I'm glad you found something that resonates with you.
>> Though in other regards I don't really fit with the alloromantic/demiromantic/aromantic set of labels for romantic orientation. Refinements on that work better: Aspie, allosexual, wtfromantic, poly, queer, queersocial, tractive, touch-shy, functional introvert gets close.<<
Aww. Some of us are just off at a tangent from the main clusters. Hence me describing my sexuality as a tesseract.
>> For me, friendship, friend-crushes, an intense desire for polyfamily, romantic attraction, and secondary sexual attraction ('I want my beloved to be happy!') all smush together.<<
In my observation, ace/aro spectrum folks do very well in polyfamilies if they are tractive. Affection is always available, but people have someone else for sex/romance when you're not in the mood. When you are in the mood, those things are readily available also. And the allofolks get someone who isn't in the heat of things all the time, thus can provide a calm anchor for the group.
>> Generally, basically, I feel like I'm head over heels for all my good friends but don't want to go on a date-date with them (usually) but do want to cuddle them and keep them safe and give them tea and cookies, <<
Aww.
>> and actual partnerships are HARD. <<
This is true.
>> Wanting/not watning romantic gestures fluctuates with how disconnected I'm feeling from humanity and doesn't correlate with how much I want to be happily-together-with someone. <<
You might also look at the 5 love languages, which give a good start on variety even if they don't cover everything, and see what you think of those. Some folks are unimpressed with romance because they've only seen it offered in the wrong language(s). Others shift among the languages according to mood. So if you could spot a pattern, that might be useful.
>>Sexual desire is less important than all of that.<<
Good to know.
>> Apparently there are a lot of autistic/aspie people who, like me feel like they want to be really close closer with a friend or friends, but are constantly running into the wall of being afraid of violating social norms or of stepping too close to boundaries. Therefore (I do this) some folks might not even ask for emotional closeness or important gestures because they expect 'no' all the time. I bet this is true of other people too but there are obvious reasons why it's common for that subgroup. <<
Well, yeah. It's like how cows will learn to stay away from an electric fence. It hurts and it's hard for them to see. Now imagine how much worse it would be if that fence were totally invisible, which social boundaries are for many folks on the spectrum.
>>If the terms are helpful, great, and if not, phooey. Finding a *right* term can feel like magic!<<
Yeah, it took me a long time to find any. Some are phrases like "my sexual orientation is redheads." I still like genderqueer. But metasexual is my favorite.
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dancing_serpent
Thoughts
Date: 2017-10-31 05:46 pm (UTC)I'm glad you found something that resonates with you.
>> Though in other regards I don't really fit with the alloromantic/demiromantic/aromantic set of labels for romantic orientation. Refinements on that work better: Aspie, allosexual, wtfromantic, poly, queer, queersocial, tractive, touch-shy, functional introvert gets close.<<
Aww. Some of us are just off at a tangent from the main clusters. Hence me describing my sexuality as a tesseract.
>> For me, friendship, friend-crushes, an intense desire for polyfamily, romantic attraction, and secondary sexual attraction ('I want my beloved to be happy!') all smush together.<<
In my observation, ace/aro spectrum folks do very well in polyfamilies if they are tractive. Affection is always available, but people have someone else for sex/romance when you're not in the mood. When you are in the mood, those things are readily available also. And the allofolks get someone who isn't in the heat of things all the time, thus can provide a calm anchor for the group.
>> Generally, basically, I feel like I'm head over heels for all my good friends but don't want to go on a date-date with them (usually) but do want to cuddle them and keep them safe and give them tea and cookies, <<
Aww.
>> and actual partnerships are HARD. <<
This is true.
>> Wanting/not watning romantic gestures fluctuates with how disconnected I'm feeling from humanity and doesn't correlate with how much I want to be happily-together-with someone. <<
You might also look at the 5 love languages, which give a good start on variety even if they don't cover everything, and see what you think of those. Some folks are unimpressed with romance because they've only seen it offered in the wrong language(s). Others shift among the languages according to mood. So if you could spot a pattern, that might be useful.
>>Sexual desire is less important than all of that.<<
Good to know.
>> Apparently there are a lot of autistic/aspie people who, like me feel like they want to be really close closer with a friend or friends, but are constantly running into the wall of being afraid of violating social norms or of stepping too close to boundaries. Therefore (I do this) some folks might not even ask for emotional closeness or important gestures because they expect 'no' all the time. I bet this is true of other people too but there are obvious reasons why it's common for that subgroup. <<
Well, yeah. It's like how cows will learn to stay away from an electric fence. It hurts and it's hard for them to see. Now imagine how much worse it would be if that fence were totally invisible, which social boundaries are for many folks on the spectrum.
>>If the terms are helpful, great, and if not, phooey. Finding a *right* term can feel like magic!<<
Yeah, it took me a long time to find any. Some are phrases like "my sexual orientation is redheads." I still like genderqueer. But metasexual is my favorite.