>> All too relatable. Especially the one about authority figures. <<
Alas! :(
>> This plus lack of social skills and lack of ability to blend in with mundanes leaves the range of jobs I can manage pretty narrow.<<
Bummer.
>> Right now I work as a grocery store cashier - it works for me because it's mostly a limited set of interactions that I've been able to memorize and there's limited "office politics" <<
That makes sense.
>> although I don't know how much longer I will be able to do it because it's still emotionally exhausting and my physical body is starting to react really badly to all the stress. <<
Not good, no. :(
Maybe you could look for a job that requires less interaction with people? Some things like data entry or transcription can be very quiet work. Plus, more and more jobs nowadays can be done mostly or entirely from home.
>> One to add to the list: I never learned to self-regulate my emotions very well and still have a pretty limited range of coping skills. <<
Both of those are common to abuse survivors.
Learning coping skills is pretty easy -- just get a big list and try the things on it to see which you like. Then make a shorter list of your favorites, which is very handy if you're too stressed to think of solutions. Here's a very basic list for people under heavy stress. Figuring out which ones help with which types of upset is more challenging. This poster lists different types of coping skills with the pros and cons of each. You might find it helpful to make a grid of your most common triggers, and then try to find a handful of coping skills to soothe each one.
Learning emotional regulation is harder, and requires that you first know what your emotions are and what influences them. Make sure you put the bottom rungs on the ladder before you tackle this skillset. Some resources ...
Both coping skills and emotional regulation are things that therapists often teach. Since you're in therapy, these are things you could discuss. Your therapist might have a module on coping skills. Emotional regulation is usually part of longer-term therapy. A good therapist is especially handy for helping you figure out which things to try and whether they are working for you, if you are uncertain.
>> Being on an anti-depressant helps a little and therapy helps <<
Yay!
>> some but eating (sugary or carby-cheesy foods in particular) is one of the only things that's particularly reliable. And the cheesy bread doesn't judge but it's hard on the meatsuit. <<
Some possible considerations here ...
* If the effect comes from specific nutrients, then tweaking your diet might fix that with healthier things.
* If the effect is tactile or flavorful, you can explore not only healthier versions of the same thing (such as stevia instead of sugar) but also completely different things. Trying new foods makes me happy, even though I have to be careful because my digestion is iffy. I like fruit as a comfort food because it's juicy -- not something many people have thought to try, but I've gotten a few hooked on it.
* If the effect is nostalgic or otherwise emotional, sometimes it is possible to reset that by having someone you care about make healthy nibblements for you. My fondness for chopped apples in a cup comes from my grandmother making it for me. Mom would do ants on a log (celery and peanut butter with raisins).
* Pay attention to the visual appeal. It doesn't add calories but can be a wonderful boost to mood. Also foods that are naturally bright in color tend to have more nutrients. Hence the appeal of salads with mixed vegetables, or putting diced peppers into eggs.
* Some people find making food as comforting as eating it. By focusing on the process throughout, you can get more comfort for the same amount of calories.
* Some people feel comforted by the smell of food -- especially things like baking bread or simmering soup. You might look into types of comfort food that take a long time to make, filling the house with delicious smells. This is one of the things that makes me really happy and sociable.
* If you are working on self-care or self-compassion, then consider making healthy comfort food as a way to take care of yourself. This works especially well if other people aren't treating you very well.
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dancing_serpent
Re: Heh.
Date: 2017-12-04 01:55 am (UTC)Alas! :(
>> This plus lack of social skills and lack of ability to blend in with mundanes leaves the range of jobs I can manage pretty narrow.<<
Bummer.
>> Right now I work as a grocery store cashier - it works for me because it's mostly a limited set of interactions that I've been able to memorize and there's limited "office politics" <<
That makes sense.
>> although I don't know how much longer I will be able to do it because it's still emotionally exhausting and my physical body is starting to react really badly to all the stress. <<
Not good, no. :(
Maybe you could look for a job that requires less interaction with people? Some things like data entry or transcription can be very quiet work. Plus, more and more jobs nowadays can be done mostly or entirely from home.
>> One to add to the list: I never learned to self-regulate my emotions very well and still have a pretty limited range of coping skills. <<
Both of those are common to abuse survivors.
Learning coping skills is pretty easy -- just get a big list and try the things on it to see which you like. Then make a shorter list of your favorites, which is very handy if you're too stressed to think of solutions. Here's a very basic list for people under heavy stress. Figuring out which ones help with which types of upset is more challenging. This poster lists different types of coping skills with the pros and cons of each. You might find it helpful to make a grid of your most common triggers, and then try to find a handful of coping skills to soothe each one.
Learning emotional regulation is harder, and requires that you first know what your emotions are and what influences them. Make sure you put the bottom rungs on the ladder before you tackle this skillset. Some resources ...
http://www.erosresearch.org/index.php/emotion_regulation/an%20easy%20guide/
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kenneth-barish-phd/how-do-children-learn-to-_b_3890461.html
http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/what-is-emotion-regulationsinfo-brief.pdf
https://learning2breathe.org/about/purpose
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201304/10-essential-emotion-regulation-skills-adults
https://skills4lifeot.com/tools-to-enhance-emotional-self-regulation/
http://special-ism.com/build-self-regulation-tool-box/
Both coping skills and emotional regulation are things that therapists often teach. Since you're in therapy, these are things you could discuss. Your therapist might have a module on coping skills. Emotional regulation is usually part of longer-term therapy. A good therapist is especially handy for helping you figure out which things to try and whether they are working for you, if you are uncertain.
>> Being on an anti-depressant helps a little and therapy helps <<
Yay!
>> some but eating (sugary or carby-cheesy foods in particular) is one of the only things that's particularly reliable. And the cheesy bread doesn't judge but it's hard on the meatsuit. <<
Some possible considerations here ...
* If the effect comes from specific nutrients, then tweaking your diet might fix that with healthier things.
* If the effect is tactile or flavorful, you can explore not only healthier versions of the same thing (such as stevia instead of sugar) but also completely different things. Trying new foods makes me happy, even though I have to be careful because my digestion is iffy. I like fruit as a comfort food because it's juicy -- not something many people have thought to try, but I've gotten a few hooked on it.
* If the effect is nostalgic or otherwise emotional, sometimes it is possible to reset that by having someone you care about make healthy nibblements for you. My fondness for chopped apples in a cup comes from my grandmother making it for me. Mom would do ants on a log (celery and peanut butter with raisins).
* Pay attention to the visual appeal. It doesn't add calories but can be a wonderful boost to mood. Also foods that are naturally bright in color tend to have more nutrients. Hence the appeal of salads with mixed vegetables, or putting diced peppers into eggs.
* Some people find making food as comforting as eating it. By focusing on the process throughout, you can get more comfort for the same amount of calories.
* Some people feel comforted by the smell of food -- especially things like baking bread or simmering soup. You might look into types of comfort food that take a long time to make, filling the house with delicious smells. This is one of the things that makes me really happy and sociable.
* If you are working on self-care or self-compassion, then consider making healthy comfort food as a way to take care of yourself. This works especially well if other people aren't treating you very well.