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ysabetwordsmithThis poem is spillover from the November 6, 2018 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from Soupshue. It also fills the "impaired consent" square in my 11-5-18 card for the Family Ties Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by Anthony & Shirley Barrette. It belongs to the Officer Pink thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.
Warning: This poem contains some intense topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. This is the one where Justin accidentally spooks Turq and it turns into a significant problem. It includes references to panhandling, inadvertent triggering of a trauma survivor by a police officer, hypervigilance, touch aversion, panic reaction, superpower control issues, self-induced injury to avoid harming someone else, impaired consent, negotiating contact and ways to help, explanation of past trauma and present effects, random medic stopping to make sure the police aren't pounding someone in an alley, apology made awkward by traumatic reaction, difficulty accepting help after trauma, watching someone else struggle while resisting the temptation for helpiness, self-recrimination, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"From This Intolerable Overload of Feeling"
[Monday, March 2, 2015]
The raw spring wind moaned around corners
as Ansel walked the beat in Cambridge Commons.
He was out with Justin today, so they'd chosen
a sine-cosine path that led them apart and
then back together again as they went.
They wove their way along the north side
of Main Street, bracketing the shops, so they
could cover the back street and alleys too.
Ansel was just heading toward the corner
when his vidwatch hummed an urgent summons.
He broke into a trot, homing in on the signal
that told him where he would find Justin.
Ansel reached the side door of
Painterly Art Supply to see Turq
slumped against the wall and Justin
standing a careful pace away.
"What happened?" Ansel said.
"He was panhandling like he does,
but that fender-bender down the road
has traffic so snarled up that I'm asking
everyone to move back for safety's sake,"
Justin said. "When he didn't respond
to a verbal request, I put my hand
on his shoulder, and he freaked."
"You can't do that with Turq,"
Ansel said, shaking his head.
"I swear, I barely touched him!"
Justin protested. "My open hand,
I didn't even close it over his shoulder."
"It doesn't take much," Ansel said,
carefully approaching Turq. "You
didn't feel anything like a jolt or
an electric shock, did you?"
"No, nothing like what you
described," Justin said.
"Oh shoot ... Turq, did you
swallow it?" Ansel whispered.
"Tried to," Turq said, his voice tight.
"Can you tell me what's torn up
inside this time?" Ansel asked.
"Stomach hurts," Turq said.
"That's no fun," Ansel said.
"Can you breathe okay?"
"Yeah," Turq said. "Don't
blame Justin. Not his fault."
"It is my fault if I spooked you
because I wasn't careful enough,"
Justin said. "I'm sorry for that."
"S'fine," Turq muttered.
"Let's get you down on
the ground before you
fall over," Ansel said.
"Rest will help some."
"Can't," Turq said. "If I
let go of the wall, I'll fall."
"Can you tolerate contact if it's
you touching us?" Ansel asked.
"Justin and I could help you down."
"Maybe," Turq said. "Careful.
No skin contact. My control's shot."
"We'll be careful," Ansel promised.
"We're coming up on either side of you.
Just reach out and you'll feel us."
Turq groped for Ansel and found
his forearm, then followed that up
to grab onto Ansel's shoulder. Then
he reached out for Justin on the far side.
Once Turq had a firm grip on both of them,
the two men knelt together, gently lowering
Turq to the smooth porch between them.
His whole body shook, and Ansel
couldn't tell if it was from cold or pain.
"Here, take my jacket," he said,
peeling it off to fold into a pillow
that he slipped under Turq's head.
"Mine too," Justin said as he
draped it over Turq's shivering form.
The chill wind cut through Ansel's shirt,
but better him than Turq, who was
now lying on cold concrete.
"I'm going to step inside and ask
the staff to block this door so that
nobody comes out and trips over us,"
Justin declared as he stood up.
"Good idea," Ansel said,
watching him go. "Turq,
how are you doing now?"
"Little better," Turq said,
although he was curled
around his belly in a way
that made Ansel worry.
"Do you want me to call
anyone for you?" Ansel said.
"Not now," Turq said. "Too soon.
Still all jumpy ... not safe to touch."
"Okay," Ansel said. "I'll stay with you
and make sure nobody bothers you
while you're not feeling well."
"Thanks," Turq whispered.
The door sighed open as
Justin returned. "All right,
the manager is moving
a cardboard display over
the door to cover us."
"Good," Ansel said. "Turq,
take as long as you need
before you try to get up."
Turq huffed. "No rush.
Can't move much yet."
"Will he be all right?"
Justin said, alarmed.
"Yes, eventually," Ansel said.
"Turq, can I explain just enough
so Justin will understand that
you're not about to die on us?"
Working around impaired consent
was difficult, but Turq need the help.
"Looks that bad?" Turq said.
"You look like I beat you up,"
Justin said in a small voice.
"You're curled in a ball, you're
still shaking, and you can't even
speak clearly. Yeah, I'm worried."
"Tell him what he needs," Turq said,
giving a weak wave of his hand.
"Sometimes Turq's superpowers
turn on him and tear up his body,"
Ansel said. "He can heal the damage,
but that takes time. He can't talk well
because he's hurting right now."
"I'm glad he'll be okay," Justin said.
"Do you know why this happens?"
"This time, yes," Ansel said.
"One of his abilities acts like
an electric shock, and he pulled
that into himself instead of
letting it lash outward."
"He was protecting me,"
Justin murmured. "I am sooo
getting suspended for this."
"Wouldn't tell," Turq protested.
"You don't have to report it, Turq,
I'll be reporting myself," Justin said.
"I made a big mistake, even though
I didn't mean to, and you got hurt.
A few days off duty with no pay
will remind me to be more careful."
"That's fair," Ansel said. "It's what
the chief did with me after mine."
"I do not have enough training
for this," Justin muttered.
"So get more," Ansel said.
"The classes that I've taken
on emotional first aid and
trauma-informed care have
helped a lot, not just with Turq,
but dealing with other citizens."
"That's a good idea," Justin said,
taking out his smartphone to make
a note. "I'll see what's available."
"Check River City," Ansel said.
"Dao told me some organizations
offer this kind of training sometimes."
Justin's phone made soft beep-boop sounds
as he typed. "Done. Thanks for the tip."
A soft patter made Ansel look up.
The sound came from a young man
patting the brick wall. "Harkin LaRue, EMT,"
he said. "Is someone hurt? I can help."
"Thank you, but we've got it covered,"
Ansel said, moving to block access
to the porch. "This is a known issue,
and we're handling it ourselves."
"I'd still like to check his condition,"
Harkin said. "I have safety concerns."
As long as the scene wasn't actively violent,
the law allowed medics to step in and check
on the health of captives or anyone else
whom the police were hovering over, as
a way of discouraging police brutality.
Ansel sighed. "Turq, can you wake up
enough to talk to the nice medic?
He wants to make sure that
we're not hurting you."
Turq groaned.
"Pocket. Wallet."
"He's asking me
to show you his wallet,"
Ansel said, looking at Harkin.
"Understood," the medic said.
Ansel slipped a hand into
Turq's pocket and pulled out
his wallet, then flipped it open.
"This is Turq's emergency card,"
Ansel said. Then he took out
his own badge wallet and opened
it too. "Here is my police identification."
"You're one of his emergency contacts,"
Harkin said, voice lilting up in surprise.
"Yes," Ansel said. "I have been for a while."
That had taken some delicate conversation,
but at least now Turq had several folks
he could call if he needed help.
"I'm sorry for bothering you,"
Harkin said. "Turq, I hope
that you feel better soon."
"Thanks," Turq muttered.
Harkin looked at Ansel.
"So, paperwork: your place
or mine?" he asked.
"You've got the forms
for this specific situation,
right?" Ansel said. "We
just have the kind for
general encounters."
"Yes, we have forms
designed for checking on
people in police hands,"
Harkin said. "I'll fill out
my end and send copies
to you. Finish the rest and
send back one, then keep
the other for your records."
"Deal," Ansel agreed,
handing Harkin a card with
his contact information.
"He's not in custody,"
Justin said. "I made --"
"Ah-ah," Harkin said,
holding up a hand. "Now
that I know he's safe, the rest
of this is none of my business."
"Thank you," Ansel said.
"This is dicey enough already
without spreading it around town."
"My lips are sealed," Harkin said,
and headed back to the sidewalk.
"He gone?" Turq rasped.
"Yes, he's gone," Ansel said.
"How are you feeling?"
"Still sore, but no longer
like live coals in my belly,"
Turq said, pushing himself up
to sit against the brick wall.
"Would food help?" Justin said.
"No," Turq said. "I won't be able
to digest anything for hours."
"That stinks," Justin said,
shaking his head.
"Yep," Turq said.
"At least let me buy you
dinner as a first step toward
a concrete apology," Justin said,
offering him a gift card good at
half a dozen different restaurants.
"Thanks," Turq said, almost smiling.
Ansel took the card, tucked it into
Turq's wallet, and handed it to him.
"Do you want to talk about this
now or later?" Justin asked.
"Not now," Turq said.
"I still can't think straight."
"Then drop by the station anyt--"
Turq flinched. "I'd really rather not.
It's fine. You don't owe me anything."
"Oh," Justin said, crushed.
"Anywhere of your choosing,
then, with a spotter if you want."
He cast a mournful glance at Ansel.
"Or you could just file a complaint."
"Turq, are you stomping Justin
on purpose because he hurt you,
or on accident because you
just feel crummy?" Ansel said.
Finally Turq lifted his head enough
to see that Justin was wilting in place.
"Not on purpose," Turq said.
"I feel like crap right now, is all."
"In panic, time stops," Ansel said softly.
"The past, present, and future exist as
a single overwhelming force. You want
time to rush forwards because the 'future'
is the only place you can see an escape
from this intolerable overload of feeling."
"Yeah," Turq croaked. "It feels like that."
"But at such moments time doesn't move,"
Ansel said. "And if time isn't running, then
all events seem to happen at once. That's
terrifying. You get buried under an avalanche
by the weight of those simultaneous events.
Sometimes, you just need to let it be awful,
and have other people acknowledge that."
"That does sound awful," Justin said.
"I'm sorry I brought it up. We can
work out our differences later."
"Good," Turq said. "Today is toast."
"I know the police station isn't
your favorite place," Ansel said.
"Pick somewhere else after you feel
better, but if you don't talk this out, Justin
will keep kicking himself over it. I don't
think that's something you want."
"It's not," Turq said. "I'll talk,
but later on, and ... not there."
"Then we have a plan," Ansel said.
"Yeah," Turq said, pushing himself up
to lean against the wall. He handed
the jackets over to Justin and Ansel. "I
should get back to wor--where's my cup?
"You dropped it on the sidewalk earlier,"
Justin said. "I'll go look for it. If I can't
find it for you, I will replace it." He edged
around Turq, then turned the corner.
"Are you sure that you don't want
to crash at my place?" Ansel said.
"It's no trouble to take you there."
"Not right now," Turq said.
"Maybe later tonight, though."
"Okay," Ansel said. "It's up to you."
He hated seeing Turq scruff around
in shabby clothes, begging people for
handouts when there were better options
available, but it had to be Turq's choice.
He'd had too many choices taken away from him.
Justin came back holding a battered tin cup,
the kind that backpackers often carried.
"I found it, but it's a little beat up --"
"It's fine," Turq said hastily.
"It was like that before."
He pushed away from the wall,
wobbled a moment, then steadied.
Ansel dropped the hand he was
surreptitiously holding behind Turq
in case he needed to prevent a fall.
"I'm glad to see you back on
your feet," Ansel said.
"Yeah," Turq said, then
looked at Justin. "Where is
a place I'm permitted to panhandle?"
"It's legal where you were, just not safe
at the moment," Justin explained. "Go down
a block or so along the back road, then
get back on Main Street. Check the traffic.
If it's quiet, you can work there. If it's still
too busy, try the plaza instead."
"Okay," Turq said. "See you later."
He trudged away down the alley.
Ansel watched him go, then turned
to Justin. "How are you holding up?"
"Not well," Justin said, slumping
against the wall. "This feels like
the time I ran over that kid's puppy."
"Ouch," Ansel said sympathetically.
"I know it's miserable now, but we'll all
get through this. Turq may be a hot mess,
but he's a good kid at heart. He'll show up
once he feels ready to talk it over with you."
"I'm glad you have so much faith in him,"
Justin said. "He needs the support."
"I have faith in both of you," Ansel said.
* * *
Notes:
Harkin LaRue -- He has pinkish-fair skin, sherry-brown eyes, and short auburn hair with a beard and mustache. He is currently 20 years old. He lives in Bluehill, Missouri. Harkin is the oldest of six siblings. As the firstborn, he is warm and generous with his family, but he can be bossy to the point of patronizing. Their father died on a construction job when Harkin was 14, leaving the family to struggle. At 17, Harkin enrolled in the Ozarks Technical Community College in Springfield, Missouri where he took the summer course for Emergency Medical Technician, graduating just after his birthday on July 24, with final grades arriving July 28. He works as many hours as he can get, but it's never enough to support both him and the rest of his family. Helpful and observant, Harkin makes an excellent medic, but sometimes he gets nosy and butts in where he's not necessarily wanted. He's better at taking no for an answer from other people besides his own family.
Qualities: Good (+2) EMT, Good (+2) Helpful, Good (+2) Observant, Good (+2) Stamina, Good (+2) Wilderness Activities
Poor (-2) Brokeass Broke
* * *
"In panic, time stops: past, present and future exist as a single overwhelming force. You then, perversely, want time to appear to run forwards because the 'future' is the only place you can see an escape from this intolerable overload of feeling. But at such moments time doesn't move. And if time isn't running, then all events that we think of as past or future are actually happening simultaneously. That is the really terrifying thing. And you are subsumed. You're buried, as beneath an avalanche, by the weight of simultaneous events."
― Sebastian Faulks, Engleby
Painterly Art Supply in Bluehill has ornate front doors and a slightly plainer side door. The interior has a modern look and stocks many different supplies for arts and crafts.
Police procedures include walking the beat as a way of preventing crime. People may walk in similar ways as search patterns, such as an expanding square or a grid. A sine-cosine pattern crosses two trails back and forth; see an animation.
Trauma triggers reactivate memories of bad things that happened to someone, throwing the person into survival mode. Trauma-informed care offers best practices for supporting people with various types of post-traumatic stress. It is very, very important not to trigger traumatized supervillains! Ansel and Justin both understand this, although their skill level isn't always up to what they're trying to accomplish.
Personal boundaries may be healthy or unhealthy. There are ways to establish good boundaries, respect other people's boundaries, and teach someone about boundaries. Turq's boundaries are a mess due to his history of neglect, abuse, and mad science torture. One unexpected touch can throw him into a panic, and leave him contact-avoidant afterwards.
Touch aversion can come from trauma or other causes. People need to understand this, because consent applies to contact in general, not just in sexual contexts. Informed mindfulness can help guide people out of trauma reactions.
Power Incontinence may be partial or total. In this case, Turq's superpower flared up without conscious intent, but he managed to gain enough control to turn it on himself instead of letting it hit Justin.
Privacy matters for many reasons, and it is essential to human relationships and civilization. Respecting privacy in public interests and personal relationships is what allows us to overlook the fact that nobody is perfect and everyone has some ugly traits or actions. This also applies to health care and other official contexts. Without privacy, people tend to become suspicious and solitary, just as people whose sexual boundaries are violated may become increasingly resistant to any touch. This is ruinous to individual sanity and the social fabric. Here Ansel is trying to balance Turq's privacy against other people's need to know that Turq is reasonably safe. Notice that Justin (a coworker) gets more detail than Harkin (a stranger).
In Local-America, police corruption is running rampant and causing many problems, and some other countries are also having problems. Police unions work to keep abusive cops on the streets. Here's an example of some police crimes and responses. Terramagne-America takes a much more serious approach to removing bad cops from service so they don't hurt anyone else. The police union is there to make sure that nobody gets mistreated or fired without due cause, not to protect dirty cops. There's also a distinction between things that are against department rules (like arriving late) and things that get people hurt (like sexual harassment), the latter being more serious. Things that happen within the department are handled by Internal Affairs; things that involve civilians are handled by External Affairs. A typical chain of disciplinary action includes warnings, administrative leave, suspension with pay, suspension without pay, demotion, firing, revocation of license, and arrest. Revocation of license means that the offender can't work at another police department in the same state, or in grave cases, anywhere in the country. In essence, T-America treats police like other high-trust professions such as lawyers and doctors who are expected to maintain excellent professional standards. But they also feel that legal proceedings are primarily for people who refuse to admit their mistakes, or who can't reach a mutually agreeable way of making amends. Notice that Justin is putting himself up for more of a penalty than some L-American cops have for murdering people, and he considers that essential to making amends. Mistakes that injure an innocent citizen are serious, even without leaving a mark.
It has to be okay to make mistakes, because everyone makes mistakes and that's how we learn. Create an environment that is resilient about mistakes. This encourages people to deal with them and learn from them instead of hiding them and making matters worse. There's even a game for learning this. In one of my online classes I assigned students to try a project at the edge of their current skill level, which pretty much guarantees something will go a bit pear-shaped. In this case, Justin is trying to figure out what went wrong and identify steps to prevent a recurrence, without making Turq feel worse in the moment.
This is Turq's wallet.
There are long and short cards for emergency contacts. You can print your own, or sometimes find them at safety events. In T-America, most community centers and emergency services have these; so do many organizations such as schools or large businesses. Ansel and Turq discussed this in "A Safe Refuge from the World."
An emergency wallet is a very simple wallet that you can flip open and give to someone who's trying to help you. Include at least emergency contact information, plus instructions if you have urgent health conditions, along with some cash. Keeping it separate from your regular wallet means you don't need to worry if it goes astray in a crisis; you're not losing anything vital like ID or credit cards.
See Ansel's badge wallet and more detailed emergency contact card.
Some restaurant gift cards, like the Darden, work at any of the related restaurants. T-American police often carry various types of gift cards to solve problems (like helping someone get clothes) or for use as a concrete apology. Department paperwork documents the activity to discourage bribery and to track how well it solves problems and repairs relationships.
Freeze behavior is one of several trauma responses that can happen in an emergency, a panic attack, anxiety, or other situations. It makes time seem to slow down or even stop. The best rendition I've seen is the Deep Space Nine introduction in which Benjamin Sisko meets the wormhole aliens and they demonstrate to him that time is not linear by showing how he exists in the moment of his wife's death. A big mistake, however, is claiming that a trauma survivor chooses to do so; that blames the victim. It's a thing that happens to people for various biochemical, spiritual, and/or temporomechanical reasons; nobody chooses to torture themselves and pretty much everyone with flashbacks wishes they didn't have those. There are ways to thaw yourself out of a freeze response and help stop someone else's. It is possible to learn how to speed or slow time at will. Note that temporal superpowers have two aspects, subjective and objective. If you can bend time for yourself, allowing you to do things that others cannot, that's different from being able to speed or slow time for yourself and those around you. It is easier and more common to achieve subjective than objective effects of temporal manipulation, and a subclinical level of subjective timebending is a precursor for both types of superpower.
Self-recrimination has positive (discouraging misbehavior) and negative (ruminating over past mistakes) aspects. Thus a certain amount may help, but too much does more harm than good. Self-compassion is necessary for health. Justin is not overly prone to excess, but a mistake that hurts someone will leave him kicking himself until the relationship can be repaired. Learn how to stop beating yourself up over mistakes and forgive yourself after hurting someone.
Warning: This poem contains some intense topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. This is the one where Justin accidentally spooks Turq and it turns into a significant problem. It includes references to panhandling, inadvertent triggering of a trauma survivor by a police officer, hypervigilance, touch aversion, panic reaction, superpower control issues, self-induced injury to avoid harming someone else, impaired consent, negotiating contact and ways to help, explanation of past trauma and present effects, random medic stopping to make sure the police aren't pounding someone in an alley, apology made awkward by traumatic reaction, difficulty accepting help after trauma, watching someone else struggle while resisting the temptation for helpiness, self-recrimination, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"From This Intolerable Overload of Feeling"
[Monday, March 2, 2015]
The raw spring wind moaned around corners
as Ansel walked the beat in Cambridge Commons.
He was out with Justin today, so they'd chosen
a sine-cosine path that led them apart and
then back together again as they went.
They wove their way along the north side
of Main Street, bracketing the shops, so they
could cover the back street and alleys too.
Ansel was just heading toward the corner
when his vidwatch hummed an urgent summons.
He broke into a trot, homing in on the signal
that told him where he would find Justin.
Ansel reached the side door of
Painterly Art Supply to see Turq
slumped against the wall and Justin
standing a careful pace away.
"What happened?" Ansel said.
"He was panhandling like he does,
but that fender-bender down the road
has traffic so snarled up that I'm asking
everyone to move back for safety's sake,"
Justin said. "When he didn't respond
to a verbal request, I put my hand
on his shoulder, and he freaked."
"You can't do that with Turq,"
Ansel said, shaking his head.
"I swear, I barely touched him!"
Justin protested. "My open hand,
I didn't even close it over his shoulder."
"It doesn't take much," Ansel said,
carefully approaching Turq. "You
didn't feel anything like a jolt or
an electric shock, did you?"
"No, nothing like what you
described," Justin said.
"Oh shoot ... Turq, did you
swallow it?" Ansel whispered.
"Tried to," Turq said, his voice tight.
"Can you tell me what's torn up
inside this time?" Ansel asked.
"Stomach hurts," Turq said.
"That's no fun," Ansel said.
"Can you breathe okay?"
"Yeah," Turq said. "Don't
blame Justin. Not his fault."
"It is my fault if I spooked you
because I wasn't careful enough,"
Justin said. "I'm sorry for that."
"S'fine," Turq muttered.
"Let's get you down on
the ground before you
fall over," Ansel said.
"Rest will help some."
"Can't," Turq said. "If I
let go of the wall, I'll fall."
"Can you tolerate contact if it's
you touching us?" Ansel asked.
"Justin and I could help you down."
"Maybe," Turq said. "Careful.
No skin contact. My control's shot."
"We'll be careful," Ansel promised.
"We're coming up on either side of you.
Just reach out and you'll feel us."
Turq groped for Ansel and found
his forearm, then followed that up
to grab onto Ansel's shoulder. Then
he reached out for Justin on the far side.
Once Turq had a firm grip on both of them,
the two men knelt together, gently lowering
Turq to the smooth porch between them.
His whole body shook, and Ansel
couldn't tell if it was from cold or pain.
"Here, take my jacket," he said,
peeling it off to fold into a pillow
that he slipped under Turq's head.
"Mine too," Justin said as he
draped it over Turq's shivering form.
The chill wind cut through Ansel's shirt,
but better him than Turq, who was
now lying on cold concrete.
"I'm going to step inside and ask
the staff to block this door so that
nobody comes out and trips over us,"
Justin declared as he stood up.
"Good idea," Ansel said,
watching him go. "Turq,
how are you doing now?"
"Little better," Turq said,
although he was curled
around his belly in a way
that made Ansel worry.
"Do you want me to call
anyone for you?" Ansel said.
"Not now," Turq said. "Too soon.
Still all jumpy ... not safe to touch."
"Okay," Ansel said. "I'll stay with you
and make sure nobody bothers you
while you're not feeling well."
"Thanks," Turq whispered.
The door sighed open as
Justin returned. "All right,
the manager is moving
a cardboard display over
the door to cover us."
"Good," Ansel said. "Turq,
take as long as you need
before you try to get up."
Turq huffed. "No rush.
Can't move much yet."
"Will he be all right?"
Justin said, alarmed.
"Yes, eventually," Ansel said.
"Turq, can I explain just enough
so Justin will understand that
you're not about to die on us?"
Working around impaired consent
was difficult, but Turq need the help.
"Looks that bad?" Turq said.
"You look like I beat you up,"
Justin said in a small voice.
"You're curled in a ball, you're
still shaking, and you can't even
speak clearly. Yeah, I'm worried."
"Tell him what he needs," Turq said,
giving a weak wave of his hand.
"Sometimes Turq's superpowers
turn on him and tear up his body,"
Ansel said. "He can heal the damage,
but that takes time. He can't talk well
because he's hurting right now."
"I'm glad he'll be okay," Justin said.
"Do you know why this happens?"
"This time, yes," Ansel said.
"One of his abilities acts like
an electric shock, and he pulled
that into himself instead of
letting it lash outward."
"He was protecting me,"
Justin murmured. "I am sooo
getting suspended for this."
"Wouldn't tell," Turq protested.
"You don't have to report it, Turq,
I'll be reporting myself," Justin said.
"I made a big mistake, even though
I didn't mean to, and you got hurt.
A few days off duty with no pay
will remind me to be more careful."
"That's fair," Ansel said. "It's what
the chief did with me after mine."
"I do not have enough training
for this," Justin muttered.
"So get more," Ansel said.
"The classes that I've taken
on emotional first aid and
trauma-informed care have
helped a lot, not just with Turq,
but dealing with other citizens."
"That's a good idea," Justin said,
taking out his smartphone to make
a note. "I'll see what's available."
"Check River City," Ansel said.
"Dao told me some organizations
offer this kind of training sometimes."
Justin's phone made soft beep-boop sounds
as he typed. "Done. Thanks for the tip."
A soft patter made Ansel look up.
The sound came from a young man
patting the brick wall. "Harkin LaRue, EMT,"
he said. "Is someone hurt? I can help."
"Thank you, but we've got it covered,"
Ansel said, moving to block access
to the porch. "This is a known issue,
and we're handling it ourselves."
"I'd still like to check his condition,"
Harkin said. "I have safety concerns."
As long as the scene wasn't actively violent,
the law allowed medics to step in and check
on the health of captives or anyone else
whom the police were hovering over, as
a way of discouraging police brutality.
Ansel sighed. "Turq, can you wake up
enough to talk to the nice medic?
He wants to make sure that
we're not hurting you."
Turq groaned.
"Pocket. Wallet."
"He's asking me
to show you his wallet,"
Ansel said, looking at Harkin.
"Understood," the medic said.
Ansel slipped a hand into
Turq's pocket and pulled out
his wallet, then flipped it open.
"This is Turq's emergency card,"
Ansel said. Then he took out
his own badge wallet and opened
it too. "Here is my police identification."
"You're one of his emergency contacts,"
Harkin said, voice lilting up in surprise.
"Yes," Ansel said. "I have been for a while."
That had taken some delicate conversation,
but at least now Turq had several folks
he could call if he needed help.
"I'm sorry for bothering you,"
Harkin said. "Turq, I hope
that you feel better soon."
"Thanks," Turq muttered.
Harkin looked at Ansel.
"So, paperwork: your place
or mine?" he asked.
"You've got the forms
for this specific situation,
right?" Ansel said. "We
just have the kind for
general encounters."
"Yes, we have forms
designed for checking on
people in police hands,"
Harkin said. "I'll fill out
my end and send copies
to you. Finish the rest and
send back one, then keep
the other for your records."
"Deal," Ansel agreed,
handing Harkin a card with
his contact information.
"He's not in custody,"
Justin said. "I made --"
"Ah-ah," Harkin said,
holding up a hand. "Now
that I know he's safe, the rest
of this is none of my business."
"Thank you," Ansel said.
"This is dicey enough already
without spreading it around town."
"My lips are sealed," Harkin said,
and headed back to the sidewalk.
"He gone?" Turq rasped.
"Yes, he's gone," Ansel said.
"How are you feeling?"
"Still sore, but no longer
like live coals in my belly,"
Turq said, pushing himself up
to sit against the brick wall.
"Would food help?" Justin said.
"No," Turq said. "I won't be able
to digest anything for hours."
"That stinks," Justin said,
shaking his head.
"Yep," Turq said.
"At least let me buy you
dinner as a first step toward
a concrete apology," Justin said,
offering him a gift card good at
half a dozen different restaurants.
"Thanks," Turq said, almost smiling.
Ansel took the card, tucked it into
Turq's wallet, and handed it to him.
"Do you want to talk about this
now or later?" Justin asked.
"Not now," Turq said.
"I still can't think straight."
"Then drop by the station anyt--"
Turq flinched. "I'd really rather not.
It's fine. You don't owe me anything."
"Oh," Justin said, crushed.
"Anywhere of your choosing,
then, with a spotter if you want."
He cast a mournful glance at Ansel.
"Or you could just file a complaint."
"Turq, are you stomping Justin
on purpose because he hurt you,
or on accident because you
just feel crummy?" Ansel said.
Finally Turq lifted his head enough
to see that Justin was wilting in place.
"Not on purpose," Turq said.
"I feel like crap right now, is all."
"In panic, time stops," Ansel said softly.
"The past, present, and future exist as
a single overwhelming force. You want
time to rush forwards because the 'future'
is the only place you can see an escape
from this intolerable overload of feeling."
"Yeah," Turq croaked. "It feels like that."
"But at such moments time doesn't move,"
Ansel said. "And if time isn't running, then
all events seem to happen at once. That's
terrifying. You get buried under an avalanche
by the weight of those simultaneous events.
Sometimes, you just need to let it be awful,
and have other people acknowledge that."
"That does sound awful," Justin said.
"I'm sorry I brought it up. We can
work out our differences later."
"Good," Turq said. "Today is toast."
"I know the police station isn't
your favorite place," Ansel said.
"Pick somewhere else after you feel
better, but if you don't talk this out, Justin
will keep kicking himself over it. I don't
think that's something you want."
"It's not," Turq said. "I'll talk,
but later on, and ... not there."
"Then we have a plan," Ansel said.
"Yeah," Turq said, pushing himself up
to lean against the wall. He handed
the jackets over to Justin and Ansel. "I
should get back to wor--where's my cup?
"You dropped it on the sidewalk earlier,"
Justin said. "I'll go look for it. If I can't
find it for you, I will replace it." He edged
around Turq, then turned the corner.
"Are you sure that you don't want
to crash at my place?" Ansel said.
"It's no trouble to take you there."
"Not right now," Turq said.
"Maybe later tonight, though."
"Okay," Ansel said. "It's up to you."
He hated seeing Turq scruff around
in shabby clothes, begging people for
handouts when there were better options
available, but it had to be Turq's choice.
He'd had too many choices taken away from him.
Justin came back holding a battered tin cup,
the kind that backpackers often carried.
"I found it, but it's a little beat up --"
"It's fine," Turq said hastily.
"It was like that before."
He pushed away from the wall,
wobbled a moment, then steadied.
Ansel dropped the hand he was
surreptitiously holding behind Turq
in case he needed to prevent a fall.
"I'm glad to see you back on
your feet," Ansel said.
"Yeah," Turq said, then
looked at Justin. "Where is
a place I'm permitted to panhandle?"
"It's legal where you were, just not safe
at the moment," Justin explained. "Go down
a block or so along the back road, then
get back on Main Street. Check the traffic.
If it's quiet, you can work there. If it's still
too busy, try the plaza instead."
"Okay," Turq said. "See you later."
He trudged away down the alley.
Ansel watched him go, then turned
to Justin. "How are you holding up?"
"Not well," Justin said, slumping
against the wall. "This feels like
the time I ran over that kid's puppy."
"Ouch," Ansel said sympathetically.
"I know it's miserable now, but we'll all
get through this. Turq may be a hot mess,
but he's a good kid at heart. He'll show up
once he feels ready to talk it over with you."
"I'm glad you have so much faith in him,"
Justin said. "He needs the support."
"I have faith in both of you," Ansel said.
* * *
Notes:
Harkin LaRue -- He has pinkish-fair skin, sherry-brown eyes, and short auburn hair with a beard and mustache. He is currently 20 years old. He lives in Bluehill, Missouri. Harkin is the oldest of six siblings. As the firstborn, he is warm and generous with his family, but he can be bossy to the point of patronizing. Their father died on a construction job when Harkin was 14, leaving the family to struggle. At 17, Harkin enrolled in the Ozarks Technical Community College in Springfield, Missouri where he took the summer course for Emergency Medical Technician, graduating just after his birthday on July 24, with final grades arriving July 28. He works as many hours as he can get, but it's never enough to support both him and the rest of his family. Helpful and observant, Harkin makes an excellent medic, but sometimes he gets nosy and butts in where he's not necessarily wanted. He's better at taking no for an answer from other people besides his own family.
Qualities: Good (+2) EMT, Good (+2) Helpful, Good (+2) Observant, Good (+2) Stamina, Good (+2) Wilderness Activities
Poor (-2) Brokeass Broke
* * *
"In panic, time stops: past, present and future exist as a single overwhelming force. You then, perversely, want time to appear to run forwards because the 'future' is the only place you can see an escape from this intolerable overload of feeling. But at such moments time doesn't move. And if time isn't running, then all events that we think of as past or future are actually happening simultaneously. That is the really terrifying thing. And you are subsumed. You're buried, as beneath an avalanche, by the weight of simultaneous events."
― Sebastian Faulks, Engleby
Painterly Art Supply in Bluehill has ornate front doors and a slightly plainer side door. The interior has a modern look and stocks many different supplies for arts and crafts.
Police procedures include walking the beat as a way of preventing crime. People may walk in similar ways as search patterns, such as an expanding square or a grid. A sine-cosine pattern crosses two trails back and forth; see an animation.
Trauma triggers reactivate memories of bad things that happened to someone, throwing the person into survival mode. Trauma-informed care offers best practices for supporting people with various types of post-traumatic stress. It is very, very important not to trigger traumatized supervillains! Ansel and Justin both understand this, although their skill level isn't always up to what they're trying to accomplish.
Personal boundaries may be healthy or unhealthy. There are ways to establish good boundaries, respect other people's boundaries, and teach someone about boundaries. Turq's boundaries are a mess due to his history of neglect, abuse, and mad science torture. One unexpected touch can throw him into a panic, and leave him contact-avoidant afterwards.
Touch aversion can come from trauma or other causes. People need to understand this, because consent applies to contact in general, not just in sexual contexts. Informed mindfulness can help guide people out of trauma reactions.
Power Incontinence may be partial or total. In this case, Turq's superpower flared up without conscious intent, but he managed to gain enough control to turn it on himself instead of letting it hit Justin.
Privacy matters for many reasons, and it is essential to human relationships and civilization. Respecting privacy in public interests and personal relationships is what allows us to overlook the fact that nobody is perfect and everyone has some ugly traits or actions. This also applies to health care and other official contexts. Without privacy, people tend to become suspicious and solitary, just as people whose sexual boundaries are violated may become increasingly resistant to any touch. This is ruinous to individual sanity and the social fabric. Here Ansel is trying to balance Turq's privacy against other people's need to know that Turq is reasonably safe. Notice that Justin (a coworker) gets more detail than Harkin (a stranger).
In Local-America, police corruption is running rampant and causing many problems, and some other countries are also having problems. Police unions work to keep abusive cops on the streets. Here's an example of some police crimes and responses. Terramagne-America takes a much more serious approach to removing bad cops from service so they don't hurt anyone else. The police union is there to make sure that nobody gets mistreated or fired without due cause, not to protect dirty cops. There's also a distinction between things that are against department rules (like arriving late) and things that get people hurt (like sexual harassment), the latter being more serious. Things that happen within the department are handled by Internal Affairs; things that involve civilians are handled by External Affairs. A typical chain of disciplinary action includes warnings, administrative leave, suspension with pay, suspension without pay, demotion, firing, revocation of license, and arrest. Revocation of license means that the offender can't work at another police department in the same state, or in grave cases, anywhere in the country. In essence, T-America treats police like other high-trust professions such as lawyers and doctors who are expected to maintain excellent professional standards. But they also feel that legal proceedings are primarily for people who refuse to admit their mistakes, or who can't reach a mutually agreeable way of making amends. Notice that Justin is putting himself up for more of a penalty than some L-American cops have for murdering people, and he considers that essential to making amends. Mistakes that injure an innocent citizen are serious, even without leaving a mark.
It has to be okay to make mistakes, because everyone makes mistakes and that's how we learn. Create an environment that is resilient about mistakes. This encourages people to deal with them and learn from them instead of hiding them and making matters worse. There's even a game for learning this. In one of my online classes I assigned students to try a project at the edge of their current skill level, which pretty much guarantees something will go a bit pear-shaped. In this case, Justin is trying to figure out what went wrong and identify steps to prevent a recurrence, without making Turq feel worse in the moment.
This is Turq's wallet.
There are long and short cards for emergency contacts. You can print your own, or sometimes find them at safety events. In T-America, most community centers and emergency services have these; so do many organizations such as schools or large businesses. Ansel and Turq discussed this in "A Safe Refuge from the World."
An emergency wallet is a very simple wallet that you can flip open and give to someone who's trying to help you. Include at least emergency contact information, plus instructions if you have urgent health conditions, along with some cash. Keeping it separate from your regular wallet means you don't need to worry if it goes astray in a crisis; you're not losing anything vital like ID or credit cards.
See Ansel's badge wallet and more detailed emergency contact card.
Some restaurant gift cards, like the Darden, work at any of the related restaurants. T-American police often carry various types of gift cards to solve problems (like helping someone get clothes) or for use as a concrete apology. Department paperwork documents the activity to discourage bribery and to track how well it solves problems and repairs relationships.
Freeze behavior is one of several trauma responses that can happen in an emergency, a panic attack, anxiety, or other situations. It makes time seem to slow down or even stop. The best rendition I've seen is the Deep Space Nine introduction in which Benjamin Sisko meets the wormhole aliens and they demonstrate to him that time is not linear by showing how he exists in the moment of his wife's death. A big mistake, however, is claiming that a trauma survivor chooses to do so; that blames the victim. It's a thing that happens to people for various biochemical, spiritual, and/or temporomechanical reasons; nobody chooses to torture themselves and pretty much everyone with flashbacks wishes they didn't have those. There are ways to thaw yourself out of a freeze response and help stop someone else's. It is possible to learn how to speed or slow time at will. Note that temporal superpowers have two aspects, subjective and objective. If you can bend time for yourself, allowing you to do things that others cannot, that's different from being able to speed or slow time for yourself and those around you. It is easier and more common to achieve subjective than objective effects of temporal manipulation, and a subclinical level of subjective timebending is a precursor for both types of superpower.
Self-recrimination has positive (discouraging misbehavior) and negative (ruminating over past mistakes) aspects. Thus a certain amount may help, but too much does more harm than good. Self-compassion is necessary for health. Justin is not overly prone to excess, but a mistake that hurts someone will leave him kicking himself until the relationship can be repaired. Learn how to stop beating yourself up over mistakes and forgive yourself after hurting someone.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-11-25 04:05 am (UTC)BTW, curiosities sake, where is Bluehill geographically?
Thoughts
Date: 2018-11-25 05:45 am (UTC)It's in March. They've known each other for a good while. It's after Turq's tentative reunion with his family. Turq is in a come-here-go-away phase while he tries to reacquaint himself with family, society, and what it's like to have ties to people. So he's jumpy and sometimes gets into trouble -- very much like teenagers do, for very similar reasons. Testing the limits, and testing people's devotion to him.
>> Before word got around that Ansel was ... well a friend and someone that looked out for Turq. [I really can't think of a right word for it.] <<
Some people know that they're a set, but not everyone does.
For a while they were nemeses, then best enemies, and now ... it's complicated. They're coming to think of each other as family, but Turq has a very hard time performing family right now. He took a lot of damage from foster care, even before the mad science torture. Just listing Ansel as an emergency contact was pretty fraught for Turq. This is also after Turq gets a visitor pass for the Island Resort neighborhood. That's about as much connection as Turq can tolerate yet.
>> BTW, curiosities sake, where is Bluehill geographically? <<
Iron County, Missouri, USA, near Taum Sauk Peak. It looks different in T-America than here.
Ouch
Date: 2018-11-25 04:21 am (UTC)It's not "Get out of the area!" to a Deaf person, then arresting them for failure to comply with an order they could not hear.
I do feel badly for Justin, but he strikes me as a very young officer, and I keep trying to balance this experience now against the knowledge and capabilities he'll have when he has put everything into perspective. in addition, other training will add even more to Justin's later capabilities. It's a cumulative improvement, depending upon how he handles the situation.
Re: Ouch
Date: 2018-12-02 08:52 pm (UTC)Yep. That's a key difference between police in T-America and here. Theirs are actually expected to be upstanding citizens who model good behavior for others to see and mimic. So they have to be good at recognizing when they made a mistake and knowing ways to fix it. This is how they attract the attention of vulnerable, messed-up young things who occasionally mumble from the back of the cop car, "How you fix it when you fucked up everything?"
>>It's not "Get out of the area!" to a Deaf person, then arresting them for failure to comply with an order they could not hear. <<
Or killing him. Or killing him and several hundred innocent people nearby. L-America considers these things okay. T-America is appalled when officers make mistakes that get someone hurt.
>> I do feel badly for Justin, <<
Yeah, me too.
>> but he strikes me as a very young officer, <<
He is. He's not a rookie, but he's probably been at it just a few years.
>> and I keep trying to balance this experience now against the knowledge and capabilities he'll have when he has put everything into perspective. <<
He reminds me very much of his chief when young. :D
>> in addition, other training will add even more to Justin's later capabilities.<<
Exactly. T-American police training is meant to give rookies a foundation, not everything. Each beat is different. They're expected to make mistakes early on and identify what additional training they need, so they wind up customizing their skills to their locale.
It's the same problem Ansel hit earlier -- there isn't enough information about superpowers. Any trauma survivor could've been spooked by an unexpected touch, and any TIC class could fix that with new skills. But only a soup has the risk of their abilities flaring out of control, and the classes teaching how to handle that are much rarer. So Ansel and now Justin are at the forefront of developing techniques to maintain safety in T-America with regard to superpowers.
>> It's a cumulative improvement, depending upon how he handles the situation. <<
That's the idea. T-American cops don't stop learning. They build on that foundation throughout their careers. The choices Justin makes now will help shape what kind of cop he becomes. He's a soft touch; that suits him very well to a range of things including community outreach, walking the beat, special victim support, EFAide, and so on.
Re: Ouch
Date: 2018-12-03 01:30 am (UTC)Re: Ouch
Date: 2018-12-03 02:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-05-27 05:55 pm (UTC)But ouch, poor Turq and poor Justin. But I wonder whether Turq would have ended up cuffed if he hadn't turned his powers inward? Which would have made the whole encounter ten times worse. Or does Justin already know that Turq shouldn't be restrained?
Either way I'm glad that didn't happen. Bless Harkin as well, he was worried and Ansel and Turq worked together to soothe his worries. And once he knew everything was on the up-and-up and Turq was in good hands, instead of being nosey he accepted that he didn't need to know the ins-and-outs of the situation.
But also with Harkin now knowing that Ansel and Turq are a set he can spread that knowledge to any EMTs or Healer/emergency service personnel that don't know.
I'm glad that there is a promise of future talking this out so that everyone involved gets to have their feelings heard and Justin can be forgiven for his own guilt at accidentally causing Turq to hurt himself.
Continuing onto the next poem :)
~Angel
Thoughts
Date: 2020-05-28 01:15 am (UTC)Yeah, Turq went back-and-forth for a while. Part is his own conscience, some is past damage, part is imagining what other people want from him, and some is because his previous pattern is eroding faster (because it was never a good match for him) than his new pattern is growing in. It's awkward and uncomfortable.
He's already better off than he was, though.
>>But ouch, poor Turq and poor Justin. But I wonder whether Turq would have ended up cuffed if he hadn't turned his powers inward? Which would have made the whole encounter ten times worse. Or does Justin already know that Turq shouldn't be restrained?<<
Justin already knows. He just didn't know how bad Turq's problems were. T-American police get a lot more trauma-informed training than here, but Turq is so messed up that even an expert would struggle to handle it -- because torture is a rare complication, and superpowers are on almost nobody's training list.
If things had gone worse, Turq probably would've called Ansel for help, and Turq and Justin would wind up blaming themselves even harder than they already are. :/ Good thing it didn't go that far south.
>> Either way I'm glad that didn't happen. Bless Harkin as well, he was worried and Ansel and Turq worked together to soothe his worries. And once he knew everything was on the up-and-up and Turq was in good hands, instead of being nosey he accepted that he didn't need to know the ins-and-outs of the situation.<<
Yep. T-America responded to incidents of police brutality by giving medics the authority to step in and check on safety, when the situation isn't currently violent. This discourages police from injuring captives, and reduces the number of crippling injuries and deaths. But the medics still have to follow privacy rules -- they're not allowed to keep butting in after confirming safety, unless the victim asks them to stay. Because T-America actually is pretty decent, most of the time, they back off because they're not needed.
>>But also with Harkin now knowing that Ansel and Turq are a set he can spread that knowledge to any EMTs or Healer/emergency service personnel that don't know.<<
If something happens in front of him again, or someone brings up the topic, Harkin can talk about it. Otherwise, privacy maintains, and he's not allowed to gossip.
>>I'm glad that there is a promise of future talking this out so that everyone involved gets to have their feelings heard and Justin can be forgiven for his own guilt at accidentally causing Turq to hurt himself.<<
Yeah, that's already written and posted. Turq is still trying to fumble through relationship repair, because he's out of practice, but Justin in a decent guy and wants to make up for what happened.