Hard Things

[ysabetwordsmith]

Life is full of things which are hard or tedious or otherwise unpleasant that need doing anyhow. They help make the world go 'round, they improve skills, and they boost your sense of self-respect. But doing them still kinda sucks. It's all the more difficult to do those things when nobody appreciates it. Happily, blogging allows us to share our accomplishments and pat each other on the back.

What are some of the hard things you've done recently?

Comments

Backlog

[ysabetwordsmith]

I have a giant backlog of work, and the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get. It's not because of bad things happening; it's because stuff is working well, faster than I can process.

Re: Backlog

[redsixwing]

Oof, that's tough.

I'm cheering for you. The backlog has to end eventually.

Re: Backlog

[ng_moonmoth]

You go! Sounds like you're in the flow right now. Been there, done that, ridden the metaphorical wave right onto the metaphorical beach.

I got my payoff when I got to the end of it, looked back, and said to myself, "Wow! I did *that*? Really?" Hope your payoff eventually arrives, too.

The world will not end, and this fan will not abandon you, if what you come up with for my prompt takes more time than usual because you're taking care of yourself and those you love. I bet there are lots of others who feel the same way.

Re: Backlog

[dialecticdreamer]

Too much is still too much!

Can you get help? Oh, and (((HUGS)))

Re: Backlog

[johnpalmer]

That *is* hard and it's not easy to keep from feeling a tad of despair when it seems like every step leads to two more. Here's hoping things feel better and the work is pleasant.

[gingicat]

I'm pretty certain I've left my coworkers in good shape for not having an office manager for four weeks. (Medical leave for hysterectomy due to complex atypical hyperplasia, diagnosed in October.)

And my family are claiming that things won't fall into total chaos, and I *almost* believe them.

[alatefeline]

You did good. You set stuff up well.

Now you need to pull in some energy for you. If they've any sense at all, your coworkers and family will work wonders out of gratitude for having such an awesome person in their lives.

Good luck.

Take care of yourself

[dialecticdreamer]

That's not minor surgery, and trying to push yourself will only prolong recovery time. Even if things fall apart a BIT (lol)--I know they did at my house-- it's pretty clear that your family is trying to help and support you. Let them. Let the dishes get put away in the wrong place, the towels get washed in warm-cold cycle instead of hot-warm, whatever. When you really feel UP to it, you can adjust the little details back to the way you like best.

[johnpalmer]

Here's hoping they keep the chaos at a manageable level! (When a primary chaos-protector goes down, chaos always rears its head - I can't quite "hope" that it stays *absent*.) And good wishes for rapid healing.

[alatefeline]

Moved back to a 5am wake-up schedule for work that profoundly disagrees with my fragile circadian rhythms.

When I can set my own schedule, 9am is early and 11am is typical and 1pm is when I sleep until if I'm tired ... and that's if I haven't stayed up *late.* (Additionally, an ideal schedule for me has 13+ hours of daylight so I don't get trapped inside by 'but it's cold and dark out and I feel BLARGH.')

O_O

[ysabetwordsmith]

My sympathies. I spent a couple years getting up at 5AM to go to school. It suuuuuucked. My natural tendency is second-shift.

[kellan_the_tabby]

So many sympathies, 5am is not a time when anyone should be awake for longer than a quick stumble to the bathroom. :/

circadian

[dialecticdreamer]

Oh, do I empathize!

I'm dealing with a really rotten, ongoing and unpredictable insomnia (I ended up sleeping twelve hours in three chunks on Sunday, and both Monday and Tuesday got four hours of sleep each 24-hour period.)

One of the things that helped me was to install a grow light in the living room (where I spend most of my time)--use the excuse of a house plant, even if you have to buy IT, too, if people ask silly questions. We use daylight-corrected fluorescents in the kitchen/dining room (not our choice of lighting, but no money for new fixtures) and they also help tremendously.

[redsixwing]

I had a conversation with my boss today (and Boss said nice things! !!1!) - but I also said, I cannot keep fighting the same three fights over and over, something has to change.

Which is true, but on top of dogsitting a hospitalized relative's good-hearted but incredibly irritating small velcro dog*, and the family drama that comes with not one, but two, unrelated hospitalized relatives, plus concern for them? (They're... not okay, but not in immediate danger, either. Screw the US healthcare system.)

Add another workplace argument today (with the same person; about the same thing) and I'm fantasizing about walking up a mountain and not coming back down.

*To top it off, the small dog was not being adequately cared for... so between being annoyed to bits by constant attention-seeking and barking, doggo also got brushed and its nails trimmed before they lamed it. Is there a word for the weird composite feeling of "I am doing too much/I cannot possibly make up for what needs to happen here?"

Alas ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That sucks.

Sometimes, you just have to put the load down and say, "This is not my problem. I am not doing this anymore. It is your responsibility; you deal with it."

In case of recurring fights, consider ...

Reality testing. Is the fight really about what you think it is? Often it is not.

Look for a middle way. What you want and the other person wants aren't working, are causing friction, and probably no one is happy. Is there another way to do this?

Three-part messages. Explain what you feel about the situation and what you need done.

These are effective tactics, but not permitted in all workplaces. If yours is not into rational communication, however, think about whether you have other options for work.

[snippy]

I yelled at my soon-to-be-ex about something zie did that really damaged my finances. I have trouble standing up for myself and have been suppressing anger and frustration towards my soon-to-be-ex in order to avoid drama and the potential for zir to damage me...but zie managed to do it anyway. So I let loose and zie took responsibility for fixing the problem (and did within 24 hours).

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I yelled at my soon-to-be-ex <<

:(

>> about something zie did that really damaged my finances. <<

No wonder you're leaving. That sucks.

>>I have trouble standing up for myself <<

It takes practice for some people. There are resources, from classes and counseling, to books if you're not into working with other people.

>> and have been suppressing anger and frustration towards my soon-to-be-ex in order to avoid drama and the potential for zir to damage me...but zie managed to do it anyway.<<

Suppression rarely works, for the same reason as leaving a sealed pot on a hot stove.

>> So I let loose and zie took responsibility for fixing the problem (and did within 24 hours).<<

Well, at least it turned out okay. But the stress part still sucks.

*sigh*

[(Anonymous)]

am currently battling a moderate depression which family thinks is "just a little downer phase" Attempting to try and kick myself into high gear with job hunting as I have been jobless for 2 months now, and insurance ran out as of the first. Also navigating attempting to explain the actual severity of where I'm at without terrifying people I am close to, as it ends poorly for everyone usually with authorities being called and forced medical intervention. We are also in limbo with moving house as our close date has been pushed back five times already, so the majority of our belongings are all akimbo in boxes. But I haven't broken down and "seriously" self injured yet, so my 5 year streak is still strong*. Hopefully I can get myself started in the inertia phase and slog my way through the cess-pit of my own brain.

*past counselor considered nail biting, lip chewing, and face picking as self injury, if we're going by that tally I've technically never stopped, so I choose to ignore it most of the time

Re: *sigh*

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> am currently battling a moderate depression <<

Alas!

>> which family thinks is "just a little downer phase" <<

Stupid family is stupid. >_<

>> Attempting to try and kick myself into high gear with job hunting as I have been jobless for 2 months now, and insurance ran out as of the first. <<

This survival need, and the survival need of tending your health, seem to be at cross-purposes right now. :(

>> Also navigating attempting to explain the actual severity of where I'm at without terrifying people I am close to, as it ends poorly for everyone usually with authorities being called and forced medical intervention. <<

Forcing people to do things rarely has positive results. It definitely does NOT teach people how to treat themselves gently, which is something that everyone with mental issues really needs.

Do you know of things which are actually helpful? If you have people close to you who are not the aforementioned idiots incapable of recognizing a life-threatening condition, perhaps you and they could figure out a better plan. This would be easier to do before an episode, but anything that keeps you from getting worse is better than nothing.

I like the WRAP Workbook as it is customizable.

>> We are also in limbo with moving house as our close date has been pushed back five times already, so the majority of our belongings are all akimbo in boxes. <<

That's utterly horrible.

>> But I haven't broken down and "seriously" self injured yet, so my 5 year streak is still strong*. Hopefully I can get myself started in the inertia phase and slog my way through the cess-pit of my own brain.<<

Okay, good. That's an accomplishment!

Best resource I've found on this The Hurt Yourself Less Workbook. It is by and for people with self-harm issues, not moralizing by outsiders.

Thing is, you may not have the spoons to work on all these things at the same time. If possible, try to think which is most urgent and do that first, or do a self-nurturing thing that may give you more spoons to work with.

Some people find that self-nurturing or getting body care from a friend can reduce self-harm urges, but it really depends on what self-harm does for you in the first place.

>> *past counselor considered nail biting, lip chewing, and face picking as self injury, if we're going by that tally I've technically never stopped, so I choose to ignore it most of the time <<

It's a spectrum, really.

* Things that don't cause injury but do tend to correlate with feeling bad about oneself, like hacking off one's own hair with scissors.

* Things that don't cause injury but are socially frowned upon, like biting fingernails or other stims.

* Things that may or may not cause trivial injury, like lip biting or skin picking.

* Things that cause minor injury, like making deliberate scratches.

* Things that can cause more worrisome injury, like cutting or burning.

But let's be clear: the amount of psychological agony you must be in to think about hurting your body in the first place is a lot worse than the few drops of blood you might spill from the low end of that scale. In fact, it stays a lot worse up until the level of "cut too deep, need emergency room now." People have this tendency to get distracted by the red stuff and forget about the spurting hemorrhage of the psyche that they can't see.

So never mind what your therapist said. This is about YOU. Did you feel horrible about yourself during your prior bouts of "serious" self-injury? (Most people do, though not everyone.) Do you feel the same awful way about nail biting, lip chewing, and face picking? If you don't feel the same, then they're not they same. The latter activities may or may not relate to other issues. But if they are not bothering you, then you have much more serious things to worry about right now. Save your limited energy for that stuff, don't waste it on things that aren't critical.

Know that you've got people rooting for you. Resisting the urge for self-harm is really hard, especially when your life feels like shit and it seems to be the only thing that helps. But every day that you get through is an accomplishment. Even if you slip, you will have a new opportunity to treat yourself gently tomorrow.

Ack

[heartsinger]

Well, I had to tell my vet they were insufficiently transparent about financial stuff and I can't see them anymore, which means I need a new vet. And my baby is sneezing, which may mean another vet visit right after the one that was $300 more than I planned. First I have to find a new vet, which I haven't done yet because the necessary socializing and thinking about money is terrifying. And I found out she's 16 when I thought she was younger (she was not supposed to be my cat, it's complicated), which is making me sad because 16 year old cats drop dead all the time. I also haven't started working on the annual fundraiser yet. I'm trying to find a bra that actually fits, which has thus far proven impossible, and have a bunch of bras to return. On the positive side:

I finally returned the seriously overdue library books.
I took my cat to the vet.
I got the trash in my hallway contained.
I figured out when the trash pickups happen so I can actually take out my trash without getting super anxious about overfilling the dumpster.
I emptied and refilled the catbox and scrubbed the floor around it.
I cleared enough space around the living room baseboard heater to finally turn it on.
I procured a vacuum.
I vacuumed my hallway. (I've lived in my apartment for 3 years. This is the first time I've been able to vacuum anything)
I have a food plan and a shower plan, and they just might be working.



(also, is the phrasing intended to discourage mentioning important things one has failed to do? Because it does.)

Re: Ack

[gingicat]

My sympathies on all of this.

The best bra fitters I have all worked at Macy's. The problem is that since we are all different shapes, there are also a confusing array of styles of bras.

(Lady Grace is good as a starting point, but the fitters often recommend bras to me that cover too much for comfort in the name of stopping things from jiggling.)

[sweet_sparrow]

I have stayed on top of my email! Well, the professional emails anyway, but those are always the ones I struggle with. So win!

I've been managing to go to bed on time as well, which is... as always not helping me not-keel-over-with-tired as much as I'd like it to, but at least it means I'm waking up at times natural to me and starting to get antsy about staying in bed at times close to that. (Now if I could just figure out how to actually get up, that would probably get me another step closer to where I want to be. I'm fairly sure that the issue isn't a lack of motivation.) I tend to end up struggling around the holidays and especially around New Year's. I hate fireworks.

[alatefeline]

Getting enough sleep is really good. I struggle with that one (see upthread for examples if wanted). Staying on top of email is awesome! Well done.

[lilly_c]

Had my family visiting for Christmas and mum behaved.

Spoke to the police today over an item of mail that was left with a neighbour and has subsequently been stolen from them.

[alatefeline]

Well done.

[tarlanx]

Moving everything across to DW! I've always used DW as my backup site before now but now I plan to use it as my 'blogging home' :)

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

That sounds tedious. Good luck with it, though.

The Mom Saga continues....

[mama_kestrel]

Two things: Finally convinced Mom that clearing her house had to happen without her. I was tactless in the end and hurt her feelings, but I spent five days between Christmas and New Year's working on it, and another 4 last week with my teenage son (he volunteered!) last week, and we've gotten more done than had been accomplished in the preceding year. It will take a lot more, and the worst rooms are ahead of us, but at least now we're moving.

And in a related note, I noticed that a couple of the people I have relied on seemed to be avoiding me, so I gathered my courage in both hands and asked point blank (a) if I was correct and (b) if so, why? I got a long, very clear response that boiled down to saying that I was correct, they're avoiding me, and where I've been failing communication 101. So now I get to work on the parts of that that are in my control, and figure out how to keep the rest from slopping over onto people whose don't have the spoons to deal with my neediness on top of their own (quite major) problems. But my life is caregiving now, and I don't know how to protect them from the fallout other than simply back off, which I have done. And it's lonely there....

Re: The Mom Saga continues....

[(Anonymous)]

That sounds really, really hard. Congrats for having the guts to have those conversations!

[mama_kestrel]

I'm looking at the sheer number of comments and conversations here, and realizing that there really does seem to be a time-storm. Everyone's life is imploding one way or another. Do Not Like!

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That happens periodically, and it sucks. :( But at least we can commiserate with each other.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

I've done a lot of hard things lately that pale compared to parenting. I am flattened by a four-year-old.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Kids are exhausting. They're adorable little leeches in monkey suits.

It's why I love the Northern idea of raisers so much.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Plans for dealing with what's going on in the other Washington are in complete disarray thanks to a lazy gaslighting putz who ought to have 6000 years of know-better between his ears but is LA LA LA LA LA ... {/vent} The stress levels around here are through the roof, *and* the distaff side of nuclear-us are sick, the tall and the small... and I have the dawn patrol Friday morning to go face blood relatives in what is now enemy territory and probably tell at least one of them he's full of raw organic fertilizer and is responsible, at least by omission, for endangering my `ohana.

Given that both of the elder generation are septuagenarians, the odds are very real I may never see them again, though whether by choice or not quite literally hangs in the balance.

♫ The Gatlin boys just laughed at him when he walked into the barroom;
One of them got up and met him half way cross the floor.
When Tommy turned around they said, "Hey look! old yeller's leaving," ♪
But you could've heard a pin drop when Tommy stopped and locked the door.
    -- Bowling & Wheeler; made famous by K. Rogers

Aww ...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

That really sucks.

*hugs offered*

Few things suck as much as having your last meeting or memory of someone go sour.

Sometimes all you can do is damage control, though; you can't make other people's choices for them. (I am actually writing a poem about that right now.) So ... go be a superhero, my friend. I have faith in you.

[rhodielady-47.livejournal.com]

Stopped eating meat and eggs so that my gout attack would go away. I'm not happy about it but the pain of a gout attack will change even the most dedicated carnivore into a vegetarian.
Even better--I researched gout and found meds to treat it AND then demanded that the doctor prescribe them.
:^[

O_O

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

That sounds moderately awful. I hope that the diet and/or meds help.