Poem: "Against the Etiquette"
May. 19th, 2016 11:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis poem is spillover from the February 2, 2016 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from wyld_dandelyon. It also fills the "midnight" square in my 9-4-15 card for the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genprompt_bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by technoshaman, LJ users Ng_moonmoth and Lone_cat. It belongs to the Calliope thread in the Polychrome Heroics series.
Warning: This poem contains some touchy topics. Highlight for more details, some of which are spoilers. It features references to (mostly past, with lingering effects) gender dysphoria, exploring lingerie, dealing with mixed feelings, Vagary walking in on Calliope in her underwear, Calliope's pissed-off reaction, and other angst. Most of the focus in on how she feels about her new undies, though, which is mostly positive. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Against the Etiquette"
Cal had spent years
hiding the secret desire
to dress in women's clothes,
indeed, to be a woman.
It was a guilty pleasure
only allowed on rare occasions,
hidden in midnight and shadows.
Cal was adept at being
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hide.
Then the tornado happened,
and Calvin became Calliope.
Now Calliope had a gender coach,
and the latest assignment was
to wear pretty lingerie.
Thus far Calliope had
stayed mostly within the realm
of practical foundation garments,
avoiding the beautiful things
that she secretly craved.
They still scared her a little.
She had always coveted them,
and that gave them a certain power
over her that was frightening
in the depth of its intensity.
There was, too, the lingering worry that
someone would clock her and make trouble
over her transgression against the etiquette
of the gender assigned at birth.
But homework was homework,
and Calliope understood that
this step was necessary in order
to embrace her feminine side fully,
without allowing other people
to shape her expression.
So she bought herself
a pink stretch-lace thong
and a white silk negligee and
a scarlet satin bathrobe.
She chose three different fabrics,
specifically, so that she could
compare them and see how
each one felt on her new skin,
how different from the fabrics
that were permitted to men.
The stretch lace was scratchier
than what she remembered.
It made her feel the way
she felt now when people tried
to dismiss her for being a woman:
itchy and a little too tight,
but ultimately flimsy.
The silk was softer,
and the contrast between
smooth silk and slightly stiffer lace
and the diaphanous ruffled trim
was so exciting that Calliope
just stood there in front of
her mirror, stroking it.
The satin robe was
long and luxurious and
relentlessly, fearlessly,
unapologetically RED.
It made her feel like
she could step up and
stake a claim to her space
with actual stakes.
At last, she could finally be herself
and indulge in things like this.
The stretch-lace was abrasive,
the silk was sensuous, and
the satin was downright decadent.
They were nothing like the coarse cloth
of men's wear, and Calliope loved
the effects they had on her.
Naturally that was the moment
when Vagary walked in on her
and said, "Wow, that's hot!"
That was exactly why this sort of thing
was meant to be done at midnight.
"What are you even doing
here?" she snapped at him.
"How did you get in?"
"I'm here because it's been a while
and the bond was pulling at me, so
I picked the lock and came in," he said
with that sheepish, self-deprecating smile
that Calliope had privately decided must mean,
Please don't hit me, I can't help being an asshole.
She counted to ten, first in English, then in Greek,
and finally for good measure in Esperanto.
"I am wearing lingerie. It was not
intended for you to see," she said
through her teeth. "I will give you
three seconds to. Turn. Around."
Vagary spun on the spot as if trying
to elude the deadly gaze of Medusa.
"Sorry I'm sorry I thought you'd have
clothes on!" he babbled at her.
"Just stand there -- quietly! --
until the bond loosens up," she said.
In fact, she'd felt the damn thing tugging
at her too, she was just better at ignoring it.
"Then you can go find yourself a class on
respecting other people's property for
breaking and entering, and one on
privacy for being a peeping tom."
"Okay," he whispered in that
kicked-puppy tone which made her
feel guilty for holding him accountable
for his mistakes, but blast it, she couldn't
just let him get away with this nonsense.
True to his word, which surprised her,
Vagary stood there silently for twenty minutes
and then slipped away as soon as he could,
presumably to go take his classes.
God, what a pain in the ass.
He'd called her outfit hot, though.
That memory tugged her lips
up into a reluctant smile.
She liked fighting against the etiquette
of her childhood, which had never fit.
Calliope smoothed her hands
down over the rich slippery satin
and the frilly silk and even
the itchy stretch-lace.
It really was one hell of an outfit,
and she was happy that she had
bought it, even if it was embarrassing
beyond all expression to get caught
in it by her evil unboyfriend.
There was just something about it ...
Looking in the mirror, Calliope realized
that women's clothes made her feel powerful
in a way that had nothing to do with superpowers.
* * *
Notes:
Calliope (Calvin Sanna) -- Calliope comes from Oklahoma; the father's family is Greek-American, while the mother's family is American. Calliope has light olive skin with gray eyes and short hair in shades of lighter and darker blond. Cal is demiromantic demisexual. She speaks English, Greek, and Esperanto.
Origin: Sucked into a tornado.
Uniform: Feminine-styled costume of dexflan and capery in dusty shades of pink, blue, lavender, and cream.
Qualities: Good (+2) Consideration, Good (+2) Flexible, Good (+2) Handiwork, Good (+2) Listener, Good (+2) Word Puzzles
Poor (-2) Distractible
Powers: Expert (+4) Air Powers (meta-power including Flight, Phasing, Sonic Blast, Tornado Straws, Whirlwind, Windtalking), Average (0) Empathy, Average (0) Shapeshifting
Vulnerability: Air Powers are opposed by Earth Powers. Some Air abilities do not work on an Earth-powered opponent, and vice versa, typically those meant to affect a person directly. Others gain an upshift on damage, typically attacks.
Limitation: So far the Shapeshifting only works to switch between Calvin and Calliope. As the power improves, additional shapes may be gained.
Motivation: Self-discovery.
* * *
"Colorful garments -- ball gowns, kimonos, evening pajamas -- made from yards upon yards of iridescent silk or velvet. I own an unjustifiable number of such outfits and jump at the chance to wear them. Against the etiquette about which I am otherwise all too conscious, I frequently, and unrepentantly, overdress for the occasion."
-- Julia Glass
Transgender people have more work in exploring their gender expression. Here are the typical steps in transitioning from male to female. Cal's superpower changed some but not all of that process. She still has to learn how to express her womanhood.
Crossdressing is a common way for transgender people to begin exploring their identity. However, not all transfolk crossdress, and most crossdressers are not trans. It can have other benefits too. Here are some tips on how to crossdress.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a famous story about changing between personalities.
Lingerie is an important part of crossdressing and transitioning. People can be very secretive about it, because involving others is risky and often unpleasant.
Calliope has the pink version of this stretch-lace thong. This is the white silk negligee. She has the red version of this satin robe.
Personal boundaries can be difficult to grasp for people who grew up without clear ones. Vagary doesn't mean to be a dick about this, but he has trouble seeing the lines that other people do. Understand how to respect boundaries and deal with someone who doesn't.
wyld_dandelyon. It also fills the "midnight" square in my 9-4-15 card for the genprompt_bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by technoshaman, LJ users Ng_moonmoth and Lone_cat. It belongs to the Calliope thread in the Polychrome Heroics series.Warning: This poem contains some touchy topics. Highlight for more details, some of which are spoilers. It features references to (mostly past, with lingering effects) gender dysphoria, exploring lingerie, dealing with mixed feelings, Vagary walking in on Calliope in her underwear, Calliope's pissed-off reaction, and other angst. Most of the focus in on how she feels about her new undies, though, which is mostly positive. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Against the Etiquette"
Cal had spent years
hiding the secret desire
to dress in women's clothes,
indeed, to be a woman.
It was a guilty pleasure
only allowed on rare occasions,
hidden in midnight and shadows.
Cal was adept at being
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hide.
Then the tornado happened,
and Calvin became Calliope.
Now Calliope had a gender coach,
and the latest assignment was
to wear pretty lingerie.
Thus far Calliope had
stayed mostly within the realm
of practical foundation garments,
avoiding the beautiful things
that she secretly craved.
They still scared her a little.
She had always coveted them,
and that gave them a certain power
over her that was frightening
in the depth of its intensity.
There was, too, the lingering worry that
someone would clock her and make trouble
over her transgression against the etiquette
of the gender assigned at birth.
But homework was homework,
and Calliope understood that
this step was necessary in order
to embrace her feminine side fully,
without allowing other people
to shape her expression.
So she bought herself
a pink stretch-lace thong
and a white silk negligee and
a scarlet satin bathrobe.
She chose three different fabrics,
specifically, so that she could
compare them and see how
each one felt on her new skin,
how different from the fabrics
that were permitted to men.
The stretch lace was scratchier
than what she remembered.
It made her feel the way
she felt now when people tried
to dismiss her for being a woman:
itchy and a little too tight,
but ultimately flimsy.
The silk was softer,
and the contrast between
smooth silk and slightly stiffer lace
and the diaphanous ruffled trim
was so exciting that Calliope
just stood there in front of
her mirror, stroking it.
The satin robe was
long and luxurious and
relentlessly, fearlessly,
unapologetically RED.
It made her feel like
she could step up and
stake a claim to her space
with actual stakes.
At last, she could finally be herself
and indulge in things like this.
The stretch-lace was abrasive,
the silk was sensuous, and
the satin was downright decadent.
They were nothing like the coarse cloth
of men's wear, and Calliope loved
the effects they had on her.
Naturally that was the moment
when Vagary walked in on her
and said, "Wow, that's hot!"
That was exactly why this sort of thing
was meant to be done at midnight.
"What are you even doing
here?" she snapped at him.
"How did you get in?"
"I'm here because it's been a while
and the bond was pulling at me, so
I picked the lock and came in," he said
with that sheepish, self-deprecating smile
that Calliope had privately decided must mean,
Please don't hit me, I can't help being an asshole.
She counted to ten, first in English, then in Greek,
and finally for good measure in Esperanto.
"I am wearing lingerie. It was not
intended for you to see," she said
through her teeth. "I will give you
three seconds to. Turn. Around."
Vagary spun on the spot as if trying
to elude the deadly gaze of Medusa.
"Sorry I'm sorry I thought you'd have
clothes on!" he babbled at her.
"Just stand there -- quietly! --
until the bond loosens up," she said.
In fact, she'd felt the damn thing tugging
at her too, she was just better at ignoring it.
"Then you can go find yourself a class on
respecting other people's property for
breaking and entering, and one on
privacy for being a peeping tom."
"Okay," he whispered in that
kicked-puppy tone which made her
feel guilty for holding him accountable
for his mistakes, but blast it, she couldn't
just let him get away with this nonsense.
True to his word, which surprised her,
Vagary stood there silently for twenty minutes
and then slipped away as soon as he could,
presumably to go take his classes.
God, what a pain in the ass.
He'd called her outfit hot, though.
That memory tugged her lips
up into a reluctant smile.
She liked fighting against the etiquette
of her childhood, which had never fit.
Calliope smoothed her hands
down over the rich slippery satin
and the frilly silk and even
the itchy stretch-lace.
It really was one hell of an outfit,
and she was happy that she had
bought it, even if it was embarrassing
beyond all expression to get caught
in it by her evil unboyfriend.
There was just something about it ...
Looking in the mirror, Calliope realized
that women's clothes made her feel powerful
in a way that had nothing to do with superpowers.
* * *
Notes:
Calliope (Calvin Sanna) -- Calliope comes from Oklahoma; the father's family is Greek-American, while the mother's family is American. Calliope has light olive skin with gray eyes and short hair in shades of lighter and darker blond. Cal is demiromantic demisexual. She speaks English, Greek, and Esperanto.
Origin: Sucked into a tornado.
Uniform: Feminine-styled costume of dexflan and capery in dusty shades of pink, blue, lavender, and cream.
Qualities: Good (+2) Consideration, Good (+2) Flexible, Good (+2) Handiwork, Good (+2) Listener, Good (+2) Word Puzzles
Poor (-2) Distractible
Powers: Expert (+4) Air Powers (meta-power including Flight, Phasing, Sonic Blast, Tornado Straws, Whirlwind, Windtalking), Average (0) Empathy, Average (0) Shapeshifting
Vulnerability: Air Powers are opposed by Earth Powers. Some Air abilities do not work on an Earth-powered opponent, and vice versa, typically those meant to affect a person directly. Others gain an upshift on damage, typically attacks.
Limitation: So far the Shapeshifting only works to switch between Calvin and Calliope. As the power improves, additional shapes may be gained.
Motivation: Self-discovery.
* * *
"Colorful garments -- ball gowns, kimonos, evening pajamas -- made from yards upon yards of iridescent silk or velvet. I own an unjustifiable number of such outfits and jump at the chance to wear them. Against the etiquette about which I am otherwise all too conscious, I frequently, and unrepentantly, overdress for the occasion."
-- Julia Glass
Transgender people have more work in exploring their gender expression. Here are the typical steps in transitioning from male to female. Cal's superpower changed some but not all of that process. She still has to learn how to express her womanhood.
Crossdressing is a common way for transgender people to begin exploring their identity. However, not all transfolk crossdress, and most crossdressers are not trans. It can have other benefits too. Here are some tips on how to crossdress.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a famous story about changing between personalities.
Lingerie is an important part of crossdressing and transitioning. People can be very secretive about it, because involving others is risky and often unpleasant.
Calliope has the pink version of this stretch-lace thong. This is the white silk negligee. She has the red version of this satin robe.
Personal boundaries can be difficult to grasp for people who grew up without clear ones. Vagary doesn't mean to be a dick about this, but he has trouble seeing the lines that other people do. Understand how to respect boundaries and deal with someone who doesn't.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2016-05-20 07:41 am (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2016-05-20 07:57 am (UTC)Ironically, Vagary isn't evil in the sense of injuring people for fun or violating them because it gets him off. He's just socially inept and thinks like a supervillain. Calliope is tending to think of all supervillains as evil, which is at best an exaggeration. Vagary's behavior is wildly inappropriate in many ways, but not at all the same as, say, the Reamer who is a real whackjob or even Contretemps who does manipulate people for fun.
On the bright side, Calliope's method of assigning classes as restitution for boundary violations is a good use of logical consequences and preventive maintenance. Her tendency to yell at Vagary is less constructive, but understandable under the circumstances.
It is definitely an improvement over Twilight.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-05-20 08:16 am (UTC)Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hide.»
Luvit!
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-05-20 08:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-05-20 06:42 pm (UTC)If I knew someone like Vagary... I wouldn't know them for long. One lasting piece of damage from my parents is that I am SERIOUSLY AND FEROCIOUSLY territorial, and very twitchy about boundary violations. People who can't respect my territory and my boundaries get a permanent Invitation To The World, with a side of "and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!" Calliope is a saint.
Also fangirling "Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hide".
Thoughts
Date: 2016-05-20 07:00 pm (UTC):D Been there, worn that! Among my favorites is a silk sari blouse in purple-green-gold brocade. I like having some things that say "Look at me, I'm here to entertain you!"
>> If I knew someone like Vagary... I wouldn't know them for long. One lasting piece of damage from my parents is that I am SERIOUSLY AND FEROCIOUSLY territorial, and very twitchy about boundary violations. People who can't respect my territory and my boundaries get a permanent Invitation To The World, with a side of "and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!" <<
Grr parents. I agree that booting people who can't or won't respect boundaries is an effective and advisable solution when it is feasible.
>> Calliope is a saint. <<
It's not so much that Calliope is a saint. They're kind of stuck with each other, and lucky that the bond isn't worse than it is. She seems to feel the effects a lot less than he does, but while she's willing to cause and tolerate discomfort, she doesn't want to do serious damage. In theory, they could investigate having it severed if they could find a superpower that would do that. In practice, it would be like amputating a limb: unpleasant, risky, and they'd probably lose more than they'd gain. That would be worth pursuing if they were stuck tighter and/or more violent together, but as it is, the present situation is distasteful rather than intolerable (to them).
I wanted to explore what would happen with the kind of "instant bond" often played up in comic books, other than having the superhera and the supervillain fall in love because of it. They're not actually a good match for each other, at least right now; Vagary's social skills suck and Calliope's are bent due to having been built for the wrong gender. One of the other original inputs for this relationship was someone asking whether it was possible to level-grind through social skills. So it will be interesting to see whether or not the two of them can adapt to this situation.
>> Also fangirling "Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hide". <<
:D
Just one thing to say..
Date: 2016-05-20 02:31 pm (UTC)Re: Just one thing to say..
Date: 2016-05-20 06:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-06-11 12:25 pm (UTC)I also find Vagary a very interesting character. Looking forward to seeing how their relationship progresses. ^_^
Thank you!
Date: 2016-06-29 08:58 am (UTC)I'm glad you enjoyed it.
>> I also find Vagary a very interesting character. Looking forward to seeing how their relationship progresses. ^_^ <<
Yay! He's complicated, all right, but not unsympathetic. Feel free to prompt for more of them in any relevant prompt call. Next up is the July 5 fishbowl with a theme of "Is there a word for that feeling?" which would fit very well.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2016-06-29 03:52 pm (UTC)Re: Thank you!
Date: 2016-06-29 05:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-03-26 03:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-03-26 03:14 am (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2017-03-26 03:39 am (UTC)ECR poem! :D
Vagary really should not have been where he was, doing what he was. That's on him. But it's also a clear sign that they can't simply part ways like an ordinary breakup. The bond pulls them toward each other, and has consequences for ignoring it, so they'll have to find ways of getting by.
>> My favorite moment has to be when Calliope takes charge and redirects Vagary towards safer behavior, though. <<
I'm glad that worked for you. Sometimes she realizes that simply telling him "no" won't work very well, because it doesn't give him an idea of what's okay, only what isn't. He can't just stop, he needs a place to go with it.
Come to think of it, much the same is true of Calliope's anger, and I haven't seen Vagary offer alternatives there other than suggesting therapy (a good idea). She needs to learn more ways of disagreeing that don't involve yelling or hitting.
Also...
Date: 2017-03-26 03:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2018-05-18 05:56 am (UTC)she felt now when people tried
to dismiss her for being a woman:
itchy and a little too tight,
but ultimately flimsy. <<
I've been picking through poems the long way and probably missed something, but are instances where that's happened addressed directly anywhere? I have no doubts she would "pass", but I can easily see where people who know about her shapeshifting might say she's just a man who gets kicks out of looking female.
- Acheros
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-01 05:21 am (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2020-09-01 09:39 am (UTC)Cool.
>> I once asked him why he liked to cross-dress. It wasn't even a fetish for him - it had nothing to do with sexuality.<<
There are all kinds of reasons for it. Heck, some do it to get in touch with their anima. Nowadays, too many people claim that transvestites are "really" transgender or gay, but that's just not true for all of them. It has always been one of the more diverse queeritudes.
>> He just resented how drab and unimaginiative mens clothing was, and he liked to wear lace, sequins, sating and velvet and ruffles. A knee-length pink satin negligee is certainly more fun than a business suit, or even more fun than jeans and a t-shirt. And he enjoyed how surprised people were to find out that the girl with the cute Cockney accent was a bloke :-) <<
Well, it's possible to find menswear in brilliant colors and designs. Trouble is, that stuff is much rarer and pricier than women's wear, where colorful and decorative stuff is common and affordable.
*shrug* I buy a considerable amount of menswear not just because I'm genderqueer but because it's practical. You can't see your hand through the shirts. Also some of my favorite patterns, like argyle, are much easier to find there. And pockets!
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2020-09-01 10:17 am (UTC)