ysabetwordsmith: Damask smiling over their shoulder (polychrome)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem is spillover from the March 6, 2018 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from [personal profile] pantha. It also fills the "touch" square in my 2-28-18 card for the Slice-of-Life fest. This poem has been sponsored by Soupshue. It belongs to the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.

WARNING: This poem contains topics that some readers may find unsettling. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It contains a kinky relationship between two supervillains, the inside of Shiv's head is a mess, because that is always a warning, begging, simulated electrical play with conductive rope and superpowers, bondage, a lot of vulgar language, Gray pushing Shiv's boundaries a little in terms of talking about what he wants, begging, actual painplay with genuine alligator cilps, Shiv is very noisy and demonstrative when having a good time, intimacy issues, trust issues, simulated knife play with superpowers, Shiv has a terrible self-image, powergasm, hand-feeding, then it all goes horribly wrong because Shiv regresses during the aftercare phase and scares the hell out of Gray by being nonverbal and largely nonresponsive. Also it ends on that cliffhanger, because I ran out of time before I could write the sequel, sorry about that. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before deciding whether this is something you want to read.


"Something Dark in Me"


Gray loved playing with Shiv.

He enjoyed just hanging out together,
too, the way Shiv would drape himself over
a chair, lazily flipping a knife in one hand with
more skill than Gray would ever have, and
the way Shiv applied himself to food with
the devotion that most men gave to religion.

But most of all, Gray loved playing with Shiv.

He loved stretching the boy out on the bed,
helpless (not really, but they were pretending)
under his hands, slowly peeling off the layers
to reveal all of that tender white skin just waiting
to be marked, like a blank canvas begging for paint.

"Tell me that you want this," Gray said to him,
just to be sure. He always had to be sure.

Shiv licked his lips. "I want this."

He was trembling already.
It was just delicious.

Gray spread his boy
over the sheets with
their extravagant pattern
of tan paisley on turquoise.

"I brought something special today,"
Gray said as he slowly pulled
the rope out of his toy bag.

"What?" Shiv said, craning
his neck as he tried to see.

Gray trailed one end of it
over Shiv's forearm. "This
is black bamboo laced
with a little ... surprise."

He triggered his superpower.

Shiv squealed and jerked away.
"Ah, you fucker!" he yelped.
"What the hell was that?"

Then he put his arm
right back where it was.

"Electroconductive fiber woven
into the main rope," Gray explained
as he looped it around Shiv's wrist.
"Isn't it interesting that most materials
which conduct electricity will also carry
other kinds of power? Such as mine."

Gray zapped him again, energy
dancing through the strands
to lick over Shiv's skin.

Shiv pulled against it,
because he always pulled,
because that's what the rope
was there for in the first place.

He couldn't escape, of course,
unless he hit the panic snaps
within easy reach of his fingers,
but he wasn't reaching for them,
because he didn't want to escape.

Laughing, Gray pounced on him
and captured Shiv's other hand,
looping a rope around it and
pulling it to the head of the bed.

Then he snared Shiv's ankles
and tugged them apart, gently
spreading his legs until they
pointed toward the corners,
securing them with more rope.

Gray had to work carefully there,
because Shiv was twitchy about
his body in general, about being
touched in particular, and about being
touched below the waist most of all.

Shiv was panting with anticipation,
and they had hardly gotten started.

Gray dared to trace his fingertips along
the seam where Shiv's black tank top
tucked into his matching boxer briefs.

"Want to show me a little more skin?"
he purred. "I'll make it worth your while."

Every muscle in Shiv's body tensed.
"You don't take my shorts off!"

"Of course not," Gray said,
stroking over his slender chest.
"I just want to push up your top
to connect the dots, that's all."

He trailed an end of rope over
Shiv's still-clothed belly.

"Ohh," Shiv breathed,
his eyes going wide as
he realized what Gray
had in mind. "Okay."

Gray tugged the tank top
loose and pushed it up, careful
to leave Shiv's nipples covered.
The boy was so body-shy.

Then Gray took the four ends
of the ropes that secured wrists
and ankles to the bed, knotting
them into an elaborate web
across Shiv's bare belly.

He kept playing, and teasing,
drawing out little yips and squeaks
as his superpower nipped at Shiv's skin,
now this arm, now that leg, never
lingering for long in one spot.

"Stop teasing and hurt me,
you prick!" Shiv panted.

He was such a brat in bed.
It was so beautiful.

Gray let his superpower
surge through the rope,
flittering along the pale lines
of conductive fiber amongst
the soft black bamboo.

It lapped over all four limbs
at once, and then joined at
the middle for the first time.

Shiv shouted in pain,
his whole body arching
off the bed, fighting the ropes
even as clutched at them.

Gray let go of his power.

Shiv flopped onto the bed,
gasping for breath, a fine sheen
of sweat clinging to his skin.

"That was awesome,"
he panted, his eyes
half-lidded and lazy
with the first flush
of endorphins.

Gray petted him,
soothing the twitches,
coaxing Shiv to let go
and to drift down into
the bliss of subspace.

Within minutes, Shiv
started pushing up
against Gray's hands,
seeking more sensation.

Now that Shiv had
the first hit of endorphins
in him, Gray wanted to push
his boundaries a little bit.

"Tell me what you like,"
Gray said. "Tell me
why you want this."

"Oh, fuck you,"
Shiv muttered.
"You know."

Gray lifted his hands
away from Shiv's skin.

"Talk to me," he warned.

"Asshole," Shiv said, but
he started talking. "I guess ...
I just want to feel things."

"What things?" Gray said,
dropping his hands back
onto Shiv's smooth skin.

"Ah!" Shiv said. "You,
your hands, all of it."

Gray stroked him
with one while palming
a few essential supplies
with the other hand.

"What do you want me
to do with my hands,"
Shiv?" asked Gray.

The boy looked away.

Gray gave him a pinch,
twisting the thin skin
with his fingers.

"Ow!" Shiv protested,
glaring up at Gray.

"I am still waiting,"
the top said implacably.

"Hurt me," Shiv whispered.

"That's right," Gray said
as he let the alligator clamp
bite down on tender skin.

Shiv screeched.

He was nowhere near
stoned enough to take that
without any complaint.

Gray gave a dark chuckle.

"Stings, doesn't it?" he said.
Fingertips traced around
the cruel metal. "Breathe,
Shiv, let it settle. Breathe."

"I can't --" Shiv said.

"You can take it," Gray coaxed.
"Yes, you can. I know this is
hard at first, but you can."

Shiv panted around the pain,
pulling on the ropes that
held him to the bed.

Gray smoothed his palms
over sweaty skin until Shiv
finally began to relax.

"There now, I knew you
could do it," Gray said.

Then he added the next clamp.

Shiv bitched and twisted as Gray
set the wicked clamps into his skin,
a whole row of them marching across
his middle, where the inevitable marks
wouldn't show in street clothes.

Gray soaked up the delicious,
whimpering cries of his submissive.

Then he slipped his power through
the metal jaws of the alligator clips.

Shiv screamed through his teeth,
trying to muffle the sound so that
his neighbors wouldn't bang on
their ceiling with a broom.

When Gray pulled his power
back, Shiv went limp with relief,
then whined as Gray picked off
the alligator clips one by one.

"Bastard," Shiv whispered.

"Yes, but you like it like this,"
Gray said, rubbing his thumbs
over the little red marks. Some
already had pale blue pools
spreading under the skin.

"Yeah, I do," Shiv said,
then giggled a bit. "Fuck,
I am such a freak."

"Well then, that
makes two of us,"
Gray said fondly.

"Touch me more,"
Shiv said. "Please."

"Since you asked
so nicely," Gray agreed.

He trailed his hands over
Shiv's skin, up and down
each arm, then each leg,
and over the belly marked
by colorful alligator bites.

When Gray let his superpower
spill through his fingertips,
Shiv flinched at first, then
pressed up into the pain.

"There you go," Gray said.
"You can have this. All that
you have to do is ask me."

"Please," Shiv begged.
"I want it. I need it."

He was really getting
quite good at this, learning
himself and what to say
to make Gray respond.

Grinning, Gray let him have it.

Shiv trembled his way through
another endorphin rush, and
Gray held him steady while
it shook his slender body.

"So good," Shiv said.
"Oh, that's so fucking good."

"Tell me more," Gray said, gently
prying Shiv open while the boy was
just stoned enough to let him but
still sober enough to speak clearly.
"What does it feel like when I hurt you?"

"I like it," Shiv said. "I like when
you tease me and pinch me a little."
He frowned a little, as if remembering
something unpleasant. "I don't like
being hit, though. I don't like it at all."

"Then I won't ever hit you," Gray promised,
recalling that first fumble of a sparring session.
No wonder that had gone to pot so fast.

"I like when you stick your superpower
in me," Shiv said, wetting his lips. "I can
feel it going in, sliding alongside mine."

"Like this?" Gray said as he called up
the impression of a tiny blade and
slipped it under Shiv's skin.

Shiv's eyes rolled up, and
his head fell back against
the bed. "Ohhh, fuck yes,"
he whimpered. "Do it more!"

Gray did it more, trailing
invisible lines from each finger
and twining them over Shiv's body.

"What do you like so much
about this?" Gray asked.

"I don't know," Shiv gasped.
"I just know there’s something dark
in me and I hide it. I try to, but then
sometimes it comes out. You
bring it out of me, like -- like
pulling yarn from a hank."

Gray curled his power gently
around one of Shiv's nerves and
pulled, as if pulling a loose thread.

Shiv moaned and arched under
his touch. "I don't, I don’t talk about it,
but it’s there always, maybe it always
has been," he said. "And when
you -- when you make me
talk about it, then it feels --"

His voice trailed away,
lost in another moan.

Gray made his imaginary blade
a little bigger and slid it along
Shiv's skin, wiggling the edge
just under the flesh as it opened.

Shiv's eyes fluttered open,
and he looked down at himself.

There wasn't any blood, of course.
Gray rarely indulged that much.
They didn't need to, with his ability.

"What does it feel like?" he coaxed.
"Come on, Shiv, give it up for me,
you know how I love to hear you."

They could never have done this
a few months ago when they
first started playing together.

Shiv could barely negotiate then,
even with Gray helping him.

Now look at him, asking
for what he wanted and giving
Gray something in return.

It was exquisite.

Gray gave him an extra zap
for reward, sliding his power
through itself as if he were
electrifying a knife.

Shiv keened under him,
writhing in the ropes.

"It feels -- it feels -- like I'm
falling away from myself and
this dark creature takes over,"
Shiv panted. "And when he’s
in charge, I feel so alive, caught up
in the thrill of being so bad, I know
I'm bad but I don't care anymore.
I can’t fight it. I don’t want to."

"You don't have to fight it," Gray said.
"You don't have to do anything
but lie there and enjoy it."

"I don't?" Shiv said.

"You don't," Gray said.
"Just relax now, and let me
do all the work. You're not
bad, Shiv, you're fantastic.
You're a natural at this."

"Really?" Shiv said, looking
more than a little dazed.

"Really," Gray said. "I have
more experience with kink,
so I would know, right?"

"Right," Shiv said. "Yeah.
"I know nothin' ... but you ..."

"Do you want to know a secret?"
Gray said with a slow smile.

"Yeah," Shiv said, eyes wide.

Little gossip. You could always
catch a cat with curiosity.

Gray leaned down to press
his lips over Shiv's ear. "There's
something dark in me, too,"
he whispered. "I like it.
I like hurting people."

"Yeah," Shiv gasped,
licking his lips. "Oh, yeah."

"Do you want to hear
more about it?" Gray said.

"Please," Shiv said. "Tell me
what it's like for you, how it
feels when you're hurting me.
I want to know. I want
to know everything."

"You're so beautiful when
you're hurting," Gray said.
He swiped a hand over
the sweaty skin and then
licked his fingers. "Your
pain tastes so good to me.
I could just eat you up."

"Do it," Shiv said. "Push me,
I think I'm ready to go again."

Gray grabbed Shiv's shoulder
and flicked his superpower over
the fold of skin, opening nicks
that felt real but weren't.

Shiv bucked under his grasp,
endorphins flooding through him.

Gray stroked him tenderly,
murmuring assurances as
Shiv's body slowly adjusted
to the new level of biochemicals.

Shiv looked up at Gray, woozy
with pleasure, a sloppy smile
spreading over his face.

He never looked so happy
as when he was stoned on pain.

That was a little sad, but at least
Shiv had this way of feeling happy.
It was better than some things
that people used for relief.

Shiv had gone silent, though,
which meant it was time to check in.

"Hey, Shiv," said Gray. "You okay?"

Shiv made a wordless noise
of pleasure and grinned wider.

"I need a little more than that,"
Gray said. He palmed the shoulder
where Shiv would still be feeling
the cuts, kneading it in his hand.

Shiv gasped, but didn't speak.

Gray reached up and tucked
his fingers against Shiv's palm.
"Squeeze my hand if you're okay."

It took a minute, and then
Gray felt a slow squeeze.

"There you are," he said.
"Okay, let's take a breather."

Gray spread his hands,
one over Shiv's chest and
one lower on his belly.

"Feel my hands," he said.
"Breathe with me ... in and out ...
push up my hand with your belly.
That's it. Give yourself some time
to settle down now. You're okay."

Shiv took a long, shuddering breath.
"Yeah. Okay," he managed,
voice low and languid.

"You're really deep,"
Gray said. "That's fine.
I'll take care of everything."

"Mmmhmm," Shiv said happily.

Daring, because this was always
a risky thing for him to say to Shiv,
Gray added, "I'll take care of you."

"Mmmyeah," Shiv said. He
wriggled in the ropes, trying
to rub himself against Gray,
like a cat wanting to be petted,
and seemed surprised when
the bondage pulled him short.

Gray ran his hands over Shiv's body,
using the long strokes to soothe him.

When Gray came to the neck,
Shiv turned his head to nuzzle
his cheek against Gray's hand.

Gray realized that Shiv was getting
a little too stoned to think straight.

Maybe they should wrap up soon.

"Are you ready to ramp up
to the big finish?" Gray asked.

"Oh yeah," Shiv said. "Do it, do me!"

"I'm going to do the chevrons,"
Gray warned, and Shiv nodded eagerly.

With steady hands, Gray pinched up
folds of flesh and used his superpower
to notch the skin in little V shapes.

He ran a line down each arm
and then across Shiv's belly
while the boy writhed and
moaned underneath him.

There was no blood, but
Gray rubbed his fingers over
the skin as if playing in it, and
Shiv arched into his hands.

"There you go, that's beautiful,
just like that," Gray said.

This was the only time
he could really praise Shiv
without the boy tensing up,
and the point was for Shiv
to enjoy the compliments,
so Gray had to get them in
while the opportunity lasted.

"Look at you, so good for me,
you're so sweet like this," Gray said.
"I love how you look in my ropes,
trying to get just a little more of me.
It's okay, you don't have to strain
yourself. Just relax. I'll give it to you.
I want to give you everything."

Shiv kept trying to catch his gaze.

Gray smirked and caught him
by the chin. "Do you want
to finish like this?" he asked.

Usually Shiv didn't, because
he'd turn shy and look away
unless it was a staring contest.

He liked the feeling of knives on
his skin, or anything sharp, really.

Shiv couldn't nod, but today,
his chin pressed down against
Gray's hand, asking for it.

"All right," Gray said. "Remember
to keep your eyes open for
as long as you can."

They were silver,
huge and luminous
with unshed tears.

Gray thrust his power
into Shiv and watched
those eyes fly wide
at the pain of it.

Shiv clung to him,
sucking air through
his teeth, desperate
to hold the connection.

It only snapped when
Shiv's own superpower
shook itself to pieces,
wracking the slim body
with waves of pleasure.

Gray shifted his hands
hold Shiv's head steady.

The boy had given himself
whiplash once before, and Gray
did not want to leave him with
several days of stiff neck again.

Shiv went limp, wrung out
from the powergasm,
as he usually did.

Gray grabbed a towel
and started blotting off
the sweat before it
could chill him.

The bed was a wreck,
damp sheets wrinkled,
but those could be
changed later on.

Shiv's eyes cracked open.

"Hi," said Gray. "You okay
in there? That looked like
quite a ride you took."

"M'good," Shiv said, then
frowned a little. "Hungry."

"Then it's a good thing
I brought a treat," Gray said.
He reached into his toy bag
for the cooler and then
pulled out a plastic tub.

"Mmm?" Shiv said when
he heard the lid open.

"This is Crème Pâtissière,"
Gray said, scooping it onto
his fingers. "Here, try some."

Shiv took a tentative lick
of the thick yellow stuff --
and then just about tried
to swallow Gray's hand.

Gray laughed and pulled back
a bit. "Careful," he warned.
"I don't want you to choke."

Shiv whined, straining after
fingers and cream alike.

Gray helped himself to a taste,
then fed the next bit to Shiv.

The boy sucked industriously,
with a strong rhythm, losing
himself in the sweet flavor.

Well, at least he wasn't
rabbiting like he used to do.

Even now Shiv's tolerance for
aftercare was questionable at best.

He sure went to town on the pastry cream,
though, and Gray let him have his way
with it. There was only about half a cup
in the tub, it was too rich to eat much.

By the time Gray had scraped
the container as clean as it was
going to get without washing,
Shiv had calmed down and
Gray's fingers were wrinkled
from enthusiastic sucking.

Gray made a mental note
of how much that boy loved
mouthplay. Maybe they should
consider trying out a gag.

For now, though, it was
time to think of cleanup,
and Shiv had gone quiet.

Maybe a little too quiet.

"How are you?" Gray asked.
Shiv wasn't great at tracking
his needs during aftercare.

Or any time, really, but it
was worse following kink.

No response.

"Come on, Shiv,
wake up a little and
talk to me," Gray said,
patting his cheek.

He didn't even blink.

Unease curled through Gray.
He'd seen Shiv zone out before,
it always happened after powergasm,
but this didn't look at all like that.

This was something different.
This was something wrong.

"Shit," Gray muttered, then
mentally kicked himself, because
Shiv needed him to keep it together.

"If you're okay, then squeeze
my hand," Gray said, reaching up.

As soon as his fingers touched
Shiv's palm, the fist closed.

Gray shivered, goosebumps
racing down his spine. It was
the right response, and yet it felt
wrong -- reflexive, instead of mindful.

Worrying, Gray tried the other hand,
and once again it snapped closed
as soon as he touched it.

That's what was off:
a submissive who went
nonverbal tended to move
slowly, not like this.

"Shiv, if you're okay, then
open your hands," Gray said.

No response.

"Fine, Shiv, I'm going
to untie you now," Gray said
as he popped open the panic snaps.

Shiv didn't move as Gray removed
the ropes, first checking circulation
and then gently rubbing the marks
around his wrists and ankles.

The pulse was racing, too,
fast and shallow yet still steady,
an odd combination that Gray
hadn't encountered before.

"You're starting to scare me
a little, dude," said Gray.

More than a little, but saying
that to Shiv probably wouldn't help.

Gray tried calling his name and
shaking him gently, and none of it
got any more response from him.

Gray stood up -- and Shiv
rolled away from him, curling up
and stuffing his fingers in his mouth.

The deep, nagging sense of wrongness
abruptly got a whole lot worse.

And Gray couldn't begin to think
what he had screwed up to cause it.

Maybe he'd gone too far. Maybe Shiv
hadn't been as much into that scene
as he seemed to be. Maybe Gray
had misread something or just
royally fucked up somehow.

Maybe the dark thing inside him
was more than even Shiv could handle.

Every top had that fear sometimes,
but this felt worse than it usually did.
Shiv still showed no sign of waking.

More worried than ever, Gray
paced around the tiny apartment.

There wasn't actually much room for it,
with Shiv's art filling most of the space
not occupied by the Murphy bed.

Gray had already tried the things
that he knew to bring a submissive
up from a deep zone, and they
hadn't worked. Not a good sign.

He knew other ways of
rousing someone from a faint,
but he felt pretty sure that most
of those would be risky with Shiv.

He was running out of ideas, though.

What to do, what to do? Gray paced,
thoughts racing through his brain.

He had to do something:
he was the top, and he had
promised Shiv that he would
take care of everything.

Gray's vidwatch chirped
the hour, and that reminded him
of something that he could do.

Shiv might hate him for it, though.

Gray leaned against the bedframe,
nudging it with his leg hard enough
to jostle Shiv's body. "Last chance,
my man, can you sit up and talk to me
before I do something drastic?" he said.

Shiv just shivered and curled up tighter.

"Okay," Gray said. "Let's get you
covered up." He pulled a sheet
over Shiv's coiled body.

Either way, if he made
the wrong decision, Gray
might lose the friendship,
never mind a playpartner.

He was the top, though;
it was his call to make.

He hesitating, looking
from Shiv to his vidwatch.

Shiv whimpered under
the sheet, not in a good way.

Gray made the call.

* * *

Notes:

Don't panic. Shiv will, eventually, be as close to fine as he typically gets. In case you're wondering about Gray's solution, he is calling Dr. G for backup.

“I just know there’s something dark in me and I hide it. I certainly don’t talk about it, but it’s there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he’s driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don’t fight him, I don’t want to.”
-Dexter
http://withinreality.com/wp/bdsm-quotes/

Shiv stays at the Abbot Center for Public Housing. In T-Omaha, several of these buildings cluster together. In some places they are divided by plazas which may be used for parking, market stalls, playing games, or other purposes. Elsewhere they are divided by parklets that offer picnic areas. The houses in the cluster are named Edith, Grace, Otheman, and Arthur. Each house has a common room, common kitchen, reading/meeting room, fitness room, and laundromat. There is also a building office and mail room. Buildings with families have a play room for children. Some other buildings have a computer room, tiny rentable offices, or other facilities.

A parklet between buildings in the public housing cluster offers picnic tables, grills, and clotheslines for people who like to hang their laundry outdoors. The common room has dining tables, booths, and a sitting area around a viewscreen. The common kitchen allows communal cooking. People often teach classes here. The mailroom includes locking post office boxes plus open cubbies for flyers. A bulletin board for announcements hangs over a loveseat in the back of the room. The exercise room provides space for yoga, dance classes, and other physical activities. A closet holds a few pieces of exercise equipment for people to share. The reading room is stocked with books and other media scavenged from whatever sources people can find. The tables and stools come from the Salvage Design Store. This allows the place to double as a study room. The laundromat has a utility sink, four washers, four dryers, a table, chairs, and a vending machine. There are two pairs of elevators facing each other in the elevator lobby, with an ice machine between them. Above, hallways lead to the apartments.

Studios, efficiencies, and bachelors can be found in all types of apartment buildings, from walk-ups to low-rise pre-war buildings to luxury high-rises, and tend to be the smallest units within a building, usually between 300 and 600 square feet, though smaller ones also exist. Smaller units tend to be in older buildings, and are often smaller than would be legally allowed if they were built today. As building codes have evolved, older units were often grandfathered in.

A Murphy bed is a space-saving device that hides a bed inside a cabinet on the wall. See Shiv's new apartment with the bed up and bed down. Looking through the kitchen window, you can see the little sink. Here is the bathroom. The bay window fills the front of the apartment.

Shiv's apartment comes with one set of cheap white sheets. He finds some blue-and-brown paisley on sale and gets that because it won't show stains, then adds a set of matching brown sheets and matching blue sheets.

For the bathroom, Shiv picked up a set of items in black-and-brown safari prints.

A conservatory table is a small table, often oval with a glass top and a storage shelf below it, accompanied by a pair of chairs that may fit entirely underneath the tabletop when not in use. This compact style of furniture lends itself well to small apartments.

A flip chair folds into a seat or opens into a bed. You can make your own.

Shiv mainly uses his public housing apartment as an art studio. Here are some tips on setting up a home studio.

Shiv is wearing the black tank top that matches his boxer briefs.

Consent is a complex topic, especially in the context of power exchange. Most discussions focus on sexual situations, but consent applies to nonsexual situations too.

(These links are miserable.)
Child abuse damages boundaries, causing many problems that can linger into adulthood. Survivors often struggle with setting appropriate boundaries. Shiv's awareness and handling of his boundaries is erratic at best, but Pain's Gray is helping him learn more about them. Here's a more detailed exploration of boundaries and psychology.

(Some of these are explicit.)
Negotiation is an essential aspect of responsible kink. Assisted negotiation spans a wide range of techniques for helping people communicate things that may be hard for them to put into words. It helps to put short statements on cards or in a slideshow. A list of statements allows people to pick the relevant ones. This website offers many illustrated guides including ones on bruises, genital piercing, and hand signals.

(Some of these are controversial.)
Kink is not a mental illness or injury, even though it has been listed as such. Let's say the mental health industry has a poor track record in comprehending human sexuality and gender. Studies show that kinksters actually have better mental health on average than vanilla folks. (I suspect this is because kink requires and rewards techniques, such as communication and healthy touch, which benefit other areas of life as well.) Mental issues, such as PTSD or depression, can complicate scenes. A significant problem in the BDSM community is ableism in the form of saying that people with mental issues cannot consent to sexual activity, and therefore refusing to play with them (or condemning people who play with them) due to their condition instead of their individual features. Given Shiv's overall resistance to people messing with his head, I wouldn't put any real faith in the laundry list of diagnoses that have come and gone over the years. My best guesses include Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder, Prolonged Adaptation Stress Syndrome, Disordered Attachment, and Developmental Trauma Disorder. But just because his head is a mess, doesn't mean that Shiv can't enjoy a good fling; this is probably one of the most healthy pleasurable interactions he's ever had, until he crashed at the end.

(So are these.)
BDSM can help people heal in many ways. It has been used in therapeutic contexts. Finding this type of therapy is a little easier in T-America than in L-America, but it's still not prevalent. Due to the context of trust and psychological awareness, kink can be useful in recovering from rape and other types of trauma.

There are two kinds of subspace, physical and psychological. It is important to avoid the ugly kind of subdrop. Pain's Gray is exquisitely sensitive to consent and connection, due to his unfortunate first experience with kink. Indeed, there is a domspace equivalent to subspace. His is actually reflective -- if the scene is sexy for his partner, it's sexy for him; if it's nonsexual for his partner, it's nonsexual for him. So Pain's Gray can follow Shiv easily. Explore some ways to prevent subdrop, support a person in subdrop, and take care of yourself during subdrop.

This is Gray's rope bag.

Electroconductive bondage rope comes in various styles. Gray has the black bamboo kind. Most things that conduct electricity will also carry energetic superpowers.

(Explicit bondage stuff.)
Rope bondage requires careful attention to safety. You can learn how to tie someone up.

Among the more useful bondage ties is the Prusik Shackle, which looks like this. It won't tighten under tension.

Panic snaps such as these are useful for releasing a rope with a load on it.

(NSFW for most jobs. Some of these links are intense. The cartoon one is nekkid but really funny.)
BDSM has multiple benefits, and people may explore it for different reasons. There are beginner tips, but what Pain's Gray and Shiv are into goes far beyond that level. See text and cartoon lists of basic safety tips. It is vital that everyone understand endorphin levels and aftercare.

(These links are intense.)
Submitting to pain is part of kink for most people who take the receptive role, although some people have other goals. Processing pain can be done in negative ways (which blunt the sensation) or positive ways (which don't). Shiv handles consensual pain in positive ways. Learning these techniques makes it easier to access the benefits of pain play. Some factors can still interfere with pain processing, which makes it difficult to enjoy a scene. Bottoms often seek to skirt the edge of what they can handle. Shiv is obviously a pain devourer, and he can channel quite a lot; he and Gray are working out a comfortable level for their sessions.

(These are messy and controversial)
Plenty of people have a cutting fetish, which is not pathological unto itself. It's your body; you can do what you want with it, even if other people dislike that. Bloodplay is edgy stuff, but following proper precautions makes it reasonably safe. In particular, education is essential. A number of people have transitioned from self-harm to bloodplay; while not widely spoken of, it is quietly known in the kink community. Bloodplay is extremely intimate, and among people with this fetish, well known for causing spontaneous orgasms. That's another type of nongenital climax related to Shiv's experience of powergasm. Here is a detailed discussion of knife play and its variations, a reasonable parallel for what Gray's superpower is doing to Shiv.

(Some of these are explicit.)
Nipple clamps and similar erotic toys are typically made with blunt jaws covered in insulating material such as silicone or rubber. As such, they are quite safe to play with and nonconductive. They range from afforable to pricey. However, they evolved from pervertables such as alligator clips, most of which have serrated jaws and are conductive unless an insulator is added. They are also quite cheap. Some hardcore perverts still enjoy playing with alligator clips for these reasons. This requires extra care to avoid undesired injury, but some people like having "souvenirs" in the form of scratches and bruises in interesting places. Just be warned that alligators are very marky toys.

(These links are intense.)
Hand feeding, like other forms of food-sharing and food play, conveys intimacy. In kink, a dominant usually feeds a submissive. It also happens in vanilla romance. Getting food into someone else's mouth is a little tricky; this skill benefits from both research and practice. Pain's Gray has been teaching Shiv about this, and Shiv is sufficiently food-reward the exposure has overridden his generally suspicous nature. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a dom willing to give lessons! (That's a classical form lesson, by the way, teaching the submissive role before the dominant one, which is absolutely a great idea if you are switchy enough to handle both.) Yes, with enough patience, you can have a prickly supervillain literally eating out of your hand. It helps to look at instructions for feeding a baby. Comfort feeding of elders may be done in several ways.

(These links are very kinky.)
Safewords offer a codified form of communication during BDSM. They can be standard or personal. Among the most apt examples, I once heard "Arch!" yelled through a hotel door at a convention; it's the holodeck command that brings up the control interface in Star Trek: The Next Generation. The set "red, yellow, green" works just like a traffic signal (stop, slow, go) and is widely used as a standard. It's also fairly common to hear "kelly fucking green" as vigorous encouragement. Conversely, not everyone wants or needs safewords; plenty of people just use ordinary conversation while playing. Safewords are most useful in these regards: 1) allowing the sub/bottom to yell "no" without stopping the scene, which some people enjoy or do reflexively; 2) distinguishing crucial communication from the general flow of vocalizations; and 3) standardizing communication in a public scene with monitors. This story uses red-yellow-green, and this one has a gorgeous description of when people don't need safewords. Within the realm of speculative fiction, see also Cecilia Tan's famous "Telepaths Don't Need Safewords." Here is a more nuanced discussion of safewords.

(Some of these are controversial.)
Nonverbal accommodations help people who can't always talk about things easily. This includes people with autism but also some other social or physical disorders, along with shyness about specific topics such as sex. Remember that many people go partially or wholly nonverbal in sexy or kinky contexts. Here's an essay about why some people go nonverbal. This page offers some simple sign codes for things people commonly need to communicate when nonverbal. Understand how to accommodate a friend who often goes nonverbal.

(These links are explicit.)
A climax does funny things to the brain and body. Neurons are receptive to stimuli, but after they fire, it takes time for them to recover. After orgasm, the refractory period is a span of time when sexual stimulation cannot produce another orgasm. Some people experience physical lassitude, or even temporary paralysis, after an orgasm. (Feelings of distress have also been reported, likely akin to subdrop.) Now multiply that to account for the greater intensity of powergasm compared to ordinary orgasm, spread throughout the whole body. No wonder Shiv can't move immediately.

(So are these.)
Powergasm is a pleasurable paroxysm caused by a buildup and then sudden release of energy within the superpower system. It overloads the nervous system in ways similar to a sexual orgasm, but more intense. This can leave people too wrung out to move for several minutes, although the severity of this effect varies. Not all soups can achieve powergasm; it's more common in those with energy powers, or sensitive to superpowers, because it requires having enough energy to create the surge. However, it is likely that more people could do it than have actually done it, similar to the state of female orgasms before the clitoris was widely understood.

Whiplash is a range of injuries that result from extending the neck farther than its usual range. Minor cases stretch muscles and tendons; more serious ones can tear them and/or damage nerves and joints. This causes stiffness, soreness, and sometimes other symptoms. Whiplash is one of those injuries that can happen during athletic sex or kink, and many people fib about it: "I slipped on some soap in the shower." Minor cases can be treated with home remedies such as cold packs, hot packs, and over-the-counter painkillers. Massage also helps. Regarding kink, remember that it is the top's responsibility to make sure a bottom can't hurt himself, so a thrashy bottom may need extra restraints.

Pastry cream is rarely impressive, but check out Greggy's Crème Pâtissière. Gray is, of course, making this stuff as decadent as possible so it includes a real vanilla bean, organic pastured egg yolks, and half a stick of grass-fed Jersey butter. Those ingredients make it a rather bright shade of yellow, rather than white like artificial pastry cream often is.

Infants have some distinctive reflexes. Among the instinctive behaviors that Shiv displays are rooting, sucking, and grasping. These typically fade by 4-6 months old, which means he's pretty far down this time. Similarly, a baby's pulse is faster and shallower than an adult's. The bottom of the normal range for infants is the top of the normal range for adults, around 100 beats per minute. Pulses also speed up due to physical exertion or emotional intensity, which also apply here. But mostly this is a body memory, Shiv's memory echoing through flesh. It's alarming, but not dangerous at this level of expression.

Good aftercare -- and in fact, good care of any kind -- sometimes makes Shiv squick. That's because reconnecting with people after abuse is difficult. He's doing better over time. A discussion of hard and soft limits can help avoid this kind of problem. Some people find power exchange helpful for healing.

(These links are uncomfortable.)
Ethical kink must include consideration of what to do when things go wrong. After a bad scene, it is essential to figure out what went wrong, how to repair the relationship, and how to prevent a repetition. This is all the more challenging when a playpartner has traumatic stress. Use this flowchart to evaluate a scene gone wrong. You will note that, despite Gray's self-recrimination toward the end, he didn't actually make any mistakes. It's just that Shiv's past is a minefield that can blow up in their faces at any time, for any reason or no reason. In this case, it was probably a combination of vulnerability and hand-feeding with a milk-based treat. It will be a mess to straighten out, but they will manage. Here are some tips for having difficult conversations.
technoshaman: Tux (Default)
From: [personal profile] technoshaman
Okay, I was sensible and read the warnings, again. Holding this one for later.
technoshaman: Tux (Default)
From: [personal profile] technoshaman
What's funny is that I was one of the ones who taught *her* that... as well as the Thankful Thursday meme. Now she's teaching it back to me.

You cannot tell me karma doesn't work. I seen it more times than I can count by now.

*laughter* recipe. jeezus. When was the last time I used a recipe? But then, that's how you learn, is start by doing it the way others do it.

Now, Boss White... it will be interesting to see *that* man's reaction. He's got way more than enough time in grade to automagically make any idea his own - not stealing, mind, one doesn't steal from one's own or one's firends - but to take an algorithm and start f***ing with it right from the get-go...

(no subject)

Date: 2018-04-29 05:55 am (UTC)
antisocialite_forum: A group of small round pumpkins in a very green pumpkin patch (Default)
From: [personal profile] antisocialite_forum
Ohhhh. It was going so, so well and then... so, so not.

That's going to be an Uncomfortable conversation for Shiv later.

>> He hesitating, looking <<

He hesitated?

- Tom

Opportunity?

Date: 2018-04-29 04:00 pm (UTC)
mama_kestrel: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mama_kestrel
Oh. Oh, my. That's at least twice that Shiv's done an extreme regression under powerful emotional stimulus. On the one hand, that's terrifying, and yet on the other hand...might there be a possible chink in his armor that would allow for at least a little re-parenting, with people doing it consciously and doing it right this time? Maybe overwrite some of that bad tape?

(no subject)

Date: 2018-04-29 09:06 pm (UTC)
chanter1944: a panther being stared at by multiple other animals (this panther has been to Colorado)
From: [personal profile] chanter1944
I sincerely hope that, before anybody goes *anywhere* with trying to use age regression to a theraputic advantage (shudder), that they talk the hell out of it first, when everyone's in a fully standard headspace. Do not just leap into trying something, unwarned, when one party isn't at baseline. That way lies trust smashed on the floor, and violation. I'm guessing both Dr. G. and Grey know this, but I have to say it.

Re: Well ...

Date: 2018-04-30 12:07 am (UTC)
chanter1944: a panther being stared at by multiple other animals (this panther has been to Colorado)
From: [personal profile] chanter1944
Fair enough, as far as setting some very basic parameters for dealing with unplanned drops goes, working within Shiv's current ability to negotiate (current as in when he's baseline or near it, not when regressed). The idea of someone *taking advantage* of a regression, with Shiv unwarned, for some sort of therapeutic purpose... frak. no. I'd hope Dr. G. and Gray wouldn't go there, especially given Gray's awareness of consent, but... Well. I'd *hope* Dr. G. wouldn't go there. I do not know he wouldn't, and I do not, otherwise seemingly trustworthy person though he seems outside the office, entirely trust that he wouldn't, yet. Decent, professionally ethical person. But also therapist, trying to work somebody's head right, being called while his client's in the middle of an unexpected age regression. Um.

If he views this as an opportunity, it will... Well. I fervently hope he does not. Trust broken, you know, and I would not blame Shiv or, for that matter, Gray, for calling him on the carpet for it.

Re: Well ...

Date: 2018-04-30 10:52 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] chanter1944
... Fair enough. Like I said, I *hope* Dr. G doesn't view this as some sort of opportunity. Given what you've just listed, it sounds as though he won't...

Re: Well ...

Date: 2018-04-30 06:37 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] chanter1944
Thank God. And whew. And I hoped so, but had to hear it flat out to trust it. My boundary issues, not you. <3

Re: Well ...

Date: 2018-05-01 12:03 am (UTC)
chanter1944: a panther being stared at by multiple other animals (this panther has been to Colorado)
From: [personal profile] chanter1944
... O.X I think that's how you do a boggled, somewhat dismayed what the heck? sort of face, but I'm not sure. Not dismayed at you, for the record, I just never saw that comparison coming!

Re boundary issues, specifically: Similar outcome, different origin points. Mind if I backchannel?

Re: Well ...

Date: 2018-05-02 02:27 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] chanter1944
Particularly good at... *blinkblinks* This has not often, if ever, been an asset before. Thank you?

Just so long as I don't trip into what's happened in the past; that is, *I* may be comfortable speaking up about X thing, but where I'm comfortable, everyone else is disrupted and/or plain annoyed. Then again, that was a case of a crappy circumstance, which this isn't, I'm quite a bit older than I was then, and I get the idea that you and the folks who hang around here would probably clue me if I crossed a line somewhere.

Re: Well ...

Date: 2018-04-30 08:16 am (UTC)
thnidu: blank white robot/avatar sitting on big red question mark. tinyurl.com/cgkcqcj via Google Images (question mark)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
"WRAP workbook"?

(no subject)

Date: 2018-06-29 04:32 pm (UTC)
pantha: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pantha
Eeeeep.

Shiv is very lucky to have such a competent partner who deeply cares about caring and getting things right.

Re: Yes ...

Date: 2018-06-29 09:05 pm (UTC)
pantha: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pantha
Sooth. I ... think Gray knows that. He just needs his panicking side to calm a little so he can recognise that (and that he has done well).

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