Poem: "The Shadow of His Hand"

[ysabetwordsmith]

This poem is spillover from the March 3, 2015 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from librarygeek. It has been sponsored by fyreharper. This poem belongs to the Danso & Family thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.

Warning: This poem deals with some intense material. The warnings are spoilers; highlight to read them. Hadyn is a survivor of child abuse, so extra alert to that kind of issue. She notices clues that make her suspect that her classmate Adriel might be abused. So Hadyn has to scrape up her courage to tell someone. It is scary and creepy. Plus Adriel gets mad at Hadyn for a while. It all works out in the end, though, and the environment is generally supportive. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your headspace before deciding if this is something you want to read.


"The Shadow of His Hand"


Hadyn enjoyed art class.

Unlike math or reading, it wasn't
something you could flunk;
as long as you gave it a good try,
you got credit for the work.

You didn't have to study for it,
either, just pay attention in class
and follow along as best you could.

Mrs. Oswego said that art was about
having fun and making pretty things,
not about worrying over whether
your thing was any good.

On Tuesday, Mrs. Oswego gave
everyone big messy sticks of charcoal
that you could wrap your whole hand
around, and sheets of paper that
covered your entire desk.

She set out a big timer that
changed colors and played music.

"Today we're going to practice
speed sketching," she said.
"Everyone pick a partner so you
can take turns posing and drawing.
When it's your turn to pose,
make a fun shape with your body.
When it's your turn to draw,
use big swoopy lines to catch
your partner's pose -- and work fast,
because you'll only have two minutes!"

Hadyn teamed up with her friend Adriel
who was sitting right beside her.

For the first shape, Hadyn stretched
her feet apart, leaned forward over
her right knee, and clasped her hands
above her head in the Warrior Pose.

It was her favorite from the Sun Salute
set that she learned in her yoga class.
Hadyn liked yoga because it helped her
to relax and concentrate. She thought
it would be fun to have a picture.

Adriel's picture was mostly a triangle
but Hadyn thought it was pretty good
for something drawn in the two minutes
before the timer lit up and jingled.

Then it was Adriel's turn to pose;
she tried to do the splits standing up,
but only managed to hike one leg
onto her desk and grab her ankle,
which was still pretty neat.

Her skirt rode up, showing off
the pink shorties under her red skirt
and a dark smudge of bruise
right at the top of her thigh.

Hadyn's hand moved without thinking
to follow the lines of Adriel's pose,
but her mind was on those bruises.

Only after the timer sang out did she
realize they were shaped like a handprint.

"Hey, Adriel, are you okay?" Hadyn said,
lowering her voice. "I saw your ..."
She fluttered a finger at Adriel's leg.

The other girl scowled, mood changing in
one of those lightning shifts that Hadyn
hated. "Just leave it!" she snapped.

"Okay," Hadyn said, but it wasn't.

Even as she took up the Tree Pose,
tucking her right foot onto her left thigh
and reaching her arms overhead, she
could not stop wondering who had left
the shadow of his hand on Adriel's skin.

Maybe Hadyn had been mistaken,
and it wasn't really what it looked like,
but she kept remembering and it bugged her.

After the class ended, while everyone else
was putting away their art supplies,
Hadyn watched Mrs. Oswego.

She wore the circle-S necklace that
Hadyn's therapist had explained meant
someone who was a survivor and would
help other people who had been
touched in really bad ways.

The swing of the silver pendant was
captivating as it bounced against
her black-and-white blouse.

Finally Hadyn scraped up her courage
enough to tug on Mrs. Oswego's sleeve
and whisper, "Remember when you said
that we could come to you if we needed help?"

"Yes, of course," said Mrs. Oswego.
"What's wrong, Hadyn? You seem
worried about something."

"When we were doing poses,
Adriel's skirt went up, and I saw ..."
Hadyn paused to take a deep breath,
"... it kind of looked like maybe somebody
might have grabbed her by the legs."

"That doesn't sound very good,"
said Mrs. Oswego. "I'll talk with Adriel
and see if she'll tell me what happened.
Then if anything bad is going on,
I'll find someone to fix it."

"Thanks," Hadyn said, and
hurried to pack up her art things.

After school, Hannah pulled her aside
and said gently, "Your art teacher called.
She said you saw something upsetting in
class today and might need to talk about it."

"Yeah, I guess," Hadyn said.
She hated talking about sex things
and she was starting to think that
this might be one of those.

Slowly she pulled out the page
with all the speed sketches of Adriel.

Hadyn's finger traced over the line of
Adriel's thigh, smudging the soft charcoal
so that it looked like bruises again.

"I thought a friend might be hurt,"
Hadyn said, "so I told Mrs. Oswego
and she said she'd take care of it,
but I still don't feel very good."

"What doesn't feel good about that?"
Hannah asked, rubbing Hadyn's back.

Sometimes Hadyn didn't like
being touched, but today
she just wanted a hug.

When she leaned in and wrapped her arms
around Hannah, it took only a moment
for Hannah to squeeze her too.

"I feel like I should've done more,"
Hadyn said. "I mean, it's kind of chicken
to get somebody else to fix things. Adriel
is my friend. I should have done it."

"No, you did everything exactly right,"
Hannah said firmly. "Always tell
a grownup about the big scary things,
because it's our job to deal with that stuff --
and Hadyn, this could be very big and scary.
What you did was really brave. It takes
a lot of courage to speak up when you
might not even be sure what you saw."

"I guess so," Hadyn said.

"I know so," Hannah said.
"Come on now, I have lots of
friends who are superheroes --
don't you think I know something
heroic when I see it?"

Hadyn blushed and hid her face
in Hannah's soft skirt.

She didn't think of herself as a superhera.

The next day, Adriel wouldn't talk to Hadyn --
wouldn't even look at her -- and that made her
feel all alone. Maybe she shouldn't have said
anything, or at least warned Adriel first.

Hadyn sighed and stayed out of
Adriel's way for the next few days,
hoping the other girl would forgive her.

Worse things had happened to Hadyn,
after all, and she'd survived.

It was Monday when Adriel came up
behind Hadyn and squeezed so hard that
it yeeped the air right out of her.

"Thank you," Adriel said. "Mrs. Oswego
didn't say who told but it had to be you.
She got some people to come say that
Mom's new boyfriend can't visit anymore
because he was so mean to me. At first
I was kind of upset you told but now I'm glad."

"Then I'm glad too," Hadyn said,
and hugged her back.

"Will you show me those wacky poses
you were doing in art class last week?"
Adriel asked. "I'd like to try them."

"Sure, I can show you," Hadyn said,
"but don't think that you can do
the fancy ones just like that.
It took me a long time to learn
them in my yoga class."

"I don't care about that,"
Adriel said. "I just want
to watch you be awesome."

"I can do that," Hadyn said,
and she did.

* * *

Notes:

Adriel Deis -- She has fair skin, brown eyes, and curly brown hair to her shoulders. She lives in Onion City, attending the same school as Hadyn. Adriel was abused by her mother's boyfriend, but Hadyn noticed and reported it.
Qualities: Good (+2) Easygoing, Good (+2) Graceful, Good (+2) Fast Reader
Poor (-2) Abuse Survivor

Lorraine Oswego -- She has pinkish-fair skin, brown eyes, and short blonde hair. She is a survivor of child sexual abuse who was later revictimized by a boyfriend in high school, and now she wears the sowilo rune to show that she's willing to help other survivors of sexual violence. Lorraine is happily married with two daughters. She teaches art in Onion City at the school where Hadyn goes.
Qualities: Good (+2) Artist, Good (+2) Citizen Responder, Good (+2) Hand-Eye Coordination, Good (+2) Mother, Good (+2) Teacher
Poor (-2) Migraines

* * *

Art class is important for developing many skills. Here are some fun lessons for elementary art.

Charcoal drawing is easy to learn, although challenging to master. This medium is wild and exuberant, making its advantages similar to those of messy play. Studio charcoal offers big sticks and a charcoal set provides variety.

A colorful timer that makes fun sounds is an easy way to organize activities.

Gesture drawing and speed sketching teach how to recognize large-scale shapes and lines of motion. This way an artist can capture a fleeting scene in a few swift lines, and then take time to refine the drawing further.

Yoga provides many physical and mental benefits. Here is one example of Surya Namaskara, the Sun Salutation. Learn how to do the Warrior I pose and the Sun Salute. The Standing Bound Split is one version of a vertical split.

Shorties are form-fitting underwear, typically made from cotton or spandex, with short legs so they can't slip and 'peekaboo' private parts like regular panties can. That makes them popular for wearing under skirts. Soups sometimes wear dexflan shorties to avoid 'wardrobe malfunction' incidents.

See the Tree Pose in yoga.

Child abuse can leave warning signs of physical or sexual mistreatment. Children often attempt to hide abuse and may become frightened or angry if it is revealed, for various reasons. There are tips for children on handling abuse, what to do if a friend is being abused, talking with an abused child, and comforting a friend who has been sexually molested.

Courage is a virtue of facing difficult challenges, comprised of several aspects. It is one of the fundamental heroic traits.

Disagreements with friends are unpleasant, but a natural part of human relationships, for children as well as adults. Parents can help teach kids what to do after falling out with a friend.

Comments

YAY

[dialecticdreamer]

Thank you for posting this. Thank you especially for sketching the bare details of an alarming situation.

Since the resolution is quick, I'm actually hopeful you'll touch upon this in another poem, with later elements. It's very, very rare to find stories which include both abuse which isn't shown as both extreme and permanently damaging. It's treated rather like alcoholism in that respect-- a one drink lapse is "the same as" a three-day bender.

Even with one incident, there are effects, but they don't have to be permanent, or soul-crushing. I'm most definitely not making light of the situation; I'm happy to see a gentle treatment of the problem.

Re: YAY

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Thank you for posting this. <<

*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service.

>> Thank you especially for sketching the bare details of an alarming situation. <<

That's usually how it works from the outside. To get details, it needs to be from one of the principals' perspective, or someone with the power to dig in deeply.

>> Since the resolution is quick, I'm actually hopeful you'll touch upon this in another poem, with later elements. <<

That's an option, if people want to explore it. The resolution was quick, because the problem wasn't deeply set yet. It got noticed early -- this wasn't the first incident because the signs had been growing for a while, but it was probably the first serious one, and got headed off before it turned into a complete disaster. Plus the abuser was a boyfriend, which is easier to stop than a parent.

>> It's very, very rare to find stories which include both abuse which isn't shown as both extreme and permanently damaging. <<

There's a whole spectrum from crummy, like Mallory's home, to the indifference and occasional smack that Lawrence was getting, on up through frequent and more severe abuse. It all does damage, but what seems to do the most is when it happens for a long time and nobody helps. That's why Lawrence and Mallory are kind of messed up, even though it wasn't as brutal. But they can recover. With Hadyn, it was only once, and it didn't actually go very far before her power exploded. It was mostly just scary and creepy and wrong; no physical injury. Much the same is likely with Adriel -- remove the abuser, apply appropriate therapy, and she'll probably be fine. Terramagne has a lower rate of abuse than here, and more of it gets caught and addressed sooner. That lowers the damage quotient. But look at the supervillains and you'll still see that imprint, a lot of them have been hurt to the point they just think it's normal.

>> It's treated rather like alcoholism in that respect-- a one drink lapse is "the same as" a three-day bender. <<

That's one of the more destructive aspects of moralistic addiction 'treatment.' Another is claiming you have a problem if you've ever tried to cut back. Well no, you have a problem if you tried to cut back and failed. If you cut back, that's not a problem, you didn't like what what happening and you fixed it. People do that all the time -- most novice drinkers will drink to a hangover or passing out at least once or a few times, decide they hate that, and figure out how to avoid it. That's a normal part of the learning curve.

Similarly with abuse -- it's not rare for someone to flip out once or twice and get into a screaming fight, or slap someone. A sensible person will go "oh shit" after that and talk it out and figure how to avoid a repetition. It's not okay, but neither is it the same as abuse, if people face it and fix it. Problem is when someone cannot control their temper, even when they try to. Or their penis, in this case.

>> Even with one incident, there are effects, but they don't have to be permanent, or soul-crushing. <<

Exactly. Bad things happen. Sometimes they are a little bad, sometimes more, other times life-wrecking. Most damage is healable, although sometimes it leaves scars. Well, like what happened to Simon -- he's a different person than if he'd never been injured. Give Hadyn another year or few, and she'll probably start wearing that sowilo rune. She has the instinct to help, it's just a matter of finishing dealing with her own issues first. She's learning things that she wouldn't have otherwise. Adriel may or may not go that far, but should be fine.

>> I'm most definitely not making light of the situation; I'm happy to see a gentle treatment of the problem. <<

That's good to hear. It's what I was aiming for. Problems are much easier to solve when they're caught early and addressed, instead of overlooked for a long time.

Re: YAY

[lb_lee]

Problem is when someone cannot control their temper, even when they try to. Or their penis, in this case.

I will point out that abusers like to portray their abuse as something they can't control, when in actually they CAN control it but CHOOSE not to. Adults who sexually attack children in particular go to a lot of straits to insure that their victims can't escape and will be dismissed if they tell.

--Rogan

Re: YAY

[ysabetwordsmith]

Well, it depends on the type of abuser. Some can control themselves, for example the abusive spouse who is charming to the police and makes his abused wife seem like a crazy bitch, then turns around and beats her as soon as they're alone. He chooses to be violent and manipulative. Others cannot control themselves, for example the abusive spouse who goes apeshit when the cops arrive and tries to beat them only to get dogpiled and thrown in jail. It is clearly to his advantage to control himself, but he can't. And then there are the generally violent nutburgers who think that violence is a perfectly okay thing in general and they have the right to beat the hell out of anyone they want. This distinction is important if you want to stop abusers from hurting people, because you have to address the specific problem that each abuser has. Anger management classes will not help a guy who can control himself but chooses not to; you have to appeal to his selfishness to indicate that the penalties for misbehavior are higher than he wishes to pay. Penalties are no use for a guy who's got no grip on his temper; he needs to learn self-control. Of course you could lock them both up, but that has other drawbacks. Teaching more constructive coping skills works across a wide range too.

Sexual abuse is different for another reason. Finding children sexy is a sexual orientation issue. This is a problem because sexual orientation is innate and immutable for most folks. People really don't like to think of it that way because it's uncomfortable. So now we're in the very awkward position of saying exactly the same thing about pedophilia that people said about homosexuality: this is wrong, it hurts people, and it is not permitted. Heck, there are still cultures that allow child marriage and execute gays. 0_o But people don't get to pick what they find attractive, not acting on the attraction hurts them, and we can't make it go away. It can't be treated and fixed. Gods know, we've tried. Some people have it, try to control it, and eventually lose their grip. It's tragic in a lot of ways.

Then you have people who are predatory, who could control themselves but choose not to. Maybe they're also pedophiles, but often they just pick children because children are easy targets and pick a sexual expression because it makes them feel powerful. Sexual violation of any kind often isn't about sexual gratification per se, but about power expressed in a sexual way. So that's a different problem. A person who is primarily attracted to children, but is not also a psychopath, could be helped if we ever found a way to shut down or alter sexual orientation safely. A person who is predatory in general will just go find some other way to cause trouble; you can't turn your back on him just because, say, an outraged former victim slices his bits off. He's still dangerous.

Plus which, there is the cycle of abuse to consider. Anywhere from 35% to 75% of abusers had been abused as children. Around 30%-40% of abuse survivors go on to commit abuse themselves. What's rarely noticed is that a majority of survivors successfully break the cycle and treat other people gently. What I would like to explore more is how they make that break, so we can improve the odds.

Abuse is never okay and never the victim's fault. But it has a lot of incredibly complex factors that must be taken into consideration when trying to neutralize the threat.

Re: YAY

[helgatwb]

Apparently there's a support group online for pedophiles who don't want to hurt children. They're trying to control it, and help each other control it.

Re: YAY

[(Anonymous)]

That's good to hear. They deserve to get some help.

I hope they're finding better techniques than the "pray away the gay" conversion therapy though.

Re: YAY

[kengr]

>>Plus which, there is the cycle of abuse to consider. Anywhere from 35% to 75% of abusers had been abused as children. Around 30%-40% of abuse survivors go on to commit abuse themselves. What's rarely noticed is that a majority of survivors successfully break the cycle and treat other people gently. What I would like to explore more is how they make that break, so we can improve the odds.<<

Well, in my case, it's that I didn't want anybody else to go thru what I did.

It may have also helped that I managed to build an internal "model" of my abuser and use it to figure out in advance how she'd react to things. So I could put the right "spin" on stuff if I couldn't avoid it.

Didn't always work, but it helped.

Alas, that seemed to have stunted my ability to figure *other* people out...

Re: YAY

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Well, in my case, it's that I didn't want anybody else to go thru what I did. <<

That seems to be a common motivator.

>>It may have also helped that I managed to build an internal "model" of my abuser and use it to figure out in advance how she'd react to things. So I could put the right "spin" on stuff if I couldn't avoid it.<<

Useful ...

>> Alas, that seemed to have stunted my ability to figure *other* people out... <<

... but that's a known drawback of a small, skewed sample.

[mdlbear]

I love this! Must remember to prompt for more Hadyn.

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I love this! <<

I'm happy to hear that.

>> Must remember to prompt for more Hadyn. <<

She is juuuust starting to come out of her shell and be willing to solo. It took a while. Danso, Lakia, no problem prancing around for the camera. Hadyn is shyer.

[technoshaman]

YAY! Nice ending. I'm hoping, this being T-America, that Adriel's mum is getting *help*, and not just meddling officials?

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> YAY! Nice ending. <<

I'm glad you liked it.

>> I'm hoping, this being T-America, that Adriel's mum is getting *help*, and not just meddling officials? <<

Yes, and now that you've thought to ask, I can tell that Adriel's mother -- unlike Lawrence's -- was eager to accept. T-America consistently offers practical and psychological support when things go wrong. This is why they're not overrun with the likes of, say, Batman and the Joker. It's not perfect yet -- I don't think they've figured out it would be prudent to touch base 3-6 months after the fact and say, "Are you still uninterested, or would you like to reconsider some support services now that you've had time to think about it?" Because look at Damask and at Lawrence's mother, they took a while to revive enough to be able to think things through. But very often, cultures like people will solve a problem one layer at a time.

Anyhow, if you want followup, that might be useful to cover so feel free to ask for it in a prompt call.

[stardreamer]

I agree with Hannah. Hadyn is a hera for seeing something wrong and taking action -- the appropriate action -- to fix it. People who see something wrong and turn away because they "don't want to get involved" are part of what's wrong with our current culture.

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I agree with Hannah. Hadyn is a hera for seeing something wrong and taking action -- the appropriate action -- to fix it. <<

Sooth.

>> People who see something wrong and turn away because they "don't want to get involved" are part of what's wrong with our current culture. <<

There are many reasons why that happens, and they all speak to different problems -- some in the culture, some in the person, some in both.

* Many people don't have any relevant skills. This culture sucks at teaching anything other than basic first aid, and the ruinous "don't try anything yourself, call for professional help."

* Sometimes the 'help' makes things worse, like when you call the police and they murder someone. This teaches people that asking for help is dangerous, so they don't do it, which also discourages them from rendering aid.

* People may be afraid to get involved, because if the authorities show up, they might decide to abuse or kill people. Same root cause as above, but a subtly different effect.

* People may not have the energy to respond, or even notice. This culture runs people to exhaustion, which limits their usefulness.

* People may not care that someone else needs help. This is often because nobody helps them when they are in need, so they don't see any reason why they should. Plus it ties into the above point about scarce resources: if nobody helps you, then you need to keep all your resources so that you can take care of yourself.

* Somebody who doesn't give a fuck even if they have resources and help, is a whole different problem. That's selfishness taken to a psychopathic level. Local culture has that too.

0_o

So yeah, it's no wonder that Terramagne is becoming my most popular "I wish I could live there" setting for many fans.

[fyreharper]

Yaaayyy Hadyn, and yay for help that *actually helps*!

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Yaaayyy Hadyn, <<

I'm glad you liked it.

>> and yay for help that *actually helps*! <<

That is Terramagne's good trick. :D

[thnidu.livejournal.com]

Inter alia, love this!: "it yeeped the air right out of her."

Yay!

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

I try to catch those moments when a character's word choice really reveals their personality, age, culture, etc. :D This one was fun.