>> and I really DEEPLY want the Linsey Corner house for my 'cule. <<
Local-Portland is doing a lot of infill and that's a pretty popular style.
>> I do have one slight quibble (not with you, with a character who seems to have the wrong idea) about this stanza: >>Okay, yes, the whole point to the orientation was to have all the sex, but this was something else.<<
Well ...
>> Poly is way less about having all the sex (although that's a lovely side benefit for those of us who like sex) and more about having all the love, which is often misunderstood by mono-normative culture. <<
Polyfolk have a communication fetish and are tractive as maxitack. The sex is more an expression than a goal.
You know that. I know that. But most people don't know that, partly because they haven't seen it and partly because they understand the sex a lot more than they understand the real foundations.
Lloyd is an architect. He's not poly by nature. Once he meets the Coral Reef, he likes them. But it's going to take him a while to understand them, because he tends to think, hm, structurally about things. He has no trouble grasping what kind of physical space will assist their lifestyle, but the emotional dynamics are a bit over his head.
>> It can be really frustrating to have someone who's otherwise an ally (like an architect who designs homes for Party Size Families) take this attitude towards polyamory. It just hurts worse if you can't shrug it off as the sound of a fart, since it isn't coming from an asshole.<<
Sorry about that. Think for a minute how complex polyamory is, with all its manifold relationships requiring advanced interpersonal skills.
Now imagine trying to learn all that, when you're not poly, are better with buildings than people, and you've just met a giant pile of folks who are interesting but kind of confusing. That you want to live near, when you hadn't exactly planned that.
>> Hopefully Lloyd figures it out eventually, <<
Well, he knows more by the end of the projects than he did at the beginning. He'll learn more over time.
>> especially with exposure to Bagira, for whom sex doesn't seem to be a draw. <<
Bagira is romantic asexual. He is actually good at explaining why he belongs to a polyfamily despite having no interest in sex: he loves kids, and this gives him plenty to raise without having to make any himself.
>> That said, he's right that we're agglutinative AF. At one point the entire poly community of Topeka Kansas sat down to do a relationship map and we figured out that between all 50 or so people there, we had only two distinct polycules, due to all the chains of relationships. <<
The largest polycule I know personally is the Borgamists, so named because they kept hitching in group after group. There are dozens of them. Considering I met them several decades ago, they probably count as a linefamily by now, with multiple generations.
>> And we're also generally not opposed to folding in people outside of the usual sexual/romantic relationships people think of in "family". (The two people at the DnD table that aren't actually dating anyone in the 'cule? Yep, family. The couple we double date with but who aren't dating us? Oh yeah, they're family. The guy who runs the poly-friendly tavern in town? I think you mean Uncle Ed and he's definitely family.) We run an awful lot on the general principal of adopting anyone who doesn't tell us not to. <<
Sooth.
>> If Lloyd can get over his misconception about how sex-centric poly is, <<
That may take some time to work through, because he thinks so spatially (who shares a bedroom, how big the common areas need to be), but the more he sees of them the clearer it should get.
>> he may look up one day to realize the polywogs (aka the children raised by the 'cule) are acting like he's another dad and Irma is another mom. <<
He'll figure that out as soon as the older ones cross from "kids" (the age that most people handle best) into "tween/teen" (the age that Lloyd handles best, along with new adults; and that most people struggle to cope with). Youth who grow into Lloyd and Irma's age bracket have no difficulty identifying them as good mentors and gravitate to them. This can cause some headbutting with parents, but really, why stick so tight with the old relationship when it's uncomfortable instead of picking up a new one? That's why so many cultures foster off tweens with distant relatives, it eases the tension and gives everyone some breathing room.
>> Honestly, they're not far from that. Custom cookies for visits are a HUGE signal that the Reef considers them family. <<
LOL yes. That much, I think, Lloyd and Irma grasp because it's about making things.
Anyhow, I printed off your comment to save as a prompt for the Tuesday bonus fishbowl. I have a couple possible ideas:
* One would simply be Lloyd talking about poly with one or more friends, trying to figure it out.
* The other is Bagira adopting one of the Chinese sexbots. Lloyd is a bit ... Lloyd-headed about that at first, but it works out.
Do you have a preference for either one, or a different angle on this topic?
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dancing_serpent
Thoughts
Date: 2021-08-17 08:19 am (UTC)Thank you! :D
>> and I really DEEPLY want the Linsey Corner house for my 'cule. <<
Local-Portland is doing a lot of infill and that's a pretty popular style.
>> I do have one slight quibble (not with you, with a character who seems to have the wrong idea) about this stanza:
>>Okay, yes, the whole point
to the orientation was
to have all the sex, but
this was something else.<<
Well ...
>> Poly is way less about having all the sex (although that's a lovely side benefit for those of us who like sex) and more about having all the love, which is often misunderstood by mono-normative culture. <<
Polyfolk have a communication fetish and are tractive as maxitack. The sex is more an expression than a goal.
You know that. I know that. But most people don't know that, partly because they haven't seen it and partly because they understand the sex a lot more than they understand the real foundations.
Lloyd is an architect. He's not poly by nature. Once he meets the Coral Reef, he likes them. But it's going to take him a while to understand them, because he tends to think, hm, structurally about things. He has no trouble grasping what kind of physical space will assist their lifestyle, but the emotional dynamics are a bit over his head.
>> It can be really frustrating to have someone who's otherwise an ally (like an architect who designs homes for Party Size Families) take this attitude towards polyamory. It just hurts worse if you can't shrug it off as the sound of a fart, since it isn't coming from an asshole.<<
Sorry about that. Think for a minute how complex polyamory is, with all its manifold relationships requiring advanced interpersonal skills.
Now imagine trying to learn all that, when you're not poly, are better with buildings than people, and you've just met a giant pile of folks who are interesting but kind of confusing. That you want to live near, when you hadn't exactly planned that.
>> Hopefully Lloyd figures it out eventually, <<
Well, he knows more by the end of the projects than he did at the beginning. He'll learn more over time.
>> especially with exposure to Bagira, for whom sex doesn't seem to be a draw. <<
Bagira is romantic asexual. He is actually good at explaining why he belongs to a polyfamily despite having no interest in sex: he loves kids, and this gives him plenty to raise without having to make any himself.
>> That said, he's right that we're agglutinative AF. At one point the entire poly community of Topeka Kansas sat down to do a relationship map and we figured out that between all 50 or so people there, we had only two distinct polycules, due to all the chains of relationships. <<
The largest polycule I know personally is the Borgamists, so named because they kept hitching in group after group. There are dozens of them. Considering I met them several decades ago, they probably count as a linefamily by now, with multiple generations.
>> And we're also generally not opposed to folding in people outside of the usual sexual/romantic relationships people think of in "family". (The two people at the DnD table that aren't actually dating anyone in the 'cule? Yep, family. The couple we double date with but who aren't dating us? Oh yeah, they're family. The guy who runs the poly-friendly tavern in town? I think you mean Uncle Ed and he's definitely family.) We run an awful lot on the general principal of adopting anyone who doesn't tell us not to. <<
Sooth.
>> If Lloyd can get over his misconception about how sex-centric poly is, <<
That may take some time to work through, because he thinks so spatially (who shares a bedroom, how big the common areas need to be), but the more he sees of them the clearer it should get.
>> he may look up one day to realize the polywogs (aka the children raised by the 'cule) are acting like he's another dad and Irma is another mom. <<
He'll figure that out as soon as the older ones cross from "kids" (the age that most people handle best) into "tween/teen" (the age that Lloyd handles best, along with new adults; and that most people struggle to cope with). Youth who grow into Lloyd and Irma's age bracket have no difficulty identifying them as good mentors and gravitate to them. This can cause some headbutting with parents, but really, why stick so tight with the old relationship when it's uncomfortable instead of picking up a new one? That's why so many cultures foster off tweens with distant relatives, it eases the tension and gives everyone some breathing room.
>> Honestly, they're not far from that. Custom cookies for visits are a HUGE signal that the Reef considers them family. <<
LOL yes. That much, I think, Lloyd and Irma grasp because it's about making things.
Anyhow, I printed off your comment to save as a prompt for the Tuesday bonus fishbowl. I have a couple possible ideas:
* One would simply be Lloyd talking about poly with one or more friends, trying to figure it out.
* The other is Bagira adopting one of the Chinese sexbots. Lloyd is a bit ... Lloyd-headed about that at first, but it works out.
Do you have a preference for either one, or a different angle on this topic?