First off: Very much like. I especially like the insight into the way New Zealand culture is set up to handle soup conflict. Jack Union really does come off as a culturally head-blind boor - not for the first time.
Second: >>Poiball realized that Jack Union meant to do some serious harm, and gapping it now might save their gang would wouldn't do anything for their audience -- now also his responsibility.<<
Middle line "their gang would wouldn't do" - did you intend BUT wouldn't do? It would make a lot more sense.
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2018-04-19 04:30 am (UTC)Second:
>>Poiball realized that Jack Union
meant to do some serious harm,
and gapping it now might save
their gang would wouldn't do
anything for their audience --
now also his responsibility.<<
Middle line "their gang would wouldn't do" - did you intend BUT wouldn't do? It would make a lot more sense.