>>Let me put it this way: If a direct sequel to this is ever written, I'll re-read it at least as many times as THIS piece, and as long as it feels like Dace is NOT putting all the work off on Damask to "fix," I'll probably be fine with it all. <<
That's fair.
>> Maybe that's it-- it still feels like a loaf of bread set to proof, not yet ready for baking. <<
That happens a lot with longer scenes or complex issues. In this case, I think Dace needs time to think about things. Plus they both need to consider what kind of relationship they want, how deep it should be. They kind of fell into it, which worked fine for a while, but it got them in over their heads with this issue.
I suspect that after some thought, Dace will come back with something like "Okay, what can I do to help? What do I need to know in order to help?" Damask won't have much idea of what, but at least it's a start.
>> I usually LIKE the college-age "figuring out life and myself and adulting all at once" chaos in storytelling, but this time, it just felt a little bit too unbalanced. Another read, with a different day's events behind me, might have a completely, TOTALLY different interpretation. <<
I get that with the Calliope thread, too. Some people strongly back one or the other character and think the other deserves to get hit with bricks. And it's largely based in each reader's personal experiences.
>>That happens. I'm in no way complaining. (Seriously, I put in the time to read the poem four times before commenting. I'm perfectly willing to do so four more times, on different days.) <<
:D I am flattered.
>> It's just an interesting little niggle, and sharing my own train of thought. <<
That's very useful. Thanks for taking the time to share it.
We also haven't gotten much of Damask's perspective, really thinking about how they would feel if someone kept a major piece of information from them. That might help them see where Dace is coming from, and thus, how to patch it up.
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dancing_serpent
Re: Hard to read
Date: 2018-06-30 10:03 am (UTC)That's fair.
>> Maybe that's it-- it still feels like a loaf of bread set to proof, not yet ready for baking. <<
That happens a lot with longer scenes or complex issues. In this case, I think Dace needs time to think about things. Plus they both need to consider what kind of relationship they want, how deep it should be. They kind of fell into it, which worked fine for a while, but it got them in over their heads with this issue.
I suspect that after some thought, Dace will come back with something like "Okay, what can I do to help? What do I need to know in order to help?" Damask won't have much idea of what, but at least it's a start.
>> I usually LIKE the college-age "figuring out life and myself and adulting all at once" chaos in storytelling, but this time, it just felt a little bit too unbalanced. Another read, with a different day's events behind me, might have a completely, TOTALLY different interpretation. <<
I get that with the Calliope thread, too. Some people strongly back one or the other character and think the other deserves to get hit with bricks. And it's largely based in each reader's personal experiences.
>>That happens. I'm in no way complaining. (Seriously, I put in the time to read the poem four times before commenting. I'm perfectly willing to do so four more times, on different days.) <<
:D I am flattered.
>> It's just an interesting little niggle, and sharing my own train of thought. <<
That's very useful. Thanks for taking the time to share it.
We also haven't gotten much of Damask's perspective, really thinking about how they would feel if someone kept a major piece of information from them. That might help them see where Dace is coming from, and thus, how to patch it up.