ysabetwordsmith | Story: "Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 30

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Story: "Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 30

This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk," and "kintsukuroi."

Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Nick Fury
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Minor character death. Bullying. Fighting. Suicide attempt (minor character).
Summary: This is the story of how a little boy named Flip grows up to save the world a lot.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Accidents. Emotional whump. Disability. Sibling relationship. Nonsexual love. Parentification. Manipulation. Coping skills. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Protection. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Comic books. Fixing things. Martial arts. Gentleness. Trust. Role models. Military. BAMF Phil Coulson.

Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29. Skip to Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35.

Warning: This chapter contains some references to job-related Phil!whump.

"Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 30

The first time Phil gets captured and tortured, they are pathetic amateurs. He remembers getting worse from the more creative bullies at school. Phil knows how to handle pain, but more importantly, he knows how to handle people. These are no challenge at all.

When he laughs in their faces, his captors hit him harder, but Phil doesn't care. He uses one of the tricks that Nick taught him to slip out of the ropes. He escapes before the bad guys can even break any bones. Then Phil frees the captive Senator, steals a boat, and returns to friendly territory.

Phil gets a commendation and a promotion to Level 2. Sadly he discovers a new batch of shabby paperwork in need of improvement, and how is it that SHIELD doesn't even have a form for analyzing the skill level of enemy interrogators? So he has to design that one from scratch, which is actually easier.

The second time Phil gets captured and tortured, they are terrifying experts. They beat him nearly to death, very carefully. He loses count of how many bones they break, somewhere between his left hand and his ribs.

Phil never tells them anything. No enemy has a chance of cracking his mental filing system. Who's going to find state secrets when they're filed under spinach casserole? he thinks.

They curse at him in German, but Phil doesn't care. Their questions are irrelevant to his words. He is still reciting recipe ingredients to the apoplectic interrogator when Agent Fury blasts open the door and shoots them all dead.

The last thing Phil hears before he passes out is Fury's frantic voice saying, "Cheese? Stay with me, you crazy motherfucker, don't you dare clock out on me!"

Phil wakes up in SHIELD medical with a body that aches distantly under a fuzzy layer of very nice drugs. His whole left arm is in a cast. Fury sits in a chair beside the bed, hidden by a rustling newspaper. "Did'n tell," Phil assures him.

"Cheese?" Fury says. "Oh, thank Christ. If you died on me, your momma woulda run me through her blender, twice."

Phil chuckles. It hurts and feels good at the same time. "Yeah."

"You dumbass, those old Nazi sympathizers could have killed you!" Fury scolds. "You could have just answered the questions. You're Level Two, it's not like you know anything valuable."

"Did'n wanna," Phil says. "Bad habit."

"Water under the bridge, I suppose," Fury says. "The bad news is, you're out of commission for at least four months. The doctors won't even consider desk work for two. So I'm sending you home for a while."

"No," Phil says. As far as SHIELD knows -- part of his bargain with Fury prior to entry -- Phil is a loner. He doesn't want to put his family at risk by leaving any noticeable connections.

"Fine, be that way. I have some leave available. I'm taking you home," Fury says.

Phil wants to argue, but even this much talking has exhausted him. He falls asleep while trying to muster a crushing counterargument.

* * *

Notes:

(The following references on torture are unpleasantly graphic in places.)
Torture involves scaring or hurting people to extract information. People debate the facts and effectiveness. In my observation, experts with a detailed knowledge of human anatomy and psychology can extract usable data from unwilling subjects. But such experts are few and far between, whereas most torture is done by amateurs with far less useful results. The main reasons are typically sadism and intimidation. Beating and breaking bones are two popular methods. Resistance to interrogation includes many different tactics. Phil is using a very sophisticated one, substitution, which really is hard to break through. Aftercare is important too, and Nick is on the right track putting Phil into a familiar refuge.

Escapology is a basic spy skill. It helps that few people know how to tie someone securely, so the result is usually easy to escape. Watch a video for an example. Read some tips on rope escape. For expert resources on this topic, see your local stage magic shop; there are whole books on the topic.

Blunt trauma and broken bones take varying amounts of time to heal. Severe bruising and small bones take 6-8 weeks. Internal injuries or larger bones may take several months. In Phil's case, it's not just the individual injuries, but the overall metabolic burden of mass trauma that takes a lot of time and energy to heal. So now you know what Fury was really thinking on the Helicarrier: "Oh shit Mrs. Coulson is going to kill me."

[To be continued in Part 31 ...]

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Thus his quick access to a rocket launcher, though not so fast as to get both planes. Losing Cheese for an irradiated Big Apple, ill-advised.

>> Thus his quick access to a rocket launcher, though not so fast as to get both planes. <<

And a key reason for Fury not messing with Tony's half-cracked plan: "Who knows, maybe the damn pig WILL fly."

>> Losing Cheese for an irradiated Big Apple, ill-advised. <<

Yeah, that is "Stuff Nicky in the blender and lean on Frappe" territory. He may not be daunted Loki but Mrs. Fury oh hell yes. It's kind of like how Steve can get to Phil: by being there before all the armor was up. By the time Loki shows up, Fury is just about numb to everything.

"This plan is half-cracked. I've got nothing. Well, they say it's more a miracle when a sinner does a good thing. Hope the saints and apostles agree."

Exactly! When you got nothing and somebody else has a half-cracked plan, it's time to shut your trap and let them try it.

Reading about the early Fury and his interactions with Phil has brought a thought about current Fury. I wish he would realize how much easier his job would be if he *listened* to Phil. Also since they (Phil and Fury) seem to have a solid foundation in their early relationship, I wonder when and how it came to be that Fury stopped trusting Phil. I might be barking up the wrong tree but his disregard for Phil's opinion on things seems to be far greater than simply thinking his way is better than Phil's. I'm sure that's part of it but I don't think its the entire picture.

>> Reading about the early Fury and his interactions with Phil has brought a thought about current Fury. I wish he would realize how much easier his job would be if he *listened* to Phil. <<

Absolutely. Phil does a lot for Fury that Fury no longer realizes.

>> Also since they (Phil and Fury) seem to have a solid foundation in their early relationship, I wonder when and how it came to be that Fury stopped trusting Phil. I might be barking up the wrong tree but his disregard for Phil's opinion on things seems to be far greater than simply thinking his way is better than Phil's. I'm sure that's part of it but I don't think its the entire picture. <<

I'm going with the explanation given in Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier -- "The last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye." I don't think that was Phil, but I think it was someone else whose relationship Fury treasured. That betrayal was so devastating that he lost his ability to trust anyone. There's another line in the same movie -- "Things like this are why I have trust issues." -- that indicates his life is very corrosive to faith, honesty, and relationships of any kind. Years of erosion and one cataclysmic blow have cost Fury not just his capacity to trust, but a chunk of his judgment too.

It's very sad.

Yeah, very sad indeed. Proof that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is a tough one to survive, let alone thrive.

I agree that explanation - it makes sense. Betrayal is very hard to recover from, particularly since it undermines not only the person's trust in others but their trust in themselves. "I trusted this person and they hurt me. How could I be so stupid?"

Even if he wanted to reach out to Phil for help, the evil monkey in his head (you know the one, it plays the bad tape) is probably saying "Don't. He'll just hurt you like that other person hurt you."

The evil monkey can be very loud and very convincing even when you know logically the evil monkey is full of it.

I'm not trying to excuse his bad behavior and choices, just saying it is a little more understandable about WHY he keeps making said bad choices and behavior.

>> Yeah, very sad indeed. Proof that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is a tough one to survive, let alone thrive. <<

Too true.

>> I agree that explanation - it makes sense. Betrayal is very hard to recover from, particularly since it undermines not only the person's trust in others but their trust in themselves. "I trusted this person and they hurt me. How could I be so stupid?" <<

Yes, exactly. The hardest to recover is your trust in yourself, because if you can't tell who is trustworthy and who is not, you're just fucked. It doesn't MATTER who is trustworthy or not, if you can't distinguish them!

That's why Tony is such a wreck. He has been betrayed, not just once, but repeatedly. That makes it extremely difficult for him to trust anyone else, ever. I honestly think that what keeps Tony alive and functional is that he has one person he can trust absolutely and unquestionably: JARVIS. That's the real reason JARVIS chose to keep the secret about the palladium poisoning. Even if he'd had someone to turn to who could have solved the problem, it would have saved Tony's body but broken his soul. Not a trade worth making.

>> Even if he wanted to reach out to Phil for help, the evil monkey in his head (you know the one, it plays the bad tape) is probably saying "Don't. He'll just hurt you like that other person hurt you." <<

That is so painfully true.

Wow, now I'm thinking of Shift the ape from The Last Battle. Because that fucker was a fucking headtrip, the emotional abuse was appalling. I am seriously imagining Shift clinging to Nick's back and whispering evil things in his ear.

>> The evil monkey can be very loud and very convincing even when you know logically the evil monkey is full of it. <<

Yeah, that's the hard part.

Now I want fanart of this: Nick with new eyepatch and the monkey on his back, Phil trying to reach out to Nick and wondering why Nick won't reach back anymore. All the hurty hurtness.

>> I'm not trying to excuse his bad behavior and choices, just saying it is a little more understandable about WHY he keeps making said bad choices and behavior. <<

There's a difference between explaining behavior and condoning it. Fury's bad actions are still bad actions that hurt people ... but we can see how they are less free choices than they might otherwise seem.

This might be a job for Amanda Stetson, or Billy her boss at The Agency.

(for those that don't know the reference, this was a pre-Hill Street Blues sorta action/intrigue, sorta comedy prime time hour long show.)

Think about a Mary Tyler Moore character divorced and in the 1980s thrown into the world of spies. She at times has Cap like powers of "I'm very disappointed in you." Fortunately, she also knows the power of cookies and looking at files.

Poor Phil. If Fury takes him home like this, Phil's mom will still run him through the blender at least once...

What year is this, anyway? I'm temporally disoriented...

>> Poor Phil. If Fury takes him home like this, Phil's mom will still run him through the blender at least once... <<

*chuckle* But she is the best suited to take care of Phil when he's this far flattened.

>> What year is this, anyway? I'm temporally disoriented... <<

Sorry, I'm not sure exactly; the precision breaks down after a while.

MORE! Brilliant! And next time, Mrs. Coulson gets to square off with Nicky!

This is so effective, RIGHT NOW, it could actually act as the last chapter. That it ISN'T only makes me happier!

>> MORE! Brilliant! And next time, Mrs. Coulson gets to square off with Nicky! <<

Yep, I just posted that one. Net was down for a few hours, so it's later than usual.

>> This is so effective, RIGHT NOW, it could actually act as the last chapter. That it ISN'T only makes me happier! <<

I'm delighted to hear that. Yes, there's a bit more with Nick Fury and Mrs. Coulson, then it moves on to another topic.

Commandment #11: Do Not Mess With the Mama.

So very true!

but you made me cry for Nick Fury. Again. Such a waste.

Aww! *hankie*

I wanted to show that Fury was once worthy of Phil's friendship. Serving your country has a cost. Sometimes you lose your life, sometimes parts of your body ... sometimes your soul.

Yeah. It's so easy to see him as just a bad guy, when it's more complicated than that.

I tend to prefer complex over simplistic characters. Where the canon falls flat, I try to liven it up as plausibly as possible. Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier helped a lot in Fury's case.

Hi there! I haven't been reading for a while because I had studying to do and telling myself I'd "just read one chapter" was hopeless. So I've just read twenty-six in a row. :-) Didn't comment despite the awesomeness, because I just wanted to keep reading.
So basically, I have a lot to say right now. I love the progression of Phil's character here. It all just makes so much sense. Hi martial arts training was awesome (Though is it really plausible that his sensei was still only first dan? Even in the time training Phil he should have had time to advance in his own training, especially since we saw he had such an awesome teacher. Just a thought.) I found it really funny that Phil was thinking about logarithmic versus exponential progression whilst lying on the floor having had the stuffing knocked out of him. So very Coulson. :D
His relationship with Harmon and paperwork was brilliant. I love that Phil was a red-tape ninja from childhood. It's also great that you dealt with bullying and how little "telling a teacher" really works, but then also how Phil's increasing knowledge of people could hurt them. Outing that bully to himself was scary-perceptive, and the aftermath really really sucked.
The "dealing with stuff" that's part of most of your stories is excellent. I love that your characters face real problems and shitty situations, and work through them, recognise their mistakes, plan to do better next time, make amends, find coping mechanisms etc.. I makes the story feel real, and hopeful.
I really like Alexa, and I'm glad she found something that makes her happy. It makes sense that someone so emotionally oriented would gravitate to animals.
"Nicky" Fury being scared of Mrs Coulson is really funny. I don't really get why people are so scared of unarmed mothers. He's head of a top-secret government organisation, what could she *actually* do to him? And yet... I wouldn't want to piss her off either. Fascinating, mothers, aren't they?
Phil as a Marine makes a *lot* of sense. As the Royal Marines Commando recruitment ads say "It's a state of mind." Phil sure has that state of mind. (Yeah, that's British, but they're basically the same.)
I love that as Phil meets with incredible people, he isn't intimidated or feeling inferior. He just wants to learn what they know, so he can awesome too. And he doesn't realise how awesome he already is, because he's always looking to improve. I love Phil.
This chapter was not cool with the torture. :-( But I had to chuckle at "filed under spinach casserole". It's also great that Fury really takes care of Phil at this point in time. Makes you wonder exactly what happened to change him. Fury is one sad character.
I really hope you take this story all the way up to meeting Clint and Natasha. I'd love to see how that played out.
Really really loving this one, I think it may be the best so far... I always think that, but maybe even more so this time. You're really taking the time to build Phil's life experiences and character, and it's awesome to be along for the ride. Thanks! :D

>> Hi there! I haven't been reading for a while because I had studying to do and telling myself I'd "just read one chapter" was hopeless. So I've just read twenty-six in a row. :-) Didn't comment despite the awesomeness, because I just wanted to keep reading. <<

I think it's adorable when folks get so immersed in the story, they can't stop to comment.

>> So basically, I have a lot to say right now. I love the progression of Phil's character here. It all just makes so much sense. Hi martial arts training was awesome <<

Yay!

>> (Though is it really plausible that his sensei was still only first dan? Even in the time training Phil he should have had time to advance in his own training, especially since we saw he had such an awesome teacher. Just a thought.) <<

Yes, it's plausible. Everyone has a level of potential they can reach in an endeavor. After that, they will no longer make progress or will make progress very very slowly. A black belt is generally considered "teaching" level in martial arts. Phil's sensei is a capable martial artist, but not a great one. He's a terrific teacher. He's plenty good enough to run a backwater dojo. But he's never going to be a great master of karate, and that's okay. Most people aren't. He's astute enough to recognize real talent when he sees it, and pass Phil along to someone who can do more for him. If you look at the small local dojos, not the big flashy ones, they are often run by people like this, who have a decent but not spectacular ability and love the art. Many, though, not all, of them are also talented teachers. I kind of based Phil's sensei on descriptions I've heard from friends.

>> I found it really funny that Phil was thinking about logarithmic versus exponential progression whilst lying on the floor having had the stuffing knocked out of him. So very Coulson. :D <<

*chuckle* That kind of impact can shake up your head enough to make random things float through it, or make funny connections with the topic at hand. You know how cartoons illustrate it with birds and stars? Not far off, really.

>> His relationship with Harmon and paperwork was brilliant. I love that Phil was a red-tape ninja from childhood. <<

Hee! I wanted to show how something small and intriguing can grow into a superpower. Because it's pretty obvious that Phil is to paperwork what Hawkeye is to archery.

>> It's also great that you dealt with bullying and how little "telling a teacher" really works, <<

That's a favorite topic of mine. It also appears in several threads over in Polychrome Heroics.

>> but then also how Phil's increasing knowledge of people could hurt them. Outing that bully to himself was scary-perceptive, and the aftermath really really sucked. <<

Sooth. When you see things that other people don't see, you have to learn how to gauge your responses, because excessive force is bad. But it's exactly things like this that make Agent Coulson able and willing to put down a pair of petty thieves with a bag of flour, instead of shooting them between the eyes which he certainly could have done.

>> The "dealing with stuff" that's part of most of your stories is excellent. I love that your characters face real problems and shitty situations, and work through them, recognise their mistakes, plan to do better next time, make amends, find coping mechanisms etc.. I makes the story feel real, and hopeful. <<

Yay! That's exactly what I'm aiming for. Stories with problems that can be handwaved just don't float my boat. I know some people like to fantasize about that, but I'm far more interested in watching characters work through real challenges, because sometimes it gives me ideas for things I could try myself.

>> I really like Alexa, and I'm glad she found something that makes her happy. It makes sense that someone so emotionally oriented would gravitate to animals. <<

That connection is actually based on some articles I've read about jobs that neurovariant people have. Some of them share enough commonalities with animals that they notice things ordinary humans don't, and can use that information to make the animals more comfortable. Emotional awareness is just a different type of intelligence.

>> "Nicky" Fury being scared of Mrs Coulson is really funny. I don't really get why people are so scared of unarmed mothers. He's head of a top-secret government organisation, what could she *actually* do to him? <<

Remember how much damage Phil did to that bully. Remember how he hamstrung Loki with three words, "You lack conviction."

Think about how much baggage Nick Fury is carrying.

Now consider that Mrs. Coulson is the main person who taught Phil how to see what there is to be seen, and she has decades more experience. She doesn't need a gun to hurt Nick Fury in ways that would never heal, and he damn well knows it.

What he does not realize is that she could also heal some of the damage he's already taken.

>> And yet... I wouldn't want to piss her off either. Fascinating, mothers, aren't they? <<

Sooth. I sure as hell wouldn't want to pick a fight with her.

>> Phil as a Marine makes a *lot* of sense. As the Royal Marines Commando recruitment ads say "It's a state of mind." Phil sure has that state of mind. (Yeah, that's British, but they're basically the same.) <<

That makes sense, yes. I like that line. It's very true.

>> I love that as Phil meets with incredible people, he isn't intimidated or feeling inferior. He just wants to learn what they know, so he can awesome too. And he doesn't realise how awesome he already is, because he's always looking to improve. I love Phil. <<

I think that's a key part of what makes him SHIELD's best handler. He's comfortable looking up to people and supporting them. Even though he stumbles sometimes, he gets back up. After that awful first meeting with Steve when Phil puppydogged all over him, Phil was able to come back a short time later with exactly what a man out of time needed to hear: "Sometimes people need a little old-fashioned." And he was right.

>> This chapter was not cool with the torture. :-( <<

True, it can be painful to read. But Phil does a dangerous job and I wanted to acknowledge that.

>> But I had to chuckle at "filed under spinach casserole". <<

That's meant to be funny, but it's also true. Substitution is a very advanced, very effective means of sequestering information.

>> It's also great that Fury really takes care of Phil at this point in time. Makes you wonder exactly what happened to change him. Fury is one sad character. <<

Sooth. Given the background of friendship contrasted against Fury's awful behavior in the movies, I needed to show how the two of them started out that made Phil so attached to Fury. It took me a long time to figure out justifications for what I really see as other people's shabby writing, but I think it works out in the end. Fury had to make the kind of compromises that tend to eat away a person's soul, and he spent a lot of time around the Tesseract and weapons made from it, also very corrosive.

In Terramagne, it's called the Curie Paradox, when you study something before you know what safety precautions need to be taken, and wind up getting hurt.

>> I really hope you take this story all the way up to meeting Clint and Natasha. I'd love to see how that played out. <<

Not in this story, sorry. Those really need to be handled on their own. I would like to do them if I have time, probably as spacers like this between the longer forward-reaching stories.

>> Really really loving this one, I think it may be the best so far... I always think that, but maybe even more so this time. You're really taking the time to build Phil's life experiences and character, and it's awesome to be along for the ride. Thanks! :D <<

Yay! That's awesome to hear.

Phil is really good at "This is not the time to panic". So, while mortified at his epic case of foot in mouth disease, he still is able to apply field aphorism in validating Steve as Steve (now that's power there, that it made it through all the trappings into the comics) and thus pulling out that damn thorn Fury put in Steve.

Maria is probably waiting for the Jedi fight that's going to happen when Phil figures out just what sort of sloppy trash Fury has thought 'necessary' and 'acceptable losses'

Fury overlaps the original sin of SHIELD, trying to handle the clean end of Zola?

>> Phil is really good at "This is not the time to panic". <<

True. It takes not just a lot, but a fairly narrow selection of things, to make him skid.

>> So, while mortified at his epic case of foot in mouth disease, he still is able to apply field aphorism in validating Steve as Steve (now that's power there, that it made it through all the trappings into the comics) and thus pulling out that damn thorn Fury put in Steve. <<

Yes, that recovery was beautiful. I think it helped Steve stay sane.

>> Maria is probably waiting for the Jedi fight that's going to happen when Phil figures out just what sort of sloppy trash Fury has thought 'necessary' and 'acceptable losses' <<

Yyyyyeah.

>> Fury overlaps the original sin of SHIELD, trying to handle the clean end of Zola? <<

It's possible, especially in the context of Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier. There is some ugly underside shit going on there. It just reminds me of how Mythbusters demonstrated you really could polish a turd.

Love Is For Children leans in a somewhat different direction, but I have thoughts on Zola.

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Story: "Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 30

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