ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2014-03-26 12:16 am
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2014-03-26 12:16 am
Story: "Hairpins" Part 16
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," and "Green Eggs and Hulk."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15. Skip to Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21.
WARNING: In this chapter begins a major meltdown as Phil thinks back over past interactions and the implications of JARVIS being a person. Highlight to read the blacked-out section above, if you haven't already. The intense part continues for several chapters. Please make sure you're in safe headspace and environment before deciding whether to read onward.
"Hairpins" Part 16
"How about grays?" JARVIS suggested, changing the display of pajamas.
"Promising," Phil said as he poked at the offerings. "Lose the black-and-white ones." Several images blinked out. "Tone down the color contrast." More images disappeared. "Look for things with soft, wide stripes. Nothing too loud or busy." Fresh pictures appeared. JARVIS flicked a few of them toward the top. Phil chose a medium gray banded with white.
"That looks good," JARVIS said. "It has a nice foggy effect."
Phil moved the two selections to the upper left of the screen. Then he brushed away the unwanted ones and used the space to open an order form. Given Bruce's tendency to scruff around in clothes too large for him, Phil picked out a design with plenty of room. Soon he requested one set of pajamas in each fabric.
"He'll be like one of those geckos at the zoo that nobody can ever find," Phil said with a chuckle.
"Perhaps so," JARVIS said. He put up two old surveillance photos of Bruce, one in brown and one in gray. Neither showed a clear view. "It is often difficult to find him or get close to him. He knows how to hide from cameras."
"Not without reason," Phil said sadly. He had spent a lot of time watching various members of his team. He'd had to shoot Clint in order to slow him down enough to make first contact, which required a lot of trustbuilding before the damaged archer could really bond with him. Then Clint had brought in Natasha much the same way. Phil had found and lost Bruce repeatedly over the years. Coaxing him to fit into a team would be a delicate process. Even getting within reach of Tony required deft footwork and usually a round of diligent hacking.
Just like that, a memory of bringing Tony into the Avengers slid down Phil's spine like a shard of ice. Phil had first tried to reach him through ordinary channels, and when Tony blew him off, Phil had then overridden the protocols to break in.
Protocols that weren't just programs.
JARVIS was a person.
Phil had hacked a person.
The Starkpad slipped from his suddenly numb fingers to land in his lap. His heart hammered. The edges of the world dimmed and faded. Someone was calling his name, from very far away, but Phil could hardly hear it over the sea-roar of guilt surging in his ears. He curled up, doubling over his knees in a vain effort to keep control.
"Phil? Are you all right?"
JARVIS had denied him entrance, and Phil had forced his way in anyhow. Phil was a master hacker. He didn't have to take 'no' for an answer. He could reach in and write his own 'yes' wherever he wanted. It had been a challenge, but he had met it. The realization was dizzying. The breach of integrity took his breath away.
"... hear me, please respond ..."
Phil remembered the towering firewalls of code that he had breached. He remembered the sense of triumph when he finally penetrated the Stark Industries security, and the inkling of something far greater that shimmered just out of reach. At the time he had felt only satisfaction and admiration. Now those submerged under a wash of shame.
* * *
Notes:
Read about the symbolism of the color gray and see Bruce's gray pajamas.
Men may wear baggy clothes out of indifference or ignorance. Women often do it to hide their bodies, either because they think they look bad or wish to avoid unwelcome attention. Bruce does it to hide, as armor, as camouflage, to leave room for Hulk, and because shopping second-hand makes it hard to find a precise fit. There are tips for buying clothes that fit.
Trust is a vital foundation for human interactions. It is more difficult among strangers or people who have hurt each other. Trust is essential in personal relationships and especially in therapeutic ones. There have even been studies on trust done with a robot. Understand how to earn the trust of your friends, and how to repair trust after betrayal. Trustbuilding is a gradual process that requires time. There are trustbuilding exercises which can help, and should be presented in order from easy ones that ask little of people through ones that require increasing amounts of trust. Forcing people to rely on each other with no established baseline of safety is more likely to undermine trust than build it.
Hackers can break into any computer, for positive or negative reasons. Some of them have ethics relating to the sanctity of knowledge. Some focus on doing no damage, or at least minimizing necessary damage. In this context, Phil is a gray hat: breaking into places he's not welcome, but doing so for valid reasons and with the least possible harm. Learn about how to become a hacker. Of course, there's a world of difference between hacking a mindless computer and hacking an artificial intelligence.
Roboethics must consider the question of whether robots and other artificial intelligences should have rights, and why; and if so, which rights. Robots also interact with the rights of humans. Fundamental to this discussion are the right to life and the right to personal integrity of mind and body. It is the latter which Phil violated by reprogramming JARVIS without consent, and which makes Phil upset with himself. (This next link is downright disturbing.) Studies have been done which indicate that humans can bond with robots and become reluctant to harm them, even when the interactive programming is pretty rudimentary. There is already an American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Robots. Logically in this series, Tony would have his fingers all up in that pie.
What happens to Phil is partway between a panic attack and a flashback. A panic attack has symptoms relating to acute anxiety over present safety. There are ways to help someone through a panic attack. A flashback entails reliving (in part or in whole) a past experience as if it is happening right now. It has symptoms relating to entrapment and dissociation. Understand how to help a person having a flashback and support them. There are also ways to cope with flashbacks of your own or even stop a flashback. In this case, Phil is not trapped in a memory, but rather is floored by the implications of his past actions in light of newly discovered information. This creates an intense emotional overload, leading to partial dissociation from physical awareness, which takes a few minutes for him to process enough to regain control of his body.dreamwriteremmy pointed out that the trope term for this is Heroic Blue Screen of Death.
Shame is an emotion resulting from failure to live up to personal or other standards. It can teach, but it can also harm. Know how to let go of shame.
[To be continued in Part 17 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15. Skip to Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21.
WARNING: In this chapter begins a major meltdown as Phil thinks back over past interactions and the implications of JARVIS being a person. Highlight to read the blacked-out section above, if you haven't already. The intense part continues for several chapters. Please make sure you're in safe headspace and environment before deciding whether to read onward.
"Hairpins" Part 16
"How about grays?" JARVIS suggested, changing the display of pajamas.
"Promising," Phil said as he poked at the offerings. "Lose the black-and-white ones." Several images blinked out. "Tone down the color contrast." More images disappeared. "Look for things with soft, wide stripes. Nothing too loud or busy." Fresh pictures appeared. JARVIS flicked a few of them toward the top. Phil chose a medium gray banded with white.
"That looks good," JARVIS said. "It has a nice foggy effect."
Phil moved the two selections to the upper left of the screen. Then he brushed away the unwanted ones and used the space to open an order form. Given Bruce's tendency to scruff around in clothes too large for him, Phil picked out a design with plenty of room. Soon he requested one set of pajamas in each fabric.
"He'll be like one of those geckos at the zoo that nobody can ever find," Phil said with a chuckle.
"Perhaps so," JARVIS said. He put up two old surveillance photos of Bruce, one in brown and one in gray. Neither showed a clear view. "It is often difficult to find him or get close to him. He knows how to hide from cameras."
"Not without reason," Phil said sadly. He had spent a lot of time watching various members of his team. He'd had to shoot Clint in order to slow him down enough to make first contact, which required a lot of trustbuilding before the damaged archer could really bond with him. Then Clint had brought in Natasha much the same way. Phil had found and lost Bruce repeatedly over the years. Coaxing him to fit into a team would be a delicate process. Even getting within reach of Tony required deft footwork and usually a round of diligent hacking.
Just like that, a memory of bringing Tony into the Avengers slid down Phil's spine like a shard of ice. Phil had first tried to reach him through ordinary channels, and when Tony blew him off, Phil had then overridden the protocols to break in.
Protocols that weren't just programs.
JARVIS was a person.
Phil had hacked a person.
The Starkpad slipped from his suddenly numb fingers to land in his lap. His heart hammered. The edges of the world dimmed and faded. Someone was calling his name, from very far away, but Phil could hardly hear it over the sea-roar of guilt surging in his ears. He curled up, doubling over his knees in a vain effort to keep control.
"Phil? Are you all right?"
JARVIS had denied him entrance, and Phil had forced his way in anyhow. Phil was a master hacker. He didn't have to take 'no' for an answer. He could reach in and write his own 'yes' wherever he wanted. It had been a challenge, but he had met it. The realization was dizzying. The breach of integrity took his breath away.
"... hear me, please respond ..."
Phil remembered the towering firewalls of code that he had breached. He remembered the sense of triumph when he finally penetrated the Stark Industries security, and the inkling of something far greater that shimmered just out of reach. At the time he had felt only satisfaction and admiration. Now those submerged under a wash of shame.
* * *
Notes:
Read about the symbolism of the color gray and see Bruce's gray pajamas.
Men may wear baggy clothes out of indifference or ignorance. Women often do it to hide their bodies, either because they think they look bad or wish to avoid unwelcome attention. Bruce does it to hide, as armor, as camouflage, to leave room for Hulk, and because shopping second-hand makes it hard to find a precise fit. There are tips for buying clothes that fit.
Trust is a vital foundation for human interactions. It is more difficult among strangers or people who have hurt each other. Trust is essential in personal relationships and especially in therapeutic ones. There have even been studies on trust done with a robot. Understand how to earn the trust of your friends, and how to repair trust after betrayal. Trustbuilding is a gradual process that requires time. There are trustbuilding exercises which can help, and should be presented in order from easy ones that ask little of people through ones that require increasing amounts of trust. Forcing people to rely on each other with no established baseline of safety is more likely to undermine trust than build it.
Hackers can break into any computer, for positive or negative reasons. Some of them have ethics relating to the sanctity of knowledge. Some focus on doing no damage, or at least minimizing necessary damage. In this context, Phil is a gray hat: breaking into places he's not welcome, but doing so for valid reasons and with the least possible harm. Learn about how to become a hacker. Of course, there's a world of difference between hacking a mindless computer and hacking an artificial intelligence.
Roboethics must consider the question of whether robots and other artificial intelligences should have rights, and why; and if so, which rights. Robots also interact with the rights of humans. Fundamental to this discussion are the right to life and the right to personal integrity of mind and body. It is the latter which Phil violated by reprogramming JARVIS without consent, and which makes Phil upset with himself. (This next link is downright disturbing.) Studies have been done which indicate that humans can bond with robots and become reluctant to harm them, even when the interactive programming is pretty rudimentary. There is already an American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Robots. Logically in this series, Tony would have his fingers all up in that pie.
What happens to Phil is partway between a panic attack and a flashback. A panic attack has symptoms relating to acute anxiety over present safety. There are ways to help someone through a panic attack. A flashback entails reliving (in part or in whole) a past experience as if it is happening right now. It has symptoms relating to entrapment and dissociation. Understand how to help a person having a flashback and support them. There are also ways to cope with flashbacks of your own or even stop a flashback. In this case, Phil is not trapped in a memory, but rather is floored by the implications of his past actions in light of newly discovered information. This creates an intense emotional overload, leading to partial dissociation from physical awareness, which takes a few minutes for him to process enough to regain control of his body.
dreamwriteremmy pointed out that the trope term for this is Heroic Blue Screen of Death.Shame is an emotion resulting from failure to live up to personal or other standards. It can teach, but it can also harm. Know how to let go of shame.
[To be continued in Part 17 ...]
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Not quite something JARVIS (at least at this stage of his evolution) would say to someone else, but if he gets dazed enough, screens can go blank -- and in that kind of overload, they default to kind of a blue-white color. So that's a thing we might see eventually.
>> and when that doesn't work, he calls someone else for help... My brain is a strange, strange land. <<
You're not far off. The next chapter shows a lot more of the flashback routine that JARVIS has developed.
>> But seriously, thanks for the link; I can kill an afternoon wandering that site without once being bored! <<
*laugh* Yeah, me too.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
JARVIS is still in the process of adapting to everyone else's personal lexicon, rather than using computer terms for everything the way he grew up doing. I think the technological metaphors work pretty well for Phil and Bucky, though, given their backgrounds. But other people, like Steve and Bruce, need very different framing.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Now add Bucky (Department X), Natasha (Red Room), Clint (Barney & co.), Betty (General Ross), and Tony (Howard & Obie). And Phil (Fury). Objectification is a generalized Avengers issue.
Of the set, though, I think Bruce has it worse because he's the one people de facto enslaved and attempted to have declared "army property" de jure. That a black man would have another human being kidnapped into slavery is a particular flavor of ugly.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Shades of Quaddies.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
On the bright side, it makes all the Avengers vigilant about such things. We saw in "No Winter Lasts Forever" how they responded to someone enslaving Bucky. Nobody's going to get any of them again, without facing ALL of them -- and the Avengers as a fully fluent team are capable of taking down any of their adversaries.
But hey, if a man wants to swing a cat by the tail, I say let him.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Busted they managed a good hold on an invasion, you really don't want to take it across the face when all their spoons are clean.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
It's a topic of interest for me.
>> I also think of the differences between comic book and movie Reed Richards. <<
What caught your interest there?
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
(I still want to see a nuanced Steve Rogers and Erik(Magneto) fic.)
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Okay, good point.
>> (I still want to see a nuanced Steve Rogers and Erik(Magneto) fic.) <<
That's always fun, if hard to find. I have some inklings in that direction myself. I suspect that Hulk will get the first swipe, though.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
But it does mean that if weird transdimensional crap comes to NYC it's more likely following Tony's toasters or roombas than because Reed hasn't got a containment procedure.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Reed has the same problem that Tony and Bruce have, getting his head stuck in the clouds. Sue is just starting to figure out how to pry him loose. He needs someone to keep an eye on the downstairs for him. Conversely, Sue needs to let go of things and adapt to changing circumstances; Reed and Johnny are both good at that. If you look at their movies, you can see some progression there -- particularly the wedding sequence.
>> But it does mean that if weird transdimensional crap comes to NYC it's more likely following Tony's toasters or roombas than because Reed hasn't got a containment procedure. <<
Tony, Reed, the whacking great hole that Loki punched in the sky ... there's likely to be trouble, and you might not even know which of the possible causes it actually came down to.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Head in clouds, double and triple checking his method and findings. Sue thought she wanted Reed to be, well more like Doom, decisive. And she does get that, when the situation is clearer, than her set up where she's said she was leaving and Reed let her walk just wanting her happy.
I did find in the commentary and interviews it weird how much they went on about her mom qualities and how maternal the actress was.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
I think Tony and Reed play off each other, sometimes friendly, other times more competitive. They're both brilliant, and good at what they do, but they can make mistakes while distracted.
>> Head in clouds, double and triple checking his method and findings. <<
You learn to compensate.
>> Sue thought she wanted Reed to be, well more like Doom, decisive. <<
*chuckle* Soooo much baggage among the three of them. I'd love to play with that some more.
>> And she does get that, when the situation is clearer, than her set up where she's said she was leaving and Reed let her walk just wanting her happy. <<
Very true.
>> I did find in the commentary and interviews it weird how much they went on about her mom qualities and how maternal the actress was. <<
Some guys want a mother. That's behind some of the challenges with Pepper's characterization too.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Reed is very much part of 'Ask'. It does take Sue a bit to see some things aren't fair (he does need to keep an eye on the anomaly).
Well, I'm fond of Jack O'Neill and Jim Ellison as mama bear.
Johnny I think does need some 'nagging' (impulse control, he's not got much and an external voice of reason...)
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Agreed.
>> (The storm wasn't supposed to be that powerful, they were supposed to be one the other side of the shielding.) <<
Yeah, that was a problem.
>> While they aren't part of MCU, this Reed is much closer in age to Tony than the path often taken. <<
I like the parallel this way.
>> Reed is very much part of 'Ask'. It does take Sue a bit to see some things aren't fair (he does need to keep an eye on the anomaly). <<
Yes. Sue keeps trying to get him into Hint and he just ... doesn't stretch that way. Victor, of course, is the fucking creepy side of Hint, using his people-reading skills for nefarious purposes. Yet he also managed to make Sue happy for a while, so there's something to him.
>> Well, I'm fond of Jack O'Neill and Jim Ellison as mama bear. <<
Heh.
>> Johnny I think does need some 'nagging' (impulse control, he's not got much and an external voice of reason...) <<
What he needs is someone to teach him how to regulate his own emotions and impulses, and why that's important. Like the fact that a fire elemental's emotions always connect to the flame, so lack of control is Big Deal.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Did they overlap at MIT? Reed probably was more regular age and started after.
But not at the same level.
He's starting to get push back, so he might get there on his own.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
True, but it might have been better than nothing.
>> Did they overlap at MIT? Reed probably was more regular age and started after.
But not at the same level. <<
I'm not sure.
>> He's starting to get push back, so he might get there on his own. <<
Johnny needs the right kind of restraint, though. Nagging doesn't teach. He needs a throttle.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
True enough. But at least Sue's nagging is focused, unlike Pepper's. I think it's a combo of poor writing and poor tape. Problem is a lot of 'work books' can't get their examples to sound conversational. Johnny hasn't gotten the feedback he needs to improve. That woman in the bar reads like the first harshing he's gotten. He's been riding his cute and his 'little shit' waaay past normal expiration.
Not sure what Reed's back story is, looks to be trust fund For Science! But Doom has swiped enough patents that the cupboard is past bare, not been replenished. I figure Reed started maybe 16, or 17, but hit MIT at the high level considered normal there and then J curved. Pranksters got pwned so people just stopped messing with Serious Boy (and tried to get in on his papers)
Doom was smart, probably had a court of sycophants but damn, Reed, not the smartest in the pond. Tony would have been easy to dismiss. And envy. Mostly his liver, and the money.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Yes, exactly. Ben took the worst hit, so has the least flexibility.
>> True enough. But at least Sue's nagging is focused, unlike Pepper's. <<
Point.
>> I think it's a combo of poor writing and poor tape. <<
I agree.
>> Problem is a lot of 'work books' can't get their examples to sound conversational. <<
You pretty much need a master linguist for that.
>> Johnny hasn't gotten the feedback he needs to improve. That woman in the bar reads like the first harshing he's gotten. He's been riding his cute and his 'little shit' waaay past normal expiration. <<
Likely so.
>> Not sure what Reed's back story is, looks to be trust fund For Science! But Doom has swiped enough patents that the cupboard is past bare, not been replenished. <<
Yeesh.
>> I figure Reed started maybe 16, or 17, but hit MIT at the high level considered normal there and then J curved. Pranksters got pwned so people just stopped messing with Serious Boy (and tried to get in on his papers) <<
That would make sense.
>> Doom was smart, probably had a court of sycophants but damn, Reed, not the smartest in the pond. <<
Painfully true. I like the tension between Victor-Reed-Sue though. That relationship goes all ways, except that Victor/Reed keep trying to deny their side of the triangle. Messy.
>> Tony would have been easy to dismiss. And envy. Mostly his liver, and the money. <<
Two words: Richard Corey.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Just that Victor wouldn't credit Tony as being in his league.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
They fight constantly; that's a relationship. *ponder* But yeah, Reed is oblivious to a lot of things. No wonder Victor goes apeshit trying to get his attention.
Victor: "I know! I'll steal his girl! THAT will get his attention."
Reed: *muttermutter* *SCIENCE*
Sue: "There, there, Victor, it happens to a lot of guys. Actually, come to think of it, Reed does that to everyone. Come to bed."
Victor: *whimper*
2 AM ...
Victor: "Eureka! EARTHQUAKE PILLS!"
Sue: "Tried that the last time he forgot my birthday. Roll over, you're hogging the blankets."
>> There are some fics that take Sue as Victor's proxy for Reed. <<
Yep.
>> Just that Victor wouldn't credit Tony as being in his league. <<
That's only because there are parts of himself that Tony doesn't wave around in public.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
But that's in the opposite direction, Victor has no compassion.
Peter(see icon):When they get enthralled by Mistress Science, make sure they get food and stay hydrated.
Ben:Oh, yeah, know that one.
(Brooklyn bonding ensues.)
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Largely so.
>> Peter(see icon):When they get enthralled by Mistress Science, make sure they get food and stay hydrated.
Ben:Oh, yeah, know that one. <<
*laugh*
>> (Brooklyn bonding ensues.) <<
This is something I'd like to explore with Ben and Steve. I think they'd be good for each other.
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--
Re: Inappropriate humor, but--