Poem: "The Emptiness of Infinite Years"

[ysabetwordsmith]

This poem came out of the November 3, 2015 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from thnidu, janetmiles, ellenmillion, and gingicat. It also fills the "growing old together" square in my 5-18-15 card for the origfic_bingo fest, and the "failing to plan ahead" square in my 11-3-15 card for the Disaster Bingo fest. Based on an audience poll, this poem was sponsored by the general fund.

WARNING: This poem contains motifs that many readers may find upsetting. Highlight to read more detailed warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes major character death, loss of a loving relationship. grief, loneliness, immortality, depression, and other emotional mayhem. Please consider your tastes and headspace before deciding whether this is something you want to read.


"The Emptiness of Infinite Years"


My wife's deathbed lament
was an ode to lost love, all the time
we would never have to spend together.

When the infinity herb was announced,
were delighted by the prospect of
increased longevity, the chance
to grow old together and share
eternity with each other.

Then the herb worked
for me but not for her,

and it was only after
batteries of tests that
the doctors murmured
worthless apologies and
explained that it could only
prolong health, not restore it.

Her final days were tainted
by the bitter realization that
we had failed to plan ahead
for the possibility of separation.

We clung together while we could,
but in the end she passed on to
a different eternity than the one
to which I had sentenced myself.

So I limped into the emptiness of infinity
with dance partner forever absent
from my side, my elbow cold
in the soft evening breeze.

A cure for cancer, sure,
they found that too ...
four years too late.

I feel altogether abandoned
by the present, haunted by the past,
aching for the times to come that
we once anticipated sharing.

I want our future back.

Comments

Yeah.

[dialecticdreamer]

Wow. Just... All the ouch.

Re: Yeah.

[ysabetwordsmith]

Hence the big red warning at the top.

I didn't really set out to write something that dark, but the prompts stuck together and ... yeah. Horror flick.

Re: Yeah.

[dialecticdreamer]

I have to add- Ysabetwordsmith knows what's going on in real life-- and I /STILL/ jumped in, willing to read this. She's THAT good a writer.

It's powerful, and poignant. But it's NOT to be taken lightly.

Re: Yeah.

[ysabetwordsmith]

Aww. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

See, THIS is why we need content notes, so folks know what they're getting into. I have consistently found that it raises the level of what my readers are willing and able to engage, and lowers the frequency of me accidentally hitting people with a brick made of print.

Re: Yeah.

[dialecticdreamer]

Loss HURTS.

But NOT having that... that's beyond Purgatory. Putting things in perspective is important, too.

Re: Yeah.

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Loss HURTS. <<

Sooth. And sometimes, you just want a reflection of the fact that it hurts like fuck, not reassurances.

>> But NOT having that... that's beyond Purgatory. Putting things in perspective is important, too. <<

I think it depends on the person. Some people have an intense need for human contact, others much less so. But most humans are social creatures who feel bereft when they don't have close relationships.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

:frack: cancer. Fill it full of toxic waste, riddle it with earthquakes, suck the marrow out of it, and burn it on the blasphemous altar of human greed.

In a Starbucks cup.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

>> :frack: cancer. Fill it full of toxic waste, riddle it with earthquakes, suck the marrow out of it, and burn it on the blasphemous altar of human greed. <<

I quite agree.

>> In a Starbucks cup. <<

LOL

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

There's an interesting thing about cancer... it's a nightmare of life at any cost. Rather than a life-lived-well, in accordance with the needs of the environment, it's a wild ride, unconstrained and uncontrolled.

It's detestable, but at least it doesn't know any better. (I'll put down the hammer and go no further with the metaphor.)

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Infinite growth in a finite system is the philosophy of the cancer cell. I don't think it's an accident that the total chance of contracting cancer is now around 50%. The macrocosm of human behavior in the biosphere is manifesting within the human microbiome. Because everything is connected.