>> With many kids it is fixable. Empathy is both innately human (for most humans) and learned (explicitly or implicitly) so getting a young person to take a mental walk (or ride) in someone else's shoes is fairly doable, as long as you are decent at scaffolding relationships with kids. <<
This is true. But there's more to it with that. In a healthy family, kids grow up learning these skills. With good kids, they have an innate inclination to behave well. Even if they get banged up along the way, they can usually get it back later. Look at Turq -- he's battered enough that it's hard for him to keep his own nose above water, let alone remember all the details of interacting with other people. He's skittish, though, not nasty.
With neglected, abused, or hostile kids it's harder. Often they don't have a real foundation to build on. You may have to start by laying some bricks before trying to build up anything. Consider Shiv -- he has a crappy background and an ornery disposition. He does not have as much social and emotional structure inside as most humans are born with. But in his current environment, he's learning that he can memorize some of the expected performances and there are times when it is worth his while to meet those expectations.
>> With adults, it is WAY harder and usually requires someone who is already willing to listen. So unless someone is really charismatic yet thoughtful, both gifted at commanding the attention and approval-seeking behavior of others and willing to be humble themselves, we end up with the situation where we can't influence anyone except where they are already willing to invest emotionally. <<
Yeah, that's true. About the best I've come up with is that people may not give a fuck about ethics or other people, but they almost always care about themselves. So if you can show them a way that the desired action benefits them then they are more likely to agree.
>> Which means people who care about social issues spend A LOT of time talking to stubborn friends and relatives because they KNOW they haven't got a prayer of productively dealing with the doofus on the sidewalk.<<
Sometimes I do this. But I don't keep friends who are stupid, and my less-civil relatives don't care what I say. I have no idea why they want me around, they don't like anything about me, it's like they have some weird image in their heads of what they think I am. 0_o So I'll do most of my activism in the public field. Most people don't want to listen to me there either, but at least it establishes my right to say "I told you so."
>> Scaring jerks enough to at least shut them up, now, that's another skill. <<
Oh, that one I'm good at! :D I'm also good at verbally stabbing people in the nerves until they limp away.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dancing_serpent
Re: Problematic Link
Date: 2016-05-13 05:12 am (UTC)This is true. But there's more to it with that. In a healthy family, kids grow up learning these skills. With good kids, they have an innate inclination to behave well. Even if they get banged up along the way, they can usually get it back later. Look at Turq -- he's battered enough that it's hard for him to keep his own nose above water, let alone remember all the details of interacting with other people. He's skittish, though, not nasty.
With neglected, abused, or hostile kids it's harder. Often they don't have a real foundation to build on. You may have to start by laying some bricks before trying to build up anything. Consider Shiv -- he has a crappy background and an ornery disposition. He does not have as much social and emotional structure inside as most humans are born with. But in his current environment, he's learning that he can memorize some of the expected performances and there are times when it is worth his while to meet those expectations.
>> With adults, it is WAY harder and usually requires someone who is already willing to listen. So unless someone is really charismatic yet thoughtful, both gifted at commanding the attention and approval-seeking behavior of others and willing to be humble themselves, we end up with the situation where we can't influence anyone except where they are already willing to invest emotionally. <<
Yeah, that's true. About the best I've come up with is that people may not give a fuck about ethics or other people, but they almost always care about themselves. So if you can show them a way that the desired action benefits them then they are more likely to agree.
>> Which means people who care about social issues spend A LOT of time talking to stubborn friends and relatives because they KNOW they haven't got a prayer of productively dealing with the doofus on the sidewalk.<<
Sometimes I do this. But I don't keep friends who are stupid, and my less-civil relatives don't care what I say. I have no idea why they want me around, they don't like anything about me, it's like they have some weird image in their heads of what they think I am. 0_o So I'll do most of my activism in the public field. Most people don't want to listen to me there either, but at least it establishes my right to say "I told you so."
>> Scaring jerks enough to at least shut them up, now, that's another skill. <<
Oh, that one I'm good at! :D I'm also good at verbally stabbing people in the nerves until they limp away.