on one end,
two stores, and an office plant service.
The wide end held an office block now
rented by the Business Incubator.
"Would you like to share supper?"
Labib asked on the way out.
Mandy's Diner had hired
a new Syrian cook to expand
their halal menu. Now they
had a nasty yogurt drink and
a mint lemonade that Oscar loved,
a weird cake and rice pudding, and
some ridiculous stuffed zucchini.
There were all kinds of new kebabs,
of which he adored the cherry one.
Who put cherries in what was
basically a long skinny meatball?
But it was beyond delicious.
"I'd love to," Oscar said
as they stepped outside.
The sun was sliding down
the western sky and shadows
were already deepening under
the trees, but sunset itself
was still hours away.
Oscar had just finished
locking the outer door when
something went whump.
A weight slammed into him,
knocking him to the ground.
Labib pressed himself tighter
on top of Oscar, mashing
him into the concrete and
yelling something in Arabic.
A loud CRACK sounded nearby.
Oscar looked up and glimpsed
a couple of teenaged boys
running between the cars.
"Stay down!" Labib barked,
shoving his head flat. "Wait
for the shelling to stop."
"What the fuck, dude?"
Oscar said. "It's just
some dumb kids lighting
fireworks in the parking lot."
"F-fireworks?" Labib said.
"Yeah, they shouldn't be doing
that, but it happens," Oscar said.
"Usually they do it in the park and I
yell at them for the fire risk. They may
have thought pavement was safer."
Finally Labib slumped off him.
"Why do it at all?" he said.
"Well, it's July," Oscar said
as he sat up and looked around.
The culprits were long gone, though.
"Fireworks are traditional then."
"I thought -- I thought that was
later this week," Labib said,
counting on his fingers.
"Did I lose the days?"
"Nah, it's only the first.
The fourth isn't until Friday,"
Oscar said. "Some people
just like to get an early start."
Labib rubbed shaking hands
over his face. "It sounded
like a bomb," he said.
"Well, yeah," said Oscar.
"They're related. That's why
folks aren't supposed to light more
than little stuff inside city limits, and
not just any time. The rules aren't
strictly enforced, though, because it's
rarely worse than kids goofing off and
nobody wants to be a hardass."
"So this, it's not just today, it's
going to keep up all week?"
Labib's voice cracked.
"Are you -- no, you don't
look okay," Oscar said,
frowning. "What's wrong?"
"Damascus," Labib admitted.
"When the bombing started, I
used all the connections I had
to get my family out of the country.
It worked, but ... now I have no one
outside my wife and children. That's
hard, and loud noises sometimes
remind me of the unrest there."
"Shit," Oscar said with feeling.
"Let's go back inside for a bit."
He offered Labib a hand up.
The older man was shaken
and wobbly, so Oscar kept
a discreet hand behind him
as they slipped into the office.
"Splash some water on your face,
maybe it'll help," Oscar suggested.
"But you're the one who's bleeding,"
Labib said, waving at his face.
Startled, Oscar touched his mouth,
and yeah, now he was actually
paying attention, that stung.
He went into the bathroom
and looked in the mirror.
He must have bitten his lip
when he hit the ground.
There was a raw spot on
his chin, too, but at least
his beard hid most of that.
Oscar grabbed the bottle of
Refresh nonalcoholic mouthwash
and rinsed his mouth until his lip
finally stopped oozing blood.
Then he dabbed antiseptic
over his chin. Nothing more
to do about that, because
a bandage wouldn't stick
and damned if he was going
to shave a spot so it would.
"All done," Oscar said when
he came out. "Your turn."
Labib disappeared inside
the bathroom without a word.
The rhythmic swishing of water
told Oscar that he was making wudu.
He'd already done the afternoon prayer,
and it was nowhere near sunset, so
it must be just for the comfort.
Oscar went into the breakroom
and started the hot water for
a batch of Syrian herbal tea.
It was mostly made from
flower petals, not tea leaves,
but it looked pretty and smelled nice
and sure worked to settle nerves.
When Labib came out of the bathroom,
he made a beeline for the coffee station,
and Oscar pressed a teacup into his hands.
"Feeling better now?" Oscar asked.
"A little," Labib said. "I must apologize
for knocking you down. I was a fool."
"It's okay," Oscar said. "You were
just trying to keep me safe. If it
had been a real bomb ..."
Then Labib would have
taken the shrapnel instead
of Oscar. It made him shiver.
"It wasn't. I should have remembered
that this is America and there are
no bombers here," Labib said.
"Just numbskulls who couldn't
wait three days for fireworks,"
Oscar said, shaking his head.
"It's the thought that counts."
"All right," Labib said, clutching
his tea like a life preserver.
Oscar poured himself a cup
and took a sip. It was weird,
but it was growing on him.
"Will you be okay?" Oscar said.
"You haven't seemed so, uh,
jumpy before this. I'm worried."
"Most of the time, I'm not jumpy. I
was lucky; I got my family out in time,"
Labib said. "It was just so loud and
so close -- if that had been real, it
could have dropped a building on us."
"Scary thought," Oscar said quietly.
"If I had memories like that, I'd
probably be a lot jumpier."
"I think the only reason why
people hold onto memories
is because memories are
the only things that don't
change when everyone else
does," Labib whispered.
Oscar thought about
all his relatives who had
moved away over the years.
"Yeah, I get that," he said.
"Everyone needs something
to hold onto, so that you don't
wind up drifting through life."
"I am adrift now, though,"
Labib said glumly. "Everyone
but my family I had to leave
behind -- friends, neighbors,
men I knew from the mosque."
Then he lifted his chin. "But I
am lucky. Most others were not."
Oscar's stomach took a sudden trip
to his toes. "Oh, shit," he said.
"What?" Labib asked.
"If most other Syrians had it
worse than you, how will they
react to fireworks?" Oscar said.
"I think this problem is bigger
than just you knocking me down."
Labib muttered something in Arabic
that probably meant Oh, shit.
"Will you be okay for a little while?"
Oscar said. "I want to call the mayor,
and somebody should probably
give Mr. Khaled a heads up too."
"Go, make your call," Labib said,
waving him all. "I'll tell Ibrahim."
So Oscar returned to his office
and shut the door. With luck,
Theodore would still be at work.
Predictably, he got some secretary
who tried to fob him off instead of
actually putting him through.
"The mayor is very busy,"
she said. "Is this an emergency?"
"It's urgent," Oscar said. "I'm
trying to keep it from becoming
an emergency. So unless he's in
the can, put him on the damn phone!"
She gave an outraged sniff, but
at least she made the connection.
"Oscar, what's wrong?" Theodore
sounded distinctly worried. "I know
you wouldn't get fussed over nothing."
"Some idiot kids lit a loud firework in
the parking lot, and Labib thought it
was a bomb. He knocked me down
and tried to cover me," Oscar said.
"We need to quash the fireworks
outside the Fourth of July, at least
for this year -- maybe a few years."
"That won't be easy," Theodore said.
"You know how frisky people get,
just from chasing them in the parks."
Oscar sighed. "I think that's actually
why they chose the parking lot," he said.
"We have to do something, though,
before anyone really gets hurt."
"Are you all right?" Theodore said.
"Your voice sounds a bit odd."
"It's nothing," Oscar said. "I bit
my lip when I hit the ground, is all.
What worries me is that Labib isn't
usually jumpy, and he freaked.
If one unexpected firecracker can
do that to him, what's it going to do
to the rest of them, all week long?"
"Nothing good," Theodore said.
"All right, we'll need to arrange
an announcement. I can talk
with the Fire Department and
Public Health, if you'll handle
Parks and Recreation."
"That I can do," Oscar said,
grateful to have something
actually in his wheelhouse.
"Somebody needs to reach out
to Ibrahim," said Theodore. "He's
the one people will turn to in panic
if they believe they're being bombed."
"I think Labib is on it, or will be,"
Oscar said. "He's shaken,
but he should snap out of it
and work on solutions."
"Speaking of which, how
do you plan to handle all of
the inevitable violations?"
Theodore said. "People are
used to getting away with this,
even though they know they
shouldn't be doing it."
Oscar thought about that.
He really didn't want to involve
the cops, who'd be busy enough
with extra drunk-and-disorderly calls.
He needed more than a warning ticket,
though, or kids wouldn't take it seriously.
"Community classes," Oscar decided.
"Choice of EFA or PTSD support, and
Syrian culture or Syrian civil war.
Add fire safety if necessary."
"That sounds like a good start,"
said Theodore. "What about
repeat offenders, though?"
"First offense, two classes,
one emotional, one cultural,"
Oscar said. "Second offense,
the other two classes plus
fire safety if they didn't
do that one already."
"And save the cops for
the third," Theodore added.
"That'll work. Not many kids
will want to risk more classes
in the middle of summer."
Oscar laughed. "Well, I
sure as hell wouldn't have."
"Speaking of kids, though, are
those classes right for them?"
Theodore wondered.
"College kids or teens
are most of the ones who
light fireworks, and they'll do
fine in adult classes," Oscar said.
"Younger ones, make their parents
take the classes, and give the kids
an age-appropriate talk about
not scaring the skin off people."
"That sounds like a good plan,"
Theodore said. "You're really
getting good at this, Oscar."
"I don't know what the heck we're
going to do about the Fourth itself,
though," said Oscar. "It's not fair
to ask people to give up fireworks."
"Open a bigger shelter," Theodore said.
"Every year the veterans and some folks
with sensory issues get together and throw
basement parties where the sound and smell
don't carry. If they run out of room, I open
an underground storm shelter for them."
"Oh, that's a great idea," Oscar said.
"When one of my cousins was little,
he was so scared of fireworks that
he'd wet himself, so we used to go
downstairs and show home movies
instead of going to the fairgrounds."
"That would work," Theodore said.
"We could throw an Americana Party.
Show our new neighbors what else
we do for the Fourth besides fireworks."
"Picnics. Parades. Party games.
Family photos. Telling stories.
Red, white, and blue food -- hell,
red, white, and blue everything,"
Oscar said with a laugh.
"Come to that, I think that
the veterans already bought
a gross of T-shirts tie-dyed
in red, white, and blue to
give away," Theodore said.
"The Vermont clothes were
a hit," Oscar said, nodding.
"So your cousin -- did he
ever get used to fireworks?"
Theodore asked him.
"Yeah, my uncle bought
pea-sized poppers to play with,
and the girls made fake fireworks
with flower petals. My mom cooked
maple pecan popcorn for the movies."
Oscar said. "Four years later, Jake
set the yard on fire with Black Cats."
"Well, we'll try to avoid that part,"
Theodore said dryly. "The rest
of it sounds very promising."
Oscar hadn't thought about
any of this in years -- so many
of his relatives had moved away --
but they were happy memories.
He could pull together the same kind
of party now, he felt sure of it.
Maybe it would help Labib
and the other Syrians.
"I've got enough ideas
to start with," Oscar said.
"Good, then let's get on it,"
Theodore said. "I'll call you
tomorrow to touch base on
whatever progress we've made.
Thank you for bringing this
to my attention, Oscar."
"You're welcome,"
Oscar said, and
wrapped up the call.
When he went back to
the breakroom, Labib was
still talking on his phone
in Arabic, but quickly
said his goodbyes.
"Oh, your face," he said.
"It's coming up bruises!"
"Don't worry about it,"
Oscar said. "I've hurt
myself worse than this
every time I wipe out on
the slopes. What's up?"
"I have warned Ibrahim
about the fireworks this week,"
Labib said. "He thinks his sons
may find them upsetting too,
but we have some ideas for
coping with the challenges."
"Great, because Theodore and
I came up with a few things too,"
Oscar said. "We'll do what we can
to discourage out-of-bounds fireworks,
but we also thought of ways to make
the holiday more comfortable for you
and yours. It's not a new problem."
"I suppose not," Labib said. "It just
feels very conspicuous, sometimes."
"Nah, we have veterans who feel
the same way. Plus I have a cousin
who was scared of fireworks as a boy.
I think I'll call him up and invite him
to come for a visit," Oscar said. "I've
got room for Jake and his family
to stay with me in the cabin."
"That's kind of you," said Labib.
"I'm thinking basement parties,
introduce folks to traditions for
the Fourth of July that don't
involve blowing things up,"
Oscar said. "Movies, games,
maple and pecan popcorn,
red, white, and blue everything."
"It sounds nice," Labib said.
"Do you have a basement?"
"Yeah, but mine's a walkout
so it won't work. We need one
all underground to block the noise,"
Oscar said. "I'll ask around, but
the mayor already offered to open
a storm shelter if we need one."
"Not everyone might feel
comfortable in something that
looks like a bunker," Labib said.
"So we sort 'em out and send
those folks to a private home
if they need to hide from fireworks,"
Oscar said. "We can make it work."
"I do believe we can," Labib said.
He was almost smiling now.
"Come on, let's head over to
Mandy's Diner," said Oscar.
"At least let me buy you supper
to make up for my town's screwup.
We can talk about party planning
and EFA over delicious food."
Labib chuckled. "I am glad
that you like our food," he said.
"That Kardal is a real whiz at
the grill, and as a wilderneer I
do not say that lightly," Oscar said.
"Then it is good that we could bring
such joy to your town," Labib said.
"Yeah," Oscar said. "It really is."
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its notes appear elsewhere.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 12:48 am (UTC)I also used it as an explanation for why we were missing ... something ... which resulted in getting the human version of an error message.
I also have a sexism version; the gentle version of which:
[A guy] "Sexism doesn't exist!"
"Oh, okay, so how often do people have conversations while oogling your chest, then?"
[Annoyed] "Oh, shaddup."
(I think this was the same conversation where I explained that I believe black people about racism because of my experiences with sexism...especially when guys say that sexism is a thing of the past.)
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 01:10 am (UTC)I am greatly bothered by the degree to which modern humans emulate robots, and indeed, are required to do so if they want to keep a job and therefore continue surviving. They're literally trained not to solve problems but to follow a rote list. So problems don't get solved, and folks generally learn that asking for help is often pointless.
>>(I think this was the same conversation where I explained that I believe black people about racism because of my experiences with sexism...especially when guys say that sexism is a thing of the past.)<<
Most people go by their own lived experience. Learning to substitute someone else's or knowledge gained from a book is a different skill that not everyone has. Going against your own instincts is even harder. Like, I know intellectually that some people have difficulty reading and therefore hate it. Me, I love it so much that I have to mentally translate, "Pretend it's math." Then I can think, okay, there are workarounds for math, what can I do to minimize the barriers for this person in text? So I would do things like look at the reference books to find the page in the index with relevant entries, and say, "Here, there are topics you need on this page." That lightens the workload without doing everything for them.
Of course, with racism and sexism, those are easily proven with facts. If they were in the past, we would not presently have huge gaps in pay based on those factors. This is something that could easily be fixed by requiring that everyone doing the same job get the same base pay, and that increases be granted only for objective reasons like "after 1 year, everyone gets a $0.50/hour raise" or "employees with a perfect safety record get $25 extra for that quarter." (It wouldn't solve the problem of disliked groups getting shut out of decent jobs, but at least would cut the same-job gaps.) That people choose not to make this simple change means that they prefer discrimination. It is something that any company could fix if they cared to, and indeed, a few have. Most don't.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 01:39 am (UTC)Well, at least she was polite about being thrown off-script.
That was the role where half the work I did was either teaching people scripts or working around scripts that didnt fit.
>>So problems don't get solved, and folks generally learn that asking for help is often pointless.<<
In my case "I gave up on trying to fix this six months back, you try thinking of solutions. And then I'll refuse any I've already tried, / don't think will work."
>>Of course, with racism and sexism, those are easily proven with facts.<<
Then you get people who think such a system is already in place, so, say racial prison disparities or the gender wage gap are because of individuals making bad choices (their argument not mine), not a slightly biased system with cumulative effects.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 02:34 am (UTC)That is a logical way to avoid wasting energy.
It also makes people claim that you "don't want help," despite the fact that help is not actually available.
>>Then you get people who think such a system is already in place, so, say racial prison disparities or the gender wage gap are because of individuals making bad choices (their argument not mine), not a slightly biased system with cumulative effects.<<
That probably looks a lot like the disparity in perception vs. reality of economic inequality.
I will say, if you're trying to adjust someone else's deep-seated beliefs, those are load-bearing walls more often than not. A person with flexible beliefs will be able to cite examples and evidence in support of theirs, and to argue rationally about your examples and evidence; this suggests that sufficient evidence could change their mind, so it's not attached such that changes would routinely be destructive. A person with inflexible beliefs is prone to collapse if those beliefs are disrupted. Therefore, in dealing with less-flexible people, you need to consider whether it is justified to smash their reality tunnel. If someone is attacking me or mine, I will not hesitate to do damage that modern medicine is not well equipped to repair. But for a trivial offense, that would be excessive force.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 03:32 am (UTC)It's interesting figuring out how other people's concept of the world works, and learning about different people's views can be useful.
That said I may end up looking up some religious quotes just in case I ever need them (like that "shake the dust from your feet" one from a rather famous holy book); and there are a few occasions where I would really dig in and fight for keeps. (Mostly if I were protecting someone.) I might give a very clear warning first.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 06:15 am (UTC)In that case, be very careful about introducing ideas that could be destructive, because this stuff can easily break people. It sucks to find out that you've been acting like an asshole or that your parents taught you something wrong and harmful.
However, if your friend is decent and open-minded, you can likely alert him to sexism so he can help dismantle it.
* Introduce the concept of lived experience and talk about how, in general, two people can have quite different experiences at the same event.
* Drop examples of sexism one at a time. Like, "I'm annoyed that our City Council has no women on it at all" or "I read an article about women getting paid less for the same job" or "John slapped Mary's butt at work and it was Mary who got fired."
* Observe, or ask about, ways in which sexism makes men's lives harder. Frex, they are discouraged from talking about or displaying emotions, not taught how to handle other people's feelings either, and are often viewed with distrust.
Ignorance and disbelief are a lot easier to fix than someone thinking that sexism is a good idea.
>>It's interesting figuring out how other people's concept of the world works, and learning about different people's views can be useful.<<
I agree.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 06:49 am (UTC)Sexism... I can speak from experience. Trying to be an ally for some of the others... I try to present these issues well, and accurately. (I hope I succeed.)
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 07:38 am (UTC)Facts are occasionally useful, at least in terms of disproving "X does not exist." But to get people to do anything you have to move them emotionally, which is harder.
>> I try to find things in them we'd agree on even if they're very basic and obvious things.<<
Good idea.
A very relevant one for racism: "If rational methods do not solve a problem, people will move on to less rational methods. So if you want them to use rational ones, you must make sure those work." But white people will ignore and abuse black people until there's a riot, and then whine about the riot.
>> Sexism... I can speak from experience. Trying to be an ally for some of the others... I try to present these issues well, and accurately. (I hope I succeed.) <<
As far as I can tell, you're doing a lot more to fix those problems than most people are.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 03:43 pm (UTC)I think I mentioned that - if people's needs are unmet, and they don't feel listened to they will escalate, and I'm tired of race riots.
Variants I have used:
Firstly, if whitefolk can ignore anti-racist protests because some folk are violent, then I can ignore anti-abortion protests because some are violent. (I am on the opposite side of that argument, so folks have an interest in not agreeing to "dismiss argument because some people are too agressive.")
Secondly: I do not want any more dead children, this is my minimum standard. We should be able to agree that dead children, and/or a world where children being on the street at night = death sentence is bad.
So. Someone fix it. We can fix it by talking and reform. We can fix it by redefining the duties of the police. And while defunding/eliminating police completely (and replacing with something else) is not my first choice, if dead children are the alternative and more moderate solutions have failed, I will escalate to that.
And these people know I am a calm, rational person. So hopefully if I am willing to take extreme measures as a "this isn't working, f this" last choice*...
*For the record, I'm not violent, I tend towards the pacifist side of the scale, and I'd rather not rip up the society I'm standing in. But I am allowed to be angry at injustices, and I am tired of the "Its okay, now shut up and let me hurt you - why are you fighting me" nonsense from people in power.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-03 03:50 pm (UTC)Thanks.
I think...we need to maintain civil discourse (in both senses of the term) between different people.
Realistically, I should just...give up. But I've got just enough hope that I keep trying. (Plus, if people will listen to me, maybe I have a duty to do something. Nor do I want my friends to get mangled by the system.)
And my goals are hopefully humble enough that maybe they'll work. I don't need to make a rose plant into soft moss - I just need enough change that the roseplant doesn't accidentaly slice somebody up.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-04 06:25 am (UTC)Two examples.
1. In an online chat I changed my handle to someone that could be *perceived* as female (if you *really* weren't paying attention). And I got immediately bombarded with private messages ranging from annoying to ...
2. Due to poor planning I had to walk half a mile on dark streets from a local TV/TG group meeting to a bus stop. While en femme. When I encountered a group of guys, I suddenly understood *exactly* how women walking alone at night feel.
Intellectual knowledge is one thing, but stuff like that goes clear to your *bones*.
Though the incidents have also proved useful in explaining things to other folks. Telling someone that women are afraid of assault is one thing. Telling them how *you* were afraid of rape or *worse* and why tends to get thru a *bit* better.
Alas, you still get a lot of the unspoken "I belong to [class] so I don't have to worry about that" attitude. Though it does help if you can get them to realize that they *have* that attitude even if they weren't consciously aware of it.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-04 06:43 am (UTC)You might point out that all privilege exists only because other people give it. If they decide to withhold it, then it vanishes. Frex, skin privilege is not indelible like people say it is. All you have to do is support people of color and it switches from "white" to "n*gg*r-lover." Similarly, it doesn't matter how cishet you are if some bigot thinks that you look like a gay, trans, or other target of choice. Facts will not protect you from a nutjob.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2021-10-04 06:56 am (UTC)And the barrier is almost as bad with respect to whites and cops. They can't believe that cops would treat *them* that way. So it's a big shock when they wind up on the wrong side of cops. And of course, for most, that isn't going to happen.
Heck, that's likely one of the reasons for the *huge* reaction in "the North" when those white civil rights workers were killed in Mississippi back in the 60s. Folks "expected" bad things to happen to "blacks" down there. Having them happen to *white* was a major shock.
Of course in the South, they weren't "whites" they were (as you said) "n*gg*r-lovers".