ysabetwordsmith | Tactile Sensitivity Resources

A friend asked me for resources on tactile sensitivity in small children. I wrote a response and then realized it would be useful to more people, so here it is. Much of this stuff will generalize to other sensory issues and to adults.

This is my post on touch aversion, with links to the rest of the series:

One of my toddler characters, Nathaniel (whose superpower name is Howl), has super-senses and sensory processing disorder. You can read about him in the Danso & Family thread of the Polychrome Heroics setting, beginning with "The Ones Who Would Do Anything." Later poems in the series -- and some fiction written by

dialecticdreamer -- show Nathaniel's new family working out how to cope with his special needs.

Know the common signs of tactile sensitivity in small children.

There are ways to help tactile-sensitive children:

Sensory Processing Disorder is a complex condition.

Now the fun stuff: among the best ways to cope with tactile sensitivity are toys and games which introduce many interesting textures. You may need to start with low-intensity toys like a blue marble sealed in a bag of white rice, before moving to an open tub of rice and several hidden toys, then to fingerpaints.
Respect the Mess
SPD Store
Sensory Play
Sensory University
Sensory Activities
10 Sensory Play Ideas
List of Sensory Play Ideas
Pinterest Sensory Crafts
Pinterest Sensory Activities
Pinterest Sensory Toys

Coping Rule #1: Pay Attention
Observe how the child acts. How do things feel to them? How do they react when is happy or upset? What textures do they love or hate? You have to try new things; you don't have to keep doing things that hurt or don't work. Try something else instead.

Coping Rule #2: Communicate
Identify obstacles and challenges. Talk about textures. Give them names so the child can state likes or dislikes. Encourage them to tell when something is bothering them and why. Name emotions too. Explain why some things that are yucky are necessary anyway. Listen to your child and insist that they listen to you. Ignoring each other's needs will get you all nowhere. Listen to other people's input but do not feel compelled to take their advice, even if they're experts, if it points in a direction that you already know causes trouble for your family.

Coping Rule #3: Problem-solve and Adapt
Once you've identified what the obstacles and challenges are, try to find ways of addressing them. This means both reducing irritants that can be avoided (frex, if they hates wool, get rid of their wool clothes and replace with cotton), and building resilience by playing with textures and learning coping skills so that some things which bother them now may become tolerable later. Everyone has to help. Putting all the work on one person is neither fair nor effective.

Coping Rule #4: Use Force Sparingly
Forcing a child to do things they hate is miserable for everyone and does not teach good coping skills. Save it for things where you cannot think of an alternative and the action is a MUST -- frex, if you've tried all the cleaning options and they still hate bathing, you will all just have to grit your teeth through it. But don't fight over trivial things; you'll exhaust yourselves and make everyone's life horrid. Observe, communicate, and problem-solve FIRST. Every problem you solve prevents all the later fights that would have come from it!

Coping Rule #5: Compensatory Joys
Everyone's life has parts that suck. Part of growing up means learning what you hate and love, so that you can reward yourself after doing hard things. This goes for kids and parents alike. A child's reward might be a piece of candy, a new game, or an extra hour of television. A parent's reward might be an afternoon of babysitting! Especially look for collectibles that the child loves and you can dole out one at a time. For toddlers, sometimes you can find boxes of all different shaped blocks and give them one when they are being extra good or after they do something hard without fussing. Beanbags can be made cheaply with different fabrics and fillings. Plain square blocks may have textures glued, drilled, bolted, painted, or otherwise attached to them. Older kids may have cards, figurines, or other collectible toys/games -- there are lots of these now. Keep a stash of rewards in various sizes for different levels of accomplishment. Appreciate the good parts too -- sensitivity can be postitive as well as negative. A tactile-sensitive child may learn to do things nobody else can do, like feeling flaws in craft supplies to pick the best ones. Discover and capitalize on these joys!

Current Mood: busy
Crossposts: http://ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com/3452387.html

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From:

dialecticdreamer

For some kids, touch sensitivity /is/ age-related. It's like they hit a new stage and their increased awareness of something (clothing, for example) also leads to a sudden burst of more-than-just-picky sensitivities. Handling those kinds of events were simpler for us than dealing with long term aversions (I know an adult who can make steaks to perfection but is totally unwilling to make hamburgers or meatloaf.)

One thing to definitely try, EVEN with an adult, is to have a friend with some sewing skills (and more importantly, a scrap bag) make a touch quilt, with squares at least the size of the person's spread hand. (minimum 8" for adults, 12" is better). This is /very/ simple to sew, straight lines and a little pressing to keep intersecting seams neat, but nobody /cares/ if its' not perfect. Pick out five or six textures the person enjoys, esp. starting with the scrap bag, and then five or six which are maybe/dunno/might like it. Sew into alternating blocks, so that a maybe is surrounded by 'likes'. Keep the project small, lap rug size, and back it with a /definitely/ preferred texture. Just... keep it around. Watch TV under it. Play with what /appeals/ versus /irritates/--

As an example, someone I know could not /stand/ a poly-cotton knit blend-- actively damaged the shirt in question to guarantee it ended up in the scrap bag... yet the same blend, with a different DYE, had a different hand (texture, drape, etc.) and was thus in the 'tolerable but not favorite' category. If you're working from ground zero, buy UNDYED or WHITE fabrics, as one does for the Montessori texture discrimination exercises for the 2-4yo set. Cotton, 100%, Cotton poly blend, cotton KNIT, flannel, corduroy, twill, etc. PM me if anyone wants more detailed how to's or what fabrics to look for. Hint-fabric in the wal-mart department is CHEAP, THIN and has a lousy thread count. NOT worth the money you'll save, because the project will last about two washes.

ALWAYS double-wash fabrics for these tests with a white vinegar rinse-- one of my kids was extremely sensitive to the sizing sprayed and pressed into bolts of fabric, as I am, and his earliest way to "tell" us that they irritated his skin below the threshold of a rash, was aversion reactions. Severe ones.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> For some kids, touch sensitivity /is/ age-related. It's like they hit a new stage and their increased awareness of something (clothing, for example) also leads to a sudden burst of more-than-just-picky sensitivities. <<

Conversely people may grow out of some, as children's skin tends to be more sensitive than adult skin and brain pruning may remove some conflicting pathways. Changing baseline makes it challenging to keep up.

>> One thing to definitely try, EVEN with an adult, is to have a friend with some sewing skills (and more importantly, a scrap bag) make a touch quilt, with squares at least the size of the person's spread hand. <<

Ooo ... this is a COOL idea!

From:

librarygeek

I was having a discussion with a friend about some of my costumes at times (trying out ideas for Halloween) and he had not noticed any of them really. He then mentioned it was textures and materials that he noted, not color or cut. He is an artist, fixer/builder, and tech geek, so I know he isn't color-blind from his works and comments. I suddenly realized that he was touch-dominant. We both have to wash items before wearing too with one of the allergen free detergents.

I think I'm going to try this scrap bag and quilt idea for him, since he has a lounge chair in his basement office.

From:

dialecticdreamer

The one I made when my oldest was a baby was random colors, mixed textures, and just big enough to be comfortable in his stroller without dragging or catching in the wheels. To make the colors blend better, I shifted the close matches a bit to maximize the contrasts.

To make it easier for an adult's gift, stick to one or two colors if you can.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

There's another quilting trick for when you want to use all different colors: frame it in either black or white. Then it basically looks like a stained-glass window. Frex, here is a black-framed quilt.

From:

dialecticdreamer

White shows dirt like mad, so not a good option for baby quilt. I've also used a deep gray for sashing.

From:

librarygeek

So far, I'm going to frame it in black, and get my scrap bag together with big enough scraps to get him to test fabrics out.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

That sounds like a great idea.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Yay, I hope these ideas help you!

I always have to wash everything before I wear it, or it makes me itch.

From:

perfectworry

I wish I had known that this was A Thing when I was younger. I've grown out of many - but not all - of them now, but those checklists sound mighty familiar and when I'm depressed, I still turn my socks inside-out so the seams won't touch my feet.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

I do that with my socks too, all the time! I will not wear clothes with seams, tags, or decorations that itch. They don't just bug me, they scratch up my skin. But I don't have the habituation most people do -- tiny things that would stop bothering someone else stay on the edge of my awareness. I wouldn't say it's a sensory processing disorder but I have very keen senses and have to be careful of some things.

From:

perfectworry

I'm not sure I would have met all of the criteria for diagnosis, and I don't think I would now, but some better understanding that (like you, from the sound of things) I can't "tune out" irritating sensory input would have made my school life a lot easier.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Some things I can tune out, but it costs energy. Some things I cannot tune out.

Conversely, I can zone completely out of my body if I'm hyperfocused on a project. This is annoying if someone then startles me.

It is also annoying to other people because I have a tendency to become invisible if I stop paying attention to the local timespace continuum and then they trip over me.

It would have been useful to know about some of this stuff earlier.

From:

perfectworry

I can't tune out much. I always carry certain things with me because I can't stand, e.g., the way my skin feels after I wash my hands, so I have lotion in my purse all of the time. Sound is another one; I can't not listen to sounds in my environment, even minor things like the air conditioner. Some things (e.g., music) just frustrate me more than others (e.g., the fridge, or any kind of white noise).

I've never been able to zone out. No matter how focused I am on what I'm working on, I'm still aware of my skin, if not my surroundings; I get "tunnel focus," I suppose.

It is also annoying to other people because I have a tendency to become invisible if I stop paying attention to the local timespace continuum and then they trip over me.
Can I ask about that?

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> Can I ask about that? <<

Sure. Time and space are fluid around me. Sometimes this is convenient; if I'm running late, I can stretch time and contract space to get there sooner. But I also get lost very easily, and get other people lost around me, and I am difficult to find if you are not actually holding onto me or looking right at me the whole time. You can imagine how this made life difficult when I was little.

The weird thing with the disconnect is that each of it goes only one way. I cannot be seen, but I can be heard; if I drop something, a person who is looking for me may hear it and find me that way. I can see, but I cannot hear; if I see someone walking around I can talk to them and then they'll see me, but if I'm drifted I will not hear someone calling my name. I do not know why that is so, but it is true most of the time when I slip out of phase.

I am fey. The consensus timespace continuum just can't keep a firm grip on me.

From:

chanter1944

Oh good. I'm not the only one who can't really tune out, though for me it's all auditory. I'm sure part of it is the increased use of other senses to compensate for a missing one (I'm blind), but I'm not sure all of it is. 95% of the time, I'm hearing and aware of things that most other people may also be hearing but ignoring. This has earned me a reputation as a gal with the ears of a bat, as well as an easily distracted oddity and busybody. The busybody descriptor is rather apt, I confess.

It's equal parts that I can't tune out and that I really don't care to. I mean, you miss so incredibly much by doing so. Constantly being told to tune something out is a colossal irritant, though--argh!

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> Oh good. I'm not the only one who can't really tune out, though for me it's all auditory. <<

For some people it's only one sense, but often more. Any of mine can kick on like that. It's easier to ignore constant things (hum of refrigerator) than intermittent things (cricket chirping).

>> I'm sure part of it is the increased use of other senses to compensate for a missing one (I'm blind), but I'm not sure all of it is. <<

That makes sense.

>> 95% of the time, I'm hearing and aware of things that most other people may also be hearing but ignoring. This has earned me a reputation as a gal with the ears of a bat, as well as an easily distracted oddity and busybody. The busybody descriptor is rather apt, I confess. <<

Oh, can you hear bats squeaking when they fly? Tiny faint yeeks and chirps sometimes.

>> It's equal parts that I can't tune out and that I really don't care to. I mean, you miss so incredibly much by doing so. Constantly being told to tune something out is a colossal irritant, though--argh! <<

I agree. I'm very alert to the environment. I once had a teacher argue with me over something I wrote in a poem, about the different sounds that wind makes through the leaves of different trees. He didn't believe the sounds were distinguishable. It was one of my "What? Can't everyone do that?" moments. 0_o

From:

dialecticdreamer

1 - Diabetic socks are seamless. They are expensive, but a test pair is worth its weight in diamonds, at least.

2- Clipping tags out of clothing isn't always a solution. Even using a seam ripper to pull every bit of the connection that I could often still meant there were dangly parts that, if tugged too hard, would tear a hole in the garment. I used fusible interfacing (double sided) and white broadcloth to make iron-on labels big enough to cover and smooth these remnants, then labeled them with Sharpie. Hanes tagless tees and undies were a LIFESAVER.

3- Encourage the person, whatever the age, to "indulge" in the textures they DO like, regularly. Thick lather from most shampoos appealed to one kid and the other detested it at the preschool age, so the positive kid would earn a bottle of shampoo from the dollar store to use as bubble bath. The other kid would earn a different reward by /tolerating the shampoo/ during baths.

4- TEMPERATURE is an often-overlooked aspect of tactility. I know someone whose favorite mug is enameled steel, BUT it has to be rinsed with warm-to-hot water before they pour a drink into it. Double-walled glasses, common in summer, are wonderful year-round if someone dislikes the cold, while stoneware and quality glass mugs hold heat longer than porcelain.

5- if sand is uncomfortable, test the appeal of the tiny glass seed beads when dealing with a kid old enough to not eat them. (which may be well over the 3yo benchmark, as I've noticed tactile-sensitive kids tend to test things by tasting /as well as/ touching them. Instead of a little Zen sand garden, I simply kept a clear teacup with two packets of seed beads mixed together in it, and the kiddos both would dip their fingertips and play with them.

6- For preschoolers, a Montessori pouring table can be WONDERFUL, or it can be Purgatory. Use a dish pan with dry beans or lentils instead of sand for the activity... we used coffee beans for many months, too--it was a major favorite.

7- Also, generally for the preschool set, look for /other kinds of stuffed toys/. If they dislike the feel of fake fur, look for a toy in a fabric they do like. My kids at age two had a distinct preference for stroking a scrap of real rabbit fur over /any/ and /all/ synthetic plushies, which meant they didn't want to touch the toys to play with them. One kid's favorite stuffed animal was made of a soft, lightly textured nylon reminiscent of the ripstop nylon for windbreakers. A cuddly toy can be made with minimal sewing skills using an old, soft cotton adult tee shirt and filling it with polyester stuffing, for example.

8- Pillows on the bed /can be a long-term issue/. Trust me. Take a large or XL soft cotton tee shirt, no slogans on it, and cut the body off at the bottom of the armscythe. Close that seam by sewing together wrong side out. Turn right side out, stuff with polyester stuffing to about half the firmness of the pillow in question, and stitch just above the hemline to close it. COTTON KNIT and FLANNEL pillow cases can make regular pillows more acceptable, but sometimes it is the filling itself which is the problem. For years, my tee-shirt-pillow was actually stuffed with strips of cotton tee shirts and terry towel. It was so heavy it could've been used as a doorstop, but it stayed put, didn't smell like motor oil, and didn't feel like a pricklebush.

From:

zeeth_kyrah

On number 6 -- along with the coffee beans, you get the scent of them. Scented materials can be good, as these scents will cling to the hands after play, and can help provide an emotional color to other activities that associates them with the fun activity. Be sure to choose appropriate smells!

I should note, however, that exposure to fresh or concentrated cedar scent is not good for small animals or very young children, because it can cause damage to their lungs. This is why keepsake chests and wardrobes are often made of cedar, as the aromatic chemicals in the wood will repel and potentially harm many insects as well. On the other hand, aged cedar should be fine for slightly older children as long as they aren't sleeping in the wardrobe or something.

Something I did for my sister's older child was to bring out the spices in my parents' spice rack, and encourage him to smell them one at a time as a special bonding activity. He loved it, learning the many smells of a kitchen with me. I didn't pour any out to taste, but many have fine textures (ground to powder) which can feel smooth on the skin. This means they can be mixed to make pastes or added to other materials to add scents to the touch-play.

From:

dialecticdreamer

We made infusions of spices and used that liquid for homemade play-dough as well.

From:

makoyi

I have sensory processing disorder and, for me, its the auditory sensitivity that's most severe - though I think it probably wasn't as severe when I was little, but then my parents tried to fix me and ended up making me super anxious about situations where it might be an issue. My tactile sensitivity is the most minor of all my senses but for me, I don't sleep well unless I'm under a weighted blanket. So I make my own quilts but I don't weight them conventionally (with pellets inside) because I want it to still move like a quilt - I've learned that most of the weight of a quilt actually comes from the thread used to quilt it so by machine quilting it more densely you can get quite a lot of added weight that way, especially if you're doing an all-over pattern rather than trying to make specific designs in the stitching lines. A good bed quilt for me uses up probably 4-5 bulk spools of all-purpose thread or 2-3 cones of quilter's variegated thread and I'm not sure precisely how much weight that is, but I'd guess its in the neighborhood of 5 lbs (on top of what a quilt already weighs in fabric and batting). Since I often sleep with two or three of them depending on the season, that adds up to about the 'recommended' amount of weight for my body weight.

Edited Date: 2014-10-30 03:59 pm (UTC)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I have sensory processing disorder and, for me, its the auditory sensitivity that's most severe - though I think it probably wasn't as severe when I was little, but then my parents tried to fix me and ended up making me super anxious about situations where it might be an issue. <<

:( It sucks when the cure is worse than the disease.

>> My tactile sensitivity is the most minor of all my senses but for me, I don't sleep well unless I'm under a weighted blanket. So I make my own quilts but I don't weight them conventionally (with pellets inside) because I want it to still move like a quilt <<

Weight of fabric matters too. Wool is great for weight if you're not allergic to it. Corduroy can be heavy and the texture is nice. Felt makes good batting.

$mdlbear: blue fractal bear with text "since 2002" (Default)$

From:

mdlbear

I'm not all that sensitive, but a shirt with a scratchy tag or anything made of wool will drive me nuts.

Many of these tips would work for people with fibromyalgia, too.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I'm not all that sensitive, but a shirt with a scratchy tag or anything made of wool will drive me nuts. <<

I can't wear wool either, nor some synthetics.

>> Many of these tips would work for people with fibromyalgia, too. <<

Feel free to share this with anyone who needs it.

From: (Anonymous)

Ill have to say before I poked at your journal I didn't have a lot of words for things that were part of my life. I've always loathed prolonged contact and been adverse to touching (it quite literally burns)and having words to explain what this is and having some reasons as to why it might be like this... Well it's helped immeasurably. Thank you.

From:

fmanalyst.livejournal.com

Several months ago, probably as a result of some of your posts, I realized that I've always had a sensory processing disorder. When I came to that realization, a lot of things fell into place for me. I also found the perfect hobby for managing it: knitting. The motion of my hands and softness of the yarn have turned out to be wonderfully self-soothing.

From:

ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com

>> Several months ago, probably as a result of some of your posts, I realized that I've always had a sensory processing disorder. When I came to that realization, a lot of things fell into place for me. <<

I'm glad that I could help!

>> I also found the perfect hobby for managing it: knitting. The motion of my hands and softness of the yarn have turned out to be wonderfully self-soothing. <<

Many people find handicrafts to be a form of moving meditation. If the tactile quality of the yarn is important to you, consider exploring some of the exotic yarns to see if you like the texture -- they're expensive, but some have a glorious feel. Silk, silk and angora, alpaca, superwool, etc. are all lovely.

From:

fmanalyst.livejournal.com

Yes, I have already discovered the expensive yarns. I love them. The pretty colors. The soft textures. The tactile aspect is definitely important to me.

From:

kestrels-nest.livejournal.com

Goddess but I wish I'd had this information when my son was a toddler! I don't think I did damage (I didn't turn things into a fight if it was remotely avoidable), but neither did I think of some of the alternative approaches. Then again, I suspect a lot of this wasn't available 15 years ago.

From:

ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com

Many of the specialty toys are relatively recent. The mods and playstuffs (like putting rice in a baggie) are much older, just collected from things individual parents did. You probably thought of some stuff for your son -- there's just a lot more when you pile a bunch of people's best ideas together.

We had a rockhound neighbor. He would dump a cup of tumbled stones into a big garbage bag of gravel and invite me to go mining! Which is a good game for patience, being careful, and tactile stimulation.

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