Legitimate Disability

[ysabetwordsmith]

Here's an interesting essay about the hierarchy of disability and how people abuse each other with it. 

I think about this a lot.  I have some distinct limitations, like needing glasses.  But most of mine are obscure, and I have learned that there's rarely any benefit to be had from trying to get other people to acknowledge them.  It is simpler just to wait until the damn thing blows up in their face.  "Well of course your phone died.  I told you that I kill electronics; you handed it to me anyhow; it is now a brick." "I thought it was all in your HEAD!" "That is not my problem."  So I tend not to describe myself as disabled, that being a legal category, but I can easily describe some of the limitations I have.  

Society would be much more usable if accommodations could be more often had for the asking of them.  This is not something I can change directly.  It is something I can practice, and reward.  If you're coming to my ritual, and you need to sit down, I don't need to know WHY.  I don't care why; it's none of my business.  I especially am not going to ask if you have a card for it.  All I need to know is your maximum standing time, that if the ritual runs longer we'll need chairs, and that a seated ritual would probably work better than a dance for you.  I don't need to know what's up with you; I need to know what you want me to do about it.  Because I'd like everyone to have a good time and not faceplant at my event.  Conversely, I'm alert for restaurants that are or are not accommodating of dietary needs.  Mine, someone else in my party, the total stranger whose argument I can overhear -- doesn't matter.  If you accommodate the requests with a smile, it bumps you up my "let's eat here again" list.  Ditto places where my partner and I split something and folks bring an extra plate instead of bitching or surcharging.  Fight with me or anyone else about the food, and I will not only not come back, I will pan your slop trough restaurant to my friends who also have food issues.

You get what you permit; you get what you reward.  Use your influence -- and your folding vote -- where you can.

And don't be an asshole.  

Comments

[thnidu]

Amen!

Love is for Children

[(Anonymous)]

Hello!

This is mostly unrelated to this thought-piece, which I really enjoyed. I like the way you think, and your series Love is for Children has quickly become one of my favorites to curl up and binge-read. I like the story and the interweaving of characters, and my favorite part is the Notes section at the end, where you unpack all of the little things throughout the chapter. I've never seen another author do that, and I think it is (and you are) brilliant. I'm a lot like the Phil you've written, and I love learning more about techniques and thought processes and how to keep things clear and transparent while still effectively caring for the people involved. I've also thought at length about introducing age-play as a therapeutic, let-go-for-a-bit technique, and I appreciate the links you've shared and also the story examples.

I've just read through the entire series for the second time, and plan to go back and open all the relevant links and learn what I can. I was wondering, though, if you were planning on adding any more to the story, or if I've missed any. The last installment that I see is called 'Coming in from the Cold: Monday: Memorial Day,' but I don't know how to navigate DreamWidth and it's entirely possible that I'm missing something. I apologize if this is in a weird spot for a query like this - like I said, I am unfamiliar with this site. I found you through Archive of Our Own, actually. Please email me at marnirc@gmail.com, and feel free to delete this comment if it's not something that belongs here. I'm really just curious to know how to find more of your work, especially within that story, but I like your writing more than enough to read more.

Thank you! I really hope to hear from you soon. I know it's a weird request but I wanted to say something where I thought you'd see it soon.

-Marni

Re: Love is for Children

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> This is mostly unrelated to this thought-piece, which I really enjoyed.<<

That's okay.

>> I like the way you think, and your series Love is for Children has quickly become one of my favorites to curl up and binge-read. <<

Thank you!

>> I like the story and the interweaving of characters, and my favorite part is the Notes section at the end, where you unpack all of the little things throughout the chapter. I've never seen another author do that, and I think it is (and you are) brilliant. <<

Well, I picked up the idea of footnotes from academic writing, adapted it to literature -- I've always done a little of it. This series is what inspired me to expand it, because it's enormously popular with fans.

>> I'm a lot like the Phil you've written, <<

;) Be careful saying that on here, I've had dozens of people say they wish they had an Uncle Phil. They might mob you.

>> and I love learning more about techniques and thought processes and how to keep things clear and transparent while still effectively caring for the people involved.<<

You might also like Polychrome Heroics and Frankenstein's Family. Those are some other series with similar caretaking.

>> I've also thought at length about introducing age-play as a therapeutic, let-go-for-a-bit technique, and I appreciate the links you've shared and also the story examples. <<

My suggestion would be to start with lightweight things which are similar to ageplay but not as intense. Coloring or other art therapy, play therapy, relaxation, trust exercises, fantasy rewrites of childhood, etc. Those may give you an idea who would be the most receptive to ageplay as therapy.

>> I've just read through the entire series for the second time, and plan to go back and open all the relevant links and learn what I can. <<

Yay!

>> I was wondering, though, if you were planning on adding any more to the story, or if I've missed any. <<

I actually have more written, just haven't had time to post it all. I'm hoping to get another piece up in the foreseeable future.

>> The last installment that I see is called 'Coming in from the Cold: Monday: Memorial Day,' but I don't know how to navigate DreamWidth and it's entirely possible that I'm missing something. <<

There are a few that I posted after that, if you look at the chronological list on the landing page.

>> I apologize if this is in a weird spot for a query like this - like I said, I am unfamiliar with this site. I found you through Archive of Our Own, actually. Please email me at marnirc@gmail.com, and feel free to delete this comment if it's not something that belongs here. <<

No problem.

>> I'm really just curious to know how to find more of your work, especially within that story, but I like your writing more than enough to read more.<<

*laugh* I have (check sidebar) 4937 poems posted on here currently. Also some fiction. I recommend that you use my author website to browse for stuff; a lot of it is linked through there.

Also watch for my monthly activities. I customarily do a Poetry Fishbowl on the first Tuesday of each month and the crowdfunding Creative Jam on the third weekend. Next up is the May 3 fishbowl with a theme of "schooling vs. education." Drop by here then and give me ideas on what to write!

>>Thank you! I really hope to hear from you soon. I know it's a weird request but I wanted to say something where I thought you'd see it soon.<<

It's okay. Dropping a comment under a blog post is a pretty good way to reach me.

[capri0mni]

Society would be much more usable if accommodations could be more often had for the asking of them.

I think you'd really like this BADD post from 2012, which talks about this very topic, specifically as an oppressive power-play in education [ >_< ] Toppling Transactionalism; his post from this year is excellent, too: All the little things

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Sadly so. To be disabled is to realize that the world is, by and large, run by assholes.

And then they wonder by so many disabled people are "antisocial." It's not about hating the whole human race. It's about not wanting to be around abusive people when that can be avoided, in an environment where assholes dominate most of the interactions that may be had.

Re: Yes...

[capri0mni]

Uh-huh. Yup.

And when you're living in a world run by assholes, you end up wading through a lot of sh**.

lovely

[http://users.livejournal.com/_roblesparks_/]

You get what you permit, you get what you reward -that's doubly true, strangely :-)
thank you wordsmith !

Re: lovely

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I could help.

Note that your efforts may have more impact if you tell people what they did right or wrong.

[rhodielady-47.livejournal.com]

"I have some distinct limitations, like needing glasses."

This is me as well. Just the other day I had my nose rubbed in the fact that I'd be pretty handicapped IF I DIDN'T HAVE GLASSES.
I was outside riding the mower when a branch knocked my glasses off. My brand new $300 wire-frame glasses which disappear the moment I'm more than 4 feet away from them.
I wound up having to call my neighbor on my cell phone to come rescue me! Luckily she was able to locate my glasses quickly in the grass AND they weren't damaged!

What's scary though was sitting there on top of the mower and looking down at the grass and seeing nothing but a green blur! I couldn't see them anywhere!
I hate feeling so helpless!
:^[

Well...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Your vision sounds worse than mine. At least with my glasses off, I can see shapes. I can usually find them if they get knocked off, although in high grass it would be a challenge. But I couldn't read without them (which is unquestionably a major disability in a culture that demands literacy) and I couldn't navigate well over distances (which I'm not good at for other reasons already). My glasses make the difference between being inconvenienced occasionally or disabled.

[catsittingstill.livejournal.com]

On the one hand I am very much a "real enough to bite" person. On the other hand I have had consistently bad luck with sewing machines. This is incompatible with my world view; there is no logical reason why sewing machines should choke for me; I am good with other types of machinery and hand sewing is no problem for me. But sad experience has led me to accept that I should not mess with sewing machines. Logically I should be able to accept that you have sad experience saying you should not mess with electronics.

And my smart phone is my familiar spirit and no way would I put my familiar spirit on the line over a minor thing like dueling worldviews. However, I feel very uneasy about allowing anyone else to hold Pyewacket anyway, so the issue would not be likely to come up.

My husband and I both wear glasses. His vision is so bad that on the rare occasions when he did not leave them in their proper place he has to ask me to look for them. When I mislay mine I can often find them bare eyed, but not always. It is a good thing there are two of us.

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm very empirical. I look at what happens, identify patterns, and extrapolate models. Whatever model best explains the circumstances and predicts future events is the one I use. I don't care if it matches anyone else's.

I think I was around 8 before I realized that, when other people said things like "well it didn't just grow legs and walk away on its own!" for them that was true. If they put down an inanimate object in their house it would stay there.

No wonder they freaked out in my house, or around me, where things don't always stay put so neatly. Where numbers don't always add up the same way three times running. Where electronics often misbehave.

*shrug* I just be myself and let other people worry what to go do about it. If they're not around me much, it doesn't matter. If they are, well, the nature of reality around me becomes inescapably obvious sooner or later. It's a lot easier to wait until after something's happened and they've freaked out and eventually run out of steam.

It is very prudent of you to protect your smartphone if you've turned the thing into an artifact. A lot of people are doing that who don't even know to be careful with it.