>> One of the things I borrowed from Al-Anon is HALT- never make decisions when Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, because your judgment suffers. <<
>>That's a great rule for people who have the luxury of ever being NOT those things. But if you're abused, you usually have at least one and usually several of them happening. If you have any kind of chronic condition, same problem. I've had this conversation with folks who have things like migraines, and it's a whole different set of coping skills when your headache can last for a week. Putting off a decision until after you've eaten or slept is usually possible. Putting it off until your one or two good days a month? Often not feasible. So then you have to learn how to make livable decisions while wrecked.<<
I've got similar situations, but the idea is to make things as favorable for yourself as you /can/ before you make a decision. If you're going to be facing a change in health insurance next December, look at the options as many times as you can when feeling well, rested, and without feeling like the sky is falling. Otherwise, Dec 01 leads to panic, which leads to late nights, which leads to stress and so forth, until you pick the one which seems cheapest... and then find out the specialist you need for that chronic but manageable condition isn't even ON the list of people you can see under the new plan.
Lawrence, as an abused kid, needs a better baseline, true. But he's going to make decisions based on the patterns he UNDERSTANDS as much as on the way he's feeling at the time, and that's not going to lead to particularly good results, either.
Seriously, drop a vegan into a largely meat-oriented /culture/ and watch them flounder for /anything/ they can deal with. Ditto for dropping Thag the Barbarian (who thinks a balanced diet is eating as much beef as pork, for example) into a vegan society and thon'll have as many problems as the other guy.
I'd like for Lawrence to have help sooner, so he doesn't need /decades/ to deal with all the bad tape and baggage. Here's hoping!
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dancing_serpent
Re: Lawrence
Date: 2014-07-16 08:49 pm (UTC)>>That's a great rule for people who have the luxury of ever being NOT those things. But if you're abused, you usually have at least one and usually several of them happening. If you have any kind of chronic condition, same problem. I've had this conversation with folks who have things like migraines, and it's a whole different set of coping skills when your headache can last for a week. Putting off a decision until after you've eaten or slept is usually possible. Putting it off until your one or two good days a month? Often not feasible. So then you have to learn how to make livable decisions while wrecked.<<
I've got similar situations, but the idea is to make things as favorable for yourself as you /can/ before you make a decision. If you're going to be facing a change in health insurance next December, look at the options as many times as you can when feeling well, rested, and without feeling like the sky is falling. Otherwise, Dec 01 leads to panic, which leads to late nights, which leads to stress and so forth, until you pick the one which seems cheapest... and then find out the specialist you need for that chronic but manageable condition isn't even ON the list of people you can see under the new plan.
Lawrence, as an abused kid, needs a better baseline, true. But he's going to make decisions based on the patterns he UNDERSTANDS as much as on the way he's feeling at the time, and that's not going to lead to particularly good results, either.
Seriously, drop a vegan into a largely meat-oriented /culture/ and watch them flounder for /anything/ they can deal with. Ditto for dropping Thag the Barbarian (who thinks a balanced diet is eating as much beef as pork, for example) into a vegan society and thon'll have as many problems as the other guy.
I'd like for Lawrence to have help sooner, so he doesn't need /decades/ to deal with all the bad tape and baggage. Here's hoping!