I've looked at diagnosis criteria for autism and it seems irritatingly vague, especially for Asperger's. I mean, I had trouble understanding gossip and bitchiness among girls growing up and I was taken for a ride a lot. Eventually, after a year of being excluded and bullied by students and teachers, I became scared of socialising and thought being tough and serious would stop me from being tormented or being the butt of jokes in my family. As a younger sibling to a very smart, quick one, this always happened. My brother is still capable of bullying those 'dumber' than him, but thankfully chooses not to unless provoked. Especially since he was rewarded with laughter and applause for doing so as a child. Rather than teach me, my family would snipe because I didn't speak in the right voice or answer the phone right or other things I probably would have gotten right if they had actually bothered to show me. I was also paranoid about lying because I was often accused of it- but when you have parents who go off like landmines, you would say or do anything to avoid them screaming at you. Yet Mum told lies about me to her friends for cheap sympathy and laughs, and got angry when I wrote her opinions about school on a worksheet. But I always knew not to say unflattering things about someone's appearance and my dad has either never got it right or thinks it doesn't apply to him.
I do have friends now and a very loving relationship. I became a lot calmer when people were actively and consistently nice to me and I wasn't targeted by a bully. I get anxious when people are loud, when there's shouting, when there's nasty tones of voice, when there's a lot of conversations going on at once and when people are gossiping. I like a bit of small talk but I'd rather know about who I'm speaking to and I hate whole, hour-long inane conversations when there's no point or is entirely gossip. But apparently I'm a weird woman for hating gossip, as if gossip is feminine. I don't think it would have been comely for a woman to be gossiping in the Victorian era. Not a nice example, but my point is that 'normal girl' behaviour has changed over time. It's actually difficult to get socialising right when you read a lot of fiction where the characters who are good, giving and kind are actually treated well or win out, and the mean ones and those who gossip are usually punished or aren't the heroes, so don't get the same happy ending. You think being kind is enough, but then when people hurt you it's somehow considered normal and it's your fault anyway for some reason. I haven't been diagnosed with autism as I score high on empathy, which is very flawed, and I was guessed to have ADD without hyperactivity once, but how do we know if someone is autistic or hasn't been taught right or is convinced other people are too cruel to be bothered with, i.e. traumatised?
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dancing_serpent
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Date: 2015-04-14 02:43 am (UTC)I've looked at diagnosis criteria for autism and it seems irritatingly vague, especially for Asperger's. I mean, I had trouble understanding gossip and bitchiness among girls growing up and I was taken for a ride a lot. Eventually, after a year of being excluded and bullied by students and teachers, I became scared of socialising and thought being tough and serious would stop me from being tormented or being the butt of jokes in my family. As a younger sibling to a very smart, quick one, this always happened. My brother is still capable of bullying those 'dumber' than him, but thankfully chooses not to unless provoked. Especially since he was rewarded with laughter and applause for doing so as a child. Rather than teach me, my family would snipe because I didn't speak in the right voice or answer the phone right or other things I probably would have gotten right if they had actually bothered to show me. I was also paranoid about lying because I was often accused of it- but when you have parents who go off like landmines, you would say or do anything to avoid them screaming at you. Yet Mum told lies about me to her friends for cheap sympathy and laughs, and got angry when I wrote her opinions about school on a worksheet. But I always knew not to say unflattering things about someone's appearance and my dad has either never got it right or thinks it doesn't apply to him.
I do have friends now and a very loving relationship. I became a lot calmer when people were actively and consistently nice to me and I wasn't targeted by a bully. I get anxious when people are loud, when there's shouting, when there's nasty tones of voice, when there's a lot of conversations going on at once and when people are gossiping. I like a bit of small talk but I'd rather know about who I'm speaking to and I hate whole, hour-long inane conversations when there's no point or is entirely gossip. But apparently I'm a weird woman for hating gossip, as if gossip is feminine. I don't think it would have been comely for a woman to be gossiping in the Victorian era. Not a nice example, but my point is that 'normal girl' behaviour has changed over time.
It's actually difficult to get socialising right when you read a lot of fiction where the characters who are good, giving and kind are actually treated well or win out, and the mean ones and those who gossip are usually punished or aren't the heroes, so don't get the same happy ending. You think being kind is enough, but then when people hurt you it's somehow considered normal and it's your fault anyway for some reason.
I haven't been diagnosed with autism as I score high on empathy, which is very flawed, and I was guessed to have ADD without hyperactivity once, but how do we know if someone is autistic or hasn't been taught right or is convinced other people are too cruel to be bothered with, i.e. traumatised?