>> Ouch. That "range of dress codes" reminded me of my first full fledged panic attack. Some friends who'd been getting me involved with their "church" (unnamed to protect the guilty) had dragged me along to a fund raiser for it. <<
Oh dear. Yeah, dress codes have gotten so sprawled out that they no longer do a good job of telling people what the fuck to wear. >_<
>> I was wearing good jeans and a polo shirt. (Same thing I wore to work as a computer support specialist for a large company). <<
Okay ...
>> First strike was when we got there. It was held in a *mansion* that took up the whole (small) block. Ratchet up the nervousness. <<
That was a failure on the host's part to specify the type of venue. Most people either know, or if they do not know will ask about or look up, some general parameters for what is appropriate dress at common locations. Casual clothes at a casual restaurant, smart causal or business casual at a nicer restaurant, most churches want you to dress up, etc.
>> There were others there dressed like I was or even more casually. but there were also people in black tie and evening gowns. <<
What a fucking mess. No, that's never okay, and this is one reason why:
*Bang* social anxiety feedback loop. *shudder*
The other is practicality. It's a real distraction to have radically different dress modes. It's also a nuisance for planning, because the types of activities suited for black tie (e.g. ballroom dance) are NOT the same as for smart casual (e.g. croquet).
My experience was in a Pagan event with no dress code. Some people were in t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. Some were in elaborate regalia. Some were topless or nude. Any of these would have been fine, but when we did a double-ring dance with people moving past each other, it was t-shirt t-shirt WOW antler t-shirt t-shirt BOOBIES! And that was my reaction. It was one of the most distracting events I've ever been to. That's why ours always set a dress code, even if it's just an esbat after we've all sat down: do we stick with street clothes, change to robes, or go skyclad? All the same.
>> Like the article says, most folks don't understand the "code words" for dress codes (not that I'd seen anything about the dress code for the event, if any), And being very much clueless about a *lot* of social rules.... <<
I don't really approve of code words, which are synonym words/phrases for the actual dress codes. If it has a name, use the name; at least then people can look it up if they don't know. For a fancy event, I'd recommend a webpage to organize information, and either summarize the dress code onsite or link to a larger description. It also helps to list activities. We often say things like, "We'll be doing a bonfire, so dress for outdoor activities" or "We're starting out with the house cold and then we'll light the Yule fire, so dress in layers."
>> I'm sure Shiv would understand my reaction :-| <<
No shit. I'm sure he's gotten in trouble for wearing the "wrong" clothes in the past.
One thing I like about Blues Moon is that while it doesn't have a dress code or uniforms per se, it does have a consistent range and mood. Boss White wears a suit. The serving staff and busboys typically wear a light buttoned shirt and dark pants. Often the entertainers will wear one of those two looks, or a little more casual. Some of the ladies wear skirts or cocktail dresses, but not ball gowns -- once in a while you'll see an entertainer in a longer, flashier dress. Staff may scruff around in a t-shirt while the place is closed, but not while it's open. It's kind of a borderland between blue-collar and dressy; people like to neaten up a bit when they go out.
Dropping by to meet with Shiv, Dr. G sticks out like a sore thumb in his ridiculous sweaters, but he thinks it's hilarious. At night with the club open, a sweater over trousers is a perfectly reasonable thing to wear, and only the decoration is atypical.
>> On the color palettes, I note two things. first, that I'm a lot closer to "women" or "artist" on those lists, and second that whoever made those images, they *seriously* need to calibrate their monitor.<<
Yeah, the concept is good but the execution is awkward. :/
>> I might have thought it was my monitor that was out of whack, but the colors aren't even the same in the different images.
I ought to try replicating those charts using HTML color tags.<<
That would be cool.
If you do, consider that languages add words in a specific order:
The first two are always black and white (basically, light and dark). If there is a third word, it is red. If there is a fourth, it is either green or blue, or a word that covers both. After that it breaks down more as you add things like orange, purple, brown, etc. The important stuff needs to be in there, and then it branches out in a predictable pattern.
If you want a hand sprucing it up, let me know. I would also say there's a different between the women/men split and the artist/nonartist split. That is, women will name things by fashion colors (like teal or ecru) while artists will name them by pigment colors (viridian, cobalt).
Watch Shiv's vocabulary as you move through the series. He starts out with a very limited one, and routinely misreads or mispronounces words. Then he picks up bits of more sophisticated words from hanging out with nerds. But his color vocabulary is coming heavily from art. He's looking at the labels and probably talking to staff in the art stores. He knows the difference between cobalt and ultramarine.
>> The tomboy style link is giving me a few ideas. Even if my body is way chunkier than hers. <<
:D Tomboy is a very flexible, practical style. It still comprises a substantial portion of my wardrobe. I often buy flannel shirts, vests, and sweaters from the men's department. If you like the basic concept, search around for more examples. It overlaps with butch, but butch connects to dapper on the fancier end so watch out for that.
>> I grabbed the assistance cards PDF and am forwarding it to a friend who could use a few of them Thanks.<<
I'm glad I could help!
If you want to make a generic version: Please be patient. I have trouble with _____. You can help by _____. Optional back: This person helps me with _____. (space for contact info)
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dancing_serpent
Thoughts
Date: 2019-03-28 09:40 pm (UTC)Oh dear. Yeah, dress codes have gotten so sprawled out that they no longer do a good job of telling people what the fuck to wear. >_<
>> I was wearing good jeans and a polo shirt. (Same thing I wore to work as a computer support specialist for a large company). <<
Okay ...
>> First strike was when we got there. It was held in a *mansion* that took up the whole (small) block. Ratchet up the nervousness. <<
That was a failure on the host's part to specify the type of venue. Most people either know, or if they do not know will ask about or look up, some general parameters for what is appropriate dress at common locations. Casual clothes at a casual restaurant, smart causal or business casual at a nicer restaurant, most churches want you to dress up, etc.
>> There were others there dressed like I was or even more casually. but there were also people in black tie and evening gowns. <<
What a fucking mess. No, that's never okay, and this is one reason why:
*Bang* social anxiety feedback loop. *shudder*
The other is practicality. It's a real distraction to have radically different dress modes. It's also a nuisance for planning, because the types of activities suited for black tie (e.g. ballroom dance) are NOT the same as for smart casual (e.g. croquet).
My experience was in a Pagan event with no dress code. Some people were in t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. Some were in elaborate regalia. Some were topless or nude. Any of these would have been fine, but when we did a double-ring dance with people moving past each other, it was t-shirt t-shirt WOW antler t-shirt t-shirt BOOBIES! And that was my reaction. It was one of the most distracting events I've ever been to. That's why ours always set a dress code, even if it's just an esbat after we've all sat down: do we stick with street clothes, change to robes, or go skyclad? All the same.
>> Like the article says, most folks don't understand the "code words" for dress codes (not that I'd seen anything about the dress code for the event, if any), And being very much clueless about a *lot* of social rules.... <<
I don't really approve of code words, which are synonym words/phrases for the actual dress codes. If it has a name, use the name; at least then people can look it up if they don't know. For a fancy event, I'd recommend a webpage to organize information, and either summarize the dress code onsite or link to a larger description. It also helps to list activities. We often say things like, "We'll be doing a bonfire, so dress for outdoor activities" or "We're starting out with the house cold and then we'll light the Yule fire, so dress in layers."
>> I'm sure Shiv would understand my reaction :-| <<
No shit. I'm sure he's gotten in trouble for wearing the "wrong" clothes in the past.
One thing I like about Blues Moon is that while it doesn't have a dress code or uniforms per se, it does have a consistent range and mood. Boss White wears a suit. The serving staff and busboys typically wear a light buttoned shirt and dark pants. Often the entertainers will wear one of those two looks, or a little more casual. Some of the ladies wear skirts or cocktail dresses, but not ball gowns -- once in a while you'll see an entertainer in a longer, flashier dress. Staff may scruff around in a t-shirt while the place is closed, but not while it's open. It's kind of a borderland between blue-collar and dressy; people like to neaten up a bit when they go out.
Dropping by to meet with Shiv, Dr. G sticks out like a sore thumb in his ridiculous sweaters, but he thinks it's hilarious. At night with the club open, a sweater over trousers is a perfectly reasonable thing to wear, and only the decoration is atypical.
>> On the color palettes, I note two things. first, that I'm a lot closer to "women" or "artist" on those lists, and second that whoever made those images, they *seriously* need to calibrate their monitor.<<
Yeah, the concept is good but the execution is awkward. :/
>> I might have thought it was my monitor that was out of whack, but the colors aren't even the same in the different images.
I ought to try replicating those charts using HTML color tags.<<
That would be cool.
If you do, consider that languages add words in a specific order:
The first two are always black and white (basically, light and dark). If there is a third word, it is red. If there is a fourth, it is either green or blue, or a word that covers both. After that it breaks down more as you add things like orange, purple, brown, etc. The important stuff needs to be in there, and then it branches out in a predictable pattern.
If you want a hand sprucing it up, let me know. I would also say there's a different between the women/men split and the artist/nonartist split. That is, women will name things by fashion colors (like teal or ecru) while artists will name them by pigment colors (viridian, cobalt).
Watch Shiv's vocabulary as you move through the series. He starts out with a very limited one, and routinely misreads or mispronounces words. Then he picks up bits of more sophisticated words from hanging out with nerds. But his color vocabulary is coming heavily from art. He's looking at the labels and probably talking to staff in the art stores. He knows the difference between cobalt and ultramarine.
>> The tomboy style link is giving me a few ideas. Even if my body is way chunkier than hers. <<
:D Tomboy is a very flexible, practical style. It still comprises a substantial portion of my wardrobe. I often buy flannel shirts, vests, and sweaters from the men's department. If you like the basic concept, search around for more examples. It overlaps with butch, but butch connects to dapper on the fancier end so watch out for that.
>> I grabbed the assistance cards PDF and am forwarding it to a friend who could use a few of them Thanks.<<
I'm glad I could help!
If you want to make a generic version:
Please be patient. I have trouble with _____. You can help by _____.
Optional back:
This person helps me with _____. (space for contact info)
These things make everyone's life so much easier.