![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithHere are the content notes for "Put Yourself in the Right Lighting."
One persistent challenge that Shiv has from his traumatic past is figuring out what people actually mean when they say things. He grew up with a lot of manipulative and dishonest people who would say one thing but mean another, and if he took their words at face value, that got him in trouble. That was correct distrust. Now the problem works in reverse: the Finns say what they mean, but Shiv interprets that through the lens of his past experience, and that miscommunication causes problems that nobody intended to happen. The result is under-trusting. So the Finns are trying to be extra-clear with Shiv, and he's struggling to grasp that they really do mean what they say.
My readers often have a similar problem parsing Terramagne conversations in general, because the average level of honesty and compassion is so much higher in T-America than in L-America, resulting in a high-trust society. They say and mean things like "if you want" or "should I stop?" that L-American people often use for manipulation or outright abuse. This complicates the fandom somewhat, because there aren't always other ways for me to paraphrase a concept that haven't been misused by abusers. All I can do is provide some supporting materials, as above, and suggest that decent people mean what they say most or all of the time.
Shiv's clothes from Tolli and Simon include a blue denim jacket, white T-shirt with blue and rust stripes, rust button-up shirt, gray denim jeans, and gray sneakers with rust and white trim.
It's okay to hate parties. Many people feel that way for a wide range of valid reasons. Some of those reasons get pretty brutal. It's especially hard on people who are introverted or neurovariant. If you hate parties, then it's fine to avoid them. You can find better ways to spend your time. However, it's useful to know some survival skills for parties in case you get dragged to one against your will. Finally, remember that if someone forces you to do something against your will, you have no obligation to reward them for it by making it fun for them. Misery loves company! It also discourages repetition.
Many people hate being the center of attention. It makes them very uncomfortable. Don't force children or adults into the spotlight. It is abusive. Know how to keep a low profile when you wish.
Many extroverts try to bully or shame introverts. Instead, understand introverts and respect their boundaries. Contrast caring for introverts with caring for extroverts.
Admitting you were wrong is an essential relationship skill. Know how to do it right. Then apologize, and make that a concrete apology if necessary.
You can't force people to be something they're not. Even if you could, it would be a disaster. Free yourself from the desire to change people.
Local-Earth has the Introvert Palace. See pages for merchandise, best sellers, apparel, rings, and bracelets. Browse other gifts for introverts.
In Terramagne-America, the Introvert Store carries a wide range of products for quiet, solitary activity and sensory comfort. Popular categories include clothes with introvert slogans, chewelry and other sensory jewelry, self-care supplies, light and sound decor, arts and crafts materials, art prints and posters, scented candles, candy and spices, bath supplies, aromatherapy, music, books and magazines, computer games and programs, tabletop games, puzzles, fidgets, construction toys, plush toys, pillows and blankets, soundproofing and lightproofing materials, houseplants, pet supplies, and wildlife supplies. It has a variety of storefront locations as well as a website for online shopping.
One persistent challenge that Shiv has from his traumatic past is figuring out what people actually mean when they say things. He grew up with a lot of manipulative and dishonest people who would say one thing but mean another, and if he took their words at face value, that got him in trouble. That was correct distrust. Now the problem works in reverse: the Finns say what they mean, but Shiv interprets that through the lens of his past experience, and that miscommunication causes problems that nobody intended to happen. The result is under-trusting. So the Finns are trying to be extra-clear with Shiv, and he's struggling to grasp that they really do mean what they say.
My readers often have a similar problem parsing Terramagne conversations in general, because the average level of honesty and compassion is so much higher in T-America than in L-America, resulting in a high-trust society. They say and mean things like "if you want" or "should I stop?" that L-American people often use for manipulation or outright abuse. This complicates the fandom somewhat, because there aren't always other ways for me to paraphrase a concept that haven't been misused by abusers. All I can do is provide some supporting materials, as above, and suggest that decent people mean what they say most or all of the time.
Shiv's clothes from Tolli and Simon include a blue denim jacket, white T-shirt with blue and rust stripes, rust button-up shirt, gray denim jeans, and gray sneakers with rust and white trim.
It's okay to hate parties. Many people feel that way for a wide range of valid reasons. Some of those reasons get pretty brutal. It's especially hard on people who are introverted or neurovariant. If you hate parties, then it's fine to avoid them. You can find better ways to spend your time. However, it's useful to know some survival skills for parties in case you get dragged to one against your will. Finally, remember that if someone forces you to do something against your will, you have no obligation to reward them for it by making it fun for them. Misery loves company! It also discourages repetition.
Many people hate being the center of attention. It makes them very uncomfortable. Don't force children or adults into the spotlight. It is abusive. Know how to keep a low profile when you wish.
Many extroverts try to bully or shame introverts. Instead, understand introverts and respect their boundaries. Contrast caring for introverts with caring for extroverts.
Admitting you were wrong is an essential relationship skill. Know how to do it right. Then apologize, and make that a concrete apology if necessary.
You can't force people to be something they're not. Even if you could, it would be a disaster. Free yourself from the desire to change people.
Local-Earth has the Introvert Palace. See pages for merchandise, best sellers, apparel, rings, and bracelets. Browse other gifts for introverts.
In Terramagne-America, the Introvert Store carries a wide range of products for quiet, solitary activity and sensory comfort. Popular categories include clothes with introvert slogans, chewelry and other sensory jewelry, self-care supplies, light and sound decor, arts and crafts materials, art prints and posters, scented candles, candy and spices, bath supplies, aromatherapy, music, books and magazines, computer games and programs, tabletop games, puzzles, fidgets, construction toys, plush toys, pillows and blankets, soundproofing and lightproofing materials, houseplants, pet supplies, and wildlife supplies. It has a variety of storefront locations as well as a website for online shopping.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-01-21 02:30 pm (UTC)Yes ...
Date: 2024-01-21 08:15 pm (UTC)If you want a more detailed tour of it, jot that down as a prompt for the March 5 Poetry Fishbowl on Brands / Products / Services We Wish Existed.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-01-24 02:16 am (UTC)I seem to keep believing people when they say stuff...and then they want me to do something else.
Yes, I am aware that "democracy is best" means "we are special, don't argue," not "we should allow people to make democratic decisions that we disagree with." I am just unwilling to go along with the, hm, /lie/ that is the spirit of the statement.
Could be I am operating on a different level of ethics than most people, I somehow picked up a different ethical framework than mainstream society, or I might be some sort of neuroambiguous. [shrug]
>>It's okay to hate parties. Many people feel that way for a wide range of valid reasons. Some of those reasons get pretty brutal. It's especially hard on people who are introverted or neurovariant. If you hate parties, then it's fine to avoid them. You can find better ways to spend your time.<<
Reminds me of people telling me to go do Making Friends Things as a child. It didn't really work, given that I found the typical scripts to pe pointless and unenjoyable.
As an adult I seem to have slightly better luck - mostly by butt-dialing people's Social Bonding Routine by being nice. Mostly trying to make people comfortable, paying attention to their preferences, and making their lives easier.
>>You can't force people to be something they're not. Even if you could, it would be a disaster. Free yourself from the desire to change people.<,
Related, what is up with people who insist on bonding with stuff they like, even if it makes the other person miserable? And then they complain when you're not good enough at faking happiness, gratitude, whatever. :/
Maybe they've got some issues with empathy, but serious, that's a reason, not an excuse.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-01-26 02:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-01-27 03:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-01-24 02:57 am (UTC)Well ...
Date: 2024-01-24 11:45 am (UTC)https://archive.fo/CEl76
Re: Well ...
Date: 2024-01-27 03:16 am (UTC)...also, while the gifts mentioned are certainly very nice, I am not sure they would appeal across the board to all introverts.
From my perspective, they tend towards being pricey and fancy and focused mostly on self-indulgence. Some people might prefer a style other than fancy, or something that isn't quite as pricey.
For example, I would be happy getting a box of my preferred flavor/brand of tea, which at most would be about $5. People can make homemade herb gardens, possibly with custom decor. And it is pretty easy to thrift comfy clothes if you know someone's preferred styles and sizes.
Again, those are very nice gifts. But it's like the idea that all women love flowers and chocolate. Sure, some of us do, but there are also plenty of us who would be happy with or even prefer stuff like a new toolkit, money, new science books, etc.
Re: Well ...
Date: 2024-02-09 10:56 am (UTC)Managed to get it to work in Vivaldi
Also noticed that a link someone else posted (to archive.is) has the same problem. And also works in Vivaldi.
I could experiment with other browsers, but not worth the time, now that I found a solution.