Emotional Intimacy Question: Phones

[ysabetwordsmith]

Folks have mentioned an interest in questions and conversations that make them think. So I've decided to offer more of those. I'm starting with this list.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Always. I loathe phones and want to get it over with as fast as possible. Rehearsing makes that more efficient.

Comments

[mashfanficchick]

It depends on who I'm calling. If it's someone I know and am comfortable speaking with, I mostly just rehearse in case I have to leave a message (because I turn into a tongue-tied disaster when confronted with voicemail, even with rehearsal). If it's more of an official thing, though--like calling someone at my college, or a doctor's office, or a company--then I absolutely rehearse, mostly so I can sound as confident as possible in a situation where I feel a loss of control.

[tree_and_leaf]

If it's an official call, yes.

If I get an answering machine/ voicemail, I hang up, mentally rehearse the message, and then ring again (bonus - if they just didn't get to the phone in time, sometimes they answer second time round and we don't have to play phone tag).

[we_are_spc]

We can be on the phone for hours with people we're comfortable with.

I have come to like phones for long-distance calls to people I want to keep in touch with that I don't see often because otherwise I didn't (Back before the internet was a thing) have any other way of getting to know them, because people would forget to type out letters on a word processor sometimes. )I can't speak for others in the system, though; this is me (Fallon) personally...)

We didn't used to rehearse official calls, but we do these days. More often than not, we can do it on the fly because we have a pre-scripted thing in the brain that all we have to do is change the phone number for and spit out.

I used to hate texting, but now that I have ways to do it it's not so bad. we still prefer a voice, though.

-Fallon~

[lone_cat]

I hate making phone calls, so it's how I get myself to actually make the call.

[la_samtyr]

It all depends on who I'm calling. If it's business, it's usually a very specific 'message' where I basically know what I need to say in advance so there is no need to rehearse.

But if it's family or close friends, then I usually just yakk away. [g]

Before my mom married my dad, she was what would now be called a PA, so she taught me how to deal with the phone from little on. I got just lucky there, I guess.

[we_are_spc]

Yeah I remember going to classes where you learned phone etiquette. I was bout 10 and my brother was 8. :d It helped us get over our phone anxiety. Not like we had any to begin with, I used to be on the phone for hurs with my best friend from grade school.

-Fallon~

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I remember individual lessons at school that dealt with things like answering the phone. One of the very sensible rules was never give out your phone number to anyone you don't want to talk with on the phone. Now people are trained to give it out whenever anyone asks. I am routinely offended when total strangers demand my phone number every time I want to buy something. It's abusive, and they act like it's nothing. I feel like some smarmy creep has sat down beside me and thrown his arm over my shoulder.

Re: Yes ...

[we_are_spc]

Yeah...and the more I talk to people like you, and think about how it was when I wqas growing up, the more I start to realize how much I compromise my own privacy as a matter of course. o.o

But then sometimes I feel like we as blind people already don't have nearly the privacy as our sighted peers because of the apps we must use to get around.

-Fallon~

Well ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Secretarial office skills are useful!

Me, I got home lessons in science, history, all kinds of stuff because my parents are teachers. So it's more natural for me to think of using a lever to lift something heavy, for instance. I've done it so much that I eventually decided to look for a sturdy one. We bought a 4-ft prybar at our favorite hardware store, and we use the hell out of that thing.

Re: Well ...

[we_are_spc]

...The more I talk to you, the more I wish we'd know each other way back when (This life)....I doubt we'd be as...infantilized. o.o

(And have a helluva lot mor useful skills from the getgo instead of having to learn them now. Heh.

And yea useful low-tech gadgets!

-Fallon~

Re: Well ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I wish that too.

*sigh* I can't even stop society from infantilizing healthy kids and then whining about the poor results.

But the more of us who talk to each other, who share skills, who list what it would've been nice to know growing up -- the better equipped we are to help young people we encounter who ARE at that stage.

We can't change the past. We can change the future.

[redsixwing]

Yes, absolutely. Even for people I know, if I'm the one calling them, in order to make the start of the conversation (and in some cases, its end) as painless as possible.

For business or political phone calls, I pull hard on scripts for other things - "order room service" is just "order from counter" with the phone wrapper attached, frex. "Tell the sales guy to buzz off" is the same no matter what medium it's in. "Redirect to manager" requires extra politeness when it's not face-to-face.

[alexseanchai]

Fuck yes. Unless it's a work call, in which case I've basically got the script down.

[dreamwriteremmy]

Sometimes. Sometimes not. I find I get sort-of wary about rehearsing too much because I'm told I sound like a robot. >>; I like rehearsing just to get it over and done with though. Though honestly this is why we have particular headmates who do phone calls if it's SUPER important and more often than not that's why there are conversations in our messages notebook that say things like "someone call the dr office" or "ok someone find Dream so he can fix the computer".

- Emmy

[caera_ash]

Always. I panic just as much, but it keeps me from seeming like I'm panicking to whoever I'm talking to.

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

In some situations, "fake it till you make it" produces practical gains.

[oldtoadwoman]

I also hate talking on the phone. So, I never call anyone just to chat. It's always because I am obligated to call for some reason, so, yes I run over what I plan to say in my head while I'm psyching myself up to make the call.

I remember enjoying talking to friends on the phone when I was a kid/teenager, but my first full-time job was answering the phone where every phone call there was a 99% chance someone was going to be unhappy (long story, but I was basically the defacto complaint department). To this day, I hate talking on the phone. Even when my best friend calls, in the back of my head, I'm thinking, "Please get to the point so I can get off the phone" rather than enjoying the chat. I also find myself grabbing a pen and taking notes when I'm on the phone as if I expect to have to file a report... It has been twenty years since I quit that job and had to last fill out one of those forms. But I still have that same feeling of dread every time I'm on the phone.

Aww ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That really sucks.

I never enjoyed phones. At least when I was little, they were usable. Now the technology is so bad, I can barely hear anything. Speaker mode has gotten downright painful -- it's like being stabbed in the ears.

Re: Aww ...

[oldtoadwoman]

Yeah, I would much rather communicate by text message or email.

Talking on the phone involves way too much, "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

Re: Aww ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I greatly prefer email because it preserves a written record.

[oldtoadwoman]

If it's work related, absolutely. I have even followed up with those "Per our phone call, I'm doing X as you directed" emails. I worked for two different shifty/manipulative bosses in a row and subsequently learned a lot of "cover your butt" tricks. (Also, it's very useful even when working with a good boss because sometimes I get fuzzy on details and it's nice to have a clear record of instructions/promises/schedules/expectations et cetera to refer back to.)

[thnidu]

Like most of the others, I rehearse before business-y calls, at least to a degree, so I can say what I need to without stumbling, repeating, or pausing to think about the material or to organize the next clause or sentence. I say "business-y" because I'm retired, so this is when I'm calling a business, or other kind or office or organization. Calling friends or family, usually not, unless there's something specific and detailed involved.

[hrafn]

If it's "business" then yes, or at least make notes about what details I want to be sure I cover. Otherwise I'm prone to forget important things.

Personal calls are just catching up on what's been going on, so I might rehearse some of what I want to say, but it's not as critical that I get the words/concepts -just so-.

[mama_kestrel]

I don't so much rehearse as have a set of alternative scripts I can pull out depending on the situation. So there's "Good afternoon, I'm ____. I'm an attorney in Indianapolis, and I'm trying to get some information in regard to _____.", or "Hi, I'm E.C.'s daughter A., and I need to find out her test results...." I used to call my best friend and talk to her for hours on end, but she doesn't much like phones (never has), and now she doesn't have the energy for extended conversations anyway. So I don't talk on the phone much at all anymore.

[readera]

I have scripts that I can pull out of my head. Sometimes I rehearse them, but not always. And I also have a phone voice for work. That gets used quite a bit.

I don't really talk on the phone to friends much these days. I'm all peopled out, most of the time. You can't really sit quietly with someone over the phone. When i have the energy i do like to talk on the phone to a few people. Mom, dad, grandparents.

[seishun]

rarely, unless it's a doctor or some other medical professional (pharmacy, dentist, what have you). mostly i just don't use the phone to speak with people who aren't family, and i'm generally OK talking with them. generally.

[mdlbear]

Almost always, unless it's a call I make often enough to have memorized the script. And in most cases I need to have two scripts ready, one for a human answering, and one for a machine. Otherwise I have to hang up and revise my script if I get an answering machine.

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Good point about the difference between scripts for human and machine. That makes a tedious chore even harder.

[curiosity]

I have hearing issues so I never want to be on the phone. If I have to use it, I rehearse. If I already have an idea of what I'm going to say, I can spend more spoons on listening. Also, if I have the words, it's easier for me to focus on controlling the tone of my voice so I don't sound like I've just murdered someone.

... mostly I text.

I used to have some pretty severe panic attacks any time I had to talk on the phone. It's down to mild to moderate anxiety now. That is some really amazing progress.

I've been trying to determine if the hearing problem was part of the problem before or if it's a new thing. However, my memory is a VHS tape that has been recorded over so many times that the movie is now about a kaleidoscope on a ferris wheel.

[filkferengi]

I enjoy chatting on the phone. Even with friends, though, I will often at least make a mental list of the several topics I want to discuss, so I have something interesting to contribute to the conversation. Some friends are more agenda-oriented than others. With others, we can ramble at will, but I do like to get essential information out of the way before indulging in enjoyable digressions.