>> Some people might like ineptitude and childishness in a partner, but... :/
... definitely not Wednesday. She has almost no bullshit tolerance.
>> I also wonder if the dynamic of women disliking immature male partners but many men liking immature female partners has to do more with gender roles or power dynamics. Histrionics are much more intimidating when done by someone a foot taller and half-again as heavy as you... <<
It's also about reproductive strategies. A female invests much energy into few eggs; a male invests little energy into many sperm. A female gains by seeking an older mate who has more resources. A male gains by seeking a younger mate who has more fertility.
>> Also, keep in mind that he mentioned that he stopped hanging out with his friend group. On the one hand yay, they were bullies and good riddance, but on the other he doesn't mention any new social connections, and suddenly becoming a loner fits in with a mental illness (like say a Hyde manifestation). Uncontrolled mental illness* and lack of other social connections are not great signs when considering starting a new relationship either.<<
Well reasoned.
Equating mental illness with monstrosity is bothersome, but well, it's such a big part of Gothic literature that tampering with it would destabilize all the other things connected to it. :/
>>Yeah, if you're interested: ask nicely and then _wait_ for an answer. Also, don't push boundaries while waiting for that answer.
Women aren't dolls, sheesh.<<
If only.
The problem is, men do this because it works, and it works because women let it, and if you point this out then they all go apeshit.
At one point, there were a couple of people creating a mess in public space. When we got tired of it, we hemmed them in together and insisted that they talk it out. She said she didn't want to date anyone at present; he agreed to back off.
And then she went with some other guy who kept pestering her.
The guy side of me felt like I had given him bad advice by saying that if she asked for space, he should give it to her.
It's really hard to convince people to follow rules, when breaking the rules gains them much more.
>>So he has a decent grasp of some social skills. Creepy if you perceive him as a sociopath, has potential if you perceive him as a messed-up kid.<<
True on both points.
>>I have heard it summed up as: Women understand the social investment during courtship to be a contractual 'subscription fee' to a relationship, and feel betrayed when he stops paying up. Men feel the investment during courtship is an entry fee - and once in the relationship they don't feel obligated to keep paying up.<<
Interesting.
I think of courtship as a chance for people to advertise what they bring to a relationship, whether that's money or great sex or loyalty or whatever. If you don't want it to be a part of your relationship, don't bring it into the courtship. People should know what they're getting into.
Also, I note that most successful relationships are successful because the couple invest time and energy in each other, as they did in the beginning, even if the type changes with the flux of their lives. Going to movies might shift to watching TV together over supper, mountain biking might shift to city biking, maybe they have kids and do things as a family with just the occasional date night, etc. But they still have moments of romance. I've seen old couples dancing in front of a live band at a mall, just because they walked by and heard the music.
>>Then after he whatshername tries to activate the Hyde, he ends up imprinting on Wednesday instead (someone he shares interests with, an Outcast who isn't hostile towards him, and someone who is scary enough to make all the upsetting people back off). <<
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dancing_serpent
Thoughts
Date: 2023-03-30 09:00 am (UTC)... definitely not Wednesday. She has almost no bullshit tolerance.
>> I also wonder if the dynamic of women disliking immature male partners but many men liking immature female partners has to do more with gender roles or power dynamics. Histrionics are much more intimidating when done by someone a foot taller and half-again as heavy as you... <<
It's also about reproductive strategies. A female invests much energy into few eggs; a male invests little energy into many sperm. A female gains by seeking an older mate who has more resources. A male gains by seeking a younger mate who has more fertility.
>> Also, keep in mind that he mentioned that he stopped hanging out with his friend group. On the one hand yay, they were bullies and good riddance, but on the other he doesn't mention any new social connections, and suddenly becoming a loner fits in with a mental illness (like say a Hyde manifestation). Uncontrolled mental illness* and lack of other social connections are not great signs when considering starting a new relationship either.<<
Well reasoned.
Equating mental illness with monstrosity is bothersome, but well, it's such a big part of Gothic literature that tampering with it would destabilize all the other things connected to it. :/
>>Yeah, if you're interested: ask nicely and then _wait_ for an answer. Also, don't push boundaries while waiting for that answer.
Women aren't dolls, sheesh.<<
If only.
The problem is, men do this because it works, and it works because women let it, and if you point this out then they all go apeshit.
At one point, there were a couple of people creating a mess in public space. When we got tired of it, we hemmed them in together and insisted that they talk it out. She said she didn't want to date anyone at present; he agreed to back off.
And then she went with some other guy who kept pestering her.
The guy side of me felt like I had given him bad advice by saying that if she asked for space, he should give it to her.
It's really hard to convince people to follow rules, when breaking the rules gains them much more.
>>So he has a decent grasp of some social skills. Creepy if you perceive him as a sociopath, has potential if you perceive him as a messed-up kid.<<
True on both points.
>>I have heard it summed up as: Women understand the social investment during courtship to be a contractual 'subscription fee' to a relationship, and feel betrayed when he stops paying up. Men feel the investment during courtship is an entry fee - and once in the relationship they don't feel obligated to keep paying up.<<
Interesting.
I think of courtship as a chance for people to advertise what they bring to a relationship, whether that's money or great sex or loyalty or whatever. If you don't want it to be a part of your relationship, don't bring it into the courtship. People should know what they're getting into.
Also, I note that most successful relationships are successful because the couple invest time and energy in each other, as they did in the beginning, even if the type changes with the flux of their lives. Going to movies might shift to watching TV together over supper, mountain biking might shift to city biking, maybe they have kids and do things as a family with just the occasional date night, etc. But they still have moments of romance. I've seen old couples dancing in front of a live band at a mall, just because they walked by and heard the music.
>>Then after he whatshername tries to activate the Hyde, he ends up imprinting on Wednesday instead (someone he shares interests with, an Outcast who isn't hostile towards him, and someone who is scary enough to make all the upsetting people back off). <<
I like that idea.