The Wordsmith&#39;s Forge

Thank you for sharing that.

For some people, therapy works wonders. That's great. It seems to depend on a combination of the goals, rapport, methods, and luck. So far one of the best explorations of this topic that I have found is on Unstrangemind. It looks at how experiences can be polarized around a given therapy -- and how therapies using the same name aren't always the same thing.

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gingicat

Just wanted to let you know that I've been sharing this video with people who need to see it. Thank you.

Edited (deleted link that included Real Name) Date: 2017-06-16 04:06 pm (UTC)

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I'm so glad I could give you a good resource!

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technoshaman

Part of my own journey, and I think this is a good thing, is being asked to haul something out that brings the tears or the cranky or whathaveyou and *sit with it* for a few minutes. Not long. Just to acknowledge it and Name it...

"I've spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder...."

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>> Part of my own journey, and I think this is a good thing, is being asked to haul something out that brings the tears or the cranky or whathaveyou and *sit with it* for a few minutes. Not long. Just to acknowledge it and Name it... <<

That's a fantastic exercise, for people who have the tolerance for it.

I think the genders are socialized differently in this regard. It's easy for boys to get that exercise with anger: many coaches will do it when revving up a team, and a good coach will teach the boys how to channel that anger without losing their control. It's easy for girls to get that exercise with sorrow: many books and movies aimed at a female audience are designed to make people cry, and older women will teach girls how to use that for catharsis. But it doesn't cross gender lines often, and there aren't a lot of other examples that healthy for handling the whole range of challenging emotions.

>> "I've spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder...." <<

LOL yes. If you can get that good at it, then it works just like the movie -- well, not usually fatal on the physical plane, but in terms of someone dropping out of a social confrontation. Those are usually won by whomever has the higher tolerance for difficult feelings. (That's part of the social combat engine for Truth & Justice, when someone runs out of levels to downgrade, they lose; but it's only temporary damage and returns at the end of the scene.) It just gives you a huge advantage.

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mdlbear

>>cry at weddings and weep at funerals<<

Did you mean to say laugh at funerals?

Interesting post, though I don't have much to say about it. Therapy has been mostly a no-op for me, but I don't know whether that's because I don't need it, don't know how to find out what I need, or wouldn't know how to find it if I did know. Drugs do seem to help, I think, sometimes.

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>> Did you mean to say laugh at funerals? <<

Fixed, thanks.

>> Interesting post, though I don't have much to say about it. Therapy has been mostly a no-op for me, but I don't know whether that's because I don't need it, don't know how to find out what I need, or wouldn't know how to find it if I did know. <<

If you don't know how to find it, or find out what you need, then it's largely untested; it might or might not be useful.

This is one of my go-to resources for safe therapy:

http://www.supportingsafetherapy.org/clients/first-steps/do-i-need-a-therapist

http://www.supportingsafetherapy.org/clients/before-you-get-there/how-do-i-find-a-therapist-nhs-other

>> Drugs do seem to help, I think, sometimes.<<

\o/ Better living through chemistry! Drugs can be a great solution for some people. If that's working for you, by all means take advantage of it. If you're not sure, consider trying different drugs in the same category, or a different category for the same problem. Sometimes results vary; you might find one that works better. Or not.

$mdlbear: blue fractal bear with text "since 2002" (Default)$

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mdlbear

I'm on my third antidepressant; it seems to be working so far. I'm on my fourth or fifth therapist; I'm probably missing something important there.

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>> I'm on my third antidepressant; it seems to be working so far. <<

\o/ That's pretty good for a field that's little better than a shot in the dark. Lots of people take many more attempts to find one that will work.

>> I'm on my fourth or fifth therapist; I'm probably missing something important there.<<

Sounds like it. Hmm ...

(You don't have to answer these, but it might help to consider the answers privately.)

* Was any of that your idea? If not, you may wish to discount times you got dragged in, which has a notably lower chance of success.

* Do you have any specific goals for therapy? If not, trying to narrow down challenges and/or goals is likely to help.

* Have you tried different types of therapist (male, female, old, young, same or different ethnicity, etc.) and/or techniques (different schools of therapy, individual or group, short vs. long term, etc.)? If not, diversifying might help.

* Can you identify any patterns that would help you rule out ineffective therapists or techniques in the future? If so, keep going with different kinds. Even if you don't succeed, at least you'd be making exciting new mistakes instead of the same boring ones.

* Have you looked at the schools of therapy available? Different ones are good at different things. Talk therapy is fantastic if you feel silenced. Art or movement help people who aren't talkative. Cognitive behavioral therapy is great for debugging your wetware. But they're not interchangeable. You need to match the type of therapy to your personality and challenges, or it's like taking antibiotics for a cold -- it won't do any good.

* Have you considered yourself? Another cause for persistent failures is that some personality traits (like introversion) or habits (like procrastination) can make it much harder to stick with a therapy plan. Person-centered therapy is one of the better modes when it comes to working with the body/brain you have and helping you find your goals and solve your own problems with a guide. Some of the more regimented styles aren't great for handling these issues.

Some larger practices with multiple counselors may have a "Which therapy/therapist is right for me?" service that can be anything from a handout to an interview to a whole workshop. They are designed to help people sort through a big list of options to find the best bet. If you've washed out with several individual therapists, you might have better luck at a larger practice where you could explore more options, like you did with the antidepressants.

$mdlbear: blue fractal bear with text "since 2002" (Default)$

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mdlbear

Hmm. Great list. I think I need to pull off a copy and work on it offline. Some random things:

Not having definite goals is certainly a large part of the problem. At this point I'm not even sure what goals are even possible -- I'm pretty far away from any of my areas of competence.

Most -- all? -- of what I've had so far has been CBT; the person-centered therapy sounds like a possibility.

Introversion and procrastination -- I have both of those, in spades.

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>>Hmm. Great list. I think I need to pull off a copy and work on it offline. Some random things:<<

I'm glad I could help!

>> Not having definite goals is certainly a large part of the problem. <<

Some ways you might start:

* What things bother you the most? Or bother other people you care about, thus complicating your relationships? Those are problems you could work on fixing.

* What do you wish you could do, be, or feel that you don't? Those are goals you could work toward.

* What things can you do, sort of, but they don't work quite right in your head and you would like to improve them? Those are areas where you've got a foundation, but may need repairs or new skills for best results.

* What went wrong in your past? Everyone has some bad shit happen to them sooner or later. Sometimes we heal fine, other times not so much. Examine your griefs, failures, and injuries to see if any of those might be causing current difficulties.

* What things bug the shit out of you when other people do them? These are often related to your own flaws and may suggest areas of potential growth.

* What mental stuff do you know nothing about that you'd like to learn? Some counseling centers offer mental education, or can point you to such classes elsewhere.

Here's a really good guide to developing a person-centered therapy plan:
https://www.omh.ny.gov/omhweb/pros/Person_Centered_Workbook/Quick_Guide_to_Developing_Goals.pdf

>> At this point I'm not even sure what goals are even possible -- I'm pretty far away from any of my areas of competence. <<

Unless it involves something patently impossible or obviously inadvisable, the feasibility of your mental goals is something to discuss with a good therapist. They're used to helping people figure out what is doable, what is possible, and what is pie-in-the-sky. If you have no idea what you want, they may help you learn it. If your first ideas are overzealous, they may show you things you can actually do that will be worthwhile, or how to make little steps toward a big goal.

>> Most -- all? -- of what I've had so far has been CBT; <<

It's great for some things, but no one mode is good for everything or everyone. Definitely look for other modes, and consider trying ones that are very different. Frex, psychotherapy digs for root causes of problems, art therapy helps express things there aren't any words for, and family dynamics is about treating problems in context of relationships.

Big list of possibilities:
http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types

http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/modes

>> the person-centered therapy sounds like a possibility. <<

\o/

Here's a glimpse:
https://www.simplypsychology.org/client-centred-therapy.html

http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/person-centered

>> Introversion and procrastination -- I have both of those, in spades. <<

That definitely makes therapy more challenging. Individual therapy is a better bet than group therapy for introverts, although that's not a guarantee. You probably need a therapist who can be quiet and patient with you, not badger you -- but still help you stay on track. That sounds like a tricky balance to find.

On the bright side, procrastination is something that can be ameliorated by learning organizational skills. Believe it or not, I cope with mine by turning things in early. I hate being rushed at the last minute, so that's how I learned to avoid it. This skillset doesn't even need therapy to learn, there are self-help books on it and other resources, although some therapists do cover it.

Sometimes it helps to think in engineering terms. Look for the failure modes. Consider how they happen. Come up with a plan to avoid them. Troubleshoot as needed.

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Cool!

I'm reminded of hysterical laughter. Also, isn't crying at weddings acceptable now?

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>> I'm reminded of hysterical laughter. <<

That's one good example, yes.

>> Also, isn't crying at weddings acceptable now? <<

If it's a few happy tears, and you're presenting as female, you can get away with it. If you are not female, crying is generally frowned upon. If you look really sad at a wedding, someone is liable to scold you for "spoiling the occasion" or "not being happy for the couple."

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Ah yes.

Also, there was a Tumblr post a week or two back with gifs of a little girl in Syria who was having a trauma reaction of looking happy when she was actually miserable, couldn't remember her own name, and didn't know where her father was. It was very sad.

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Yowch. That kind of thing is so hard to handle, because the mixed signals don't attract the right kind of help.

Huh, I don't think I have a character yet who reverses affect like that.

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Yeah me neither. Closest I have is that the Ah'Koi Bahnis aren't as physically expressive with their emotions, generally, because so many of them are empaths.

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That makes sense. They have other modes of expression. Whales don't really have facial expressions either. It's all large-body motions, vocalizations, or telempathy.

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I have been having some trouble codifying the AKB expressions. I wanted to write a story where humans have to adapt to life on Traipah, and struggle with it, but the codification issues have put that idea on hold.

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rhodielady-47.livejournal.com

As much psych study as I've had, and I've never heard of different affect before now.
Never met anyone who had it either. I wonder how rare it is?
:^\

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