Poem: "Victory Conditions"
Dec. 19th, 2016 10:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis poem came out of the October 2016 ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crowdfunding Creative Jam. It was inspired by prompts from alexseanchai. It also fills the "chess" square in my 10-4-16 card for the Games and Sports Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
daisiesrockalot. It belongs to the Antimatter & Stalwart Stan thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.
Warning: This poem contains some intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes shifting affinities, interpersonal friction, changing alliances, homophobic actions. harsh homophobic language, bullying, gender discrimination, gender identity issues, emotional injury, ambivalent help-seeking behavior, Coach Bo Ray being an absolute asshole, Stan not knowing his own strength and clocking the coach verbally, extreme stress reactions, Stan quitting the football team, other players complaining about Stan quitting now that their crappy behavior is costing them something they want, Lawrence trying to clean up the mess, awkward conversations about sex and gender stuff, massive teen angst, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Victory Conditions"
Stan had been studying football plays
since he knew what football even was,
and diagramming them since junior high.
It surprised him how easy they had gotten
for him to read, after he began playing chess.
He could glance over the field and predict,
pretty accurately, what people planned
to do, and adapt his plays on the fly.
He'd gotten so used to thinking
several moves ahead that football just
didn't seem as challenging as it used to.
The victory conditions weren't the same,
but the deep thinking still made a difference.
That annoyed Brant, because that kind of
strategy was usually a quarterback's job,
but Stan was the team captain so there
wasn't much Brant could do about it.
Meanwhile Jayce, the strong safety,
took to watching Stan for guidance,
enthusiastically following his lead.
Jayce's firm grasp of teamwork
made Stan's position stronger.
Fortney, a cornerback, wasn't
as fond of Stan as she used to be,
but she still minded him on the field.
Since they had enough players
to field an offensive and a defensive line
at the same time, they often practiced
that way. It meant that, increasingly,
the defense creamed the offense since
Stan could see right through them.
"Man, I don't know how you do it,
but that was amazing," Jayce said,
throwing an arm over Stan's shoulders
as they walked off the practice field.
Stan looked up to find Lawrence
watching him from the bleachers.
Lawrence gave him a little wave,
and Stan grinned back at him.
"It's the chess," Stan told Jayce.
"Playing a long game is really
improving my strategy."
"I'll say," Jayce replied.
"You two are chummy enough
on the playing field," Brant said.
"You don't need to ham it up
in the showers too."
"Teamwork is important
everywhere," Jayce said.
"Hey, watch where you're
going," Stan protested as Brant
shouldered his way between
them. "It's just a game."
"It's not just a game!"
Brant snapped.
"Okay, don't lose your shirt,"
Jayce said, patting the air.
"You need a haircut," Brant said,
tugging on Jayce's hair where it
brushed his collar. "People
will think you're a girl."
Jayce's sturdy build and
strong rectangular face made
him seem anything but feminine,
yet his stricken look caused Stan
to pay closer attention.
"Knock it off, Brant," Stan said
as they went inside. Then
he turned to Jayce and
asked, "Are you okay?"
Jayce just shook his head
and disappeared into the showers.
Stan washed hastily, toweled
the water out of his short hair, and
went looking for Jayce again.
Jayce was scrambling back into
his clothes with a desperate haste
that made Stan worry even more.
"Hey, you seem pretty freaked out
about something," Stan said to him.
"You don't have to talk about it if
you don't want to, but it might help.
You know I won't razz you over it,
no matter what it happens to be."
Jayce slumped on the bench,
leaning forward to brace his elbows
on his knees. "I don't think I can
do this anymore," he whispered.
"Do what?" Stan asked.
"Pretend to be a boy."
"O...kay," Stan said slowly.
"That's a big one. Tell you what,
let's talk to my boyfriend Lawrence.
He knows way more about sex
and gender stuff than I do."
Jayce looked away. "I know
you're sweet on him, Stan,
but he's kind of a jerk."
"Well, he was for a while --
drove me nuts for a couple years,"
Stan admitted, rubbing the back
of his neck. "He's changed, though.
Let me ask you this: have you ever
seen him tease anyone about sex stuff?
Or make a blonde joke, or anything?"
"Now that you mention it, no," said Jayce.
"See, he's been a jerk, but he's never
been a jerk about that," Stan said.
"Come on, give him a chance."
"I don't know," Jayce said
as they grabbed their stuff
and left the locker room.
"Okay, we could talk to the nurse
instead --" Stan began.
"No way, I can't stand the thought
of that," Jayce said, waving his hands.
"I'd rather risk it with your boyfriend."
"He won't let you down," Stan promised.
As they came into sight of the bleachers,
Lawrence stood up. Something must have
alerted him to trouble, because he snatched
his books off the bench and hurried toward them.
"What is going on here?" Coach Petersen said
as he came alongside Stan and Jayce.
"No big deal, Jayce just wants to talk
about some personal stuff with
Lawrence," said Stan.
"Oh, not that sissy shit again,"
Coach Petersen said, rolling his eyes.
"I told you to keep it in your pants
and quit whining about it!"
"You knew about this?"
Stan rounded on him. "Coach,
this isn't the kind of thing that
you can just bottle up."
"And I don't need you turning
every boy on this team into
a damn pansy," the coach said.
"Hey, let's not get all wound up,"
Lawrence said, stepping into the fray.
"Think it through, there has to be --"
"Well, of course you'd stick up
for him," Coach Petersen snapped.
"You have no idea," Lawrence breathed.
Coach Petersen went right on haranguing
both Lawrence and Jayce, with no sign
of slowing down any time soon.
Stan started to feel like everything was
getting out of hand, and he wasn't
sure what he could do to stop it.
Until he was.
"I quit," he said.
"What?" the coach said,
finally turning back to him.
"I resign from the team,"
Stan said. "You can promote
someone else to my position."
"You can't do that," Brant squawked,
suddenly alarmed despite his lack
of recent support. "We need you!"
"Brant is right," said Coach Petersen.
"You've got a responsibility to the team.
You can't just bail out because you
got your precious feelings hurt."
"I'm sorry, Coach, but football
just isn't as much fun anymore,"
Stan said, shaking his head. "I
don't want to follow someone who
picks on his own team members."
"Stan, think about this, it's
a really big step," Lawrence said
as he laid a hand on Stan's arm.
"I've been thinking about it
for a while, and it just now
snapped into focus," Stan said.
"Don't worry about me. I'm sure."
Coach Petersen started shouting
at them, his face turning red like it did
when they fumbled a play in practice.
Jayce edged behind Stan, and
Lawrence stepped in so that Jayce
was completely hidden behind them.
"You can't keep someone
on the team who doesn't want
to be there," Lawrence said.
"I asked and Stan said that
he's sure. Just let it go."
"I am not going to stand back
and let you two fairies destroy
a team I've spent all year building!"
Coach Petersen roared.
"With all due respect, sir, I'm not
the one destroying the team, you are,"
Stan said evenly. "Just because you don't
choose to pursue your interest in men,
doesn't make it okay for you to pick on
other people about their gender identity
or their sexual orientation, so stop it."
In a split second, Coach Petersen
went from red to white. He froze in place.
Then he turned and hurried away.
"That does not look good," Lawrence said,
watching him leave. "I really think we
need to take this to the office now."
"Stan said you'd talk to me about ...
gender stuff," Jayce said uneasily.
"I don't want the nurse involved, she's
nosy and makes me uncomfortable."
"Me too, but I don't feel right turning
my back on this situation," Lawrence said.
"You and I can talk afterwards, okay?
Stan's right, I'm happy to help with
gender studies stuff, it's a favorite."
"Besides, the coach shouldn't have
said all that stuff to us," Stan added,
gently steering Jayce toward the office.
"The school has rules about conduct,
and that ... broke kind of a lot."
The school was mostly empty, except
for a handful of students and teachers
pursuing their own extracurriculars.
In the office, Mr. Marshall was discussing
a near-miss from his science class with
Nurse Rosenbaum as he leaned casually
over her desk. He straightened up
when he saw them coming, though.
"Lawrence, what's wrong?"
Mr. Marshall asked, frowning.
"I'm kind of concerned about
Coach Petersen," said Lawrence.
"There was some argument in
the locker room, I think, and he
said some awful stuff to us, but
then he got real quiet and just left."
"What's the last thing you said
to him?" Mr. Marshall asked.
Lawrence looked at Stan.
"He was way out of line," Stan said.
"I quit the team, and he did not take it
well. So I told him that just because
he hasn't chosen to act on his interest
in men, doesn't mean he can pick on
other people about our choices."
"Oh shit," said Mr. Marshall, then turned
to Nurse Rosenbaum. "I've got south!"
"I've got north," she replied. "Boys,
you stay right here until we get back."
Mr. Marshall ran out of the room, with
Nurse Rosenbaum right on his heels.
"What just happened?" Jayce said faintly.
"Stan doesn't know his own strength,
is what happened," Lawrence said,
shaking his head. "Sooner or later,
someone was bound to get hurt."
"I didn't think it would upset him
that much," Stan said. "I just
wanted him to quit bullying us."
"Well, you sure did that, but you
have got to be more careful about
what you say," Lawrence replied.
He turned to a rack of brochures on
the wall. "Belting out intimate details
like that is especially risky stuff."
"But it's just part of who people are,"
Stan said. "I don't get it."
"Yeah, you deal with that in a totally
different way than most people do,"
Lawrence said. "I didn't even realize
that your gaydar had turned on yet,
or I would've warned you about this.
We can go over it in more detail later."
His fingers flicked over a brochure
on stress and another about suicide.
"Jayce, what did you want to talk
with me about, now that we've got
a few minutes more-or-less in private?"
Lawrence asked, glancing at him.
"I um ..." Jayce mumbled, then turned
to Stan for support. "What do I even say?"
Stan wrapped an arm around him.
"Just tell Lawrence the same as you
told me in the locker room," he said.
"He won't tease you, I promise."
"I look like a boy, but I don't feel
like one inside," Jayce said, and
swallowed hard. "I don't think that
I can keep faking it much longer."
"Okay, that's a gender identity thing,"
Lawrence said smoothly. "Are you
questioning, or are you pretty sure?"
"I don't know," Jayce said, curling
his shoulders around his chest.
"Let's go with questioning for now,"
Lawrence said. He riffled through
the brochures and picked out ones
on transgender, respect, hate crimes,
mental health, coping skills, self-esteem,
and life balance. "I'll just add some websites
that cover the questioning part of the QUILTBAG."
He pulled a pen out of his pocket and added
those addresses in dainty handwriting. Then
he handed the stack of brochures to Jayce.
"Thanks," Jayce said as he looked at them.
"At least this gives me a place to start."
"Thumbnail version: it's okay to question
your gender or your sexual orientation.
You might feel confused for a while;
that's also okay," Lawrence said.
"What's not okay is anyone -- even
teachers -- harassing you over it."
Jayce sighed. "It happens a lot, though,
because I look like this," he waved a hand
at his muscular body, "but I like a lot of
girly things. It just throws people for a loop."
"I know that feel," Lawrence muttered.
"What do you mean?" Jayce asked.
"I thought all this was just me."
"Okay, look at me," Lawrence said. "I'm
slender and I like to wear my hair long.
Also I'm gay. Some people think I look like
a girl, but I'm not, and that causes problems."
"Yeah, I've seen it," Stan said. He recalled
several unpleasant scenes when he had
interrupted people bullying Lawrence.
"Anyway, you can learn to cope with it,"
Lawrence said. "Try to think if you know
any grownups who are trans. They can
help a lot. If not, think about your parents,
other relatives, favorite teachers -- anyone
you really trust who might support you.
Telling someone that you're questioning
is a good first step to figuring it out,
but make sure it's the right person."
"It is," Jayce said, looking right at him.
Then he twisted over his shoulder and said,
"Thanks, Stan. I never would've thought of
asking Lawrence, but you were right."
Lawrence pinked a little across his cheeks.
"I'm just lending a hand like other people
have done for me before," he said.
"Teamwork," Jayce said softly.
"Yeah, I can manage that. I'll think
about who else I need to tell."
"I know we haven't done much more
than pass each other in the hall, but if
you need to talk, I'm here," Lawrence said.
"Some stuff is important, and gender issues
aren't anything I want to leave someone
floundering through all by himself."
He offered Jayce a hand, and
the larger boy shook it tentatively.
"I really appreciate this," Jayce said.
The office door opened then, and
Mr. Marshall came back in. He looked
tired but not frantic or grieving.
"Oh good, you're still here," he said.
"You told us to stay," Stan said,
grateful that Lawrence hadn't tried
to skate out of it, but he seemed
to mind Mr. Marshall better than
he did most other adults.
"State of the reaction?"
Lawrence said cryptically.
"Stabilized," said Mr. Marshall.
"Thank you for catching that so soon.
It could've blown up very badly."
"Is Coach Petersen okay?" Stan said.
"I didn't mean to run him off like that,
it's just he was saying the worst things,
and I really needed him to stop."
Mr. Marshall sighed. "It's not really
your fault, Stan, you just stepped on
something that goes back a long way,"
he said. "Florence and I have known
Bo Ray since we were in high school,
so we know how to handle this. All I ask
of you is that you not push it any farther."
"Yes, sir," Stan said, lifting his chin.
"Am I in trouble for this?"
"No, not as long as you drop it,"
said Mr. Marshall. "You weren't wrong
in your observations, but it's an old issue,
and mucking around with it could
make it worse. Understand?"
"I'll stay out of it, as long as
he doesn't bother us," Stan said.
"We'll definitely talk with him about
that too," Mr. Marshall promised. "You
were right about him being out of line, but
I wish you'd chosen a safer way to address it."
"Sorry, sir," Stan said, looking down.
"I'll try to be more careful in the future."
"I'm sure you will," Mr. Marshall said,
and patted him on the shoulder. Then
he turned to Jayce, who was trying to fade
into the wall, and not succeeding at all
because he was a pretty big guy.
"What do you want with me?"
Jayce said. "I didn't start anything ..."
"You're not in trouble either," Mr. Marshall said.
"I just want you to know that I'm here if you need
to talk about anything, especially since you're
not getting along with your coach right now."
"Lawrence is helping me, but thanks for
offering," Jayce said. "I'll think about it."
"All right then, you boys can go,"
said Mr. Marshall. "I think you can
still make it to the bus stop in time."
Stan looked down at his vidwatch.
"Yeah, if we hustle," he said, and then
herded the other boys out of the office.
Jayce was quiet as they jogged to
the bus stop, but he didn't seem to be
losing his grip, so Stan didn't press him.
It would all work out eventually.
"Are you really sure about quitting
the football team?" Lawrence said again.
"Yes," Stan said, thinking about moves
and diagrams and victory conditions.
"It's not where I want to be anymore."
Lawrence did that thing with his hair
that made it slide over his shoulders,
rippling like starlight on river water.
"Where do you want to be?" he asked.
Stan felt his mouth curling into a smile.
"What does it take to join the chess club?"
* * *
Notes:
Stalwart Stan -- Stanley Wood is a high school student with a gallant personality, although some people think he's too good to be true. He has a sculptured body with light brown hair and hazel eyes. His naturally tan skin darkens further under the sun. Stan is the son of Stuart and Sharon Wood. He is the older brother of Stephanie, Sloane, and Susie. He is the nephew of Gabriel and Jenna Kay and older cousin of Huckleberry and Mackenzie; and related to Mason and Miranda Kay, who are about a year older than him. Stan is bisexual, with a previous girlfriend Angelica Young and current boyfriend Antimatter (Lawrence Cunningham). His scouting friends include Tycho "Tyke" Norris and Maurice Stevenson.
Stan and his family live in Omaha, Nebraska. He has played several different sports at school, most recently inside linebacker and captain of the football team, but is increasingly drawn to chess instead. Math is challenging, but Lawrence helps him with it. Stan goes from one part-time job to another, because he wants to be industrious but he keeps losing his current job for hero-related reasons. He spends a lot of time patrolling Omaha to deal with supervillains and smaller problems, particularly in the Gene Leahy Mall and other downtown areas.
Origin: His scouting troop got lost in the woods during terrible weather, everyone afraid they might die. Stan found a weird fetish that gave him superpowers, enabling him to call for help and save the day. He earned the Honor Medal for saving lives at considerable risk to himself.
Uniform: Tan shirt and trousers reminiscent of a boy scout uniform but without insignia, plus a matching safari hat with a clingy mask obscuring the top half of his face.
Qualities: Expert (+4) Moral Compass, Expert (+4) Such a Boy Scout, Good (+2) Athletic, Good (+2) Handsome
Poor (-2) Math Is Hard
Powers: Good (+2) Invulnerability, Average (0) Communicator, Average (0) Super-Strength
Limitation: All powers require the fetish to use; Stanley wears it around his neck.
Motivation: Be prepared to help those in need.
Bo Ray Petersen -- He has ruddy skin, blue eyes, and short brown hair. He goes by Ray. He serves as the boys' coach and one of the P.E. teachers at the Omaha, Nebraska high school where Stan and Lawrence go. He and the science teacher, Bruce Marshall, squabble the way jocks and nerds usually do. Ray is known for making excellent chili.
Qualities: Good (+2) Crockpot Cook, Good (+2) High School Coach, Good (+2) Physically Fit
Poor (-2) Not the Sharpest Marble in the Stack
Jayce Olson -- He has pinkish-fair skin, blue eyes, and straight brown hair. Jayce lives in Omaha, Nebraska where he plays on the same football team as Stanley Wood. As a safety, Jayce relies on tackling, coverage, and speed with a good balance between intelligence and intuition. His teamwork skills also make him an asset. Jayce excels at civics class and enjoys social studies too. He has taken all the opportunities for fundraising and community service, earning a lot of extra credit that way, and he volunteers for local charities outside of school too. However, he has been struggling with identity issues for some time, and is running out of energy for pretending to be a boy when he feels like a girl inside.
Qualities: Good (+2) Charity, Good (+2) Civics Student, Good (+2) Left/Right Brain Balance, Good (+2) Safety Football Player, Good (+2) Teamwork
Poor (-2) Transgender
Brant Owens -- He has tawny-fair skin, brown eyes, and short straight brown hair. He is the oldest of three brothers. He lives in Omaha, Nebraska where he plays on the same football team as Stanley Wood. As quarterback, Brant has excellent throwing and aiming skills, but lacks the leadership that usually accompanies the position. He also has an unfortunate habit of ostracizing or bullying less popular people.
Qualities: Good (+2) Quarterback Football Player, Good (+2) Popular, Good (+2) Work Ethic
Poor (-2) Leadership
Fortney Sullivan -- She has pinkish-fair skin, brown eyes, and light brown hair usually pulled back in a short braid. She is tall and beefy, but quick on her feet. Her four older brothers have inspired her to keep up with the guys. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska where she plays football on the same team with Stanley Wood. As a cornerback she excels at agility and catching the ball. Hyperconscious of her precarious social position -- football is respected but girls are unwelcome there, and playing football is seen as unfeminine -- she is always looking for ways to move up the popularity ladder.
Qualities: Good (+2) Determination, Good (+2) Cornerback Football Player, Good (+2) Student
Poor (-2) Unpopular
Antimatter -- Lawrence Cunningham is a high school student with a keen interest in science. He has a wiry build, pale skin, and pale blue eyes. He has just a hint of beard at the end of his chin. Born with straight black hair, it turned a radiant starlit silver after the accident. He used to dye it black, but now typically leaves it silver. It currently reaches his elbows. Lawrence lives with his mother in Omaha, Nebraska. His father has been removed from their home for domestic violence, and Lawrence still has very mixed feelings about that. They don't have much money.
Lawrence is comfortably gay, and growing closer to his boyfriend Stalwart Stan. A friendly acquaintance of his is Han Gordon from the chess club. Lawrence's handle on BlackSheep is Positron. Antimatter is shifting from supervillain to superhero, due to his association with Stalwart Stan, which is awkward.
Origin: Determined to win the science fair, Lawrence attempted to create a new universe inside a cola bottle. It blew up. The accident left him with superpowers, but no science fair entry, and everyone laughed at him.
Uniform: All white, including the hat, with a black lab coat thrown over the top and a black-and-white atom patch on the chest; and goggles to obscure his face.
Qualities: Expert (+4) Intelligence, Good (+2) Agility, Good (+2) Captain of Chess Club, Good (+2) Gender Studies, Good (+2) Gizmology
Poor (-2) Such a Dork
Powers: Expert (+4) Manipulate Physics (Signature Stunts: Greater Than Equal Reaction, Immovable Object, Irresistible Force, Neutralize Mass, Remove Friction; Speed-Healing, Spin-Off Stunts: Energy Transfer, Thicken Air)
Motivation: Mind over matter.
Bruce Marshall -- He has fair skin, brown eyes, and wavy brown hair with a short beard. He wears large geeky glasses. He favors ties with geometric or scientific designs. Mr. Marshall teaches science at the high school in Omaha, Nebraska where Stan and Lawrence go. He also sponsors the science team and the chess club. He has a good eye for which students can handle more responsibility or need extra help.
Qualities: Expert (+4) Science Teacher, Good (+2) Dexterity, Good (+2) Negotiation, Good (+2) Patience, Good (+2) Teen Support Contacts
Poor (-2) Overworked and Underpaid
Florence Rosenbaum -- She has fair skin, blue eyes, and short strawberry blonde hair. She loves making her own sourdough, sauerkraut, yogurt, and anything else that depends on a live culture. Florence serves as the school nurse at a high school in Omaha, Nebraska where Stan and Lawrence go. She is a busybody who often acts on immediate concerns without considering the long-term fallout. Consequently she has a touch-and-go relationship with the science teacher, Mr. Marshall. They both love talking about science, but when it comes to handling the kids, they tend to butt heads a lot.
Qualities: Good (+2) Deduction, Good (+2) Ferment Anything, Good (+2) School Nurse
Poor (-2) Considering Implications
* * *
Game mechanics specify the victory conditions for each game. Explore the ways to win or draw a chess game. Chess is prone to developing varations with new rules.
Reading football plays is as much art as science. It helps to know how to draw a good diagram and add a defense. Check out the symbols used and an example. Learn how to identify football formations and play diagrams.
There are also diagrams for chess. Learn how to read and write chess notation.
Chess teaches people to think ahead, and it stimulates the brain, among other benefits. Chess principles lead to better corporate strategies. Likewise, football and chess share some similar strategies, Therefore, some football players take chess lessons.
The number of players on a football team varies; in high school, typically 40-50 players. Positions include quarterback, cornerback, inside linebacker, and safety. Take a look at traits for NFL players. Some football positions are challenging to fill in school. Typically the team captain is either a quarterback or inside linebacker. Choosing a team captain requires balancing different strengths and weaknesses.
Transgender teens may question their identity. There have always been gender-variant people, just the visibility changes. Trangender teens do face serious issues, and often wonder what to do. Many prefer to ask peers instead of adults about sex and gender, and Terramagne-America provides education for teens wishing to provide such answers. This is one of Lawrence's specialties, and has been for several years. There are support groups and counseling available for trans youth. Learn about how to know if you are transgender, come out as transgender, or transition from male to female. Understand how to support a trans friend.
According to school standards, coaches are supposed to be good role models, but some of them fail miserably. Abusive coaches can do a lot of damage, particularly with the kind of homophobic language shown here. Athletes hesitate to complain about abusive coaches for much the same reason as anyone stays with an abuser: fear. Recognize the techniques that coaches use to bully athletes in order to stop the abuse.
Gaydar is a perception of sexual orientation, generally looking for people receptive to homosexual advances. Science suggests that gaydar is real and fairly accurate. There are ways to improve your gaydar.
Outing means revealing someone's trait without their consent. It causes problems, and can be fatal. Stan isn't being deliberately destructive; he simply doesn't have the background to understand this yet, and it's impossible to learn everything at once about a newly discovered trait.
Internalized homophobia is an involuntary, negative opinion of one's own same-sex orientation acquired from a hostile society. Bo Ray has been struggling with this for years; he feels the attraction to other men, but chooses not to act on it because it clashes with his self-image. And yes, sometimes that spills over into suicidal ideation or other self-destructive behavior. Learn how to fight internalized homophobia.
A nurse's office typically stocks brochures and other resources with basic information about a variety of issues. Lawrence looks over some on stress, gay suicide exterior (and interior), trans youth outside (and inside), respect, hate crimes, mental health cover (and middle), coping skills, self-esteem, and life balance. Gender identity is a complex topic including teen issues, curiosity, questions to ask yourself, and Q is for Questioning.
crowdfunding Creative Jam. It was inspired by prompts from alexseanchai. It also fills the "chess" square in my 10-4-16 card for the Games and Sports Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by daisiesrockalot. It belongs to the Antimatter & Stalwart Stan thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.Warning: This poem contains some intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes shifting affinities, interpersonal friction, changing alliances, homophobic actions. harsh homophobic language, bullying, gender discrimination, gender identity issues, emotional injury, ambivalent help-seeking behavior, Coach Bo Ray being an absolute asshole, Stan not knowing his own strength and clocking the coach verbally, extreme stress reactions, Stan quitting the football team, other players complaining about Stan quitting now that their crappy behavior is costing them something they want, Lawrence trying to clean up the mess, awkward conversations about sex and gender stuff, massive teen angst, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Victory Conditions"
Stan had been studying football plays
since he knew what football even was,
and diagramming them since junior high.
It surprised him how easy they had gotten
for him to read, after he began playing chess.
He could glance over the field and predict,
pretty accurately, what people planned
to do, and adapt his plays on the fly.
He'd gotten so used to thinking
several moves ahead that football just
didn't seem as challenging as it used to.
The victory conditions weren't the same,
but the deep thinking still made a difference.
That annoyed Brant, because that kind of
strategy was usually a quarterback's job,
but Stan was the team captain so there
wasn't much Brant could do about it.
Meanwhile Jayce, the strong safety,
took to watching Stan for guidance,
enthusiastically following his lead.
Jayce's firm grasp of teamwork
made Stan's position stronger.
Fortney, a cornerback, wasn't
as fond of Stan as she used to be,
but she still minded him on the field.
Since they had enough players
to field an offensive and a defensive line
at the same time, they often practiced
that way. It meant that, increasingly,
the defense creamed the offense since
Stan could see right through them.
"Man, I don't know how you do it,
but that was amazing," Jayce said,
throwing an arm over Stan's shoulders
as they walked off the practice field.
Stan looked up to find Lawrence
watching him from the bleachers.
Lawrence gave him a little wave,
and Stan grinned back at him.
"It's the chess," Stan told Jayce.
"Playing a long game is really
improving my strategy."
"I'll say," Jayce replied.
"You two are chummy enough
on the playing field," Brant said.
"You don't need to ham it up
in the showers too."
"Teamwork is important
everywhere," Jayce said.
"Hey, watch where you're
going," Stan protested as Brant
shouldered his way between
them. "It's just a game."
"It's not just a game!"
Brant snapped.
"Okay, don't lose your shirt,"
Jayce said, patting the air.
"You need a haircut," Brant said,
tugging on Jayce's hair where it
brushed his collar. "People
will think you're a girl."
Jayce's sturdy build and
strong rectangular face made
him seem anything but feminine,
yet his stricken look caused Stan
to pay closer attention.
"Knock it off, Brant," Stan said
as they went inside. Then
he turned to Jayce and
asked, "Are you okay?"
Jayce just shook his head
and disappeared into the showers.
Stan washed hastily, toweled
the water out of his short hair, and
went looking for Jayce again.
Jayce was scrambling back into
his clothes with a desperate haste
that made Stan worry even more.
"Hey, you seem pretty freaked out
about something," Stan said to him.
"You don't have to talk about it if
you don't want to, but it might help.
You know I won't razz you over it,
no matter what it happens to be."
Jayce slumped on the bench,
leaning forward to brace his elbows
on his knees. "I don't think I can
do this anymore," he whispered.
"Do what?" Stan asked.
"Pretend to be a boy."
"O...kay," Stan said slowly.
"That's a big one. Tell you what,
let's talk to my boyfriend Lawrence.
He knows way more about sex
and gender stuff than I do."
Jayce looked away. "I know
you're sweet on him, Stan,
but he's kind of a jerk."
"Well, he was for a while --
drove me nuts for a couple years,"
Stan admitted, rubbing the back
of his neck. "He's changed, though.
Let me ask you this: have you ever
seen him tease anyone about sex stuff?
Or make a blonde joke, or anything?"
"Now that you mention it, no," said Jayce.
"See, he's been a jerk, but he's never
been a jerk about that," Stan said.
"Come on, give him a chance."
"I don't know," Jayce said
as they grabbed their stuff
and left the locker room.
"Okay, we could talk to the nurse
instead --" Stan began.
"No way, I can't stand the thought
of that," Jayce said, waving his hands.
"I'd rather risk it with your boyfriend."
"He won't let you down," Stan promised.
As they came into sight of the bleachers,
Lawrence stood up. Something must have
alerted him to trouble, because he snatched
his books off the bench and hurried toward them.
"What is going on here?" Coach Petersen said
as he came alongside Stan and Jayce.
"No big deal, Jayce just wants to talk
about some personal stuff with
Lawrence," said Stan.
"Oh, not that sissy shit again,"
Coach Petersen said, rolling his eyes.
"I told you to keep it in your pants
and quit whining about it!"
"You knew about this?"
Stan rounded on him. "Coach,
this isn't the kind of thing that
you can just bottle up."
"And I don't need you turning
every boy on this team into
a damn pansy," the coach said.
"Hey, let's not get all wound up,"
Lawrence said, stepping into the fray.
"Think it through, there has to be --"
"Well, of course you'd stick up
for him," Coach Petersen snapped.
"You have no idea," Lawrence breathed.
Coach Petersen went right on haranguing
both Lawrence and Jayce, with no sign
of slowing down any time soon.
Stan started to feel like everything was
getting out of hand, and he wasn't
sure what he could do to stop it.
Until he was.
"I quit," he said.
"What?" the coach said,
finally turning back to him.
"I resign from the team,"
Stan said. "You can promote
someone else to my position."
"You can't do that," Brant squawked,
suddenly alarmed despite his lack
of recent support. "We need you!"
"Brant is right," said Coach Petersen.
"You've got a responsibility to the team.
You can't just bail out because you
got your precious feelings hurt."
"I'm sorry, Coach, but football
just isn't as much fun anymore,"
Stan said, shaking his head. "I
don't want to follow someone who
picks on his own team members."
"Stan, think about this, it's
a really big step," Lawrence said
as he laid a hand on Stan's arm.
"I've been thinking about it
for a while, and it just now
snapped into focus," Stan said.
"Don't worry about me. I'm sure."
Coach Petersen started shouting
at them, his face turning red like it did
when they fumbled a play in practice.
Jayce edged behind Stan, and
Lawrence stepped in so that Jayce
was completely hidden behind them.
"You can't keep someone
on the team who doesn't want
to be there," Lawrence said.
"I asked and Stan said that
he's sure. Just let it go."
"I am not going to stand back
and let you two fairies destroy
a team I've spent all year building!"
Coach Petersen roared.
"With all due respect, sir, I'm not
the one destroying the team, you are,"
Stan said evenly. "Just because you don't
choose to pursue your interest in men,
doesn't make it okay for you to pick on
other people about their gender identity
or their sexual orientation, so stop it."
In a split second, Coach Petersen
went from red to white. He froze in place.
Then he turned and hurried away.
"That does not look good," Lawrence said,
watching him leave. "I really think we
need to take this to the office now."
"Stan said you'd talk to me about ...
gender stuff," Jayce said uneasily.
"I don't want the nurse involved, she's
nosy and makes me uncomfortable."
"Me too, but I don't feel right turning
my back on this situation," Lawrence said.
"You and I can talk afterwards, okay?
Stan's right, I'm happy to help with
gender studies stuff, it's a favorite."
"Besides, the coach shouldn't have
said all that stuff to us," Stan added,
gently steering Jayce toward the office.
"The school has rules about conduct,
and that ... broke kind of a lot."
The school was mostly empty, except
for a handful of students and teachers
pursuing their own extracurriculars.
In the office, Mr. Marshall was discussing
a near-miss from his science class with
Nurse Rosenbaum as he leaned casually
over her desk. He straightened up
when he saw them coming, though.
"Lawrence, what's wrong?"
Mr. Marshall asked, frowning.
"I'm kind of concerned about
Coach Petersen," said Lawrence.
"There was some argument in
the locker room, I think, and he
said some awful stuff to us, but
then he got real quiet and just left."
"What's the last thing you said
to him?" Mr. Marshall asked.
Lawrence looked at Stan.
"He was way out of line," Stan said.
"I quit the team, and he did not take it
well. So I told him that just because
he hasn't chosen to act on his interest
in men, doesn't mean he can pick on
other people about our choices."
"Oh shit," said Mr. Marshall, then turned
to Nurse Rosenbaum. "I've got south!"
"I've got north," she replied. "Boys,
you stay right here until we get back."
Mr. Marshall ran out of the room, with
Nurse Rosenbaum right on his heels.
"What just happened?" Jayce said faintly.
"Stan doesn't know his own strength,
is what happened," Lawrence said,
shaking his head. "Sooner or later,
someone was bound to get hurt."
"I didn't think it would upset him
that much," Stan said. "I just
wanted him to quit bullying us."
"Well, you sure did that, but you
have got to be more careful about
what you say," Lawrence replied.
He turned to a rack of brochures on
the wall. "Belting out intimate details
like that is especially risky stuff."
"But it's just part of who people are,"
Stan said. "I don't get it."
"Yeah, you deal with that in a totally
different way than most people do,"
Lawrence said. "I didn't even realize
that your gaydar had turned on yet,
or I would've warned you about this.
We can go over it in more detail later."
His fingers flicked over a brochure
on stress and another about suicide.
"Jayce, what did you want to talk
with me about, now that we've got
a few minutes more-or-less in private?"
Lawrence asked, glancing at him.
"I um ..." Jayce mumbled, then turned
to Stan for support. "What do I even say?"
Stan wrapped an arm around him.
"Just tell Lawrence the same as you
told me in the locker room," he said.
"He won't tease you, I promise."
"I look like a boy, but I don't feel
like one inside," Jayce said, and
swallowed hard. "I don't think that
I can keep faking it much longer."
"Okay, that's a gender identity thing,"
Lawrence said smoothly. "Are you
questioning, or are you pretty sure?"
"I don't know," Jayce said, curling
his shoulders around his chest.
"Let's go with questioning for now,"
Lawrence said. He riffled through
the brochures and picked out ones
on transgender, respect, hate crimes,
mental health, coping skills, self-esteem,
and life balance. "I'll just add some websites
that cover the questioning part of the QUILTBAG."
He pulled a pen out of his pocket and added
those addresses in dainty handwriting. Then
he handed the stack of brochures to Jayce.
"Thanks," Jayce said as he looked at them.
"At least this gives me a place to start."
"Thumbnail version: it's okay to question
your gender or your sexual orientation.
You might feel confused for a while;
that's also okay," Lawrence said.
"What's not okay is anyone -- even
teachers -- harassing you over it."
Jayce sighed. "It happens a lot, though,
because I look like this," he waved a hand
at his muscular body, "but I like a lot of
girly things. It just throws people for a loop."
"I know that feel," Lawrence muttered.
"What do you mean?" Jayce asked.
"I thought all this was just me."
"Okay, look at me," Lawrence said. "I'm
slender and I like to wear my hair long.
Also I'm gay. Some people think I look like
a girl, but I'm not, and that causes problems."
"Yeah, I've seen it," Stan said. He recalled
several unpleasant scenes when he had
interrupted people bullying Lawrence.
"Anyway, you can learn to cope with it,"
Lawrence said. "Try to think if you know
any grownups who are trans. They can
help a lot. If not, think about your parents,
other relatives, favorite teachers -- anyone
you really trust who might support you.
Telling someone that you're questioning
is a good first step to figuring it out,
but make sure it's the right person."
"It is," Jayce said, looking right at him.
Then he twisted over his shoulder and said,
"Thanks, Stan. I never would've thought of
asking Lawrence, but you were right."
Lawrence pinked a little across his cheeks.
"I'm just lending a hand like other people
have done for me before," he said.
"Teamwork," Jayce said softly.
"Yeah, I can manage that. I'll think
about who else I need to tell."
"I know we haven't done much more
than pass each other in the hall, but if
you need to talk, I'm here," Lawrence said.
"Some stuff is important, and gender issues
aren't anything I want to leave someone
floundering through all by himself."
He offered Jayce a hand, and
the larger boy shook it tentatively.
"I really appreciate this," Jayce said.
The office door opened then, and
Mr. Marshall came back in. He looked
tired but not frantic or grieving.
"Oh good, you're still here," he said.
"You told us to stay," Stan said,
grateful that Lawrence hadn't tried
to skate out of it, but he seemed
to mind Mr. Marshall better than
he did most other adults.
"State of the reaction?"
Lawrence said cryptically.
"Stabilized," said Mr. Marshall.
"Thank you for catching that so soon.
It could've blown up very badly."
"Is Coach Petersen okay?" Stan said.
"I didn't mean to run him off like that,
it's just he was saying the worst things,
and I really needed him to stop."
Mr. Marshall sighed. "It's not really
your fault, Stan, you just stepped on
something that goes back a long way,"
he said. "Florence and I have known
Bo Ray since we were in high school,
so we know how to handle this. All I ask
of you is that you not push it any farther."
"Yes, sir," Stan said, lifting his chin.
"Am I in trouble for this?"
"No, not as long as you drop it,"
said Mr. Marshall. "You weren't wrong
in your observations, but it's an old issue,
and mucking around with it could
make it worse. Understand?"
"I'll stay out of it, as long as
he doesn't bother us," Stan said.
"We'll definitely talk with him about
that too," Mr. Marshall promised. "You
were right about him being out of line, but
I wish you'd chosen a safer way to address it."
"Sorry, sir," Stan said, looking down.
"I'll try to be more careful in the future."
"I'm sure you will," Mr. Marshall said,
and patted him on the shoulder. Then
he turned to Jayce, who was trying to fade
into the wall, and not succeeding at all
because he was a pretty big guy.
"What do you want with me?"
Jayce said. "I didn't start anything ..."
"You're not in trouble either," Mr. Marshall said.
"I just want you to know that I'm here if you need
to talk about anything, especially since you're
not getting along with your coach right now."
"Lawrence is helping me, but thanks for
offering," Jayce said. "I'll think about it."
"All right then, you boys can go,"
said Mr. Marshall. "I think you can
still make it to the bus stop in time."
Stan looked down at his vidwatch.
"Yeah, if we hustle," he said, and then
herded the other boys out of the office.
Jayce was quiet as they jogged to
the bus stop, but he didn't seem to be
losing his grip, so Stan didn't press him.
It would all work out eventually.
"Are you really sure about quitting
the football team?" Lawrence said again.
"Yes," Stan said, thinking about moves
and diagrams and victory conditions.
"It's not where I want to be anymore."
Lawrence did that thing with his hair
that made it slide over his shoulders,
rippling like starlight on river water.
"Where do you want to be?" he asked.
Stan felt his mouth curling into a smile.
"What does it take to join the chess club?"
* * *
Notes:
Stalwart Stan -- Stanley Wood is a high school student with a gallant personality, although some people think he's too good to be true. He has a sculptured body with light brown hair and hazel eyes. His naturally tan skin darkens further under the sun. Stan is the son of Stuart and Sharon Wood. He is the older brother of Stephanie, Sloane, and Susie. He is the nephew of Gabriel and Jenna Kay and older cousin of Huckleberry and Mackenzie; and related to Mason and Miranda Kay, who are about a year older than him. Stan is bisexual, with a previous girlfriend Angelica Young and current boyfriend Antimatter (Lawrence Cunningham). His scouting friends include Tycho "Tyke" Norris and Maurice Stevenson.
Stan and his family live in Omaha, Nebraska. He has played several different sports at school, most recently inside linebacker and captain of the football team, but is increasingly drawn to chess instead. Math is challenging, but Lawrence helps him with it. Stan goes from one part-time job to another, because he wants to be industrious but he keeps losing his current job for hero-related reasons. He spends a lot of time patrolling Omaha to deal with supervillains and smaller problems, particularly in the Gene Leahy Mall and other downtown areas.
Origin: His scouting troop got lost in the woods during terrible weather, everyone afraid they might die. Stan found a weird fetish that gave him superpowers, enabling him to call for help and save the day. He earned the Honor Medal for saving lives at considerable risk to himself.
Uniform: Tan shirt and trousers reminiscent of a boy scout uniform but without insignia, plus a matching safari hat with a clingy mask obscuring the top half of his face.
Qualities: Expert (+4) Moral Compass, Expert (+4) Such a Boy Scout, Good (+2) Athletic, Good (+2) Handsome
Poor (-2) Math Is Hard
Powers: Good (+2) Invulnerability, Average (0) Communicator, Average (0) Super-Strength
Limitation: All powers require the fetish to use; Stanley wears it around his neck.
Motivation: Be prepared to help those in need.
Bo Ray Petersen -- He has ruddy skin, blue eyes, and short brown hair. He goes by Ray. He serves as the boys' coach and one of the P.E. teachers at the Omaha, Nebraska high school where Stan and Lawrence go. He and the science teacher, Bruce Marshall, squabble the way jocks and nerds usually do. Ray is known for making excellent chili.
Qualities: Good (+2) Crockpot Cook, Good (+2) High School Coach, Good (+2) Physically Fit
Poor (-2) Not the Sharpest Marble in the Stack
Jayce Olson -- He has pinkish-fair skin, blue eyes, and straight brown hair. Jayce lives in Omaha, Nebraska where he plays on the same football team as Stanley Wood. As a safety, Jayce relies on tackling, coverage, and speed with a good balance between intelligence and intuition. His teamwork skills also make him an asset. Jayce excels at civics class and enjoys social studies too. He has taken all the opportunities for fundraising and community service, earning a lot of extra credit that way, and he volunteers for local charities outside of school too. However, he has been struggling with identity issues for some time, and is running out of energy for pretending to be a boy when he feels like a girl inside.
Qualities: Good (+2) Charity, Good (+2) Civics Student, Good (+2) Left/Right Brain Balance, Good (+2) Safety Football Player, Good (+2) Teamwork
Poor (-2) Transgender
Brant Owens -- He has tawny-fair skin, brown eyes, and short straight brown hair. He is the oldest of three brothers. He lives in Omaha, Nebraska where he plays on the same football team as Stanley Wood. As quarterback, Brant has excellent throwing and aiming skills, but lacks the leadership that usually accompanies the position. He also has an unfortunate habit of ostracizing or bullying less popular people.
Qualities: Good (+2) Quarterback Football Player, Good (+2) Popular, Good (+2) Work Ethic
Poor (-2) Leadership
Fortney Sullivan -- She has pinkish-fair skin, brown eyes, and light brown hair usually pulled back in a short braid. She is tall and beefy, but quick on her feet. Her four older brothers have inspired her to keep up with the guys. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska where she plays football on the same team with Stanley Wood. As a cornerback she excels at agility and catching the ball. Hyperconscious of her precarious social position -- football is respected but girls are unwelcome there, and playing football is seen as unfeminine -- she is always looking for ways to move up the popularity ladder.
Qualities: Good (+2) Determination, Good (+2) Cornerback Football Player, Good (+2) Student
Poor (-2) Unpopular
Antimatter -- Lawrence Cunningham is a high school student with a keen interest in science. He has a wiry build, pale skin, and pale blue eyes. He has just a hint of beard at the end of his chin. Born with straight black hair, it turned a radiant starlit silver after the accident. He used to dye it black, but now typically leaves it silver. It currently reaches his elbows. Lawrence lives with his mother in Omaha, Nebraska. His father has been removed from their home for domestic violence, and Lawrence still has very mixed feelings about that. They don't have much money.
Lawrence is comfortably gay, and growing closer to his boyfriend Stalwart Stan. A friendly acquaintance of his is Han Gordon from the chess club. Lawrence's handle on BlackSheep is Positron. Antimatter is shifting from supervillain to superhero, due to his association with Stalwart Stan, which is awkward.
Origin: Determined to win the science fair, Lawrence attempted to create a new universe inside a cola bottle. It blew up. The accident left him with superpowers, but no science fair entry, and everyone laughed at him.
Uniform: All white, including the hat, with a black lab coat thrown over the top and a black-and-white atom patch on the chest; and goggles to obscure his face.
Qualities: Expert (+4) Intelligence, Good (+2) Agility, Good (+2) Captain of Chess Club, Good (+2) Gender Studies, Good (+2) Gizmology
Poor (-2) Such a Dork
Powers: Expert (+4) Manipulate Physics (Signature Stunts: Greater Than Equal Reaction, Immovable Object, Irresistible Force, Neutralize Mass, Remove Friction; Speed-Healing, Spin-Off Stunts: Energy Transfer, Thicken Air)
Motivation: Mind over matter.
Bruce Marshall -- He has fair skin, brown eyes, and wavy brown hair with a short beard. He wears large geeky glasses. He favors ties with geometric or scientific designs. Mr. Marshall teaches science at the high school in Omaha, Nebraska where Stan and Lawrence go. He also sponsors the science team and the chess club. He has a good eye for which students can handle more responsibility or need extra help.
Qualities: Expert (+4) Science Teacher, Good (+2) Dexterity, Good (+2) Negotiation, Good (+2) Patience, Good (+2) Teen Support Contacts
Poor (-2) Overworked and Underpaid
Florence Rosenbaum -- She has fair skin, blue eyes, and short strawberry blonde hair. She loves making her own sourdough, sauerkraut, yogurt, and anything else that depends on a live culture. Florence serves as the school nurse at a high school in Omaha, Nebraska where Stan and Lawrence go. She is a busybody who often acts on immediate concerns without considering the long-term fallout. Consequently she has a touch-and-go relationship with the science teacher, Mr. Marshall. They both love talking about science, but when it comes to handling the kids, they tend to butt heads a lot.
Qualities: Good (+2) Deduction, Good (+2) Ferment Anything, Good (+2) School Nurse
Poor (-2) Considering Implications
* * *
Game mechanics specify the victory conditions for each game. Explore the ways to win or draw a chess game. Chess is prone to developing varations with new rules.
Reading football plays is as much art as science. It helps to know how to draw a good diagram and add a defense. Check out the symbols used and an example. Learn how to identify football formations and play diagrams.
There are also diagrams for chess. Learn how to read and write chess notation.
Chess teaches people to think ahead, and it stimulates the brain, among other benefits. Chess principles lead to better corporate strategies. Likewise, football and chess share some similar strategies, Therefore, some football players take chess lessons.
The number of players on a football team varies; in high school, typically 40-50 players. Positions include quarterback, cornerback, inside linebacker, and safety. Take a look at traits for NFL players. Some football positions are challenging to fill in school. Typically the team captain is either a quarterback or inside linebacker. Choosing a team captain requires balancing different strengths and weaknesses.
Transgender teens may question their identity. There have always been gender-variant people, just the visibility changes. Trangender teens do face serious issues, and often wonder what to do. Many prefer to ask peers instead of adults about sex and gender, and Terramagne-America provides education for teens wishing to provide such answers. This is one of Lawrence's specialties, and has been for several years. There are support groups and counseling available for trans youth. Learn about how to know if you are transgender, come out as transgender, or transition from male to female. Understand how to support a trans friend.
According to school standards, coaches are supposed to be good role models, but some of them fail miserably. Abusive coaches can do a lot of damage, particularly with the kind of homophobic language shown here. Athletes hesitate to complain about abusive coaches for much the same reason as anyone stays with an abuser: fear. Recognize the techniques that coaches use to bully athletes in order to stop the abuse.
Gaydar is a perception of sexual orientation, generally looking for people receptive to homosexual advances. Science suggests that gaydar is real and fairly accurate. There are ways to improve your gaydar.
Outing means revealing someone's trait without their consent. It causes problems, and can be fatal. Stan isn't being deliberately destructive; he simply doesn't have the background to understand this yet, and it's impossible to learn everything at once about a newly discovered trait.
Internalized homophobia is an involuntary, negative opinion of one's own same-sex orientation acquired from a hostile society. Bo Ray has been struggling with this for years; he feels the attraction to other men, but chooses not to act on it because it clashes with his self-image. And yes, sometimes that spills over into suicidal ideation or other self-destructive behavior. Learn how to fight internalized homophobia.
A nurse's office typically stocks brochures and other resources with basic information about a variety of issues. Lawrence looks over some on stress, gay suicide exterior (and interior), trans youth outside (and inside), respect, hate crimes, mental health cover (and middle), coping skills, self-esteem, and life balance. Gender identity is a complex topic including teen issues, curiosity, questions to ask yourself, and Q is for Questioning.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2016-12-20 06:24 am (UTC)Coach fucking had that coming. The principal was right to tell Stan to leave the coach alone about it after the one incident, but taking one's self-loathing out on *kids* is very *definitely* NOT OKAY, and Coach deserved to have his balls kicked up around his diaphragm. Stan just did it with his voice.
I wanna see more of this thread. Frankly, at this point, Coach needs counselling (and perhaps a different job at least for a while), not perp-walking...
Fortney reminds me of both my little sister and my girlfriend at that age. GF was 5'7" 180, curvy and solid, like a softball player. Sis was more slim, but was a *die-hard* football player, and is still a huge fan...
'sfunny. Many of the biggest football fans I know are women... including my mum, my sister, and my wife (who came to the game late - ended up in hospital over turkey day weekend, and decided to make sense of football out of self-defence against boredom). Although the young people are taking the traditional route; the Duchess is into music in a big way, whereas her brother is the one who knows every player in the league and most of their stats... Fantasy Football as a memory expansion tool, anyone? :D
Which reminds me. I owe him some chess games. :D
(no subject)
Date: 2016-12-20 05:09 pm (UTC)I'm hopeful that Jayce will see some progress soon, with this kind of support... wonder if Jayce will switch pronouns, at least with trusted friends? Jayce may be questioning, but sounds fairly confident about the whole 'not a boy' thing.
And I hope Stan doesn't take this too hard, because I agree, Bo Ray richly earned that moment. (Even though compassion in the aftermath could be considered be his human right and/or the way forward.) KAPOW!
(no subject)
Date: 2016-12-20 10:34 pm (UTC)Stan's decision to quit comes as a surprise to everyone else, but not so much to us, I think. We've been seeing it building up toward that for a while, and Stan doesn't have the kind of "victim training" from his own family that would push him into staying in an abusive situation out of a misplaced sense of responsibility/loyalty. Notice, too, how the coach tries to claim all the credit for the team's success for himself. That too is typical of abusers.
On the one hand, I agree that the coach had it coming -- he didn't get anything worse back than he was trying to dish out. On the other, outing someone publicly like that, when they're deep in the closet, is very bad form. I would support Stan apologizing for having done that, but ONLY if the coach apologizes for what he did first. Absent that, let him stew in it. And yes, Lawrence does need to have a serious talk with Stan about the ethics of outing people.
I hope Jayce's feminine persona isn't developing a crush on Stan! That could get seriously awkward, and there were a couple of things in the story which hinted in that direction.
Your link for Antimatter is borked.
Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 10:56 pm (UTC)To a large extent, this is true. However, Lawrence has been a sex/gender activist for a while now, and Stan noticed part of that even before they got together. If Lawrence had noticed Jayce's problem, he would have -- discreetly, because they don't know each other -- offered to help find resources. It's the teamwork that has improved: the fact that Stan can refer people to Lawrence because he knows Lawrence's specialties well enough, and Lawrence will pretty reliably make that catch.
>> Stan's decision to quit comes as a surprise to everyone else, but not so much to us, I think. We've been seeing it building up toward that for a while, <<
Yep. Stan enjoys sports, but he enjoys companionship more, and the emotional cohesion of the team just isn't doing it for him.
>> and Stan doesn't have the kind of "victim training" from his own family that would push him into staying in an abusive situation out of a misplaced sense of responsibility/loyalty. <<
Agreed. A sound foundation reduces the chance of abuse, because people will push *eject* instead of tolerating it.
>> Notice, too, how the coach tries to claim all the credit for the team's success for himself. That too is typical of abusers. <<
Yep. Stan's done more work on that than Bo Ray has.
>> On the one hand, I agree that the coach had it coming -- he didn't get anything worse back than he was trying to dish out. <<
Bo Ray's behavior violated ethical and school standards; he needed to be stopped. Getting his feelings hurt in the process was a fair penalty.
>> On the other, outing someone publicly like that, when they're deep in the closet, is very bad form. <<
Not just the outing, which is social damage; but the direct and high-force hit to an extremely vulnerable area -- that's excessive force. It's hitting below the belt, and both aspects are things that could do permanent damage to someone who is already unstable in that area.
Stan didn't realize the scope of what he was doing; if he had, he wouldn't have done exactly the same things. It's something he needs to talk out with Lawrence, and maybe some other folks.
>> I would support Stan apologizing for having done that, but ONLY if the coach apologizes for what he did first. Absent that, let him stew in it. <<
See now, here is where Stan differs from most other people. He doesn't see those things as connected at all. The coach's apology has nothing to do with Stan's apology. Stan made mistakes; he'll want to apologize for them. Not because it will fix the relationship, which he isn't particularly interested in keeping anymore; not to balance what he's doing with what the coach is doing, an exchange of apologies for respective errors; but simply because it's the right thing to do and necessary to fix the fact that Stan is going to feel bad when he realizes that he crossed a line. It's about living up to his own standards.
This will be complicated by the fact that Stan has been firmly warned to let the matter drop and not bring it up with the coach. Likely the best solution would be for Mr. Marshall to broker a meeting.
>> And yes, Lawrence does need to have a serious talk with Stan about the ethics of outing people. <<
So much this.
>> I hope Jayce's feminine persona isn't developing a crush on Stan! That could get seriously awkward, and there were a couple of things in the story which hinted in that direction. <<
I think it's more of an affinity than sexual attraction. Part of that is simply how easygoing Stan is. Jayce is not the type to intrude on a current relationship -- and interestingly, Lawrence seems to pick up on that, because he doesn't read their interactions as annoying the way he sometimes does when girls hit on Stan.
>>Your link for Antimatter is borked. <<
Try it now, should be fixed.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-21 05:33 am (UTC)I'm a little hypersensitive on this issue because of parental residue. I was never afraid to own my own share of the blame for a fight, but I flatly refused to take all the blame, which was what they wanted. My father in particular would fling nonpologies at me, of the "Okay, I'm SORRY, NOW are you satisfied?" variety.
Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-21 06:59 am (UTC)Progress, yes.
>> wonder if Jayce will switch pronouns, at least with trusted friends? <<
Maybe, but I suspect that will take a while.
>> Jayce may be questioning, but sounds fairly confident about the whole 'not a boy' thing. <<
Jayce is fairly sure about not being a boy, but confused about a lot of other stuff. This is where a more experienced friend, older transperson, and/or gender counselor would be really helpful. Jayce needs a boost in figuring out what questions to ask, in what order, and how to go about answering those.
>> And I hope Stan doesn't take this too hard, <<
Well, he's going to feel bad about hitting someone a lot harder than he meant to, than was called for.
>> because I agree, Bo Ray richly earned that moment. <<
What he deserved was a solid scolding, a formal reprimand, and some retraining on school standards. Plus counseling for the self-hate but he's not at all open to that, so oh well. What he got was social damage that can't be fixed, and emotional damage that isn't likely to heal well because he won't take care of it, both of which are things that have proven fatal in other contexts. Excessive force.
>> (Even though compassion in the aftermath could be considered be his human right and/or the way forward.) KAPOW! <<
Sure, because in T-America, a hero is perfectly entitled to smack a villain into the pavement -- but not to do permanent damage, and once they stop causing trouble, you're supposed to stop hurting them and render aid if necessary. This is what separates the heroes from the villains.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-21 08:35 am (UTC)Preferably, yes. The problems are:
* Bo Ray is kind of a dick.
* He doesn't think he did anything wrong.
* He is especially reluctant to apologize to anyone lower in rank.
* The school principal may pressure him to apologize, but that doesn't make it sincere.
>> Stan may not care, but as you say, Stan isn't most people. <<
He won't care in regard to his apology. He will care in regard to the coach's apology, because Stan dislikes being lied to. And in this situation, he is unhappy enough that he may well say so instead of letting it pass.
>> It will matter to Lawrence, I suspect. <<
Oh yes. The coach already flushed any respect that Lawrence may have had. But Lawrence knows Stan, and while he may be personally disgusted by this mess, he isn't going to try to make Stan stop being Stan.
>> I'm a little hypersensitive on this issue because of parental residue. <<
That's understandable. I imagine Lawrence has his own issues with older men yelling. Stan didn't notice it, because Lawrence would've been hiding it and Stan was concentrating on Jayce, but Lawrence must have been on high alert as soon as the coach started winding up.
>> I was never afraid to own my own share of the blame for a fight, but I flatly refused to take all the blame, which was what they wanted. <<
Well, that was unreasonable of them.
But here again, Stan is different. He will apologize, explicitly, for the things he did wrong and explain why they went wrong and what he's going to do so that doesn't happen again. He knows how to make a proper apology and will do so without prompting. But that's it. Stan won't apologize for there being an argument, since he didn't start it; and not for bucking the coach's authority, because the coach was so far out of line that not only did someone need to stop him, but Stan is no longer willing to accept him as an authority.
This will doubtless displease the coach, who wants submission for the same reason he refuses to give any: it's tied into manhood for him. He does not see the intricate structure of grace, humility, and stubbornness that make up Stan. Ah well. Gators gonna gait.
>> My father in particular would fling nonpologies at me, of the "Okay, I'm SORRY, NOW are you satisfied?" variety. <<
*sigh* Tedious and unsatisfying. But this is often a result of someone not feeling they did anything wrong, not understanding how apologies work, and/or not grasping the range of apology languages.
Me, I don't want to listen to or give false apologies, and it pisses me off when other people demand that. If we have a conflict of interests, if it wasn't a mistake, then let's just be honest about that. People disagree. Sometimes goals are opposed. It doesn't necessarily mean that anyone is a bad person or did something wrong, just that we're in each other's way. In such case, it is important to know this, so that each can account for it and not be deluded by wrongly expecting the other person to do things differently next time.
In this case, the coach is being an asshole, but it's not the same kind of misstep that Stan made. Stan will at least try to stop throwing his social weight around so hard once he realizes what he did, and certainly he understands the concept of discretion so he'll be much less likely to out anyone again. The coach is not going to lose his homophobia. If he wants to keep his damn job, he may feel compelled to lie that he's sorry and tone down the badmouthing at school, but it's not going to fool anyone.
I'm not sure if this is a scene anyone would want to read, because it's not neat and pretty.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-12-21 11:58 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-22 12:01 am (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-23 02:56 am (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-23 04:28 am (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-24 01:23 am (UTC)I agree that it was "excessive force" though even that phrasing hurts a bit because he thought he was pushing back with appropriate force and the most common use of excessive force is a chosen use of force disproportionate to the situation.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-24 01:45 am (UTC)It's the same concept as excessive force, but based on location rather than amount. Stan hit an extremely vulnerable area. He just didn't realize he was doing that, or how very dangerous it was.
>> I agree that it was "excessive force" though even that phrasing hurts a bit because he thought he was pushing back with appropriate force and the most common use of excessive force is a chosen use of force disproportionate to the situation. <<
Excessive force is about the amount. Police brutality, or superhero brutality, is about deliberation. This meets the former but not the latter. We don't really have a good variety of terms for these topics, to bring out the fine distinctions; that's a problem.
The reason Stan will want to apologize for his part of this incident is because, once he realizes what he did wrong and how far it was from what he meant to do, he will feel bad about having violated his own ethics. It's not something he'd do on purpose. But that doesn't make Bo Ray any less hurt.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-24 01:50 am (UTC)And I didn't disagree on "excessive" - I merely pointed out that it's a painful term because "excessive" is most often (not always) coupled with choice/deliberation.
I agree Stan will apologize for all the right reasons. My protest was merely that, only now would it be "hitting below the belt" rather than "hitting a location he didn't realize was especially vulnerable". Do you see what I'm getting at?
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-30 01:35 am (UTC)And in a sense, there's some "I did nothing wrong" but if you asked such a person to judge the same situation with the roles reversed, they'd agree it was wrong. They might think it's not wrong because *they* don't owe (decency/courtesy/whatever) to the person they've just "fine-I'm-sorry-satisfied".
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-30 02:16 am (UTC)It is a dominance issue too. Bo Ray considers himself dominant to students. He therefore does not bother to check their actual status. This is exactly what got his clock cleaned by Stan, who has way more social clout than he realizes.
A teacher may outrank a student, but there's far more to social station than that -- and dominance isn't the same think as rank. Stan is dominant to damn near everyone, just from personality. Bo Ray throws his weight around because he is a petty tyrant. Stan doesn't have to throw his around.
>> "there, I did what you wanted, and you're still not happy, so too bad!" <<
No, he didn't.
>> And in a sense, there's some "I did nothing wrong" but if you asked such a person to judge the same situation with the roles reversed, they'd agree it was wrong. They might think it's not wrong because *they* don't owe (decency/courtesy/whatever) to the person they've just "fine-I'm-sorry-satisfied". <<
This is often true, but not always. Don't count on it with a boomerang bigot. They're already picking on the category that includes themselves.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-30 02:24 am (UTC)True that. I was actually thinking of
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-30 02:39 am (UTC)Boomerang bigots are different, and dangerous for a lot of the same reasons as suicide bombers. When you can't rely on someone's sense of self-preservation, they're pretty far out from the human norm.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-04-10 03:42 pm (UTC)I just had a friend explain to me how that happens with fat people, so I sent along the link to the new poem, Saying No to Powerlessness, when it was sponsored.
Fortunately, it was even someone who understood I was confused, and didn't think I was being mean.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-04-10 05:21 pm (UTC)The technical generic term for the condition itself is "internalized oppression." If you're looking for references on how to overcome it, that's the search phrase to use, or any of its subcategories such as internalized racism.
>> I just had a friend explain to me how that happens with fat people, <<
It often does. Having everyone avoid you and/or say that you're greedy, lazy, and have no self-control -- when for many fat people, life is an exhausting treadmill of saying no to almost everything -- is soul-destroying. Now add in the fact that they can rarely get medical help for anything without being abused about their fat and bullied to go on a diet ... which has about a 5% chance of long-term success and 95% chance of making matters worse. Perhaps they find it more bearable to believe that oneself is bad than that the world is largely full of other bad people.
>> so I sent along the link to the new poem, Saying No to Powerlessness, when it was sponsored. <<
Thank you!
>> Fortunately, it was even someone who understood I was confused, and didn't think I was being mean.<<
That's good.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-12-20 10:49 am (UTC)Yeah, I think Lawrence needs to give Stan a little bit of a heads-up. Good thing Lawrence and Mr. Marshall were able to salvage things!
(And yay for Stan being able to persuade Jayce to seek help. ^_^)
Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 11:01 am (UTC)Heh.
>> Yeah, I think Lawrence needs to give Stan a little bit of a heads-up. <<
A big part of the challenge is how much new stuff Stan is dealing with -- falling in love with his nemesis, realizing that he's bi, and demisexual -- it's a pretty big learning curve, and nobody can learn all that new stuff at once. Lawrence has had to guess what Stan would need first, and since they're floundering through a relationship and bruising each other when they trip, they've been focusing more on that stuff than on wider implications. It's not wrong. It just means some other stuff hasn't gotten done yet, and one of those things just bit someone on the butt.
There will now be urgent makeup lessons. Lawrence has been worrying for a while about a related issues -- Stan doesn't realize how much social clout he has, how hard that can hit someone, even "uphill" of the authority level. Stan is doing the social equivalent of ripping the doorknobs off, and has no clue what he's doing. So that's going to take work.
>>Good thing Lawrence and Mr. Marshall were able to salvage things!<<
Agreed. The last thing this needed was a serious physical problem on top of the emotional ones.
>> (And yay for Stan being able to persuade Jayce to seek help. ^_^) <<
It's easier in T-America, which is not to say easy but at least there are more people who know how to handle the situation and more resources for help.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-12-20 11:11 am (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 11:20 am (UTC)It's sad that she had such an awful situation, but I'm glad you were there to help. Just having someone who cares can make a huge difference.
>> I imagine her deep voice and broad build didn't help with convincing her parents either. :( <<
*wince* Bodies develop along a spectrum. As a general tendency, the farther toward the wrong extreme a trans person's natal body is, the worse the shear gets. I'm wearing a perfect hourglass, which is not my favorite shape, and it took me while to get used to it. And I'm a shapeshifter. For solids it's worse, they've got no coping skills for that. The androgynous ones are lucky because it's easier for them to cover up the wrong parts and substitute in the right ones. But the farther you get from that middle range, the harder it is to manage a successful transition, even with full-scale technological assistance.
Fortunately, T-America has some other options.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 02:44 pm (UTC)He not only didn't see the doorknob, he didn't even realize there was a door.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 05:25 pm (UTC)Oh, yeah. Totally agree. It's a damned steep learning curve for anyone, nevermind a teen, nevermind a teen who's also negotiating being a soup and what that means for himself, his friends, family and society...
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 07:22 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 07:25 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 10:26 pm (UTC)See, this is one of the most awesome things about Stan - he's not arrogant. If he stumbles on something, getting help is his first thought and completely natural to him. <3
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-12-20 10:42 pm (UTC)As he moves into new areas, though, he makes a concerted effort to identify more experienced folks there who can give him a hand where a random person couldn't. That's a learned skill, and so is Stan's judgment of who and how to ask for help with a particular problem. He's fluent with help-seeking behaviors, coming and going.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-04-24 03:09 am (UTC)Bo Ray has taken a LOT of hits to the ego/self-esteem/sexuality nexus, it seems like, and while the people who knew him when he started taking those hits knew that it was not okay, Stan didn't. Stan made a regular sized (for Stan, and Bo Ray not bothering to know Stan's ability and brace is his own issue) social strike to what for most of the gay guys Stan knows would be a minor ouch. Hefty isn't repressed, but if it came down to a matter of "are you, a gay guy, really trying this shit?" I'm sure he'd roll with it better. Unfortunately, due to past injury that was hidden and Stan had no way of seeing, it turned really bad, really fast.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-04-24 03:35 am (UTC)That's a good comparison.
>> Bo Ray has taken a LOT of hits to the ego/self-esteem/sexuality nexus, it seems like, and while the people who knew him when he started taking those hits knew that it was not okay, Stan didn't. <<
Yyyyyeah. I don't think Bo Ray's past is what I'd call sexually healthy.
>> Stan made a regular sized (for Stan, and Bo Ray not bothering to know Stan's ability and brace is his own issue) social strike to what for most of the gay guys Stan knows would be a minor ouch. <<
Good point. But Lawrence is also right in that Stan really does not know his own strength in this area. A regular-sized hit from Stan is overwhelming in comparison to what most people can do -- or take.
>> Hefty isn't repressed, but if it came down to a matter of "are you, a gay guy, really trying this shit?" I'm sure he'd roll with it better.<<
Hefty did handle the time he made a recommendation to the boys that went severely pear-shaped. Hefty is durable. So is Lawrence. I'm beginning to see how Stan has overlooked the kind of vulnerabilities that are common in gay guys. He saw a parallel in Jayce, but Jayce was melting down and making it obvious. When it's hidden -- Stan isn't there yet.
>> Unfortunately, due to past injury that was hidden and Stan had no way of seeing, it turned really bad, really fast.<<
Nailed it.