Time confuses me. It doesn't make sense for time to be completely linear. Divination wouldn't work at all. But if it isn't, how can free will exist at all? I can't say I exist as much in some other moment as now, but to my parents' disappoinment I've never been great at living in the now, either. I've improved my productive imagining to catastrophizing ratio, thanks therapy and life experience. But I'm still stuck on things that happened twenty years ago. I know healing from trauma is like that, but I'm frustrated. And feeling guilty for whining so much (of course, I've always felt that way, if feeling like your problems are Not Enough and you're just being difficult is not in the DSM as a trauma response it should be. But there's gotta be a point where it's true.). Even with therapy and self-help articles and whatnot, getting over anything on purpose has never gone well for me.
I don't remember my parents reading to me. They definitely did, but after I learned at like 4 or 5,a combination of my impatience and them encouraging me to Be Mature led to that not being a thing, I think. Or I forgot, my memory of being a small child is not much.
Damn it, I know we had good days, but no nice story comes to mind at present.
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2022-01-25 09:35 pm (UTC)I can't say I exist as much in some other moment as now, but to my parents' disappoinment I've never been great at living in the now, either. I've improved my productive imagining to catastrophizing ratio, thanks therapy and life experience. But I'm still stuck on things that happened twenty years ago. I know healing from trauma is like that, but I'm frustrated. And feeling guilty for whining so much (of course, I've always felt that way, if feeling like your problems are Not Enough and you're just being difficult is not in the DSM as a trauma response it should be. But there's gotta be a point where it's true.). Even with therapy and self-help articles and whatnot, getting over anything on purpose has never gone well for me.
I don't remember my parents reading to me. They definitely did, but after I learned at like 4 or 5,a combination of my impatience and them encouraging me to Be Mature led to that not being a thing, I think. Or I forgot, my memory of being a small child is not much.
Damn it, I know we had good days, but no nice story comes to mind at present.