>>The two cases, the people involved might be in the same building or (large) room, but wouldn't be required to interact or be alone with each other.<<
See now, that works just fine as long as both agree to ignore each other and someone else is available for whatever needs doing. It's a skill I wish more people had. I can do it, if the other person stays out of my way -- but I won't tolerate being picked on.
>>One of the advantages of having several volunteers is we could switch off depending on resources, compatible personalities, individual knowledge / experience etc.<<
Very good, and also a reason for cross-training.
This reminds me, one of the biggest problems that Rutledge has is almost all the refugees come from broken families. The lucky ones have two parents and their children. But almost nobody has the set of relatives needed for normal social interactions in Muslim culture -- a man needs a female relative to meet with another woman, and a woman needs a male relative to meet with another man. Women and men are both generally happier if they have same-sex relatives and friends to hang out with, go shopping, etc. So lots of people are desperately lonely but don't have what they need to connect. Some are trying to splice back together by adopting other refugees, mostly the solitary elders. It's just a mess. But it's only come up a few times; I caught an example because Labib had picked up a solitary grandmother.
>> Complicating this, some cultures, demographics and people have very subtle body language.<<
True. A person with subtle body language can usually read loud body language, but the reverse is rarely true.
>> I just had a discussion with someone today, and one of the chief complaints was that the other person cannot tell when my temper is fraying. (To me, repeating "Don't do X" twice is a clear warning.)<<
Yeah.
I find that things unsaid cause the most problems. Frex, in Japan people don't say "no" because it's rude. But their oblique phrases to mean no are taken as encouragement by American businessmen. In some places, I think Korea is one, touching a person's head is so rude that it can't be mentioned even to tell people not to do it -- thus perpetuating the problem. Multiple Native American tribes have a rule that you can't correct an older person for any reason, which is a blighted nuisance if that older person is trying to learn the language.
>>I only recognized the pattern after running into it several times myself (and admittedly, not always handling it gracefully).
Usually [and especially in cross-cultural situations] if you don't get the expected response 1x, 2x, it's a good idea to step back and check what's going on.<<
I agree. You really have to be good at reading people. Me, I'm too much of a bulldozer to be good at that sort of skill, but I can still admire it.
>> People get to choose who they're comfortable working with, and people get to choose how they are or are not going to pray.<<
That's good.
>> One can have Opinions, but one does not get to enforce those Opinions on others.<<
That makes for a better world. Here, it doesn't matter whether it's religion, clothes, food -- everyone seems to feel entitled to force themselves on other people. And I feel like I don't want to be around assholes.
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dancing_serpent
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2021-11-26 05:41 am (UTC)See now, that works just fine as long as both agree to ignore each other and someone else is available for whatever needs doing. It's a skill I wish more people had. I can do it, if the other person stays out of my way -- but I won't tolerate being picked on.
>>One of the advantages of having several volunteers is we could switch off depending on resources, compatible personalities, individual knowledge / experience etc.<<
Very good, and also a reason for cross-training.
This reminds me, one of the biggest problems that Rutledge has is almost all the refugees come from broken families. The lucky ones have two parents and their children. But almost nobody has the set of relatives needed for normal social interactions in Muslim culture -- a man needs a female relative to meet with another woman, and a woman needs a male relative to meet with another man. Women and men are both generally happier if they have same-sex relatives and friends to hang out with, go shopping, etc. So lots of people are desperately lonely but don't have what they need to connect. Some are trying to splice back together by adopting other refugees, mostly the solitary elders. It's just a mess. But it's only come up a few times; I caught an example because Labib had picked up a solitary grandmother.
>> Complicating this, some cultures, demographics and people have very subtle body language.<<
True. A person with subtle body language can usually read loud body language, but the reverse is rarely true.
>> I just had a discussion with someone today, and one of the chief complaints was that the other person cannot tell when my temper is fraying. (To me, repeating "Don't do X" twice is a clear warning.)<<
Yeah.
I find that things unsaid cause the most problems. Frex, in Japan people don't say "no" because it's rude. But their oblique phrases to mean no are taken as encouragement by American businessmen. In some places, I think Korea is one, touching a person's head is so rude that it can't be mentioned even to tell people not to do it -- thus perpetuating the problem. Multiple Native American tribes have a rule that you can't correct an older person for any reason, which is a blighted nuisance if that older person is trying to learn the language.
>>I only recognized the pattern after running into it several times myself (and admittedly, not always handling it gracefully).
Usually [and especially in cross-cultural situations] if you don't get the expected response 1x, 2x, it's a good idea to step back and check what's going on.<<
I agree. You really have to be good at reading people. Me, I'm too much of a bulldozer to be good at that sort of skill, but I can still admire it.
>> People get to choose who they're comfortable working with, and people get to choose how they are or are not going to pray.<<
That's good.
>> One can have Opinions, but one does not get to enforce those Opinions on others.<<
That makes for a better world. Here, it doesn't matter whether it's religion, clothes, food -- everyone seems to feel entitled to force themselves on other people. And I feel like I don't want to be around assholes.