Poem: "Her Innocent Feelings"
Oct. 25th, 2020 10:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis poem was written outside the regular prompt calls. It fills the "abusive childhood or relationship" square in my 8-1-20 card for the Five Moments of Intimacy Bingo fest. It has been sponsored by janetmiles. This poem belongs to the China's Mistake and Cuoio and Chiara threads of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "A Dangerous Thing to Be a Doll," so read that first or this will make no sense.
Warning: This poem contains intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes a child-sized sexbot, the aftermath of severe child molestation, skittishness, the aftermath of China's misbehavior, Mobsters silently discussing murder and other mayhem, attachment issues, the delicate balance of difference and familiarity in stressful situations, trust issues, emotional numbness, difficulties of medical care for silicone-based lifeforms, plans to brutalize China's economy, and other challenges. Survivors of child abuse should think carefully about this one, although it focuses on the comfort after the hurt. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Her Innocent Feelings"
[Monday, January 25, 2016 around 10 AM at a compound in Italy]
Cuoio had claimed a small table
not far from the guest house, where he
could enjoy the unseasonably sunny day.
It was brisk but still pleasant outside.
Duraturo and Chiara sat with him,
enjoying spuntini together.
Duraturo had brought a bowl of
prawn and vegetable fritto misto.
Chiara had found tiny cheese pies,
their crusts palm-sized and perfect.
Cuoio contributed caffè macchiato,
ideal for the midmorning snack.
Now he sipped his coffee, relishing
the heat and the contrast against
the creamy pie and crunchy shrimp.
Duraturo and Chiara were chatting
about some new fashion in leather,
so Cuoio let them talk and watched
the people around him instead.
He saw Agricane coming through
the loose crowd, and there was
something ... just a bit odd
about the way that he moved.
Besides, Cuoio could use
someone to talk to without
interrupting his friends, so
he waved. "Agricane --
over here," he called.
As Agricane moved closer,
Cuoio caught a glimpse
behind his hakama.
"And who's this?"
Cuoio said, smiling.
One brown eye peeked out,
then disappeared again.
"This is my daughter,"
Agricane said, switching
to English. "Niu Le, do
you want to say hello?"
Tiny fingers clutched him,
keeping the child out of view.
"That's okay," Agricane said.
"You don't have to if you don't
want to, and nobody will touch you."
Cuoio put down his coffee and
leaned forward. "Of course,"
he said. "We're all polite here."
If someone hadn't been ... well,
that's what enforcers were for.
"These are my friends. At least
take a look so you know them,"
Agricane coaxed. "The man with
the beard is Cuoio. The one in
the leather jacket like mine is
Duraturo. The woman is Chiara."
Another ripple of fabric, and a girl
leaned around Agricane, clinging to him.
She looked to be about six years old
with pale skin, almond-shaped brown eyes,
and dark brown hair to her shoulders.
She was dressed almost like Agricane,
with a navy cardigan over a white shirt
and a navy blue skirt, where he had
a leather jacket and a white shirt
over elegant black hakama.
Cuoio smiled, only to have her
dart out of sight again.
"You've heard about China?"
Agricane said, curling a hand
around Niu Le to reassure her.
"Yes," Cuoio said grimly.
"Nasty business all around."
"More than you know,"
Agricane said to him.
Cuoio and Duraturo
looked at each other,
putting pieces together.
Duraturo dropped his food
and tipped his chin down.
Whatever you need, Boss.
Cuoio turned to Agricane
and then adjusted his tie,
touching all four fingers
and thumb to the knot.
Are they all dead yet?
Agricane tugged his cuff
with four fingers pressed
together, but the thumb free.
All who were directly involved.
Cuoio traced a fingertip along
his belt where a gun would
rest if he was carrying it.
Do I need to go to work?
Agricane straightened
his other cuff, covering
the face of his watch.
Not right now.
Cuoio sat back,
relaxing in his chair.
He would wait, and
see if he was needed.
Chiara finished the last of
her cheese pie, because
she wasn't a fighter and
she needed the fuel.
She cleaned her fingers
delicately on the napkin.
"I am going to look at
the deer garden," she said.
"It has bronze statues that
seem very real. Would
anyone else like to come?"
Niu Le drifted a step away
from Agricane, then darted back.
"It's all right," said Agricane.
"The deer garden is right there.
You can go look at the statues,
and if you turn around, then you
will still be able to see me."
"I can go?" Niu Le whispered.
"You can if you want to,"
said Agricane. "Would you
like to go with Chiara? She is
very strong and will keep you safe."
Chiara stood up and offered her hand.
"Shall we go see the deer?" she said.
"They are very pretty statues."
Shyly, Niu Le nodded and
took Chiara's hand, following
the older woman away.
Agricane heaved
a sigh of relief.
"I was afraid Niu Le
wouldn't like anyone but
me," he said, switching back
to Italian. "Yesterday she
wouldn't even come outside."
Duraturo frowned. "You didn't
force her, did you?" he said.
"That's not good for people
who have been traumatized."
"Of course not," said Agricane.
"I just wheedled a great deal.
She needs to see that she's
not there anymore, and that
means making things different."
"Too much difference too soon
can be overwhelming, though,"
Duraturo warned him.
"I know," said Agricane.
"I'm trying to balance the new
with the familiar but ... it's hard,
when so much of what she knew
needs not to happen ever again."
"Yeah, that's what I thought,"
Cuoio said. "She's skittish, and
that doesn't happen for no reason."
Agricane sighed. "I wish Ruggiero
were here. He'd know what to do,
but he's off handling things."
"You're doing fine," Cuoio said.
"You got her outside, and she's
made a new friend already." He
tipped his head toward the garden.
Agricane looked, and smiled.
Chiara and Niu Le were standing
in the gap of hedge that served as
an entrance to the garden, and
Niu Le was wriggling a little.
It was good to see her happy.
She had seemed so sad before.
Duraturo nodded. "It looks like she
can still trust, she's just ... cautious."
"Abuse manipulates and twists
a child’s natural sense of trust
and love," Agricane replied.
"Her innocent feelings are
belittled or mocked, so she
learns to ignore her emotions."
"I've seen that before," Cuoio said.
Once he had rescued a truck full of
trafficking victims, and some of them
were like this, skittish and reserved.
"She can’t afford to feel the full range
of feelings in her body while she’s being
abused -- pain, outrage, hate, vengeance,
confusion, arousal," said Agricane. "So
she short-circuits them and goes numb."
"That's not good," said Cuoio. "Numb
is hell. She needs to feel, even if it's awful."
"She can't; she doesn't dare," said Agricane.
"For many children, any expression of feelings,
even a single tear, is cause for worse abuse.
Again, the only recourse is to shut down.
The feelings just ... go underground."
"Fortunately we have healers,
empaths, and mindhealers who
can help with that," said Cuoio.
Agricane turned down one corner
of his mouth. "Regrettably, that's
no help for Niu Le. She isn't ...
on the same frequency."
Cuoio raised his eyebrows.
He'd heard about how China
had super-gizmotronic sex dolls.
If Niu Le was one of them,
that was amazing. She had
seemed just like any other girl.
"Well, we'll figure something out,"
Cuoio said. "It's what we're here for."
"It will take time for her to heal,"
Duraturo said. "Family can help.
The familiar support eases the pain."
"Agricane introduced Niu Le as
his daughter," Cuoio pointed out.
"I don't think she has anyone else."
"She does not," Agricane confirmed.
"Child abuse and neglect offend
the basic values of our state. We
have a responsibility to provide
safe settings for children at risk
and facilitate permanent placement
for those who cannot return home."
"Her home is here now," said Cuoio.
"That can be a good feeling."
"I hope so," said Agricane.
"I've been trying to introduce
Niu Le to other people, but
she's so shy. Chiara is
the first real success."
Cuoio chuckled. "Yeah,
she stole my heart too,
when I first got here.
She's good at that."
Chiara came back then,
with Niu Le clinging to her
like a miniature shadow.
As soon as they got
close enough, Niu Le
flitted back to Agricane,
who wrapped an arm
around her shoulders.
"Can we go?" she whispered.
"Go where?" Agricane said.
"Did you find another garden?"
"I invited Niu Le to come
watch the children's practice,"
Chiara said. "It will give her
something new to do, and
there's no pressure to join
until she feels ready."
The comares led one of
several groups that taught
basic self-defense, which
at Niu Le's apparent age
mostly meant falling safely
and running like little rabbits.
Plus when her innocent feelings
came gushing out, the comares
would be equipped to handle them.
"Then of course we will come,"
Agricane said, turning to Niu Le.
"I'm so happy that you found
something to interest you."
"Go along then, Duraturo
and I will be fine here,"
Cuoio said. "Though if
there's any Business, you
know where to find me."
Agricane showed his teeth.
"I do indeed," he said.
Cuoio watched them go,
Niu Le so close that she kept
stepping on Agricane's shoes,
but he never complained.
"I'd really like to get a piece
of China," muttered Cuoio.
Duraturo lit right up. "I have
just the thing," he said. "I've
got this new boycott manual."
"Oh?" Cuoio said as he
picked up the last cheese pie.
"I've started searching for
things to replace some of
my family's equipment,"
said Duraturo. "We buy
Italian, but some of it uses
parts that came from China."
"How can I help?" Cuoio said
as he took a bite of the pie.
"I was hoping you could
reach out to manufacturers
who might be able to take over
production from Chinese suppliers,"
said Duraturo. "I know how much
you love to Deal, and this will
offer many opportunities."
Cuoio chewed thoughtfully,
then set down his pie and
cracked his knuckles.
"We'll just have to show
China the error of its ways,"
he said with a sharp smile.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its notes appear elsewhere.
janetmiles. This poem belongs to the China's Mistake and Cuoio and Chiara threads of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "A Dangerous Thing to Be a Doll," so read that first or this will make no sense.Warning: This poem contains intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes a child-sized sexbot, the aftermath of severe child molestation, skittishness, the aftermath of China's misbehavior, Mobsters silently discussing murder and other mayhem, attachment issues, the delicate balance of difference and familiarity in stressful situations, trust issues, emotional numbness, difficulties of medical care for silicone-based lifeforms, plans to brutalize China's economy, and other challenges. Survivors of child abuse should think carefully about this one, although it focuses on the comfort after the hurt. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Her Innocent Feelings"
[Monday, January 25, 2016 around 10 AM at a compound in Italy]
Cuoio had claimed a small table
not far from the guest house, where he
could enjoy the unseasonably sunny day.
It was brisk but still pleasant outside.
Duraturo and Chiara sat with him,
enjoying spuntini together.
Duraturo had brought a bowl of
prawn and vegetable fritto misto.
Chiara had found tiny cheese pies,
their crusts palm-sized and perfect.
Cuoio contributed caffè macchiato,
ideal for the midmorning snack.
Now he sipped his coffee, relishing
the heat and the contrast against
the creamy pie and crunchy shrimp.
Duraturo and Chiara were chatting
about some new fashion in leather,
so Cuoio let them talk and watched
the people around him instead.
He saw Agricane coming through
the loose crowd, and there was
something ... just a bit odd
about the way that he moved.
Besides, Cuoio could use
someone to talk to without
interrupting his friends, so
he waved. "Agricane --
over here," he called.
As Agricane moved closer,
Cuoio caught a glimpse
behind his hakama.
"And who's this?"
Cuoio said, smiling.
One brown eye peeked out,
then disappeared again.
"This is my daughter,"
Agricane said, switching
to English. "Niu Le, do
you want to say hello?"
Tiny fingers clutched him,
keeping the child out of view.
"That's okay," Agricane said.
"You don't have to if you don't
want to, and nobody will touch you."
Cuoio put down his coffee and
leaned forward. "Of course,"
he said. "We're all polite here."
If someone hadn't been ... well,
that's what enforcers were for.
"These are my friends. At least
take a look so you know them,"
Agricane coaxed. "The man with
the beard is Cuoio. The one in
the leather jacket like mine is
Duraturo. The woman is Chiara."
Another ripple of fabric, and a girl
leaned around Agricane, clinging to him.
She looked to be about six years old
with pale skin, almond-shaped brown eyes,
and dark brown hair to her shoulders.
She was dressed almost like Agricane,
with a navy cardigan over a white shirt
and a navy blue skirt, where he had
a leather jacket and a white shirt
over elegant black hakama.
Cuoio smiled, only to have her
dart out of sight again.
"You've heard about China?"
Agricane said, curling a hand
around Niu Le to reassure her.
"Yes," Cuoio said grimly.
"Nasty business all around."
"More than you know,"
Agricane said to him.
Cuoio and Duraturo
looked at each other,
putting pieces together.
Duraturo dropped his food
and tipped his chin down.
Whatever you need, Boss.
Cuoio turned to Agricane
and then adjusted his tie,
touching all four fingers
and thumb to the knot.
Are they all dead yet?
Agricane tugged his cuff
with four fingers pressed
together, but the thumb free.
All who were directly involved.
Cuoio traced a fingertip along
his belt where a gun would
rest if he was carrying it.
Do I need to go to work?
Agricane straightened
his other cuff, covering
the face of his watch.
Not right now.
Cuoio sat back,
relaxing in his chair.
He would wait, and
see if he was needed.
Chiara finished the last of
her cheese pie, because
she wasn't a fighter and
she needed the fuel.
She cleaned her fingers
delicately on the napkin.
"I am going to look at
the deer garden," she said.
"It has bronze statues that
seem very real. Would
anyone else like to come?"
Niu Le drifted a step away
from Agricane, then darted back.
"It's all right," said Agricane.
"The deer garden is right there.
You can go look at the statues,
and if you turn around, then you
will still be able to see me."
"I can go?" Niu Le whispered.
"You can if you want to,"
said Agricane. "Would you
like to go with Chiara? She is
very strong and will keep you safe."
Chiara stood up and offered her hand.
"Shall we go see the deer?" she said.
"They are very pretty statues."
Shyly, Niu Le nodded and
took Chiara's hand, following
the older woman away.
Agricane heaved
a sigh of relief.
"I was afraid Niu Le
wouldn't like anyone but
me," he said, switching back
to Italian. "Yesterday she
wouldn't even come outside."
Duraturo frowned. "You didn't
force her, did you?" he said.
"That's not good for people
who have been traumatized."
"Of course not," said Agricane.
"I just wheedled a great deal.
She needs to see that she's
not there anymore, and that
means making things different."
"Too much difference too soon
can be overwhelming, though,"
Duraturo warned him.
"I know," said Agricane.
"I'm trying to balance the new
with the familiar but ... it's hard,
when so much of what she knew
needs not to happen ever again."
"Yeah, that's what I thought,"
Cuoio said. "She's skittish, and
that doesn't happen for no reason."
Agricane sighed. "I wish Ruggiero
were here. He'd know what to do,
but he's off handling things."
"You're doing fine," Cuoio said.
"You got her outside, and she's
made a new friend already." He
tipped his head toward the garden.
Agricane looked, and smiled.
Chiara and Niu Le were standing
in the gap of hedge that served as
an entrance to the garden, and
Niu Le was wriggling a little.
It was good to see her happy.
She had seemed so sad before.
Duraturo nodded. "It looks like she
can still trust, she's just ... cautious."
"Abuse manipulates and twists
a child’s natural sense of trust
and love," Agricane replied.
"Her innocent feelings are
belittled or mocked, so she
learns to ignore her emotions."
"I've seen that before," Cuoio said.
Once he had rescued a truck full of
trafficking victims, and some of them
were like this, skittish and reserved.
"She can’t afford to feel the full range
of feelings in her body while she’s being
abused -- pain, outrage, hate, vengeance,
confusion, arousal," said Agricane. "So
she short-circuits them and goes numb."
"That's not good," said Cuoio. "Numb
is hell. She needs to feel, even if it's awful."
"She can't; she doesn't dare," said Agricane.
"For many children, any expression of feelings,
even a single tear, is cause for worse abuse.
Again, the only recourse is to shut down.
The feelings just ... go underground."
"Fortunately we have healers,
empaths, and mindhealers who
can help with that," said Cuoio.
Agricane turned down one corner
of his mouth. "Regrettably, that's
no help for Niu Le. She isn't ...
on the same frequency."
Cuoio raised his eyebrows.
He'd heard about how China
had super-gizmotronic sex dolls.
If Niu Le was one of them,
that was amazing. She had
seemed just like any other girl.
"Well, we'll figure something out,"
Cuoio said. "It's what we're here for."
"It will take time for her to heal,"
Duraturo said. "Family can help.
The familiar support eases the pain."
"Agricane introduced Niu Le as
his daughter," Cuoio pointed out.
"I don't think she has anyone else."
"She does not," Agricane confirmed.
"Child abuse and neglect offend
the basic values of our state. We
have a responsibility to provide
safe settings for children at risk
and facilitate permanent placement
for those who cannot return home."
"Her home is here now," said Cuoio.
"That can be a good feeling."
"I hope so," said Agricane.
"I've been trying to introduce
Niu Le to other people, but
she's so shy. Chiara is
the first real success."
Cuoio chuckled. "Yeah,
she stole my heart too,
when I first got here.
She's good at that."
Chiara came back then,
with Niu Le clinging to her
like a miniature shadow.
As soon as they got
close enough, Niu Le
flitted back to Agricane,
who wrapped an arm
around her shoulders.
"Can we go?" she whispered.
"Go where?" Agricane said.
"Did you find another garden?"
"I invited Niu Le to come
watch the children's practice,"
Chiara said. "It will give her
something new to do, and
there's no pressure to join
until she feels ready."
The comares led one of
several groups that taught
basic self-defense, which
at Niu Le's apparent age
mostly meant falling safely
and running like little rabbits.
Plus when her innocent feelings
came gushing out, the comares
would be equipped to handle them.
"Then of course we will come,"
Agricane said, turning to Niu Le.
"I'm so happy that you found
something to interest you."
"Go along then, Duraturo
and I will be fine here,"
Cuoio said. "Though if
there's any Business, you
know where to find me."
Agricane showed his teeth.
"I do indeed," he said.
Cuoio watched them go,
Niu Le so close that she kept
stepping on Agricane's shoes,
but he never complained.
"I'd really like to get a piece
of China," muttered Cuoio.
Duraturo lit right up. "I have
just the thing," he said. "I've
got this new boycott manual."
"Oh?" Cuoio said as he
picked up the last cheese pie.
"I've started searching for
things to replace some of
my family's equipment,"
said Duraturo. "We buy
Italian, but some of it uses
parts that came from China."
"How can I help?" Cuoio said
as he took a bite of the pie.
"I was hoping you could
reach out to manufacturers
who might be able to take over
production from Chinese suppliers,"
said Duraturo. "I know how much
you love to Deal, and this will
offer many opportunities."
Cuoio chewed thoughtfully,
then set down his pie and
cracked his knuckles.
"We'll just have to show
China the error of its ways,"
he said with a sharp smile.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its notes appear elsewhere.
Satisfying!
Date: 2020-10-26 04:22 am (UTC)Re: Satisfying!
Date: 2020-10-26 04:40 am (UTC)>> Niu Le will have a much better life as Agricane's daughter. <<
So very true. They're a good match for each other.
>> It's not going to be smooth sailing, but it will be thousands of times better than she could expect a week ago. <<
Yeah, it's a rough ride because of attachment issues, trust issues, and so on. But even the rough parts will help, because now Niu Le is with people who care about her and won't punish her for being upset.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-10-26 05:08 am (UTC)Yay!
Date: 2020-10-26 05:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-10-26 04:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-10-26 11:01 pm (UTC)Yes ...
Date: 2020-10-27 11:24 am (UTC)Re: Yes ...
Date: 2020-10-29 10:16 pm (UTC)Re: Yes ...
Date: 2020-10-29 10:37 pm (UTC)Re: Yes ...
Date: 2020-10-30 08:55 pm (UTC)I may very well prompt for more about So_Pink, Still_Life, Brokendown, Hou Weici, etc. I'm imagining a mixed-cape crowd of healers, EFA experts, and of course teleporters all stepping up for rescues, and immediately post Brokendown's arrival (and with her consent) some of them go scrambling to find a friendly technopath or technomancer or two with an interest in repairing damage, or possibly a supergizmologist or even gizmologist the same.
I've also had thoughts re Still_Life, or others like her, as well as a... truly horrifying tangent connected to self-aware bots used for--um, certain purposes. Should I DM you the thing?