Finances. One of the job prospects I was really looking forward to fell through. So now I'm seriously in the hole, and will be more so before I get paid, and I'm...
Catastrophizing. A lot. I don't have control of my finances-the one thing I felt like I would never lose control of again...and so now I don't feel like I have control of my life, at all. Even if that's not the case.
...
And I can't support my choice-family. I promised them I'd help with finances and I cant, and it's tearing me up inside. None of us are financially stable yet, and I'm supposed to be ma,king their lives better, We all should be-and I'm not. It's not at all happening, and I, want, to, cry. (Oh wait, that's already happened...more than once.)
...
I'm out of options (At least bio-fam wise) for back ups because all of the options are ones I...really don't want to keep relying on.
My choice-family...they're too good to me. They're not letting me starve-they give me my space-they put up with a helluva lot from me, and I really do have it lucky with them, but this...this not being able to give back, and hold my own financially...it just plain sucks.
... There's more to it than that, but that's not something I wish to share here-not yet, anyway.
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2019-08-22 01:52 am (UTC)Finances. One of the job prospects I was really looking forward to fell through. So now I'm seriously in the hole, and will be more so before I get paid, and I'm...
Catastrophizing. A lot. I don't have control of my finances-the one thing I felt like I would never lose control of again...and so now I don't feel like I have control of my life, at all. Even if that's not the case.
...
And I can't support my choice-family. I promised them I'd help with finances and I cant, and it's tearing me up inside. None of us are financially stable yet, and I'm supposed to be ma,king their lives better, We all should be-and I'm not. It's not at all happening, and I, want, to, cry. (Oh wait, that's already happened...more than once.)
...
I'm out of options (At least bio-fam wise) for back ups because all of the options are ones I...really don't want to keep relying on.
My choice-family...they're too good to me. They're not letting me starve-they give me my space-they put up with a helluva lot from me, and I really do have it lucky with them, but this...this not being able to give back, and hold my own financially...it just plain sucks.
... There's more to it than that, but that's not something I wish to share here-not yet, anyway.
-Trausio~