ysabetwordsmith | Hard Things

From:

lilly_c

Admitting to a friend that I’d had a lapse with my mental health and was really struggling with it.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

That's rough. I hope things get better for you soon.

From:

lilly_c

It is rough. Things are slowly improving.

From:

technoshaman

Good luck loading your mental toolbox, and finding the tools that you need.

Admitting you need it is a huge step, it's scary (BTDT)... AND it's one of the best things you can do for yourself.

From:

lilly_c

Thanks, I have things that work for me.

It is a huge step and having lived with mental illness for most of my life I sometimes forget that I'm going to have times where I'm not 100%

From:

technoshaman

A year of being apart from my belovedest most of the time is almost over. She and I have done a lot of hard work on ourselves, on Us, and lately on behalf of our Magpie, but the end of this phase is well in sight. I'm bugging the fuck out of here on Saturday. (Also, moving sucks, but I have reason to believe that this one won't suck too bad; I have both my belovedest *and* my favourite moving company lined up.)

Now I just gotta get this work thing sorted...

From:

ysabetwordsmith

In my observation, a relationship that can survive distance can survive almost anything else. It is hard as fuck, but if it doesn't break you apart, it really welds you together.

From:

technoshaman

Funny thing? She was the one that taught me "date within your own area code!"

Distance is one thing that, once a relationship is stable, can really test - and cement - it... buying a house... the first two years of raising a firstborn...

And the other one that can either weld a relationship like thermite, or shatter it like a delicate chandelier (and I've seen both)?

Is if one of the partners comes out as trans. I was dimly aware of one case of the latter... and two cases of the former. Those relationships could survive a direct hit with a nuclear bomb. Whether the participants could or not is another thing entirely, but seriously, if the fate of the universe depended on the strength of a partnership, I know exactly who I'd send and not even worry about it.

This ain't that... AND between the hard work and the way we compliment each other? Little *short* of a nuke would take us apart... though I am pretty sure an Actual Nuke might do "us" some damage.

From:

seishun

i stayed alive another day. lately that's a lot harder than it should be. life is exhausting.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Here's your medal.

From:

technoshaman

Dude. Empathy. Stayin' Alive is not just a dance these days.

May you find good people and good tools soon.

From: (Anonymous)

And a fuzzy fuzzy blanket. Congrats :)

From:

antisocialite_forum

Have to pay for a college class tomorrow, since IM didn't when he registered for it.

Picking out the local body's mess of bad tape. I'm not all tangled in it like I was yesterday, which is an accomplishment. It's kind of like watching a stranger go off about something, thinking "Wow that's a lot of baggage" and "Where do I even start with this?" But mostly it's busting through with persistence and making notes of things.
Some... friends, I guess you could call them, with experience dealing with stubborn portal-vessels of theirs have said that the vessels eventually catch on when visitors aren't giving in to them and keep doing the visitor's own thing - eventually they figure out that "Oh, this is fine" and stop flailing around like the room is on fire. Some visitors through this vessel have tried to do that. It's hard to measure progress with so much to work on, but there's been some. And the more crap you uncover, the more you know what's there.

Oh, and not my accomplishment but Kevin's. He made an executive decision to back out of a club that was turning out to be unhealthy. The body isn't happy because that means its primary social group isn't there. There aren't a lot of quality communities that don't hate on people for whatever reason - this one was a Pride group that said (in practice) all cis/straight/white/mid-upper class people are scum and it looked down on cross-cultural exchange. So, getting out is an accomplishment, and dealing with the aftermath of an upset body is just something that needs to be done. The body needs better friends.

- Korona

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>this one was a Pride group that said (in practice) all cis/straight/white/mid-upper class people are scum and it looked down on cross-cultural exchange. <<

O_O Ouch. That's not good. I'm glad you got out, but sorry it leaves a lack of social support.

From: (Anonymous)

*waves pompoms* "go you! Go all of you!Yaaaay!"

From:

kaixo

I pretty much held off because a friend of mine asked for first dibs re: a charity she was going to do in June (or else I would have done it a lot earlier). Didn't get word for yonks, and the date is coming up. Sent her a text only for her to say breezily that she wasn't going to the AGM this year, but would I mind holding it until next year or go on my own this year? The answer is no, and hellno.

So I'm sitting down cataloguing scads of knit books and magazines (this involves inventory, looking at RRP prices and ebay prices, and trying to price it to sell, in addition to taking pictures and tagging them accurately) that I should have just followed my instincts and started in January. This has taken me about two days in bits of time, and I still have the yarn to do.

The inventory and ebaying will still get done, although my S/O is wondering if I should hold off until September (UGH). I'm proceeding now, just to get everything ready, and when the weather changes and autumn draws nearer, I'll pull the trigger then.

German goes as it goes, tbh. It's one of these languages where I have to know the basics in and out before building from the ground up, it is what it is.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

It sucks when people impose on you like that. But good for you, making progress on getting rid of stuff you don't need!

From:

siliconshaman

Nearing the end of the current home improvement project, which has taken on the characteristics of a flaming death march through a desert. It had been tacked onto the end of prior project, the idea being to buy a coal bunker. But Beloved baulked at the idea of paying £80, and suggested we build one instead. Ok, says I, simple project then, how hard can it be?
*insert five minutes of semi-hysterical derisive laughter*

Yeah.. well, it's nearly done, and despite it being the hottest April on record and labouring in the sun [and yes, being careful about hydration] tempers haven't frayed that much, although it's come close. Been practising letting go of emotional investment etc..

From:

redsixwing

Aaaaugh. I'm sorry it's been so difficult.

Best of luck with your last mile.

From:

zeeth_kyrah

despite it being the hottest April on record and labouring in the sun [and yes, being careful about hydration]

"Smoke on the water, Fire in the sky."
Good job thus far!

From: (Anonymous)

*adulting bills and payments and loans

*working on figuring out communications between the family which will be understood.

*fixed the thing at work that people have been avoiding taking care of.

* working on the personal issues that I have been avoiding due to fear and stress

*trying to socialize with other people so that I don't only have nuclear family to lean on in person. This is the hardest bit. I can't edit IRL conversation or really have a good explanation as to why I need to tap out once I'm already on edge. I'm a very high I introvert, and I've got added issues with my "autism cousin" and sensory processing disorder. This has made for a few rocky attempts at the whole social thing, being absolutely exhausted, and a few times where I felt like an absolute failure and almost completely melted down. But I'm still trying.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> *trying to socialize with other people so that I don't only have nuclear family to lean on in person. <<

My sympathies. I have found socialization to be largely not worth the massive expenditure of energy it requires. If it actually produced usable results, I could leverage that. But usually it's just pouring energy down a rathole. >_<

>> I can't edit IRL conversation or really have a good explanation as to why I need to tap out once I'm already on edge. <<

For dealing with strangers or casual acquaintances, few people seem to be accommodating of personal needs or quirks. At that level, it's probably best to set a time limit in advance. If your tolerance for people is fairly predictable, that's a good tactic in general, if others will let you do it at all.

I can put up with about 20 minutes of most events, if they're not full of agonizing noise or flashing lights. But people often won't tolerate that and demand several hours or days. >_< So instead of managing the amount, I do my best to avoid going at all.

For dealing with people who like you and have some tolerance, it may help to use nonverbal alternatives such as texting or carrying a written message that says, "Thanks for hanging out with me. I'm tired and need to go home now."

>> a few times where I felt like an absolute failure and almost completely melted down. <<

Whose failure is it? If you know what you should be doing and forget to do it, or choose not to do it, then it's your failure. That doesn't make you a bad person, just means you need more practice doing the thing. If you know but other people won't let you, or they do things you've asked them not to do, or otherwise make a nuisance of themselves, then it's not your failure -- it's their intolerance.

I wish this world had widespread use of introvert parties as well as extrovert parties. It's gotten worse over the years in terms of places being downright uninhabitable due to noise and flashing lights. I don't mean just things that bug me because I have super-senses, but things that are medically hazardous to normal humans which they do anyhow. It's maddening.

I'm also becoming more and more resentful of people who demand attendance at their social events but make zero effort to accommodate needs that differ from their own. By my standards, if you're having a big event, you should try to accommodate a wide range of needs; especially if you have family whose needs you know. If you don't, that's selfish. And if you know emotions will run high, you're responsible for providing quiet space to cope. Funeral parlors do it routinely, why can't weddings? They could; they just choose not to. That's not only mean to people with special needs; it's mean to introverts, children, elders, pregnant women, and everyone else with limited endurance. It makes me want to avoid people.

>> But I'm still trying. <<

Go you!

From:

mdlbear

I'm back in the job market, after a year of being contentedly retired. My current finances are a trainwreck; drastic health problems are nobody's fault, but that doesn't keep me from questioning every decision I've made in the last decade even though they all made sense at the time.

From:

zeeth_kyrah

I sympathize, my own health problems keep me devastatingly poor. Honestly, if you did your best (and I'm sure you did the best you could), then there's not more you could have done, nor better decisions to make in the past. Now and then are different times, after all. :)

$mdlbear: blue fractal bear with text "since 2002" (Default)$

From:

mdlbear

Problem is, I know that I could have done better -- a lot better, in most cases. Multiple failure modes, but mostly either procrastinating, not planning for contingencies that I could have foreseen, or seeing problems and letting myself be persuaded that they wouldn't be as bad as they looked.

Most of them were worse.

From:

redsixwing

I am definitely, definitely coming out of the dark.

There's a whole big huge list of things to do (some of which are completely internal, and I don't know how to write about more than vagueblogging and hoping the gist gets across) and I'm scared of some of them.

But... there's hope ahead. Even if nothing changed, /something changed./

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I am definitely, definitely coming out of the dark. <<

Yay!

>> There's a whole big huge list of things to do (some of which are completely internal, and I don't know how to write about more than vagueblogging and hoping the gist gets across) <<

That's okay. You don't have to give details here if you don't want to or know how to. "Hard thing is haaaaard!" is enough.

>> and I'm scared of some of them. <<

*hugs offered*

>> But... there's hope ahead. Even if nothing changed, /something changed./ <<

The world is complicated. Many things are influenced by obscured variables we can't identify or perceive directly, but we can sense the effects when they change. One thing that makes problem-solving difficult is when it includes variables you don't know about and/or can't affect directly. You're stuck hoping the levers you can reach are good enough to do the job, and they aren't always.

From:

redsixwing

>>"Hard thing is haaaaard!" is enough.<<

That's good. OTL

*hugs, and thanks*

>>The world is complicated.<<

Ain't that the truth.
And people are complicated.
And relationships between complicated people in a complicated world are...somehow supposed to be simple? Har.

>>You're stuck hoping the levers you can reach are good enough to do the job, and they aren't always.<<

That's true, too, and actually sort of comforting.

From:

dialecticdreamer

>< Yesterday, I had a meeting at the gym with a personal trainer. Getting through the assessment might have actually been LESS stressful had I been walking around naked. Body issues have body issues have BACK issues (pun intended), but I made it through.

>< About an hour after that, the universe apparently decided that it hates me even more. A tooth didn't just crack, it collapsed. I've barely slept, and I had to make an emergency dental appointment early today.

>< My anxiety level was 8 of 10 just a few minutes into the event. I started shaking, and asked for the lead drape used for xrays. The weight was EXTREMELY soothing, and helped me get through.

>< I have to go back in a week. That's like a flashing sign in my head, and it's going to affect the rest of the week.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>asked for the lead drape used for xrays. The weight was EXTREMELY soothing, and helped me get through.<<

Oh, that's a GOOD idea!

I use the set of four mudras at the bottom of this page. It is very balancing.

>< I have to go back in a week. That's like a flashing sign in my head, and it's going to affect the rest of the week.<<

Same here. Unpleasant appointments have a nimbus effect that spreads over multiple days. And if they're chained together, I never really get back to what passes for normal for me -- it just keeps getting worse slowly until the chain runs out.

From:

jtthomas

Finals week plus packing. Very high stress. Moving out of the dorm Friday morning; going to be home by Saturday night. Then I can relax.

From:

helgatwb

I got out of bed today. Then I went to work, and finished the day out. I got all of my assigned tasks done, though it took me longer than expected. Feeling exhausted, but accomplished.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Some days just getting to the finish line on your feet is a victory.

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