Poem: "With a Warm and Tender Hand"
Dec. 21st, 2018 11:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis poem is spillover from the August 7, 2018 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from dialecticdreamer and mashfanficchick. It also fills the "holding someone's hand" square in my 6-4-18 Mixed card for the Winteriron Bingo Adventure fest. Special thanks to we_are_spc for checking the vision-impaired details in this poem. This poem has been sponsored by Anthony & Shirley Barrette. It belongs to the Mercedes thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "The Friend in My Adversity," so read that first or this won't make much sense.
Warning: This poem contains some intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes migraine aftermath, blindfolded navigation, blind guidance (competent and not), reference to distress following the house fire, medical abuse, size discrimination, reference to superpower injury due to foolish behavior, trauma-informed care, messy medical details, negotiating care and information, adaptive equipment, ethnic issues, stress, delicate conversation about kink and medical care, food issues, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before moving onward.
"With a Warm and Tender Hand"
Joshua parked his car at the hospital,
came around to the passenger side,
and then offered Pips his elbow.
Pips had great navigation skills, and
even in the sleep mask he could have
gotten around just fine by using a cane, but
it was a little quicker to follow a guide --
and Joshua suspected that Pips
wanted the contact comfort.
So Joshua had looked up
some instructions on how to be
a good seeing-eye human, and
now he narrated their trip from
the parking space into the building.
It had taken some fast talking to set up
the appointments that Pips needed today,
but Joshua had impressed on everyone
the urgency of getting Pips' vision back.
They made their way to the waiting room,
checked in, and then took their seats.
Joshua leaned forward to riffle through
the pile of magazines on the table,
filling up his lap with copies of
Health Sleuth and Act Up!
"Do you want anything to read,
or did you bring something of
your own?" he asked Pips.
"I don't have any Braille
with me," Pips said. "I
rarely need it nowadays."
"Let me see what I can do,"
Joshua said. "Sit here, and
I'll ask the receptionist."
A quick conversation
told him where to find things.
"Here you go," Joshua said as he
set a pile on Pips' lap. "Two issues
of Taxxi, one of Science News, and
Touchy-Feely California which is
a picture book of attractions."
Pips had started out browsing
the top issue of Taxxi, but when he
heard about the book, he dropped
the magazine like a hot rock.
"Have you ever visited
the Stanislaus National Forest?"
Pips asked, leafing through the book.
"Yes, it's good for white-water rafting
or hiking to look at rock formations,"
Joshua said. "You'd probably love it."
"Probably," Pips said. He turned
a few pages, then laughed softly.
"What's the joke?" Joshua said.
"Forestiere Underground Gardens
in Fresno," Pips said. "That's
a Family establishment."
It took a moment for Joshua
to sort through possible meanings
of "family" and come up with "Mob."
"I thought it was a tourist attraction,"
he said, frowning. "It's in the book."
"Open to the public, but I know of it
through another angle," Pips said.
"People in risky professions need
places to relax, you know?"
Joshua recalled his visit there
and all the information about
its Sicilian architect. "Okay."
"Have you ever gone to see
the Children’s Discovery Museum
in San José?" Pips asked next.
"Yes," Joshua said. "Pips, I've
taken my family to every site worth
seeing within day-trip distance,
and quite a few beyond that.
Then he heaved a sigh.
"Something wrong?"
Pips murmured, putting
a hand on Joshua's knee.
"We need to redo the visits after
we lost all our souvenirs in the fire,"
Joshua said. "Griffin had a collection
of t-shirts going all the way back to
onesies we bought him as a baby.
He started crying yesterday because
he doesn't have any of those left
to hand down to his new siblings."
"Oh, so that's what that was about,"
Pips said. "That really sucks."
"We'd need to go back anyway,
so the new kids can see everything,"
Joshua said. "Still, it's a tender spot."
"We'll work around it as best we can,"
Pips said. "It's no trouble to start
planning some family trips. Dr. G
says that establishing traditions
will help the kids settle, and they
need some variety so they don't
freak over every change in routine."
They chatted about possible trips
until a nurse called for Pips.
"I'm Nurse Suarez," he said
as he opened the heavy door
for them. "Come this way."
The nurse was taller than Joshua
by a few inches, and he wasn't
taking care not to loom over people.
It made Pips twitchy, even before
they got to the examination room.
"What's his problem?" Nurse Suarez said
to Joshua, even though Pips was right there.
"Do you have certification in
Trauma-Informed Care?"
Joshua asked as they
stepped into the room.
"They did a lecture on that
last month," Nurse Suarez said,
his voice a little louder than usual.
"That doesn't answer the question,"
Pips said, glaring at the taller man.
"Let's get you onto the table,"
Nurse Suarez said, grabbing Pips
around the waist to plop him on it.
Pips flipped neatly off the far side
of it, twisting in the air like a cat
to land in a combat crouch.
"What the fuck?" Nurse Suarez said.
"Back off, Suarez," Joshua said, putting
a hand on the nurse's chest to force
him against the far wall of the room,
and holding the other toward Pips
even though Pips couldn't see it.
"Pips, please let me handle this."
"He's the one who flipped out!"
Nurse Suarez protested.
"Leave," Pips said sharply,
his hands up and ready.
Joshua remembered that
he was adept at blind-fighting.
"Nurse Suarez is going now,"
Joshua told Pips, and dragged
the taller man outside the room.
"You can't just --" Nurse Suarez said.
"Save your sorry ass?" Joshua said.
"Apparently I can. You're welcome.
Now where is the TIC nurse that I
specifically requested for this?"
"She's with another patient,
so they sent me instead,"
Nurse Suarez said. "We're
running behind today."
"Then we'll wait,"
Joshua growled,
pushing him away.
"Expect a complaint
from both of us."
Only after the nurse
had disappeared around
a corner did Joshua turn
and tap gently on the door.
"Pips, it's Joshua," he said.
"May I come in, please?"
"Go ahead," Pips said.
Joshua slipped inside
and closed the door
firmly behind him.
"Nurse Suarez is gone.
He says they're running late,"
Joshua said. "I told him that
we'll wait for the TIC nurse."
"I don't have PTSD," Pips muttered.
"I know you don't," Joshua said.
"You got assaulted, though, and it's
best practice to request a TIC nurse
for crime victims. That includes me,
because my nerves didn't need
to deal with that jerk either."
"I'm sorry," Pips said. "If I
hadn't dragged you here --"
"As I recall, I offered to come
with you," Joshua said. "It's not
your fault that the hospital didn't
keep its promise." He sighed.
"Are you sure you don't want
to visit your regular provider?"
Pips lifted his chin. "I'm sure,"
he said. "Standing orders for
the Mercedes patrol say that
any illness or injury which can
be treated with ordinary means
should go to the hospital here --
it's an opportunity to observe."
"They're going to get creamed,
aren't they?" Joshua said, wincing.
"Do you want me to answer that?"
"Are you planning to violate
medical neutrality?" Joshua said.
"Of course not!" Pips snapped.
"I'm a supervillain, not a nutjob!"
"Okay, okay, I just had to ask,"
Joshua said, waving his hands.
"I am still a cop, even off duty."
"We won't violate medical neutrality,"
Pips said. "We will hold them
accountable for shoddy care.
It's not just my employers --
my family will want in on it."
"I thought you didn't like
your family," Joshua said,
raising his eyebrows.
"I don't, but they're the ones
who handle size discrimination,"
Pips said. "I can't let that slide."
"Because it's offensive?" Joshua said.
"Because it's dangerous," Pips corrected.
"One of my cousins is a ley witch. Æbbe is
continually grounding. Not continually grounded,
mind you, but continually grounding. She's
even tinier than I am, and so people keep
trying to pick her up because she's cute."
"That doesn't sound good," Joshua said.
"What happens to the person lifting her?"
"Anyone who picks her up without a warning
gets treated like a lightning rod as soon as
her feet leave the ground," Pips explained.
"The last guy I saw do it, he put her down,
took two steps, and fell over. We had to call
a healer to treat to treat the nerve-burn.
He lived, but he should've known better."
"Ouch," Joshua said. "Poor Æbbe.
Was she okay after that happened?"
"Yeah, but it still upset her," Pips said.
"It's not her fault. Her power is growing in
faster than her control, is all. She's been
sensitive to energy since she was a baby, and
then when she hit puberty she started being able
to manipulate it. She's getting a new growth spurt
at university, so probably more abilities, but it's
hard for her to get a handle on it right now."
"No wonder she's upset," Joshua said.
"I agree, that's a good example of how
grabbing someone could be dangerous."
Pips sighed. "Yeah. People don't
take it seriously, though," he said.
"They think we're harmless -- and
helpless! -- just because we're small.
Sometimes, that gets people hurt."
Joshua had a hard time imagining
anyone seeing Pips as helpless,
and suspected his cousin would be
just as formidable as him in her own way.
"Well, I'll support your stance that picking up
people without permission is risky as well as
offensive," Joshua said. "We'll deal with it."
A soft knock on the door made them look up.
"Maurea Draves, Trauma-Informed Care Nurse,"
she called through the door. "May I come in?"
"Okay," Pips said. "Joshua, scoot over."
Startled, Joshua stepped to the side.
He hadn't even realized he was still
blocking the door with his body,
but somehow Pips had noticed.
"I'm Joshua, and this is my friend Pips.
I'm his health spotter for today," he said.
"We did not need the extra hassle."
"I can imagine," said Nurse Draves.
"Pips, would you like to tell me what
went wrong just now, or what kind of
difficult background made you want
a TIC nurse? You don't have to say,
but it would help me take care of you."
"It's a long story," Pips said. "Just now,
that jackass Suarez grabbed me and
tossed me onto the examination table."
"That was not acceptable behavior.
Did you downgrade his performance
on the feedback form?" she asked.
Pips shook his head. "Didn't get one."
"I threw Suarez out of the room before
he could offer," Joshua explained.
"I couldn't risk him escalating
an already tense situation."
"Pips, would you like to fill out
a feedback form for Nurse Suarez
before we move on?" she said.
"Yes, please," he said. "People
need to know what he did wrong."
"Verbal or tactile interface?"
asked Nurse Draves. "I'm happy
to read to you, or Joshua can, or I've
got a haptic tablet you can borrow."
"Tactile, please," said Pips,
and she handed it to him. He ran
his fingertips over the tablet, then
grinned. "It's running HappyTac, right?"
"Got it in one," said Nurse Draves.
"We use the standard settings, plus
a few customized ones. There's
a brief tutorial on our materials
if you want to explore that now."
Pips found it with no further help,
skimmed the lesson, and then
filled out the feedback form.
Joshua was amused to hear
that the five-face scale had both
verbal narration and sound effects,
from a purring cat for the happiest
to a growling dog for the unhappiest.
When Pips selected the worst grade,
the tablet said, "We're sorry about
your displeasure. Would you like
to fill out a complaint form?"
He tapped away at the tablet,
going through a checklist, then
handed it back to Nurse Draves.
"Someone will need to follow up,"
he said. "There are ethnic issues."
"I'd like to hear more about those,
if they affect your care," she said.
Pips shook his head. "I don't want
to go into detail now. Suffice it to say
that my people are small and slender,
so don't pester me about height and
DO NOT pick me up without permission."
"I won't pick you up unless you ask me
for that assistance," she promised.
"Recent issues," Joshua prompted,
not wanting the incident to get overlooked.
Pips hadn't mentioned being sensitive
about his eyes, and it was relevant.
"Yeah, about that," Pips said.
"The other day, some asshole
jumped us and broke my glasses.
I'm here to get them recalibrated.
Thing is, that's not fun to start with,
and I'm jumpier for a while after
someone messes with my eyes."
"Thank you for telling me,"
Nurse Draves said. "What
would help you feel safer?"
Pips drummed his fingers on
his thigh. "I'm trying to think of
anything. I'm still ruffled, though."
"Anyone would be upset after that,"
said Nurse Draves. "Take your time."
"Could I see your TIC credentials?"
Pips asked. "And anything else
that might be relevant today?"
"Of course," said Nurse Draves,
pulling out a card wallet. "Braille ones
are in the open frames. I have both TIC and
professional blind guidance in Braille, and
I can read anything else you want."
Pips swept his fingers over the cards.
"Wow, you got the minor in Santa Cruz,"
he said. "That's a lot of hours."
"You know my program?" she said.
"Not many people recognize that."
"Yeah, some family friends took it,
not the minor, the advanced certs."
Pips said. "Good on guidance too."
He handed the wallet back. "Thanks."
"No problem," said Nurse Draves.
"Would you rather do the basic exam
first, or the trauma screening questions?"
"Basics," said Pips. "I need time
to settle before I can handle
that kind of interview."
"Okay," said Nurse Draves.
"Hop on the table and we'll begin."
She talked Pips through the routine,
but he still twitched and jittered like
a sheep that didn't want to be sheared.
"Sorry," he muttered. "My control
is usually a lot better than this."
"After Nurse Suarez, I don't blame you,"
for the apprehension," she said. "Your pulse
is racing. I can't get an accurate read on
your baseline right now. Let me write down
your current pulse rate, to document
the effects of the incident here."
"Fine," Pips said, kicking his heels
against the side of the table.
"It takes ten to twenty minutes
for adrenaline to metabolize,"
said Nurse Draves. "Do you
have a favorite relaxation tool, or
would you like to try one of mine?"
"I have my own," Pips said, pushing
a few buttons on his vidwatch. "Ah ...
it's a family thing, so nobody freak
if you kind of lose track of me."
Joshua had no idea what he
meant by that, until Pips started
humming an odd, off-key tune
as he swayed a little in place.
Then it was like Joshua's attention
sort of ... slid away from him, as if
Pips had become insubstantial.
Despite being there to support Pips,
Joshua gave up after a few minutes
and just closed his eyes to cut off
the disorienting effects of it.
Eventually the vidwatch chimed,
and Pips stopped doing whatever
he was doing. "That's a bit better."
"Good," said Nurse Draves.
"Shall we try this again, Pips?"
"Yeah, go ahead," Pips said,
offering her his wrist.
After a minute she said,
"You're in the normal range,"
and recited the numbers.
"That's still fast for me,"
Pips said. "I'm in better shape
than I look, the muscles just
don't show very much."
"Confirmed," Joshua said.
"I've sparred with him a bit,
and he can keep up with me."
Pips could dance rings around
Joshua, but Nurse Draves
didn't need to know that.
"All right, Pips, let's see if
we can get you more settled,"
Nurse Draves said. "Do you
want to feel my hands, or
try touching me instead?"
"Hands," he said firmly.
"I can get a pretty good feel
of you, even if I can't see
the energy flows today."
"Shoulders first," she said,
resting her hands on them for
a minute, and then, "Knees."
Pips sighed, more of the tension
leaching away. "Hand to hand?"
"Gladly," said Nurse Draves,
and let him reach for her this time.
Instead of simply holding hands,
Pips made a careful exploration
with his fingertips. "You're a lefty,"
he said confidently. "I can feel
the writing callus on this side."
"You're right," said Nurse Draves.
"What else can you tell about me?"
"You're sensitive," Pips said.
"This light touch gives you
goosebumps on your arm."
"Also right," she agreed.
"Take your time, then tell me
when you're ready to move on."
"Do we have time for this?"
Pips said. "I need my glasses."
"We had better have time,"
Joshua said. "I told them to book
a block sufficient for someone who
might need longer for trustbuilding or
recovery from a flashback. And yes,
that's standard for crime victims. If they
shorted us, I'll tell the police department."
"Peace," Nurse Draves said, spreading
her hands. "We have almost an hour
before the time-sensitive appointments
with specialists. Much of the testing is
just labwork and will fit anywhere. We
use that flexibility to help people choose
what order of activities will work for them."
"Okay then," Pips said. "Let's try
the screening and see how far I get."
"It's all voluntary," she assured him. "You
can say pass, pause, or stop at any time.
You're not really asking for mental care,
we just want to make sure you didn't miss
anything major, and we need to know
what might affect your care today."
"I can deal with it as long as you'll
let me stop, or understand when
things don't fit right," Pips said.
"Trauma history first," she said.
"Only one from childhood, and it ...
doesn't match exactly on some scales,"
Pips warned her. "My family isn't violent,
but they do not approve of me, and I
dislike how they treat me. I'm not gay,
but think of how a fundamentalist family
would react to that, and it's close enough."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Nurse Draves.
"Shall we go to the adult checklist?"
"Yeah, but ... it's going to sound
a lot worse than it really is," Pips said.
"My work life is intense and I like it that way,
so I've seen some serious shit. It just
doesn't bother me. If it did, I'd quit."
"So, like a police officer or a soldier
who's happy at work?" she asked.
Pips laughed, quietly but thoroughly,
and it took a couple of minutes to stop.
"Sure," he said. "It's hilarious, but
not an inaccurate comparison."
When Nurse Draves went down
the list of traumatic events, Joshua
could hear what Pips meant by that.
He'd seen more violence than most
of the policevets Joshua knew,
but he was still so young.
"You're right, Pips, this is a lot,"
she said. "Would you mind doing
the Acute Stress Disorder Scale,
given the recent assault and
then Nurse Suarez today?"
"Okay ..." Pips said, dubious.
She got two questions in when
he said, "Read me that whole form."
Nurse Draves read the questions
without pushing for answers.
Pips shook his head. "If I
answer that as it stands,
it'll come out all wrong."
"What makes you say that?"
she said with a frown.
"It'll give false positives,"
Pips explained. "I've had
symptoms, but not many
from the assault itself."
"Can you unpack that
a little more?" she said.
"Haze and confusion are
migraine symptoms," Pips said.
"I had them because the assault
triggered a previous condition, not
because of the assault itself."
"I see the issue," Nurse Draves said.
"What other problems are there?"
"I'm sensitive about my eyes after
someone messes with them," said Pips.
"That isn't new, I've had it ever since
my superpowers manifested. If he'd
punched me on the shoulder, I'd be
pissed with him, not rattled."
"I understand," said Nurse Draves.
"So the assault didn't bother you?"
Pips waffled a hand in the air.
"Not enough to call it trauma.
What bothers me about this assault
is that it happened while I was off-duty
and it completely blindsided me.
That, I'm having trouble with."
"His reaction sounds very close to
that of police officers in similar situations,
so I'm taking Pips to our in-house counselor,"
Joshua said. "That should settle this part."
"Yeah, it's a good idea," Pips agreed.
"It sounds like you have at least three causes
contributing to a range of effects that are all
on one form," said Nurse Draves. "Would
it help if I mark the causes separately?"
"If the doctor will respect that, and not
just add them all together when they don't go,"
Pips said. "Otherwise, I'm not backing it."
"I'll write that down," said Nurse Draves.
"How do you want them marked?"
So Pips laid out M for migraine,
E for prior eye defensiveness, and
T for trauma from the assault itself.
Then Nurse Draves went through
the questions again and marked them.
"You're right," she said at the end.
"There are several little clusters that
would look worrisome if added together,
but each cluster alone isn't too bad."
Pips heaved a sigh of relief. "Thanks.
Sometimes people insist on scoring things
the wrong way, and it messes up my care."
"We don't want to do that," she said.
"Since you cited migraines, do you
want to run the screening for that?"
"I already have a diagnosis, so I don't
need that one. It's actually a soup thing
rather than ordinary migraines, but it's
close enough to be related," Pips said.
"Can you run a symptom screening?"
"Sure," Nurse Draves said,
bringing up a fresh form.
She read the questions,
Pips answered them, and
Joshua added his observations.
"Based on this, you're doing pretty well,"
said Nurse Draves. "It sounds like you're
stable barring outside triggers, and you
have chosen to work in a rough field --
wait, household assistant is that risky?"
Pips chuckled. "That's just what I'm doing
right now. But yes, actually, it is still a risk
for migraine triggers. Toddlers are too young
to understand that if they pull off my glasses,
they could hurt me. I have to be careful."
"Ah, that makes sense," said Nurse Draves.
"Moving along, you have a plan for handling
the mental issues, so all you really need from
us is the testing to recalibrate your glasses.
We don't need to worry about extras."
"Yes, that's all correct," Pips said.
"After Nurse Suarez, do you want
to check for medical stress?" she said.
"No," Pips said. "That gets complicated,
some of it's old history, and some of it isn't
even my story to tell. I've told you what things
will likely bother me for the purpose of this visit,
and that's all you need to know right now."
"Okay," said Nurse Draves. "You seem
comfortable with the paperwork --"
Pips and Joshua both laughed.
"It's part of my job," Pips explained.
"At the moment I'm handling a lot of
red tape for Joshua's household."
"He's a real ninja at it," Joshua said.
"Pips, you sound like you're familiar
with coping skills and that takes care of
most needs, but right now you're struggling
to handle certain parts of the recent assault,"
said Nurse Draves. "Would you like to have
some of our trauma recovery resources?
I can pick through for things I think you'd
appreciate based on our interview."
Pips grinned. "I collect that stuff,"
he said. "Even if I can't use it, I keep it
to share with other folks. Read me
the titles and I'll tell you which ones
I already have or want now."
So they did that next.
Pips wound up with worksheets
on processing trauma, anxiety and
depression triggers, feelings, beliefs,
healing goals, blame, letting go, self-care,
journal prompts, and other goodies.
"I've never seen this set before," Pips said
of the Achievement Closeness Enjoyment Log.
"I can't wait to get home and try it out. I can
already think of people to share it with."
"That's part of a self-help course in
cognitive behavioral therapy," she said.
"Let me get you a whole packet."
As Pips pointed out more favorites,
Nurse Draves handed over bundles
of ten-minute journal prompts and
emotional regulation skills.
Joshua looked over at the
growing pile of papers and
thought, What would Pips do?
Then he knew.
"Excuse me, could we
get a folder or two for
all that stuff?" he asked.
"Of course," said Nurse Draves.
"How about some folders and
a binder to hold them? We offer
those for organizing health data."
"That's perfect," Joshua said,
thinking about how Pips had
improved the organization
of their family documents.
She gave them a package with
a 3-ring Medical Binder, dividers,
folders, preprinted record pages,
colorful labels and other stickers,
a black organizer of woven elastic,
and a zipper pouch for loose items.
"At the end of your visit, you can
pick up printouts for the binder, and
when the later tests results arrive, we'll
send those too," said Nurse Draves.
Joshua immediately made a note
to request a set of binders for the kids.
Griffin's at-home records had gone up
in smoke, and everyone's recent records
were all crammed in the family binder.
Pips handed over his stack of materials,
and Joshua sorted them into the binder.
"That's the end of the verbal stuff for
the moment," said Nurse Draves. "Pips,
shall we go back to the physical aspects?"
"Yeah, I'm a lot calmer now," Pips said.
"You're good at this. I appreciate it."
"That's what I'm here for," she said.
"I'll stay with you today and take care of
all the nursing stuff, so you don't have
to keep switching staff members."
"Thank you," Pips said fervently.
"I don't think I'm up to another round
of caregiver roulette today."
"It's that bad?" she said.
"Not for me personally,
but I heard the phrase from
someone else and it suits
the occasion," Pips said.
Nurse Draves went through
the basic health checks again,
reciting the numbers. "You're
doing a lot better now," she said.
"Which shows us how much harm
Suarez did earlier," Joshua muttered.
Nurse Draves sighed. "I know.
We'll include that in paperwork
detailing a treatment plan for
Crime Victims Compensation."
They'd need another page
now, to cover Nurse Suarez
as well as Mark Hastings.
Tossing Pips on a table wasn't as
serious, but technically counted
as a crime because it wasn't with
permission and it did cause harm.
Joshua would settle for filing a complaint
with the hospital, rather than the police,
but he wasn't sure what Pips would do --
let alone how the Picts would respond.
"Thank you for taking this seriously,"
Pips said. "People often don't."
"That's why I chose the specialty
I did," Nurse Draves replied. "May we
make a courtesy call in two weeks
to see how you're doing and whether
you might need any more help?"
"Yes, but I can't promise that you'll
be able to reach me," Pips said.
"If not, could I take that call
for you?" Joshua asked.
"Yes, thank you," said Pips.
"Okay, I'll add those points to
your care plan," said Nurse Draves.
"Joshua already has your permission
to discuss your health, so we don't
need more paperwork for that."
Pips nodded. "I get around,
so it's good to have the backup."
Nurse Draves checked her tablet and
sighed. "Pips, I'm afraid that Dr. Yang is
running behind by at least ten minutes.
We're shorthanded today. Shall we find
something fun to do for a while?"
"Sure," Pips said. "Can I get down?"
"Of course," said Nurse Draves. "Let's see,
I like beach sports, clean eating, teamwork ..."
Pips hopped down from the exam table
to sit beside Joshua and snuggle.
"Clean eating?" Pips echoed.
"That means eating mostly things
which are organic, whole ingredients
and not overly processed," she said.
"I love cooking," Pips said. "Right now,
we've got two adults, a ravenous teenager,
three toddlers, and an infant in the household."
"Let me see if we have any materials left,"
said Nurse Draves. "I go through these
really fast because it's a personal interest."
"That sounds good to me," Pips said.
"See if there's a shopping guide,"
Joshua suggested. "That's a start."
Nurse Draves rummaged through
the file cabinet that held all kinds of
handouts. "One shopping list,
coming right up," she said.
That one unfolded to show
six sections: the title corner
and five types of groceries.
Then came a brochure that
explained the basic steps of
clean eating along with
some do's and don'ts.
"This seems pretty simple,"
Pips said. "Don't eat crap."
Nurse Draves laughed. "That's it
in a nutshell," she said. "Yes! I
have one cookbook left. Please
excuse me while I reorder it."
So Pips and Joshua leaned
together over the little booklet.
It had recipes for breakfast,
lunch, dinner, and dessert.
"The smoothies all sound good,"
Pips said. "Anything catch your eye?"
"Can you make crepes?" Joshua said.
"That's one of our favorite fair foods, but
they're usually junk. These are healthier."
"Sure, crepes are easy," Pips said.
Joshua groaned. "Yeah, tell that to
my kitchen floor. I tried to make some
of those things once. It was a disaster."
"I will make the crepes," Pips said. "I also
like the sound of the Spicy Lemon Chicken."
"I could manage the muffin recipes for
dessert. Both sound good," Joshua said.
"The lunch recipes are iffy, though."
"Hmm," Pips said, skimming them.
"Nurse Draves, which of the recipes
in the lunch section are actually edible?"
"I like the Salmon and Cauliflower Sushi,"
she said. "Let's put it this way, when I bring it
for lunch, I label it 'Broccoli Rolls' instead,
so that people don't snitch them."
"That's a good recommendation,"
Joshua said. "Hey, what about
this curried egg stuff? Will it keep?"
"It'll keep for a couple of days, like
egg salad," said Nurse Draves. "Why?"
"We're so busy and so hungry that we
make food in batches to stash in the fridge,"
Pips explained. "Meat and cheese chunks,
sandwiches, bulk sandwich filling and bread,
cartons of soup or cottage cheese or pudding ..."
"Boil a dozen eggs, curry them, and we'd
have sandwich filling that we could just
scoop out and use," Joshua said. "Sold."
"I got hooked on the Kanga Rolls
when I visited Australia, but I have yet
to find ground kangaroo in America,"
Nurse Draves said wistfully. "I miss those."
Pips smiled in a way that made Joshua
suspect that Nurse Draves would be
getting her tip in kangaroo meat.
"Ostrich is somewhat similar, or
we could try elk," Pips said. "I've
seen both of those in specialty stores."
"Oh, what a good idea," she said.
"I'll have to try those myself."
They were still gossiping
about food when someone
knocked on the door.
"Dr. Guozhi Yang,
Migraine Specialist,"
he said. "May I come in?"
"All right," Pips said, and
moved back to the exam table.
Nurse Draves took the seat
beside Joshua to leave room
for the doctor to get through.
The tiny room wasn't really meant
to hold four people, especially as
they all shuffled around trying
to make the introductions.
"Hello, Pips," said Dr. Yang.
"I'm sorry your visit got off to
such a rough start. I hope that
Nurse Draves is making up for it."
"She's given me an armload of
cool resources I can read tomorrow,
and we've spent the last ten minutes
yakking about food," said Pips.
"So yeah, we're smooth now."
Joshua gave a sigh of relief.
He'd been worrying a little.
"Then I'm glad to hear that,"
said Dr. Yang. "I have here
a very interesting page about
your current symptoms. Shall
we start by discussing that?"
"Sure," Pips said, and repeated
his description of how the symptoms
came from several different causes.
"Are you worried that the migraine
might raise your risk of traumatic stress?"
Dr. Yang asked, leaning forward.
"Nah," Pips said. "It'll wear off.
I have loads of practice coping with
crap like this, and Joshua's going
to hook me up with someone who
can help with the new aspects."
"How did this migraine compare with
your previous ones?" Dr. Yang said.
"Toward the high end on pain, and I
was pretty much crippled," Pips said.
"Expand on 'crippled' please," said Dr. Yang.
"Sorry, doc, I don't remember much more
than that," Pips said. "When it's that bad,
I tend to fog out. But once I got home to
my meds, I dropped right to sleep, and
the next morning I was just hungover."
"May I add more details?" Joshua said.
"I know how to give a good report."
"Yes, please," Pips said.
"Well, I chased the jerk who
ambushed us, and when I got back,
Pips was leaning against a wall and
not looking good at all," Joshua said.
"He couldn't walk without assistance,
and not far even with it. When we got to
the hotel -- Pips, can I tell the next bit?"
"Please don't," Pips muttered.
"Okay, I'll skip ahead," Joshua said.
"He needed some help getting into bed
and dealing with his medication. We put
blackout curtains on the window, which
seemed to help. I agree that once he took
his meds, he did a lot better. I know that
migraines don't always respond that well."
"Thank you," said Dr. Yang. "Pips,
how did the aftercare compare
to whatever you usually get?"
"Loads better," Pips said. "I've
only ever had a few people who'd
take care of me at all. Usually they
either think I'm faking or tell me
to take aspirin and walk it off."
Joshua made a sharp sound
of protest and then tried to hush
so that Pips could finish talking.
"Anyway, it was worse when I was
younger than it is now," Pips concluded.
"Invisible alligators," said Dr. Yang.
"Yeah," Pips said with a laugh.
"But it's not like that with Joshua."
"Invisible alligators?" Joshua said,
raising his eyebrows. "I'm lost."
"When an alligator eats
your head, it hurts, but
everyone can see why,"
Dr. Yang said. "Migraines
are the same, only no alligator."
"Nobody can see why you're
hurting, so they don't realize
you need help," Joshua said.
"Okay, now I understand it."
"Pips, how satisfied do you feel
with the current level of control for
your condition?" Dr. Yang asked.
"Completely satisfied," Pips said. "It's
really well controlled. It doesn't flare up
unless something happens to break through
my compensating factors. It doesn't stop me
from doing things I want." Then he sighed.
"The only way to get rid of it would be
clipping my superpowers, and I won't
consider giving up my abilities."
"No, of course not," Dr. Yang said.
"Your special vision is part of you,
and that's very clear from your notes.
I'm so happy that you've found ways
to control your condition! I wish that
all my patients were so lucky."
"Yeah, me too," Pips said quietly.
"We've been trying for a few years
to make prosthetic equipment that'd
stand up to the mass market, but it's just
too complicated and high-maintenance."
"Well, maybe someday," said Dr. Yang.
"Try the UCLA Goldberg Migraine Program
if you haven't already found it. They do
great research -- I did my main internship
with them back in medical school."
"Get me their contact info, and
I'll pass it along to my gizmologist,"
Pips said. "It can't hurt to try."
Dr. Yang wrote it down. "Pips,
are you up for touching, or
do we need to reschedule?"
"I'm mostly calmed down now,"
Pips said. "I can deal with it."
Dr. Yang went through an exam
slightly different than the nurse's.
"I need you to take off the sleep mask
for a minute so I can --" he began.
"No," Pips said firmly. "I can't
take this off until I have my glasses
recalibrated tomorrow, at least not in
a room with the lights on. When we get
to the vision test, I'll need the lights off and
some sunglasses. Because if light gets in
my eyes right now, I will keel over. I have
to be careful of triggers after an episode."
Pips might have little practical effect
from his condition most of the time,
but right now it was in the way.
Dr. Yang didn't complain,
though, which was encouraging.
"All right, we can work around
that," he said. "This isn't a step that's
critical for the recalibration tests, it's
just something I track for people
who can tolerate checking."
"Because sometimes you can see
changes in blood vessels in the eyes,
yeah," Pips said. "If I need that information,
I have to get it from a healer. A flashlight is
right out. My eyes are too sensitive.
It's a superpower issue, sorry."
"Thank you for telling me,"
Dr. Yang said. "On the whole,
it looks like you're doing well."
"Pretty much," Pips agreed.
"In terms of maintenance, you
seem to get better results from
alternative medicine than you do from
conventional medicine," Dr. Yang said.
"Yes, that's correct," Pips said.
"Only my acute care is conventional."
"Could I interest you in further care on
the alternative side?" Dr. Yang offered.
"No fire, no animal parts," Pips said.
"Other than those things, hit me."
That made Joshua wonder
what the heck Pips had
been trying in the past.
"Massage? Acupuncture?"
Dr. Yang said. "Those can
help with acute stress as well
as long-term management."
"Yes, please," Pips said.
"I've had one massage but
I'm always up for more."
The doctor made a note.
"You're on herbal supplements,"
he said. "How about an appointment
with an herbalist to make sure that
those are still on the right track?"
"Sure," Pips said. "It's been ...
gosh, several years now. I haven't
messed with it because it's working."
"Well, it never hurts to check," Dr. Yang said.
"I'll write you a slip and you can pick anyone
you like from our affiliated herbalists. Definitely
ask about the new additions to the repertoire
from Native American resources -- those
have come up in the last few years, and
some of my patients are thrilled."
"Put that on the slip, please,"
Pips said. "I don't want to forget it."
He was wriggling in his place,
clearly excited by the offers.
"I'm writing it down too," Joshua said
as he added it to the page he was
keeping for followup notes.
It was good to see Pips
not just happy, but starting
to regain his usual energy.
"Done," the doctor said.
"I like you," Pips declared.
"You're not pushy the way
most doctors seem to be."
Dr. Yang chuckled.
"The Master said, If a ruler
acts correctly, he can govern
without issuing orders. If he acts
incorrectly, his orders won’t be followed."
"Confucius," Pips said softly.
"Yeah, it's good advice."
"Whenever you're ready,
we can start the scanning, and
I'll leave you in the good hands of
the lab techs," said Dr. Yang.
Pips tensed where he leaned
against Joshua. "Might as well
get it over with," he said. "Could
we start with the one where I
can have someone with me?"
"Certainly," said Dr. Yang.
So Nurse Draves led Pips and
Joshua to another room, where she
and a lab tech pressed sticky dots
all over Pips to get the readings.
"This one bores me to death,"
Pips grumbled as he stretched out
on a padded table. "I have to lie here
for a really long time, and I can't
read or watch television."
"Can you listen if someone
talks to you?" Joshua asked.
"Yeah, and I can hold hands,
but that's about it," Pips said.
"It's good for gauging how I
respond to a person, though."
"Joshua, would you like to learn
a new trick?" Nurse Draves offered.
"Sure, I'm up for that," Joshua said.
"When you hold his hand, or rest
your hand on his shoulder, choose
a pattern and pat gently," she said.
"Think of it like a very soft drum beat.
It helps hold the person's attention
on you instead of unpleasant stuff."
Hesitantly, Joshua tried tapping
his forefinger against the back
of Pips' hand. "Is this okay?"
"Mmm, yeah," Pips said.
Joshua figured that he
could talk Pips down into
a resting state, but he wasn't
sure Pips would want anyone else
to know that kind of thing about him.
Instead, Joshua stuck to oblique terms.
"Remember that quiet night we had?
Think about that and let yourself relax,"
he said. "You're probably tired anyway.
Is it okay if you fall asleep here?"
"It's fine," Nurse Draves murmured.
"Some people do just that."
So Joshua sat beside Pips while
the scanner whirred faintly, patting
him with a warm and tender hand in
a lullaby rhythm and speaking of home.
Pips was, in fact, half-asleep by
the time the machine chimed.
Then he groaned and sat up,
yanking off the first few stickies
before Nurse Draves got him to stop.
"Let me take those off, please," she said.
"You won't hurt the disposable leads,
but you're losing some skin there."
"I always lose skin," Pips muttered.
"It's delicate to begin with, if you put
heavy-duty glue on it, that happens."
"Hey, let's try this new releaser,"
said the other nurse, shaking a bottle.
"They make releaser for glue heavier
than bandaids?" Pips wondered.
"They do now," she said.
"Go for it," Pips said.
"This I gotta see."
The releaser stank, but
it melted the glue without
removing any more skin,
leaving Pips with only
a few red circles down
one side of his face.
"Wow, you got a big boost
in calm from your friend,"
Nurse Draves said, looking
at the readout. "Comparing it
to previous results, this is better
than other times when you had
a health buddy, let alone when
you had to do it by yourself."
"Joshua is the best I've had,
so I'm not surprised, but it's good
to have concrete details," Pips said.
"You'll get a printout of the quick results
when you check out, and we'll send
the detailed results and interpretation
shortly," said Nurse Draves. "Do you
need to adjust your sleep mask and
your day glasses separately?"
"No, the information from the tests
goes into a central program that controls
all my adaptive equipment," Pips said.
"As long as you send the raw data by
midnight, it'll be done by morning."
"Ready for the solo?" she said.
"Guess I better be," Pips said
as he slid off the table. "Joshua,
you may as well find a lounge. I can't
have anyone in the room for the next test
or it messes up the readings. After that
it's just some lab stuff, and then I'm done."
"I'll point out the lounge before I
walk Pips to his next appointment,"
Nurse Draves said. "It's right
around the corner from here."
The lounge was understated
but comfortable enough for now.
It lacked any interesting magazines,
so Joshua borrowed the cookbook
and made notes on which ingredients
they needed to make the recipes.
Pips came back an hour later,
trailing well behind Nurse Draves
with his arms wrapped around himself.
She said goodbye and directed them
back to the front desk for checkout.
The receptionist handed them
a stack of printouts from the visit,
along with prescriptions and referrals
for later. "Since this is a rush order,
the remaining results should arrive at
your furnished eddress in a few hours."
"Thank you," Pips said, and filed
the new papers in his medical binder.
"Are you okay?" Joshua asked Pips
as they walked back toward the car.
"I'm fine, other than a few new punctures
of the not-so-fun kind," Pips replied.
"I thought you liked -- sorry, that
was rude of me," Joshua said.
"Pretend I never said anything."
"You're curious, though," Pips said.
"A little confused," Joshua said. "I don't
really know much about your ... preferences,
and that makes them hard to predict."
"I can answer the question you're
so carefully not asking," Pips said,
"but I'd need to ask you something
pretty intimate in order to do it."
"Go ahead," Joshua said.
"I have been listening to
your intimate information
all morning long."
Pips waited until
they actually got into
the car before continuing.
"Do you enjoy anything
a little rough during sex?"
Joshua blushed. "I like biting."
"Giving or receiving?" Pips said.
"It matters, or I wouldn't pry."
"Ah ... both, actually," Joshua said.
"Perfect," Pips said. "Okay, how
do you feel about biting outside of sex?"
"I hate it," Joshua said. "My aunt had
a Chihuahua that liked to nip people.
I still have a scar on my ankle."
"So you have a comparison for
enjoying something during sex that
would normally be painful, but in
that situation is fun," Pips said.
"It's the same for me and pain,
only sensual as well as sexual."
"It's about context?" Joshua said.
"And mood," Pips said. "I have
to be in a certain frame of mind
to enjoy getting hurt, instead of
just enduring it -- although I take
a lot of pride in how much I can
tolerate. It's really a lot."
Joshua thought about
some of Pips' former bosses
and his penchant for bad ones.
"Is there anything I can do
to help you make that shift in
your head?" Joshua asked.
"Would that make it easier
to get through today?"
"Gods, just be yourself,"
Pips said. "You're amazing.
I don't think that I would have
gotten through the whole battery
of tests without you, not after
that asshole Suarez."
"I'm glad I could help,"
Joshua said, reaching over
to pat Pips on the knee.
"I like that hand-patting thing
you did, too," Pips said. "I'll
have to remember that one."
"I already plan to try it with
the kids the next time they get
upset and need a distraction,"
Joshua said. "It might help."
"I think so," Pips said.
"Are you hungry?"
Joshua said.
"Yeah, I was going
to ask if the café here
is any good, but then we
just wound up in the car."
"There isn't one," Joshua said.
"The hospital has a cafeteria,
but people only resort to it
if they're pretty desperate."
"That bad, huh?" Pips said.
"You have no idea," Joshua said.
"There is a Nutri-U just down
the street from here, though."
Pips sighed. "I don't know if
I'm up to eating in a restaurant.
When I'm this tired and frazzled,
it can get ... kind of messy."
"I don't mind," Joshua said.
"I doubt anyone else will mind,
because it's right near the hospital
so they get people all the time who
aren't at their best. If you just want
to go home, though, that's okay."
Pips' stomach growled a denial.
"Let's try Nutri-U," he said.
"Okay," Joshua said. "If it
doesn't work out, we can just
get our food packed to go."
"That works," Pips agreed.
When they got to the restaurant,
it wasn't too crowded, which helped.
"All right, we have three options,"
Joshua said. "Straight ahead is
the service bar if we want to get
a healthy plate or serving cups.
To our right is the free-range bar,
or we can sit at a table and order
from a menu. Do you want me
to read to you, or ask for Braille?"
"Read to me," Pips said.
"I really am cashed."
"Would you like me
to simplify choices?"
Joshua said delicately.
"Yes, please," Pips said,
leaning against him. "I need
food, but I don't want to dither
over it. Offer two or three things,
and if I hate them all, I'll say so."
"No problem," Joshua said.
"Let's use the service bar,
which is fast and easy. I
want a healthy plate. You?"
"Serving cups," Pips said.
"I wouldn't finish a whole plate."
The nice thing about Nutri-U
was that you could get food in
official nutritionist servings. If you
wanted a little food, you didn't wind up
with too much; and if you wanted a lot,
you could get a much wider variety.
If you didn't want to count servings,
you could get a healthy plate which was
divided into nutritious proportions.
"Coming right up," Joshua said,
then asked the first server for
a healthy plate and a cup tray.
"First we have whole grains. I'm
getting the ancient grains risotto.
Do you want that or a 7-grain roll?"
"Roll, please," said Pips. "Look for
other finger foods if they have any."
"Next is healthy fats. I'm getting
olives because I want a salad later,"
Joshua said, and the server put his
in a cup so he could pour them over it.
"They also have packets of nut butter,
dark chocolate, or a boiled egg."
"I want the dark chocolate," said Pips.
"For protein, I'm getting a steak,"
Joshua said. "There's a lot of --"
"I smell chili," Pips said, nose twitching.
"Yeah, that's on the menu," Joshua said.
"Would you like a cup of that, then?"
"I don't know," Pips said. "Server?
How chunky is the chili here?
Will it stay on my spoon?"
"Yes, sir, our chili is very sticky,"
the server said. "It's a favorite."
"Cup of chili, please," said Pips.
"They have all kinds of salads and
cooked vegetables," Joshua said. "I'm
getting a garden salad. What about you?"
"Skip it," Pips said. "The chili should
have a mix of things, and I can't
eat too much food at once."
"For fruit, I want a melon salad,"
Joshua said. "You want hot or cold?"
"Do they just have whole fruit
in a bowl or something?" Pips said.
"Yeah, they've got apples, oranges,
or bananas," Joshua replied. "The bowl
is right here at the end of the counter
if you want to choose for yourself."
Pips trailed a hand along
Joshua's shoulder, and Joshua
put his hand on the fruit bowl
so that Pips could find it.
"Thanks," said Pips as
he set an apple on his tray.
"Last stop, beverages," said Joshua.
"Cucumber-mint water looks good
to me. They have juices, coffee, tea ...
Nutri-U doesn't carry sodas, sorry."
Pips patted his pocket, and paper
crinkled. "Please tell me they have
hot water for my daytime tea."
"It's right here," Joshua said.
"May I pour you a cup?"
"Yes, and put this in it,"
Pips said, holding out
a paper-wrapped tea bag.
Joshua set up the cup and
then put it on the tray for Pips.
"Your tea is at one o'clock,"
he said. "Also, I'm buying."
"Thanks," Pips said.
As Joshua was taking out
his wallet, a waitress said,
"Gentlemen, there's a table
right around the corner from
you. Let me make sure that
nothing is in the way."
"Much appreciated,"
Joshua said as he paid,
then they were ready to go.
"What's on the table?"
Pips asked as he sat down.
"Condiments to your right,
all in packets except the salt
in a round shaker and pepper
in a square one," Joshua said.
"There are educational placemats.
It looks like their book of the month
is The Gifts of Imperfection."
Pips laughed. "Well, that fits,"
he said. "Read me the placemat
while we eat, if you don't mind?"
"Of course," Joshua said. "It's
here to spark conversation."
They got lost in the food for
the first few minutes, though.
Joshua scraped his olives
over his garden salad, finding
everything crisp and delicious.
Pips dug into his chili, which
clung to the spoon as promised.
"This roll is twice the size I need,"
said Pips. "You want half?"
"Sure, I'll finish what you don't,"
Joshua said, taking the half
that Pips tore off for him. "If
you want any of mine, just say."
"I'm good, but thank you
for offering," Pips said.
The steak was great, too,
and Pips seemed to be
enjoying his chili.
As Joshua watched,
Pips finished the cup
and picked up his apple,
delicately feeling his way
across the fruit with his lips
as he nibbled from it.
"Okay, let's see now,
The Gifts of Imperfection,"
Joshua read from the placemat.
"Some of the subtitles include
Worthiness, Courage, Shame,
Compassion, and Connection."
"I like Connection," Pips said.
"Energy seen and heard," Joshua read.
"Reach for support and help. Give and receive
without judgment and with an open heart."
"That's a good list," Pips said softly.
"Those are all things I enjoy. It's
still hard to believe that you have
the patience to put up with me."
"You've been putting up with me
and my five kids, Pips," said Joshua.
"I'm just being a good friend. I'm
sorry I can't fix everything for you."
Pips raised his chin, even though
he couldn't actually see Joshua
through the black sleep mask.
"When we honestly ask ourselves
which person in our lives means
the most to us," Pips said, "we often
find that it is those who, instead of
giving advice or cures, have chosen
to share our pain and touch our wounds
with a warm and tender hand."
Joshua put down his fork
so he could cover Pips' fingers
with his own. "Yes," he said.
"That's how I feel too."
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so the character and content notes appear separately.
dialecticdreamer and mashfanficchick. It also fills the "holding someone's hand" square in my 6-4-18 Mixed card for the Winteriron Bingo Adventure fest. Special thanks to we_are_spc for checking the vision-impaired details in this poem. This poem has been sponsored by Anthony & Shirley Barrette. It belongs to the Mercedes thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "The Friend in My Adversity," so read that first or this won't make much sense.Warning: This poem contains some intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes migraine aftermath, blindfolded navigation, blind guidance (competent and not), reference to distress following the house fire, medical abuse, size discrimination, reference to superpower injury due to foolish behavior, trauma-informed care, messy medical details, negotiating care and information, adaptive equipment, ethnic issues, stress, delicate conversation about kink and medical care, food issues, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before moving onward.
"With a Warm and Tender Hand"
Joshua parked his car at the hospital,
came around to the passenger side,
and then offered Pips his elbow.
Pips had great navigation skills, and
even in the sleep mask he could have
gotten around just fine by using a cane, but
it was a little quicker to follow a guide --
and Joshua suspected that Pips
wanted the contact comfort.
So Joshua had looked up
some instructions on how to be
a good seeing-eye human, and
now he narrated their trip from
the parking space into the building.
It had taken some fast talking to set up
the appointments that Pips needed today,
but Joshua had impressed on everyone
the urgency of getting Pips' vision back.
They made their way to the waiting room,
checked in, and then took their seats.
Joshua leaned forward to riffle through
the pile of magazines on the table,
filling up his lap with copies of
Health Sleuth and Act Up!
"Do you want anything to read,
or did you bring something of
your own?" he asked Pips.
"I don't have any Braille
with me," Pips said. "I
rarely need it nowadays."
"Let me see what I can do,"
Joshua said. "Sit here, and
I'll ask the receptionist."
A quick conversation
told him where to find things.
"Here you go," Joshua said as he
set a pile on Pips' lap. "Two issues
of Taxxi, one of Science News, and
Touchy-Feely California which is
a picture book of attractions."
Pips had started out browsing
the top issue of Taxxi, but when he
heard about the book, he dropped
the magazine like a hot rock.
"Have you ever visited
the Stanislaus National Forest?"
Pips asked, leafing through the book.
"Yes, it's good for white-water rafting
or hiking to look at rock formations,"
Joshua said. "You'd probably love it."
"Probably," Pips said. He turned
a few pages, then laughed softly.
"What's the joke?" Joshua said.
"Forestiere Underground Gardens
in Fresno," Pips said. "That's
a Family establishment."
It took a moment for Joshua
to sort through possible meanings
of "family" and come up with "Mob."
"I thought it was a tourist attraction,"
he said, frowning. "It's in the book."
"Open to the public, but I know of it
through another angle," Pips said.
"People in risky professions need
places to relax, you know?"
Joshua recalled his visit there
and all the information about
its Sicilian architect. "Okay."
"Have you ever gone to see
the Children’s Discovery Museum
in San José?" Pips asked next.
"Yes," Joshua said. "Pips, I've
taken my family to every site worth
seeing within day-trip distance,
and quite a few beyond that.
Then he heaved a sigh.
"Something wrong?"
Pips murmured, putting
a hand on Joshua's knee.
"We need to redo the visits after
we lost all our souvenirs in the fire,"
Joshua said. "Griffin had a collection
of t-shirts going all the way back to
onesies we bought him as a baby.
He started crying yesterday because
he doesn't have any of those left
to hand down to his new siblings."
"Oh, so that's what that was about,"
Pips said. "That really sucks."
"We'd need to go back anyway,
so the new kids can see everything,"
Joshua said. "Still, it's a tender spot."
"We'll work around it as best we can,"
Pips said. "It's no trouble to start
planning some family trips. Dr. G
says that establishing traditions
will help the kids settle, and they
need some variety so they don't
freak over every change in routine."
They chatted about possible trips
until a nurse called for Pips.
"I'm Nurse Suarez," he said
as he opened the heavy door
for them. "Come this way."
The nurse was taller than Joshua
by a few inches, and he wasn't
taking care not to loom over people.
It made Pips twitchy, even before
they got to the examination room.
"What's his problem?" Nurse Suarez said
to Joshua, even though Pips was right there.
"Do you have certification in
Trauma-Informed Care?"
Joshua asked as they
stepped into the room.
"They did a lecture on that
last month," Nurse Suarez said,
his voice a little louder than usual.
"That doesn't answer the question,"
Pips said, glaring at the taller man.
"Let's get you onto the table,"
Nurse Suarez said, grabbing Pips
around the waist to plop him on it.
Pips flipped neatly off the far side
of it, twisting in the air like a cat
to land in a combat crouch.
"What the fuck?" Nurse Suarez said.
"Back off, Suarez," Joshua said, putting
a hand on the nurse's chest to force
him against the far wall of the room,
and holding the other toward Pips
even though Pips couldn't see it.
"Pips, please let me handle this."
"He's the one who flipped out!"
Nurse Suarez protested.
"Leave," Pips said sharply,
his hands up and ready.
Joshua remembered that
he was adept at blind-fighting.
"Nurse Suarez is going now,"
Joshua told Pips, and dragged
the taller man outside the room.
"You can't just --" Nurse Suarez said.
"Save your sorry ass?" Joshua said.
"Apparently I can. You're welcome.
Now where is the TIC nurse that I
specifically requested for this?"
"She's with another patient,
so they sent me instead,"
Nurse Suarez said. "We're
running behind today."
"Then we'll wait,"
Joshua growled,
pushing him away.
"Expect a complaint
from both of us."
Only after the nurse
had disappeared around
a corner did Joshua turn
and tap gently on the door.
"Pips, it's Joshua," he said.
"May I come in, please?"
"Go ahead," Pips said.
Joshua slipped inside
and closed the door
firmly behind him.
"Nurse Suarez is gone.
He says they're running late,"
Joshua said. "I told him that
we'll wait for the TIC nurse."
"I don't have PTSD," Pips muttered.
"I know you don't," Joshua said.
"You got assaulted, though, and it's
best practice to request a TIC nurse
for crime victims. That includes me,
because my nerves didn't need
to deal with that jerk either."
"I'm sorry," Pips said. "If I
hadn't dragged you here --"
"As I recall, I offered to come
with you," Joshua said. "It's not
your fault that the hospital didn't
keep its promise." He sighed.
"Are you sure you don't want
to visit your regular provider?"
Pips lifted his chin. "I'm sure,"
he said. "Standing orders for
the Mercedes patrol say that
any illness or injury which can
be treated with ordinary means
should go to the hospital here --
it's an opportunity to observe."
"They're going to get creamed,
aren't they?" Joshua said, wincing.
"Do you want me to answer that?"
"Are you planning to violate
medical neutrality?" Joshua said.
"Of course not!" Pips snapped.
"I'm a supervillain, not a nutjob!"
"Okay, okay, I just had to ask,"
Joshua said, waving his hands.
"I am still a cop, even off duty."
"We won't violate medical neutrality,"
Pips said. "We will hold them
accountable for shoddy care.
It's not just my employers --
my family will want in on it."
"I thought you didn't like
your family," Joshua said,
raising his eyebrows.
"I don't, but they're the ones
who handle size discrimination,"
Pips said. "I can't let that slide."
"Because it's offensive?" Joshua said.
"Because it's dangerous," Pips corrected.
"One of my cousins is a ley witch. Æbbe is
continually grounding. Not continually grounded,
mind you, but continually grounding. She's
even tinier than I am, and so people keep
trying to pick her up because she's cute."
"That doesn't sound good," Joshua said.
"What happens to the person lifting her?"
"Anyone who picks her up without a warning
gets treated like a lightning rod as soon as
her feet leave the ground," Pips explained.
"The last guy I saw do it, he put her down,
took two steps, and fell over. We had to call
a healer to treat to treat the nerve-burn.
He lived, but he should've known better."
"Ouch," Joshua said. "Poor Æbbe.
Was she okay after that happened?"
"Yeah, but it still upset her," Pips said.
"It's not her fault. Her power is growing in
faster than her control, is all. She's been
sensitive to energy since she was a baby, and
then when she hit puberty she started being able
to manipulate it. She's getting a new growth spurt
at university, so probably more abilities, but it's
hard for her to get a handle on it right now."
"No wonder she's upset," Joshua said.
"I agree, that's a good example of how
grabbing someone could be dangerous."
Pips sighed. "Yeah. People don't
take it seriously, though," he said.
"They think we're harmless -- and
helpless! -- just because we're small.
Sometimes, that gets people hurt."
Joshua had a hard time imagining
anyone seeing Pips as helpless,
and suspected his cousin would be
just as formidable as him in her own way.
"Well, I'll support your stance that picking up
people without permission is risky as well as
offensive," Joshua said. "We'll deal with it."
A soft knock on the door made them look up.
"Maurea Draves, Trauma-Informed Care Nurse,"
she called through the door. "May I come in?"
"Okay," Pips said. "Joshua, scoot over."
Startled, Joshua stepped to the side.
He hadn't even realized he was still
blocking the door with his body,
but somehow Pips had noticed.
"I'm Joshua, and this is my friend Pips.
I'm his health spotter for today," he said.
"We did not need the extra hassle."
"I can imagine," said Nurse Draves.
"Pips, would you like to tell me what
went wrong just now, or what kind of
difficult background made you want
a TIC nurse? You don't have to say,
but it would help me take care of you."
"It's a long story," Pips said. "Just now,
that jackass Suarez grabbed me and
tossed me onto the examination table."
"That was not acceptable behavior.
Did you downgrade his performance
on the feedback form?" she asked.
Pips shook his head. "Didn't get one."
"I threw Suarez out of the room before
he could offer," Joshua explained.
"I couldn't risk him escalating
an already tense situation."
"Pips, would you like to fill out
a feedback form for Nurse Suarez
before we move on?" she said.
"Yes, please," he said. "People
need to know what he did wrong."
"Verbal or tactile interface?"
asked Nurse Draves. "I'm happy
to read to you, or Joshua can, or I've
got a haptic tablet you can borrow."
"Tactile, please," said Pips,
and she handed it to him. He ran
his fingertips over the tablet, then
grinned. "It's running HappyTac, right?"
"Got it in one," said Nurse Draves.
"We use the standard settings, plus
a few customized ones. There's
a brief tutorial on our materials
if you want to explore that now."
Pips found it with no further help,
skimmed the lesson, and then
filled out the feedback form.
Joshua was amused to hear
that the five-face scale had both
verbal narration and sound effects,
from a purring cat for the happiest
to a growling dog for the unhappiest.
When Pips selected the worst grade,
the tablet said, "We're sorry about
your displeasure. Would you like
to fill out a complaint form?"
He tapped away at the tablet,
going through a checklist, then
handed it back to Nurse Draves.
"Someone will need to follow up,"
he said. "There are ethnic issues."
"I'd like to hear more about those,
if they affect your care," she said.
Pips shook his head. "I don't want
to go into detail now. Suffice it to say
that my people are small and slender,
so don't pester me about height and
DO NOT pick me up without permission."
"I won't pick you up unless you ask me
for that assistance," she promised.
"Recent issues," Joshua prompted,
not wanting the incident to get overlooked.
Pips hadn't mentioned being sensitive
about his eyes, and it was relevant.
"Yeah, about that," Pips said.
"The other day, some asshole
jumped us and broke my glasses.
I'm here to get them recalibrated.
Thing is, that's not fun to start with,
and I'm jumpier for a while after
someone messes with my eyes."
"Thank you for telling me,"
Nurse Draves said. "What
would help you feel safer?"
Pips drummed his fingers on
his thigh. "I'm trying to think of
anything. I'm still ruffled, though."
"Anyone would be upset after that,"
said Nurse Draves. "Take your time."
"Could I see your TIC credentials?"
Pips asked. "And anything else
that might be relevant today?"
"Of course," said Nurse Draves,
pulling out a card wallet. "Braille ones
are in the open frames. I have both TIC and
professional blind guidance in Braille, and
I can read anything else you want."
Pips swept his fingers over the cards.
"Wow, you got the minor in Santa Cruz,"
he said. "That's a lot of hours."
"You know my program?" she said.
"Not many people recognize that."
"Yeah, some family friends took it,
not the minor, the advanced certs."
Pips said. "Good on guidance too."
He handed the wallet back. "Thanks."
"No problem," said Nurse Draves.
"Would you rather do the basic exam
first, or the trauma screening questions?"
"Basics," said Pips. "I need time
to settle before I can handle
that kind of interview."
"Okay," said Nurse Draves.
"Hop on the table and we'll begin."
She talked Pips through the routine,
but he still twitched and jittered like
a sheep that didn't want to be sheared.
"Sorry," he muttered. "My control
is usually a lot better than this."
"After Nurse Suarez, I don't blame you,"
for the apprehension," she said. "Your pulse
is racing. I can't get an accurate read on
your baseline right now. Let me write down
your current pulse rate, to document
the effects of the incident here."
"Fine," Pips said, kicking his heels
against the side of the table.
"It takes ten to twenty minutes
for adrenaline to metabolize,"
said Nurse Draves. "Do you
have a favorite relaxation tool, or
would you like to try one of mine?"
"I have my own," Pips said, pushing
a few buttons on his vidwatch. "Ah ...
it's a family thing, so nobody freak
if you kind of lose track of me."
Joshua had no idea what he
meant by that, until Pips started
humming an odd, off-key tune
as he swayed a little in place.
Then it was like Joshua's attention
sort of ... slid away from him, as if
Pips had become insubstantial.
Despite being there to support Pips,
Joshua gave up after a few minutes
and just closed his eyes to cut off
the disorienting effects of it.
Eventually the vidwatch chimed,
and Pips stopped doing whatever
he was doing. "That's a bit better."
"Good," said Nurse Draves.
"Shall we try this again, Pips?"
"Yeah, go ahead," Pips said,
offering her his wrist.
After a minute she said,
"You're in the normal range,"
and recited the numbers.
"That's still fast for me,"
Pips said. "I'm in better shape
than I look, the muscles just
don't show very much."
"Confirmed," Joshua said.
"I've sparred with him a bit,
and he can keep up with me."
Pips could dance rings around
Joshua, but Nurse Draves
didn't need to know that.
"All right, Pips, let's see if
we can get you more settled,"
Nurse Draves said. "Do you
want to feel my hands, or
try touching me instead?"
"Hands," he said firmly.
"I can get a pretty good feel
of you, even if I can't see
the energy flows today."
"Shoulders first," she said,
resting her hands on them for
a minute, and then, "Knees."
Pips sighed, more of the tension
leaching away. "Hand to hand?"
"Gladly," said Nurse Draves,
and let him reach for her this time.
Instead of simply holding hands,
Pips made a careful exploration
with his fingertips. "You're a lefty,"
he said confidently. "I can feel
the writing callus on this side."
"You're right," said Nurse Draves.
"What else can you tell about me?"
"You're sensitive," Pips said.
"This light touch gives you
goosebumps on your arm."
"Also right," she agreed.
"Take your time, then tell me
when you're ready to move on."
"Do we have time for this?"
Pips said. "I need my glasses."
"We had better have time,"
Joshua said. "I told them to book
a block sufficient for someone who
might need longer for trustbuilding or
recovery from a flashback. And yes,
that's standard for crime victims. If they
shorted us, I'll tell the police department."
"Peace," Nurse Draves said, spreading
her hands. "We have almost an hour
before the time-sensitive appointments
with specialists. Much of the testing is
just labwork and will fit anywhere. We
use that flexibility to help people choose
what order of activities will work for them."
"Okay then," Pips said. "Let's try
the screening and see how far I get."
"It's all voluntary," she assured him. "You
can say pass, pause, or stop at any time.
You're not really asking for mental care,
we just want to make sure you didn't miss
anything major, and we need to know
what might affect your care today."
"I can deal with it as long as you'll
let me stop, or understand when
things don't fit right," Pips said.
"Trauma history first," she said.
"Only one from childhood, and it ...
doesn't match exactly on some scales,"
Pips warned her. "My family isn't violent,
but they do not approve of me, and I
dislike how they treat me. I'm not gay,
but think of how a fundamentalist family
would react to that, and it's close enough."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Nurse Draves.
"Shall we go to the adult checklist?"
"Yeah, but ... it's going to sound
a lot worse than it really is," Pips said.
"My work life is intense and I like it that way,
so I've seen some serious shit. It just
doesn't bother me. If it did, I'd quit."
"So, like a police officer or a soldier
who's happy at work?" she asked.
Pips laughed, quietly but thoroughly,
and it took a couple of minutes to stop.
"Sure," he said. "It's hilarious, but
not an inaccurate comparison."
When Nurse Draves went down
the list of traumatic events, Joshua
could hear what Pips meant by that.
He'd seen more violence than most
of the policevets Joshua knew,
but he was still so young.
"You're right, Pips, this is a lot,"
she said. "Would you mind doing
the Acute Stress Disorder Scale,
given the recent assault and
then Nurse Suarez today?"
"Okay ..." Pips said, dubious.
She got two questions in when
he said, "Read me that whole form."
Nurse Draves read the questions
without pushing for answers.
Pips shook his head. "If I
answer that as it stands,
it'll come out all wrong."
"What makes you say that?"
she said with a frown.
"It'll give false positives,"
Pips explained. "I've had
symptoms, but not many
from the assault itself."
"Can you unpack that
a little more?" she said.
"Haze and confusion are
migraine symptoms," Pips said.
"I had them because the assault
triggered a previous condition, not
because of the assault itself."
"I see the issue," Nurse Draves said.
"What other problems are there?"
"I'm sensitive about my eyes after
someone messes with them," said Pips.
"That isn't new, I've had it ever since
my superpowers manifested. If he'd
punched me on the shoulder, I'd be
pissed with him, not rattled."
"I understand," said Nurse Draves.
"So the assault didn't bother you?"
Pips waffled a hand in the air.
"Not enough to call it trauma.
What bothers me about this assault
is that it happened while I was off-duty
and it completely blindsided me.
That, I'm having trouble with."
"His reaction sounds very close to
that of police officers in similar situations,
so I'm taking Pips to our in-house counselor,"
Joshua said. "That should settle this part."
"Yeah, it's a good idea," Pips agreed.
"It sounds like you have at least three causes
contributing to a range of effects that are all
on one form," said Nurse Draves. "Would
it help if I mark the causes separately?"
"If the doctor will respect that, and not
just add them all together when they don't go,"
Pips said. "Otherwise, I'm not backing it."
"I'll write that down," said Nurse Draves.
"How do you want them marked?"
So Pips laid out M for migraine,
E for prior eye defensiveness, and
T for trauma from the assault itself.
Then Nurse Draves went through
the questions again and marked them.
"You're right," she said at the end.
"There are several little clusters that
would look worrisome if added together,
but each cluster alone isn't too bad."
Pips heaved a sigh of relief. "Thanks.
Sometimes people insist on scoring things
the wrong way, and it messes up my care."
"We don't want to do that," she said.
"Since you cited migraines, do you
want to run the screening for that?"
"I already have a diagnosis, so I don't
need that one. It's actually a soup thing
rather than ordinary migraines, but it's
close enough to be related," Pips said.
"Can you run a symptom screening?"
"Sure," Nurse Draves said,
bringing up a fresh form.
She read the questions,
Pips answered them, and
Joshua added his observations.
"Based on this, you're doing pretty well,"
said Nurse Draves. "It sounds like you're
stable barring outside triggers, and you
have chosen to work in a rough field --
wait, household assistant is that risky?"
Pips chuckled. "That's just what I'm doing
right now. But yes, actually, it is still a risk
for migraine triggers. Toddlers are too young
to understand that if they pull off my glasses,
they could hurt me. I have to be careful."
"Ah, that makes sense," said Nurse Draves.
"Moving along, you have a plan for handling
the mental issues, so all you really need from
us is the testing to recalibrate your glasses.
We don't need to worry about extras."
"Yes, that's all correct," Pips said.
"After Nurse Suarez, do you want
to check for medical stress?" she said.
"No," Pips said. "That gets complicated,
some of it's old history, and some of it isn't
even my story to tell. I've told you what things
will likely bother me for the purpose of this visit,
and that's all you need to know right now."
"Okay," said Nurse Draves. "You seem
comfortable with the paperwork --"
Pips and Joshua both laughed.
"It's part of my job," Pips explained.
"At the moment I'm handling a lot of
red tape for Joshua's household."
"He's a real ninja at it," Joshua said.
"Pips, you sound like you're familiar
with coping skills and that takes care of
most needs, but right now you're struggling
to handle certain parts of the recent assault,"
said Nurse Draves. "Would you like to have
some of our trauma recovery resources?
I can pick through for things I think you'd
appreciate based on our interview."
Pips grinned. "I collect that stuff,"
he said. "Even if I can't use it, I keep it
to share with other folks. Read me
the titles and I'll tell you which ones
I already have or want now."
So they did that next.
Pips wound up with worksheets
on processing trauma, anxiety and
depression triggers, feelings, beliefs,
healing goals, blame, letting go, self-care,
journal prompts, and other goodies.
"I've never seen this set before," Pips said
of the Achievement Closeness Enjoyment Log.
"I can't wait to get home and try it out. I can
already think of people to share it with."
"That's part of a self-help course in
cognitive behavioral therapy," she said.
"Let me get you a whole packet."
As Pips pointed out more favorites,
Nurse Draves handed over bundles
of ten-minute journal prompts and
emotional regulation skills.
Joshua looked over at the
growing pile of papers and
thought, What would Pips do?
Then he knew.
"Excuse me, could we
get a folder or two for
all that stuff?" he asked.
"Of course," said Nurse Draves.
"How about some folders and
a binder to hold them? We offer
those for organizing health data."
"That's perfect," Joshua said,
thinking about how Pips had
improved the organization
of their family documents.
She gave them a package with
a 3-ring Medical Binder, dividers,
folders, preprinted record pages,
colorful labels and other stickers,
a black organizer of woven elastic,
and a zipper pouch for loose items.
"At the end of your visit, you can
pick up printouts for the binder, and
when the later tests results arrive, we'll
send those too," said Nurse Draves.
Joshua immediately made a note
to request a set of binders for the kids.
Griffin's at-home records had gone up
in smoke, and everyone's recent records
were all crammed in the family binder.
Pips handed over his stack of materials,
and Joshua sorted them into the binder.
"That's the end of the verbal stuff for
the moment," said Nurse Draves. "Pips,
shall we go back to the physical aspects?"
"Yeah, I'm a lot calmer now," Pips said.
"You're good at this. I appreciate it."
"That's what I'm here for," she said.
"I'll stay with you today and take care of
all the nursing stuff, so you don't have
to keep switching staff members."
"Thank you," Pips said fervently.
"I don't think I'm up to another round
of caregiver roulette today."
"It's that bad?" she said.
"Not for me personally,
but I heard the phrase from
someone else and it suits
the occasion," Pips said.
Nurse Draves went through
the basic health checks again,
reciting the numbers. "You're
doing a lot better now," she said.
"Which shows us how much harm
Suarez did earlier," Joshua muttered.
Nurse Draves sighed. "I know.
We'll include that in paperwork
detailing a treatment plan for
Crime Victims Compensation."
They'd need another page
now, to cover Nurse Suarez
as well as Mark Hastings.
Tossing Pips on a table wasn't as
serious, but technically counted
as a crime because it wasn't with
permission and it did cause harm.
Joshua would settle for filing a complaint
with the hospital, rather than the police,
but he wasn't sure what Pips would do --
let alone how the Picts would respond.
"Thank you for taking this seriously,"
Pips said. "People often don't."
"That's why I chose the specialty
I did," Nurse Draves replied. "May we
make a courtesy call in two weeks
to see how you're doing and whether
you might need any more help?"
"Yes, but I can't promise that you'll
be able to reach me," Pips said.
"If not, could I take that call
for you?" Joshua asked.
"Yes, thank you," said Pips.
"Okay, I'll add those points to
your care plan," said Nurse Draves.
"Joshua already has your permission
to discuss your health, so we don't
need more paperwork for that."
Pips nodded. "I get around,
so it's good to have the backup."
Nurse Draves checked her tablet and
sighed. "Pips, I'm afraid that Dr. Yang is
running behind by at least ten minutes.
We're shorthanded today. Shall we find
something fun to do for a while?"
"Sure," Pips said. "Can I get down?"
"Of course," said Nurse Draves. "Let's see,
I like beach sports, clean eating, teamwork ..."
Pips hopped down from the exam table
to sit beside Joshua and snuggle.
"Clean eating?" Pips echoed.
"That means eating mostly things
which are organic, whole ingredients
and not overly processed," she said.
"I love cooking," Pips said. "Right now,
we've got two adults, a ravenous teenager,
three toddlers, and an infant in the household."
"Let me see if we have any materials left,"
said Nurse Draves. "I go through these
really fast because it's a personal interest."
"That sounds good to me," Pips said.
"See if there's a shopping guide,"
Joshua suggested. "That's a start."
Nurse Draves rummaged through
the file cabinet that held all kinds of
handouts. "One shopping list,
coming right up," she said.
That one unfolded to show
six sections: the title corner
and five types of groceries.
Then came a brochure that
explained the basic steps of
clean eating along with
some do's and don'ts.
"This seems pretty simple,"
Pips said. "Don't eat crap."
Nurse Draves laughed. "That's it
in a nutshell," she said. "Yes! I
have one cookbook left. Please
excuse me while I reorder it."
So Pips and Joshua leaned
together over the little booklet.
It had recipes for breakfast,
lunch, dinner, and dessert.
"The smoothies all sound good,"
Pips said. "Anything catch your eye?"
"Can you make crepes?" Joshua said.
"That's one of our favorite fair foods, but
they're usually junk. These are healthier."
"Sure, crepes are easy," Pips said.
Joshua groaned. "Yeah, tell that to
my kitchen floor. I tried to make some
of those things once. It was a disaster."
"I will make the crepes," Pips said. "I also
like the sound of the Spicy Lemon Chicken."
"I could manage the muffin recipes for
dessert. Both sound good," Joshua said.
"The lunch recipes are iffy, though."
"Hmm," Pips said, skimming them.
"Nurse Draves, which of the recipes
in the lunch section are actually edible?"
"I like the Salmon and Cauliflower Sushi,"
she said. "Let's put it this way, when I bring it
for lunch, I label it 'Broccoli Rolls' instead,
so that people don't snitch them."
"That's a good recommendation,"
Joshua said. "Hey, what about
this curried egg stuff? Will it keep?"
"It'll keep for a couple of days, like
egg salad," said Nurse Draves. "Why?"
"We're so busy and so hungry that we
make food in batches to stash in the fridge,"
Pips explained. "Meat and cheese chunks,
sandwiches, bulk sandwich filling and bread,
cartons of soup or cottage cheese or pudding ..."
"Boil a dozen eggs, curry them, and we'd
have sandwich filling that we could just
scoop out and use," Joshua said. "Sold."
"I got hooked on the Kanga Rolls
when I visited Australia, but I have yet
to find ground kangaroo in America,"
Nurse Draves said wistfully. "I miss those."
Pips smiled in a way that made Joshua
suspect that Nurse Draves would be
getting her tip in kangaroo meat.
"Ostrich is somewhat similar, or
we could try elk," Pips said. "I've
seen both of those in specialty stores."
"Oh, what a good idea," she said.
"I'll have to try those myself."
They were still gossiping
about food when someone
knocked on the door.
"Dr. Guozhi Yang,
Migraine Specialist,"
he said. "May I come in?"
"All right," Pips said, and
moved back to the exam table.
Nurse Draves took the seat
beside Joshua to leave room
for the doctor to get through.
The tiny room wasn't really meant
to hold four people, especially as
they all shuffled around trying
to make the introductions.
"Hello, Pips," said Dr. Yang.
"I'm sorry your visit got off to
such a rough start. I hope that
Nurse Draves is making up for it."
"She's given me an armload of
cool resources I can read tomorrow,
and we've spent the last ten minutes
yakking about food," said Pips.
"So yeah, we're smooth now."
Joshua gave a sigh of relief.
He'd been worrying a little.
"Then I'm glad to hear that,"
said Dr. Yang. "I have here
a very interesting page about
your current symptoms. Shall
we start by discussing that?"
"Sure," Pips said, and repeated
his description of how the symptoms
came from several different causes.
"Are you worried that the migraine
might raise your risk of traumatic stress?"
Dr. Yang asked, leaning forward.
"Nah," Pips said. "It'll wear off.
I have loads of practice coping with
crap like this, and Joshua's going
to hook me up with someone who
can help with the new aspects."
"How did this migraine compare with
your previous ones?" Dr. Yang said.
"Toward the high end on pain, and I
was pretty much crippled," Pips said.
"Expand on 'crippled' please," said Dr. Yang.
"Sorry, doc, I don't remember much more
than that," Pips said. "When it's that bad,
I tend to fog out. But once I got home to
my meds, I dropped right to sleep, and
the next morning I was just hungover."
"May I add more details?" Joshua said.
"I know how to give a good report."
"Yes, please," Pips said.
"Well, I chased the jerk who
ambushed us, and when I got back,
Pips was leaning against a wall and
not looking good at all," Joshua said.
"He couldn't walk without assistance,
and not far even with it. When we got to
the hotel -- Pips, can I tell the next bit?"
"Please don't," Pips muttered.
"Okay, I'll skip ahead," Joshua said.
"He needed some help getting into bed
and dealing with his medication. We put
blackout curtains on the window, which
seemed to help. I agree that once he took
his meds, he did a lot better. I know that
migraines don't always respond that well."
"Thank you," said Dr. Yang. "Pips,
how did the aftercare compare
to whatever you usually get?"
"Loads better," Pips said. "I've
only ever had a few people who'd
take care of me at all. Usually they
either think I'm faking or tell me
to take aspirin and walk it off."
Joshua made a sharp sound
of protest and then tried to hush
so that Pips could finish talking.
"Anyway, it was worse when I was
younger than it is now," Pips concluded.
"Invisible alligators," said Dr. Yang.
"Yeah," Pips said with a laugh.
"But it's not like that with Joshua."
"Invisible alligators?" Joshua said,
raising his eyebrows. "I'm lost."
"When an alligator eats
your head, it hurts, but
everyone can see why,"
Dr. Yang said. "Migraines
are the same, only no alligator."
"Nobody can see why you're
hurting, so they don't realize
you need help," Joshua said.
"Okay, now I understand it."
"Pips, how satisfied do you feel
with the current level of control for
your condition?" Dr. Yang asked.
"Completely satisfied," Pips said. "It's
really well controlled. It doesn't flare up
unless something happens to break through
my compensating factors. It doesn't stop me
from doing things I want." Then he sighed.
"The only way to get rid of it would be
clipping my superpowers, and I won't
consider giving up my abilities."
"No, of course not," Dr. Yang said.
"Your special vision is part of you,
and that's very clear from your notes.
I'm so happy that you've found ways
to control your condition! I wish that
all my patients were so lucky."
"Yeah, me too," Pips said quietly.
"We've been trying for a few years
to make prosthetic equipment that'd
stand up to the mass market, but it's just
too complicated and high-maintenance."
"Well, maybe someday," said Dr. Yang.
"Try the UCLA Goldberg Migraine Program
if you haven't already found it. They do
great research -- I did my main internship
with them back in medical school."
"Get me their contact info, and
I'll pass it along to my gizmologist,"
Pips said. "It can't hurt to try."
Dr. Yang wrote it down. "Pips,
are you up for touching, or
do we need to reschedule?"
"I'm mostly calmed down now,"
Pips said. "I can deal with it."
Dr. Yang went through an exam
slightly different than the nurse's.
"I need you to take off the sleep mask
for a minute so I can --" he began.
"No," Pips said firmly. "I can't
take this off until I have my glasses
recalibrated tomorrow, at least not in
a room with the lights on. When we get
to the vision test, I'll need the lights off and
some sunglasses. Because if light gets in
my eyes right now, I will keel over. I have
to be careful of triggers after an episode."
Pips might have little practical effect
from his condition most of the time,
but right now it was in the way.
Dr. Yang didn't complain,
though, which was encouraging.
"All right, we can work around
that," he said. "This isn't a step that's
critical for the recalibration tests, it's
just something I track for people
who can tolerate checking."
"Because sometimes you can see
changes in blood vessels in the eyes,
yeah," Pips said. "If I need that information,
I have to get it from a healer. A flashlight is
right out. My eyes are too sensitive.
It's a superpower issue, sorry."
"Thank you for telling me,"
Dr. Yang said. "On the whole,
it looks like you're doing well."
"Pretty much," Pips agreed.
"In terms of maintenance, you
seem to get better results from
alternative medicine than you do from
conventional medicine," Dr. Yang said.
"Yes, that's correct," Pips said.
"Only my acute care is conventional."
"Could I interest you in further care on
the alternative side?" Dr. Yang offered.
"No fire, no animal parts," Pips said.
"Other than those things, hit me."
That made Joshua wonder
what the heck Pips had
been trying in the past.
"Massage? Acupuncture?"
Dr. Yang said. "Those can
help with acute stress as well
as long-term management."
"Yes, please," Pips said.
"I've had one massage but
I'm always up for more."
The doctor made a note.
"You're on herbal supplements,"
he said. "How about an appointment
with an herbalist to make sure that
those are still on the right track?"
"Sure," Pips said. "It's been ...
gosh, several years now. I haven't
messed with it because it's working."
"Well, it never hurts to check," Dr. Yang said.
"I'll write you a slip and you can pick anyone
you like from our affiliated herbalists. Definitely
ask about the new additions to the repertoire
from Native American resources -- those
have come up in the last few years, and
some of my patients are thrilled."
"Put that on the slip, please,"
Pips said. "I don't want to forget it."
He was wriggling in his place,
clearly excited by the offers.
"I'm writing it down too," Joshua said
as he added it to the page he was
keeping for followup notes.
It was good to see Pips
not just happy, but starting
to regain his usual energy.
"Done," the doctor said.
"I like you," Pips declared.
"You're not pushy the way
most doctors seem to be."
Dr. Yang chuckled.
"The Master said, If a ruler
acts correctly, he can govern
without issuing orders. If he acts
incorrectly, his orders won’t be followed."
"Confucius," Pips said softly.
"Yeah, it's good advice."
"Whenever you're ready,
we can start the scanning, and
I'll leave you in the good hands of
the lab techs," said Dr. Yang.
Pips tensed where he leaned
against Joshua. "Might as well
get it over with," he said. "Could
we start with the one where I
can have someone with me?"
"Certainly," said Dr. Yang.
So Nurse Draves led Pips and
Joshua to another room, where she
and a lab tech pressed sticky dots
all over Pips to get the readings.
"This one bores me to death,"
Pips grumbled as he stretched out
on a padded table. "I have to lie here
for a really long time, and I can't
read or watch television."
"Can you listen if someone
talks to you?" Joshua asked.
"Yeah, and I can hold hands,
but that's about it," Pips said.
"It's good for gauging how I
respond to a person, though."
"Joshua, would you like to learn
a new trick?" Nurse Draves offered.
"Sure, I'm up for that," Joshua said.
"When you hold his hand, or rest
your hand on his shoulder, choose
a pattern and pat gently," she said.
"Think of it like a very soft drum beat.
It helps hold the person's attention
on you instead of unpleasant stuff."
Hesitantly, Joshua tried tapping
his forefinger against the back
of Pips' hand. "Is this okay?"
"Mmm, yeah," Pips said.
Joshua figured that he
could talk Pips down into
a resting state, but he wasn't
sure Pips would want anyone else
to know that kind of thing about him.
Instead, Joshua stuck to oblique terms.
"Remember that quiet night we had?
Think about that and let yourself relax,"
he said. "You're probably tired anyway.
Is it okay if you fall asleep here?"
"It's fine," Nurse Draves murmured.
"Some people do just that."
So Joshua sat beside Pips while
the scanner whirred faintly, patting
him with a warm and tender hand in
a lullaby rhythm and speaking of home.
Pips was, in fact, half-asleep by
the time the machine chimed.
Then he groaned and sat up,
yanking off the first few stickies
before Nurse Draves got him to stop.
"Let me take those off, please," she said.
"You won't hurt the disposable leads,
but you're losing some skin there."
"I always lose skin," Pips muttered.
"It's delicate to begin with, if you put
heavy-duty glue on it, that happens."
"Hey, let's try this new releaser,"
said the other nurse, shaking a bottle.
"They make releaser for glue heavier
than bandaids?" Pips wondered.
"They do now," she said.
"Go for it," Pips said.
"This I gotta see."
The releaser stank, but
it melted the glue without
removing any more skin,
leaving Pips with only
a few red circles down
one side of his face.
"Wow, you got a big boost
in calm from your friend,"
Nurse Draves said, looking
at the readout. "Comparing it
to previous results, this is better
than other times when you had
a health buddy, let alone when
you had to do it by yourself."
"Joshua is the best I've had,
so I'm not surprised, but it's good
to have concrete details," Pips said.
"You'll get a printout of the quick results
when you check out, and we'll send
the detailed results and interpretation
shortly," said Nurse Draves. "Do you
need to adjust your sleep mask and
your day glasses separately?"
"No, the information from the tests
goes into a central program that controls
all my adaptive equipment," Pips said.
"As long as you send the raw data by
midnight, it'll be done by morning."
"Ready for the solo?" she said.
"Guess I better be," Pips said
as he slid off the table. "Joshua,
you may as well find a lounge. I can't
have anyone in the room for the next test
or it messes up the readings. After that
it's just some lab stuff, and then I'm done."
"I'll point out the lounge before I
walk Pips to his next appointment,"
Nurse Draves said. "It's right
around the corner from here."
The lounge was understated
but comfortable enough for now.
It lacked any interesting magazines,
so Joshua borrowed the cookbook
and made notes on which ingredients
they needed to make the recipes.
Pips came back an hour later,
trailing well behind Nurse Draves
with his arms wrapped around himself.
She said goodbye and directed them
back to the front desk for checkout.
The receptionist handed them
a stack of printouts from the visit,
along with prescriptions and referrals
for later. "Since this is a rush order,
the remaining results should arrive at
your furnished eddress in a few hours."
"Thank you," Pips said, and filed
the new papers in his medical binder.
"Are you okay?" Joshua asked Pips
as they walked back toward the car.
"I'm fine, other than a few new punctures
of the not-so-fun kind," Pips replied.
"I thought you liked -- sorry, that
was rude of me," Joshua said.
"Pretend I never said anything."
"You're curious, though," Pips said.
"A little confused," Joshua said. "I don't
really know much about your ... preferences,
and that makes them hard to predict."
"I can answer the question you're
so carefully not asking," Pips said,
"but I'd need to ask you something
pretty intimate in order to do it."
"Go ahead," Joshua said.
"I have been listening to
your intimate information
all morning long."
Pips waited until
they actually got into
the car before continuing.
"Do you enjoy anything
a little rough during sex?"
Joshua blushed. "I like biting."
"Giving or receiving?" Pips said.
"It matters, or I wouldn't pry."
"Ah ... both, actually," Joshua said.
"Perfect," Pips said. "Okay, how
do you feel about biting outside of sex?"
"I hate it," Joshua said. "My aunt had
a Chihuahua that liked to nip people.
I still have a scar on my ankle."
"So you have a comparison for
enjoying something during sex that
would normally be painful, but in
that situation is fun," Pips said.
"It's the same for me and pain,
only sensual as well as sexual."
"It's about context?" Joshua said.
"And mood," Pips said. "I have
to be in a certain frame of mind
to enjoy getting hurt, instead of
just enduring it -- although I take
a lot of pride in how much I can
tolerate. It's really a lot."
Joshua thought about
some of Pips' former bosses
and his penchant for bad ones.
"Is there anything I can do
to help you make that shift in
your head?" Joshua asked.
"Would that make it easier
to get through today?"
"Gods, just be yourself,"
Pips said. "You're amazing.
I don't think that I would have
gotten through the whole battery
of tests without you, not after
that asshole Suarez."
"I'm glad I could help,"
Joshua said, reaching over
to pat Pips on the knee.
"I like that hand-patting thing
you did, too," Pips said. "I'll
have to remember that one."
"I already plan to try it with
the kids the next time they get
upset and need a distraction,"
Joshua said. "It might help."
"I think so," Pips said.
"Are you hungry?"
Joshua said.
"Yeah, I was going
to ask if the café here
is any good, but then we
just wound up in the car."
"There isn't one," Joshua said.
"The hospital has a cafeteria,
but people only resort to it
if they're pretty desperate."
"That bad, huh?" Pips said.
"You have no idea," Joshua said.
"There is a Nutri-U just down
the street from here, though."
Pips sighed. "I don't know if
I'm up to eating in a restaurant.
When I'm this tired and frazzled,
it can get ... kind of messy."
"I don't mind," Joshua said.
"I doubt anyone else will mind,
because it's right near the hospital
so they get people all the time who
aren't at their best. If you just want
to go home, though, that's okay."
Pips' stomach growled a denial.
"Let's try Nutri-U," he said.
"Okay," Joshua said. "If it
doesn't work out, we can just
get our food packed to go."
"That works," Pips agreed.
When they got to the restaurant,
it wasn't too crowded, which helped.
"All right, we have three options,"
Joshua said. "Straight ahead is
the service bar if we want to get
a healthy plate or serving cups.
To our right is the free-range bar,
or we can sit at a table and order
from a menu. Do you want me
to read to you, or ask for Braille?"
"Read to me," Pips said.
"I really am cashed."
"Would you like me
to simplify choices?"
Joshua said delicately.
"Yes, please," Pips said,
leaning against him. "I need
food, but I don't want to dither
over it. Offer two or three things,
and if I hate them all, I'll say so."
"No problem," Joshua said.
"Let's use the service bar,
which is fast and easy. I
want a healthy plate. You?"
"Serving cups," Pips said.
"I wouldn't finish a whole plate."
The nice thing about Nutri-U
was that you could get food in
official nutritionist servings. If you
wanted a little food, you didn't wind up
with too much; and if you wanted a lot,
you could get a much wider variety.
If you didn't want to count servings,
you could get a healthy plate which was
divided into nutritious proportions.
"Coming right up," Joshua said,
then asked the first server for
a healthy plate and a cup tray.
"First we have whole grains. I'm
getting the ancient grains risotto.
Do you want that or a 7-grain roll?"
"Roll, please," said Pips. "Look for
other finger foods if they have any."
"Next is healthy fats. I'm getting
olives because I want a salad later,"
Joshua said, and the server put his
in a cup so he could pour them over it.
"They also have packets of nut butter,
dark chocolate, or a boiled egg."
"I want the dark chocolate," said Pips.
"For protein, I'm getting a steak,"
Joshua said. "There's a lot of --"
"I smell chili," Pips said, nose twitching.
"Yeah, that's on the menu," Joshua said.
"Would you like a cup of that, then?"
"I don't know," Pips said. "Server?
How chunky is the chili here?
Will it stay on my spoon?"
"Yes, sir, our chili is very sticky,"
the server said. "It's a favorite."
"Cup of chili, please," said Pips.
"They have all kinds of salads and
cooked vegetables," Joshua said. "I'm
getting a garden salad. What about you?"
"Skip it," Pips said. "The chili should
have a mix of things, and I can't
eat too much food at once."
"For fruit, I want a melon salad,"
Joshua said. "You want hot or cold?"
"Do they just have whole fruit
in a bowl or something?" Pips said.
"Yeah, they've got apples, oranges,
or bananas," Joshua replied. "The bowl
is right here at the end of the counter
if you want to choose for yourself."
Pips trailed a hand along
Joshua's shoulder, and Joshua
put his hand on the fruit bowl
so that Pips could find it.
"Thanks," said Pips as
he set an apple on his tray.
"Last stop, beverages," said Joshua.
"Cucumber-mint water looks good
to me. They have juices, coffee, tea ...
Nutri-U doesn't carry sodas, sorry."
Pips patted his pocket, and paper
crinkled. "Please tell me they have
hot water for my daytime tea."
"It's right here," Joshua said.
"May I pour you a cup?"
"Yes, and put this in it,"
Pips said, holding out
a paper-wrapped tea bag.
Joshua set up the cup and
then put it on the tray for Pips.
"Your tea is at one o'clock,"
he said. "Also, I'm buying."
"Thanks," Pips said.
As Joshua was taking out
his wallet, a waitress said,
"Gentlemen, there's a table
right around the corner from
you. Let me make sure that
nothing is in the way."
"Much appreciated,"
Joshua said as he paid,
then they were ready to go.
"What's on the table?"
Pips asked as he sat down.
"Condiments to your right,
all in packets except the salt
in a round shaker and pepper
in a square one," Joshua said.
"There are educational placemats.
It looks like their book of the month
is The Gifts of Imperfection."
Pips laughed. "Well, that fits,"
he said. "Read me the placemat
while we eat, if you don't mind?"
"Of course," Joshua said. "It's
here to spark conversation."
They got lost in the food for
the first few minutes, though.
Joshua scraped his olives
over his garden salad, finding
everything crisp and delicious.
Pips dug into his chili, which
clung to the spoon as promised.
"This roll is twice the size I need,"
said Pips. "You want half?"
"Sure, I'll finish what you don't,"
Joshua said, taking the half
that Pips tore off for him. "If
you want any of mine, just say."
"I'm good, but thank you
for offering," Pips said.
The steak was great, too,
and Pips seemed to be
enjoying his chili.
As Joshua watched,
Pips finished the cup
and picked up his apple,
delicately feeling his way
across the fruit with his lips
as he nibbled from it.
"Okay, let's see now,
The Gifts of Imperfection,"
Joshua read from the placemat.
"Some of the subtitles include
Worthiness, Courage, Shame,
Compassion, and Connection."
"I like Connection," Pips said.
"Energy seen and heard," Joshua read.
"Reach for support and help. Give and receive
without judgment and with an open heart."
"That's a good list," Pips said softly.
"Those are all things I enjoy. It's
still hard to believe that you have
the patience to put up with me."
"You've been putting up with me
and my five kids, Pips," said Joshua.
"I'm just being a good friend. I'm
sorry I can't fix everything for you."
Pips raised his chin, even though
he couldn't actually see Joshua
through the black sleep mask.
"When we honestly ask ourselves
which person in our lives means
the most to us," Pips said, "we often
find that it is those who, instead of
giving advice or cures, have chosen
to share our pain and touch our wounds
with a warm and tender hand."
Joshua put down his fork
so he could cover Pips' fingers
with his own. "Yes," he said.
"That's how I feel too."
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so the character and content notes appear separately.
