Poem: "Frob, Twiddle, and Tweak"
Aug. 2nd, 2016 03:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis is today's freebie, inspired by redsixwing. It also fills the "vindication" square in my 8-1-16 card for the Survival Bingo fest. It belongs to the series An Army of One.
"Frob, Twiddle, and Tweak"
"I love the society you people
are building," Darmid said as he
watched a bucket chain forming
to unload the supply ship, with
a very synchronized pattern
developing within minutes as
the workers copied each other.
"It's just frob, twiddle, and tweak,"
said Crank. "First you move things around
to see what they do. Then you guess at settings
for each of the parts. Then you fine-tune them
in relation to each other. I was surprised to find
how well mechanical concepts can apply to
social sciences, but I guess I just needed
to meet the right group of people."
"I'm impressed by how much you have
already accomplished here," said Darmid.
It makes me so excited for my son's future!
I've known plenty of social scientists and
mechanics, but none of them think
outside the box the way you do."
"Maybe it's just because we put
extra handles on our thought patterns,"
he said, flipping the frobs on his necklace
up and down. "I move this thing, and
my brain changes gears."
"Now I want one of those," Darmid said.
* * *
Notes:
Here's a basic description of "frob." I've always used this set of definitions:
Frob -- to move the parts or controls of an unfamiliar device very broadly to identify their functions/range.
Twiddle -- to move parts in smaller ways so as to estimate likely settings, usually one at a time.
Tweak -- to make fine adjustments in the settings, usually in relation to each other, to derive a final configuration.
Fidgeting is any pleasant, repetitive motions. It improves concentration, memory, and creativity especially for neurovariant people.
Stimming is an important part of neurovariant thought, identity, and culture. Unfortunately neurotypical people often disapprove and suppress stimming, sometimes to the point of abuse, even though neurotypical people do it too. Here are tips on how to stim.
Stim jewelry is designed to facilitate safe, effective fidgeting. There's even a blog for it. This chewable gem necklace has one or more silicone prisms to manipulate. Crank has this version.
redsixwing. It also fills the "vindication" square in my 8-1-16 card for the Survival Bingo fest. It belongs to the series An Army of One."Frob, Twiddle, and Tweak"
"I love the society you people
are building," Darmid said as he
watched a bucket chain forming
to unload the supply ship, with
a very synchronized pattern
developing within minutes as
the workers copied each other.
"It's just frob, twiddle, and tweak,"
said Crank. "First you move things around
to see what they do. Then you guess at settings
for each of the parts. Then you fine-tune them
in relation to each other. I was surprised to find
how well mechanical concepts can apply to
social sciences, but I guess I just needed
to meet the right group of people."
"I'm impressed by how much you have
already accomplished here," said Darmid.
It makes me so excited for my son's future!
I've known plenty of social scientists and
mechanics, but none of them think
outside the box the way you do."
"Maybe it's just because we put
extra handles on our thought patterns,"
he said, flipping the frobs on his necklace
up and down. "I move this thing, and
my brain changes gears."
"Now I want one of those," Darmid said.
* * *
Notes:
Here's a basic description of "frob." I've always used this set of definitions:
Frob -- to move the parts or controls of an unfamiliar device very broadly to identify their functions/range.
Twiddle -- to move parts in smaller ways so as to estimate likely settings, usually one at a time.
Tweak -- to make fine adjustments in the settings, usually in relation to each other, to derive a final configuration.
Fidgeting is any pleasant, repetitive motions. It improves concentration, memory, and creativity especially for neurovariant people.
Stimming is an important part of neurovariant thought, identity, and culture. Unfortunately neurotypical people often disapprove and suppress stimming, sometimes to the point of abuse, even though neurotypical people do it too. Here are tips on how to stim.
Stim jewelry is designed to facilitate safe, effective fidgeting. There's even a blog for it. This chewable gem necklace has one or more silicone prisms to manipulate. Crank has this version.
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(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-02 09:25 pm (UTC)Ooh, chewy gem necklaces. I like jewelry that can be turned and flipped, so those look nice - with chewing as an added bonus. (And now I want to chew things. Poetry with side effects!)
Yes...
Date: 2016-08-02 09:36 pm (UTC)Thank you!
>> Ooh, chewy gem necklaces. I like jewelry that can be turned and flipped, so those look nice - with chewing as an added bonus.<<
Stimtastic sells many types of chewable and fidget jewelry, designed by and for neurovariant people. Chewies are made from food-grade silicone. They also offer some metal jewelry.
>> (And now I want to chew things. Poetry with side effects!) <<
:D I'm glad I could help. There are lots of chewies, jewelry, pencil toppers, etc. for oral stimulation. Gum, taffy, suckers, biscotti, etc. are edible options.
Me, I've had stim jewelry since I started wearing jewelry. I got my first set of freedom rings from a college friend who had taken off his to show me, and then couldn't bear to take them back. He got more enjoyment from watching me play with them than from wearing them himself. <3 So if anyone wants stim jewelry that doesn't look like the autistic stuff, that's a great option. Mine is made with triangles like these but loose on a ball-chain like this.
STIM
Date: 2016-08-02 11:26 pm (UTC)I started messing with my face while reading this...*sigh*
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-02 11:32 pm (UTC)Go for it. Use the links; Stimtastic has a good reputation. You could also search online for fidget toys, stim jewelry, etc. There are silicone, plastic, metal, and other materials to choose from and countless styles.
>> I started messing with my face while reading this...*sigh* <<
Stims vary in effectiveness, safety, and social tolerance. Experiment with different types to find what works for you.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 12:00 am (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 12:43 am (UTC)Spike Balls
Eraser Puzzle
Printable Interlocking Puzzle
There are also fidget rings or pendants with working gears.
Some of my other characters, Ansel and Turq, are enjoying brushes in a range from soft to scratchy.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 12:52 am (UTC)There are many toys and tools along these branches, but they require more care to use safely than most things meant as stim toys. Among the most popular pervertables is a tracing wheel which can be found smooth, blunt, or sharp. This plastic one has three interchangeable wheels.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 01:52 am (UTC)1. I have found that I can do LIGHT scratching (fingernails) and heavy pressure (tape, rope, tightly wrapped clothing) to alleviate it, but this may not work for a lot of people. 2. I have a lot of not-great solutions, but one that seems like at least a compromise leaving MINIMAL marks is whacking my arm/leg with a ruler/pencil. This is not the safest choice because the wood could break, so you may want to find a toy/tool in the shape of a thin flexible rod (probably from a kink source) that can similarly hit a narrow line in a way that feels like a lot more than it is. 3. When it comes to needing to feel the edge of something instead of needing to feel a fine line of intense stimulation, I find that rubbing/holding a metal spoon and running the edge of the bowl of the spoon over my skin helps. 4. One thing that is completely out of this ballpark but gives me a similar feeling for some weird reason is one of those scalp massagers with all the fine wires. 5. I like holding and bending an assortment of paper clips (and playing with magnets, too) when I want a little twisty thing with a small hard shape. However that might not work if it becomes tempting to experiment with the poke-y ends of the things. 6. Some toys/objects that are fun to hold, easy to manipulate, and have lots of edges: simplified Rubik's cube, Jacob's ladder, a chain of carabiners and/or binder rings and/or paper binder clips from office supply to click open and closed (and possibly harmlessly pinch fingers), those dreadful managerial desk toys with the row of three balls that bounce off each other, a set of rings within rings like for a little kid, and any extra-heavy small sculpture made out of one sturdy smooth piece of metal, ceramic, or stone.
I may come back and add links if I have spoons. Not sure.
Good luck!
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 02:01 am (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 02:53 am (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 03:03 am (UTC)the spoon trick might work, thank you for your suggestion on that, I am very grateful I am not the only one with borderline (or outright) dangerous stim needs...seriously finding substitutes for this stuff is HARD WORK people...
I drew blood smacking myself with a ruler and got reprimanded and threatened with a lovely bit of procedure called a 21/20 hold (code for a mandated psych eval in the ED where I come from) so I sort of don't trust myself (or the mental needs of those around me to be fair) with anything that needs a safe-word or coaching by an experienced person to use, it might end badly...paperclips for the same reason
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 03:15 am (UTC)That does suck. :(
>> the spoon trick might work, thank you for your suggestion on that, I am very grateful I am not the only one with borderline (or outright) dangerous stim needs...<<
That's why I provide resources.
>> seriously finding substitutes for this stuff is HARD
WORK people... <<
Yes it is.
>> I drew blood smacking myself with a ruler and got reprimanded and threatened with a lovely bit of procedure called a 21/20 hold (code for a mandated psych eval in the ED where I come from) so I sort of don't trust myself (or the mental needs of those around me to be fair) with anything that needs a safe-word or coaching by an experienced person to use, it might end badly...paperclips for the same reason <<
If you are a legal adult, then what you choose to do with your body is your business. Some people like blood play, others don't.
Threats do not teach -- except what you learned, not to trust yourself or anyone around you. People who threaten instead of teaching are not trustworthy. They make it harder to solve problems. Look for better people if you are free to do so.
A little blood is not something to freak out over. It does mean stop and think. Is this something you want or need to do? What are its risks and benefits? Can you find a substitute that works as well or better and is safer? People should not just assume that what you are doing is more trouble than it's worth. Do the math. It is NOT okay to take away someone's coping methods without providing a better alternative. It is NOT okay to demand that someone do better without any teaching or other support.
My go-to resource for self-injury is the Hurt Yourself Less Workbook. I haven't found an equivalent for people who want to find safer ways of exploring sharp or otherwise intense stimulation. There are also lists of alternative activities:
https://sirius-project.org/2011/08/16/distractions-and-alternatives-to-self-harm/
http://www.adolescentselfinjuryfoundation.com/page11
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 03:27 am (UTC)...
...
...
I am really angry on your behalf. Threatening people just does not work! If people are doing something that hurts themselves, it is for a REASON, and people should ask ... "sooo... how can I help?" before anything else! (Ysabetwordsmith linked some resources for self-harm in the Cassandra series of poems, which is quite different from intense stims but may still be useful.) Also having literature to point to when one is trying to explain "I don't have a problem except inasmuch as my needs are not being met, you have a problem with me because you are an ableist jerk" in other words is VERY helpful.
I am going to keep looking for more ideas and I will post if/when I find something else relevant.
>> don't tie knots in rubber bands while they are applied to the human body no matter how good they feel, it is a bad idea <<
Yes, and don't wrap tape up tight without having safety scissors, a bit of leverage to lift part of the tape, and enough circulation in hands to safely cut things loose.
Oh! Idea! I haven't yet experimented with this myself, though I intend to, but self-adhesive athletic tape is a thing. (Also a kink thing (bondage tape), but you can get it elsewhere.) I don't know if it would trigger allergies or not, but there is no adhesive gunk on the skin so it might work. It only sticks to itself, so you can wrap it tight without it sticking to you.
One thing I don't recommend but do anyway, for example purposes ... biting my arm ... doesn't look good, not sanitary, easy to overdo.
I have a LOT of borderline stim activities, just not with high frequency, and they shade over into other activities... This is a thing!!! There are SAFE ways to do this, if people will just help find/access them instead of shaming! And also, people need to be able to choose their level of REASONABLE RISK, with assistance and safety protocols and nonjudgmental supervision if necessary, instead of being TOLD that they are not permitted to make certain choices because of their mental/physical conditions - that is infantilizing bullshit. Pro athletes get injuries doing their intense thing all the time, but people admire them for it, because our society doesn't make sense.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU for wanting intense physical sensations. Other people are just JERKS.
*offers virtual hugs and/or rumbly cat purring*
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 09:59 pm (UTC)I really appreciate the other voices in this thread. Thanks for helping me make my little corner of cyberspace a more inclusive place.
>> I am really angry on your behalf. <<
So very true.
>> Threatening people just does not work! If people are doing something that hurts themselves, it is for a REASON, <<
Yep. I am just starting to see this in resources over the last few years, as more people self-advocate. It's in the Hurt Yourself Less workbook, which is all about examining what self-injury does for you and exploring how to do it more safely, do it less, or substitute other behaviors depending on user preference. Most materials written by and for SI folks emphasize that threats, force, punishment, ultimatums, obligatory contracts, etc. make the stress worse, make them want to cut more, and drive them away from services.
That is not help. It is HELPINESS -- when people want to do things to you for their own gratification, regardless of its effect on you, but they say it's for your own good. People who genuinely want to help ...
>> and people should ask ... "sooo... how can I help?" before anything else! <<
... will do this instead. They will give you support, ideas, take some of the weight off, assist you in finding tools or making decisions, etc. Real help should make you feel better and more in control. Another crucial point is that real help doesn't demand that you solve all your own problems before you're permitted any assistance, like the no-harm contracts do. Well if you could just STOP like that, you wouldn't need help with it! 0_o Supportive people will meet you where you are, and when you figure out where you want to go, assist you in that direction. Not drag you around by the hair.
>> (Ysabetwordsmith linked some resources for self-harm in the Cassandra series of poems, which is quite different from intense stims but may still be useful.) <<
There are a lot of reasons why people self-injure. For some it is sensory-seeking. For some it is stress relief. For some it is punishment. All of those things have different solutions, and if you have multiple reasons, you will probably need a batch of different coping skills.
Cassandra cuts for three main reasons: control because she didn't have any other kind, stress relief because mistreatment made her repress things until they explode, and sensory-seeking because the repression made her half-numb. She wants to stop, or more properly, wants to find safer and healthier ways to destress and feel things.
Shiv cuts because he likes pain. His, someone else's, it's all fun for him as long as he has some influence over it. He likes sharp things. He doesn't want to stop. He would prefer to get in less trouble over it. So his solutions are very different, more aimed at learning some safety techniques. He's always going to have a taste for bloodsports, but hopefully he'll shift toward willing partners instead of street fights. Also, keep an eye out for Travis' little brother Joey, mentioned in a variety of anecdotes. Joey is another sensory-seeker who loves bashing into things. Solutions ranged from covering a baby gate with bubble wrap, to sitting on him, to Joey's football practice.
I've written about deliberate self-injury and incidental harm in a variety of places, but those are by far the most dedicated threads. They have a lot of different resources, and as much as possible, I've references materials written by and for SI folks. The clinical stuff tends to be so judgmental and prescriptive it can do more harm than good.
>> Also having literature to point to when one is trying to explain "I don't have a problem except inasmuch as my needs are not being met, you have a problem with me because you are an ableist jerk" in other words is VERY helpful. <<
Absolutely. There are a few good clinical references but most of that is from other SI folks who talk about what things have made them worse or better. Observation of their discussions indicates that while good therapy can help (i.e. if you need sensory stimulation there are people who teach that), bad therapy makes it a lot worse and unfortunately it's every difficult to find good therapy for SI or sensory-seeking that leaves marks.
>> Yes, and don't wrap tape up tight without having safety scissors, a bit of leverage to lift part of the tape, and enough circulation in hands to safely cut things loose. <<
A crucial aspect with any type of pressure play is width. Narrow things cut off circulation worse than wide things. Another is duration. You can safely clamp many body parts but not for long. 5-15 minutes is a reasonable range for things like nipple clamps or clothespins. (If you were playing with rubberbands, really, try those. Taking off clamps after 10 minutes and rubbing the marks can produce stupendous amounts of pain.) Body socks, mummy wraps, etc. can go longer but you have to watch out for overheating.
>> Oh! Idea! I haven't yet experimented with this myself, though I intend to, but self-adhesive athletic tape is a thing. (Also a kink thing (bondage tape), but you can get it elsewhere.) I don't know if it would trigger allergies or not, but there is no adhesive gunk on the skin so it might work. It only sticks to itself, so you can wrap it tight without it sticking to you.<<
Most of those wraps are hypoallergenic. I highly recommend VetRap, which is cheap, colorful, sticks only to itself, and is great for bondage or constriction. Ace bandages are breathable and reusable, but cost more and require a metal clip or velcro fastener. Bondage tape has hypoallergenic low-tack adhesive. If you like the feeling of being peeled, there is liquid latex, but use with caution because latex allergies can be life-wrecking. Body wax is another option and seems not to cause allergic reactions. If you like the kind of pain that comes from being peeled, you can just go to a spa for that. Honestly I think a lot of masochists just divert their needs into beauty routines and nobody bitches about that.
>> There are SAFE ways to do this, <<
Absolutely. But you need to understand WHY you do these things, what purpose they serve. For some things (like repressed feelings) if you deal with the underlying issue then the urges will diminish or go away. Other issues, you can divert the urge to a safer alternative, but they do different things so you have to understand what the original version does for you. If it's a general personality trait (like kink) then it will not go away and trying to get rid of it is very destructive. For that it's essential to find safe outlets.
>> if people will just help find/access them instead of shaming! <<
So. Much. This. Anyone who tries to take away your coping techniques before replacing them with a better option is NOT helping. Anyone who shames or threatens you for acting this way is NOT helping. Therapy which is a threat is punishment, not help. People who really care about you will provide resources and support for you to make positive changes that YOU want, not try to drag you through what THEY want.
>> And also, people need to be able to choose their level of REASONABLE RISK, <<
Yep. People do risky things all the time. They fuck. They drive cars. They ski. They swim. They juggle fire. They ride bulls. But some folks are not accorded respect or body autonomy, and some activities are frowned on. This varies by society; the Mayans were really into sadomasochism of not-always-consensual varieties and the consensual options available in their own religion were extreme.
It's not about the activities. It's about power.
>> with assistance and safety protocols and nonjudgmental supervision if necessary, <<
Having a spotter can make a lot of things much safer. Having an actual play partner is often even better. Plenty of people with intense sensory needs wind up in the kink community for these reasons. If nothing else, kink comes with extensive advice on how to know yourself and how to negotiate for what you want.
>> instead of being TOLD that they are not permitted to make certain choices because of their mental/physical conditions - that is infantilizing bullshit. <<
Yyyyyeah. That's a sensitive spot in kink because of the "safe SANE consensual" mantra: many folks will not play with anyone who has a physical or mental disability. A more inclusive approach is to be aware of special needs and plan accordingly. My stance is that if someone needs intense stimulation, it's a lot better to get that openly in a clean environment with a responsible partner than in a closet with whatever sharp junk comes to hand.
So if you're reading in the kink field, there's a lot of practical information that's very valuable, but the acceptance is variable.
>> Pro athletes get injuries doing their intense thing all the time, but people admire them for it, because our society doesn't make sense. <<
Understand that SI comes in fast and slow, deliberate and incidental. Fast and deliberate (like cutting) is criticized; slow and incidental (like smoking) is much more tolerated. One reason women get criticized far more than men is that women are more prone to deliberate injury while men usually sublimate it into dangerous sports or hobbies.
>>THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU for wanting intense physical sensations. Other people are just JERKS.<<
Sooth. It's only an issue if it causes problems for you -- if it's leaving scars you don't want, or infections, or makes you miserable with shame, or that nasty allergy to adhesive is a consequence to avoid repeating. If it's not bothering you, and it's not causing practical problems, then it is nobody else's business. They don't get to decide what you do with your body. If they have the power to violate your boundaries, at least know that you are being abused.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:30 pm (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:45 pm (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 11:12 pm (UTC)* Understand that it is a violation of boundaries. It may be legal but that does not make it right. Know when you are being mistreated so you can cope instead of blaming yourself.
* Advocate for better awareness and respect for neurovariant people and their human rights. People have succeeded in striking down laws or at least getting better protections.
* Talk with a lawyer. You may be able to set up a legally enforceable set of directions to prevent people from trapping you in untenable situations. If you have a WRAP document filed there are things you can do to mandate following it. Also, you still have body autonomy. If you can afford a lawyer, you can sue people for violating your choices about your own body. Some kinky folks and many bodymod fans have had to do this. If you can't afford legal help, looking into pro bono or self-help options. There are "I'm being arrested" apps; if you have a lawyer you can punch the panic button when someone tries to take you away. A lot of "helpy" people will back the fuck off when a lawyer calls them.
* Similarly look for a supportive therapist. There are a few who are real attack dogs about protecting client autonomy and following principles of harm reduction. You might find one.
* Remove yourself from contact with people who abuse your boundaries by turning you over to those who will restrain you from helping yourself. It is like handcuffing someone so they cannot take pain medication. Sadly most neurovariant people have had to cut folks out of their life for threatening their sanity/survival.
* Share your needs with supportive people, and find outlets where you can take care of yourself. Avoid places that are dangerously intolerant. It is sad that these steps are necessary, but they are true for most disadvantaged people such as trans, queer, poor, female, kinky, etc. folks.
It is NOT OKAY for people to violate your choices. This is your body/mind to live in. You fix its glitches however works best for YOU.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 11:22 pm (UTC)Remember, doctors are only human. If you drop dynamite down their reality tunnel, they'll flinch. Tell them they're hurting you and name how. Be explicit. Then nail that to something personal to create a trigger. "The next time you see your wife, think about strapping me down so I can't help myself. She's going to see that in your face. You're going to think of it."
Among the most ruthless is ticking the boxes of abuse: a difference in power, knowledge, and gratification. Threes are powerful. Use them.
You can't always stop people from hurting you. But you can usually get them back. Almost everyone in caregiving professions wants to think of themselves as "helping." Rip the blindoff off. It hurts like fuck. Cockroaches don't like light, and monsters don't like mirrors.
Let's not forget empathy. Many, many caregivers are untrained empaths, it's why they're so often a mess. You like sharp things. Make your pain into a knife and turn it on them. Often the effects will hit them later, but sometimes you'll get a sensitive one who will flinch right in front of you.
If you're worried about direct attacks provoking retaliation, use the disguised Verbal Attack Patterns. "If you REALLY cared..." is especially devastating in this situations. Almost nobody knows how to counter or even recognize VAPs so they usually work.
Note: the spectrum of force applies. These are extreme methods for when someone is hurting you. Don't use them in casual squabbles. Excessive force is not okay. And by extreme I mean it's possible to break people with this stuff. When they're trying to break YOU then it's justified.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:29 pm (UTC)it is very hard sometimes being neurovariant and SPD...add on the freaking out that happens over my bent toward "violent" stimming behavior...and sometimes I just feel...
lost, I guess, alone.
I'm glad I'm not alone, hugs greatly appreciated(as long as they are firm and not light almost hug annoyances) I will also take a rumbly kitty.
seriously, thanks.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:31 pm (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:51 pm (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 11:06 pm (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 11:25 pm (UTC)Another not-quite-sharp trick: ice. Look for an ice cube tray that makes crisp edges and corners. You can also freeze a thin layer of ice in a pan and break it into shards. Normal ice will not actually cut you but can feel like it will. (Extremely cold ice or big jagged chunks can cut, though.) Also if you move the edge or point in a cutting motion it can't frostnip your skin because it doesn't stay in one place. If you're squeezing ice in your fists, stop after your skin starts to turn numb.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-04 02:33 am (UTC)You are made of the shiny. :)
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 11:00 pm (UTC)Yay! I am so glad we could help.
>> it is very hard sometimes being neurovariant and SPD... <<
Yes, it is. Another challenge in SPD is that people don't notice all the variations that need different treatment.
* Your organs are fine but your mind scrambles the signals. You need to work on interpretation and integration, distress tolerance, and removing as many noxious stimuli as possible. This is among the harder things to fix and you may have to learn to ignore some things.
* Your organs are messed up. Adaptive equipment can help tremendously (i.e. photoresponsive eyeglasses). Removal or dampening of noxious input is more important; ignoring distress can cause damage. This is hard to repair but often easy to ameliorate. Science is your friend!
* You are trying too run way too much software on your wetware. You have a buffer overload problem. Either reduce input (earplugs, bodystockings) or reduce bandwidth demand (stop trying to multitask). Focus on training your brain to handle the input it gets.
* Your senses are actually fine but way way more sensitive than typical for humans. Congratulations, you have superpowers! But those have drawbacks. Dogs hear better than humans and sirens hurt their ears. You need to learn how to use your super-senses effectively, and how to dampen or remove intense input. Adaptive equipment and mental skills both help. Don't ignore noxious input, it can really injure people in this category.
>> add on the freaking out that happens over my bent toward "violent" stimming behavior... <<
People who freak out are not good for you. If they are friends/family they need to be educated (gently if possible, firmly if necessary) or replaced.
Health workers are responsible for maintaining a nonanxious presence; it is their JOB to not freak out. If they can't keep calm, fire them and get someone competent. Believe me, if they're fucking up the basics they are fucking up other things you don't even know to look for. A good doctor or therapist can save your life. A bad one can cripple or kill you. There ARE good therapists for SPD, but you may have to hunt around to find one -- and there may not be one accessible to you. None is better than bad, unfortunately.
On the bright side, there are many resources in books and online, especially for sensory diets and integration techniques. Try stuff. If it makes you feel better, do more; if it doesn't help or makes you feel worse, so something else next time. I highly recommend keeping records so you can compare different techniques. It can be as elaborate as an experiment report or as simple as a five-face smiley scale. After you've done a dozen or so things you start losing track otherwise.
>> and sometimes I just feel...
lost, I guess, alone. <<
:(
* You are NOT alone. Many people have SPD, or otherwise crave intense input. There are almost 8 billion humans here, nobody's alone no matter how far-out their experiences are.
* The best solution for this problem is a support group. Check around to see if there are any for self-harm or SPD. Certainly there are online forums for both of those. You will meet others with similar experiences, at different stages of their journey. Their ideas may help you solve problems in addition to creating a sense of community.
* Do your best to weed out unsupportive, critical people. They make you feel lonely and isolated, and that makes you less healthy. Seek positive people who make you feel welcomed, understood, and like your challenges are things you can handle.
>> I'm glad I'm not alone, hugs greatly appreciated(as long as they are firm and not light almost hug annoyances) I will also take a rumbly kitty. <<
*tight hugs*
If you like this kind of pressure, consider squeeze chairs or weighted blankets. You can buy or make your own.
For comparison, I've spent the last couple of months slapping myself all day. Our air conditioning has been broken, so there's a window unit in my office that lets in lots of bugs. After having bugs crawling on me, every time a hair moves it feels like a bug and I slap it ... even if it's just a string or air moving. Very distracting. And that is how some SPD folks feel all the time, except that nobody else knows or cares and just complains about the slapping. Right, let's see you "normal" people sit still with a bucket of gummi spiders dumped over you. >_<
Of course, I've had super-senses all my life so I've learned to cope. The sensitivity goes up and down somewhat; after we remove the window unit and the bugs stop, my skin will eventually stop interpreting everything as bug, and I'll stop slapping or frantically brushing myself all the time. But I would rather be this sensitive than not notice the bugs and get bit more often. Mostly what we have are moths but I don't need wingscales all over me either. 0_o
You are not alone. Your body is something you can learn to handle. How you choose to do that is up to YOU. Nobody else has to live with the consequences of your choices. You are not broken. You have some challenges; everyone does; those are different. You are doing the best you can with what you have. There are more resources that may help you do better. If people are being awful to you, get better people if you can; or at least realize that what they're doing to you is NOT OKAY. You have a right to be respected, happy, and comfortable.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 04:02 am (UTC)Alternatively, hit yourself through a piece of clothing, e.g. a pants leg -- it will take more force to leave a mark, and if it does it won't show.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 09:22 pm (UTC)* Plastic craft rulers often have a square edge useful for pressing, less so for slapping as they can break.
* Plastic kitchen knives are often quite sturdy. They are semisharp, so they won't break skin easily. Don't stab yourself with the point, as that might penetrate; there are ones with blunt ends though.
* Many letter openers are semisharp and may be made of metal, wood, or other materials. Some are very durable, others more fragile.
* If you like semisharp points, check out the pet or livestock aisle. Many brushes or currycombs have points that are uncomfortably sharp if pressed but won't break skin. In fact these are popular pervertables -- you put a couple on the floor and have your submissive stand or kneel on the points. Perfectly safe, but wow does it get intense after a couple minutes.
* Crystals such as quarts have semisharp edges and points. These are fantastic as pocket fidgets if you want something to squeeze. Most are too wide to stab yourself with, although they can leave bruises if you step on one.
* Hardcore edgeplay masochists stand on Legos. Everyone else thinks of those as demonic caltrops. They are also useful as pocket squeezies. Usually they won't break skin because they are square.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:38 pm (UTC)(Referenced item similar to this: https://www.amazon.com/Orblue-Docker-Uniformly-Prevents-Blistering/dp/B00VRTHQBE/ref=pd_sim_79_1/168-2306033-8995233?ie=UTF8&dpID=418ukiaKIDL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&psc=1&refRID=D2G8P9XDV1G8KNBH951Z)
>> Hardcore edgeplay masochists stand on Legos. Everyone else thinks of those as demonic caltrops. <<
LOL.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-04 01:00 am (UTC)Allow me to introduce another crucial safety concept: plausible deniability. This is essential for kinksters, Pagans, and other people who have problems with someone butting into their life in ways that hurt and may not be feasible to escape immediately. Look for things that suit your needs which have another innocuous purpose. Many kinksters use something like a ping-pong paddle instead of a BDSM paddle for this reason. Pagans may use ordinary-looking ceramic bowls instead of ones with the God and Goddess glazed on. Most people sleepwalk through life and see what they want or expect to see. This makes them easier to fool. They aren't going to look at kitchen equipment and think of it as pervertables, except for the knives and scissors.
>> Most recent acquisition: a pastry "dough docker" roller which is basically a mini rolling pin on a handle covered in blunt pointy projection. *cough cough* Ahem.<<
Neato.
>> It's important to avoid anything ACTUALLY sharp or hot unless thorough precautions are taken, but for "I wanna hold weird shapes/textures in my hands / run them over my skin" and relatives of that, SOOOO MAAANY options. Plus you can always cook with 'em (provided you buy two of everything so as to not mix uses, preferably) and use that as an excuse.<<
Very sensible.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-04 02:38 am (UTC)Well phrased.
>> This is essential for kinksters, Pagans, and other people who have problems with someone butting into their life in ways that hurt and may not be feasible to escape immediately. <<
Makes sense.
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:23 pm (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:33 pm (UTC)* To anyone who is not your health worker: "I don't wish to discuss my personal health with you."
* To your health worker: "I don't wish to discuss that with you."
* To people who still will not shut the fuck up about your body: Start asking them the most intrusive questions you can think of. "Are you circumcized?" "Do you enjoy anal sex?" This tactic is most effective for people who have a high tolerance verbal hockey and are willing to throat-check the opponent into the goal net, rather than for people who are conflict-averse. But there are very few individuals who will tolerate a return of violation. They want easy meat. This tactic will stop a number of offenders who simply will not stop for anything else. Especially if you do it loudly and include, "Well, since you were asking intimate questions about me, I figured you were comfortable with extremely personal topics in a public place."
Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 10:53 pm (UTC)Re: STIM
Date: 2016-08-03 11:03 pm (UTC)You can also beat people with facts. Name what they're doing. If it's on a checklist of boundary violations or emotional abuse, say so. It makes most of them back away fast: even abusers who like what they do can't afford to have it publicized. It scares away the fish.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-02 11:31 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2016-08-02 11:34 pm (UTC)I'm glad I could help. :D
>> Rocking chairs and swings are creativity-enhancing catnip to this lady here, and now I understand at least part of why. :) <<
Those are in the category of vestibular stimulation along with spinning, bouncing, and walking. People need this to keep their balance in good working order. Without such input, they tend to develop neurological problems.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2016-08-03 12:46 am (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2016-08-03 01:02 am (UTC)But the connection is simple:
Humans typically use vision to coordinate their motion, like a robot with a camera-based tilt sensor. They also have a liquid-based tilt sensor inside their ears. It's why they get seasick if the boat and horizon send different signals, and why a stack of acrobats will fall over if you turn off the light.
Blind people have less of that visual input, or none at all, depending on degree of impairment. (Some deaf people lack the ear version.) This can make balancing more difficult for them. But, brains are plastic! :D Blind people learn to orient by touch. The vestibular system is part of the many senses we lump together as touch. It tells you how your body is moving.
When you rock, spin, or otherwise move around then you are practicing how to use your vestibular sense to maintain a local vertical in relation to the wall called "floor." You're just using a different skillset to do it than some other people do. It is a valuable activity.
There are many tools for this. Among the most useful is a yoga ball or balance chair. However, a plain old rocker is good too.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2016-08-04 03:32 am (UTC)When I have room for one, I am metaphorically pouncing on a sturdy, well-made rocking chair of my own. :)
Re: Yes...
Date: 2016-08-04 03:36 am (UTC)Not really. People have different responses to things based on their own needs. If rocking is what works best for you, then do that.
>> Walking is nice on its own, don't get me wrong, but rocking especially seems to meet some sort of need I can't articulate that's greater than sensory/spatial orientation practice alone would indicate. <<
Rocking also relates to comfort because it soothes babies. Many adults continue to find it relaxing.
>> When I have room for one, I am metaphorically pouncing on a sturdy, well-made rocking chair of my own. :) <<
Good idea! We have an Amish-style glide rocker.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2016-08-04 06:38 pm (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2016-08-04 09:30 pm (UTC)Me, I find walking better for creativity. It varies.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-03 01:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-03 12:20 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2016-08-03 01:04 am (UTC):D
>> I have, by the way, ordered from Stimtastic, and the shipping was super fast and they took a custom order (3 different colors of gems on a neckalce) with ease. They also have amazing prices. <<
Thanks for the customer feedback! I thought they looked good. I'm tempted by the rainbow bead necklace and a few of the others.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-03 03:05 am (UTC)One of my favorite fidgets is a pair of Chinese exercise balls. They're also good for developing finger strength, which is useful for a guitarist.
Yes...
Date: 2016-08-03 03:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-03 09:39 am (UTC)I wonder if playing with sticky tape counts as stimming?
I've done that all of my life.
:^}
Yes...
Date: 2016-08-03 09:51 am (UTC)