>> I like it that Mr. Keaner doesn't let her put herself down. "Your aim could use practice." "Your tail isn't stupid, it's just worn out." <<
Yay!
>> But he doesn't scold her either, he just rephrases the comment to a version that's not self-deprecatory. Done consistently, that sort of thing is a good way to keep the Goddamn Tapes* from getting a foothold. <<
Sooth. Some things are frustrating, but it's important to distinguish between objects or events that are aggravating, and beating down on yourself. Acknowledge the feeling, just refine the focus.
>> * In one of my online communities, that's what we call the self-shaming voice in the back of your head that keeps telling you how worthless you are. Because it's usually the result of having internalized shaming things that other people have said to/about you, so that now they're like a tape running on infinite loop in your brain. <<
Yep, in my lexicon it is "bad tape." It can be overwritten with new and better messages, but that takes a lot of repetition, just as bad tape tends to come from many criticisms.
Generally speaking, how you talk to your children is what will become their internal voice for self-talk. It can also happen with a spouse or coworker, anyone who spends a lot of time together.
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dancing_serpent
Thoughts
Date: 2014-10-30 04:10 am (UTC)Yay!
>> But he doesn't scold her either, he just rephrases the comment to a version that's not self-deprecatory. Done consistently, that sort of thing is a good way to keep the Goddamn Tapes* from getting a foothold. <<
Sooth. Some things are frustrating, but it's important to distinguish between objects or events that are aggravating, and beating down on yourself. Acknowledge the feeling, just refine the focus.
>> * In one of my online communities, that's what we call the self-shaming voice in the back of your head that keeps telling you how worthless you are. Because it's usually the result of having internalized shaming things that other people have said to/about you, so that now they're like a tape running on infinite loop in your brain. <<
Yep, in my lexicon it is "bad tape." It can be overwritten with new and better messages, but that takes a lot of repetition, just as bad tape tends to come from many criticisms.
Generally speaking, how you talk to your children is what will become their internal voice for self-talk. It can also happen with a spouse or coworker, anyone who spends a lot of time together.