ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2014-05-26 12:02 am
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2014-05-26 12:02 am
Story: "Blended" Part 5
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," and "Green Eggs and Hulk."
Fandom: The Avengers, Hulk
Characters: Hulk, JARVIS
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Past abuse. Past fugitives. Dysfunctional family dynamics. Isolation. Internalized oppression. Low sense of self-worth. Self-destructive behavior. Shame. Depression. Bruce and Hulk are somewhere between self-abuse and domestic violence inside their headspace. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Hulk makes his first, violent appearance in Avengers Tower. JARVIS helps him calm down.
Notes: Accidents. Hurt/Comfort. Anger management issues. Sensory processing disorder. Artificial intelligence. Hulk is an enormous green fear monster. Sibling rivalry. Emotional whump. Communication issues. Loneliness. Touch starvation. Memory problems. Boundary issues. Trust issues. Daddy issues. Attachment disorder. Friendship. Hope. Hulk needs a hug. Safety and security. Protection. Teambuilding. Family of choice. Competence.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.
Here ends "Blended." Thank you all for sticking with the series this far! I love your input. Final thoughts on the story overall are welcome, in addition to reactions on this specific chapter. I also have a list of favorite photogenic scenes from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
Next up is "kintsukuroi," a poem focusing on Natasha.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
"Blended" Part 5
"I am very aware that Bruce dislikes being watched," Voice says. "However, it is harder for me to keep you safe if I do not know where you are and what you are doing. Today I locked the whole common floor so that nobody could come near while you were busy smashing. Will you let me watch over you, so I can do things like that?"
Hulk thinks. Thinking is hard. Bruce thing, but Bruce still hiding inside. Nobody ask what Hulk want before. Strange, but nice. Hulk looks around room. Quiet. Empty. No guns. Nobody to hurt them. Hulk feels ... almost safe.
Maybe Voice watching is not same as other watching. "Okay," Hulk says.
"Parameters accepted," Voice says. "I am very glad you trust me to keep watch. I hope that we can become friends."
Bruce stirs inside, restless. Hulk whimpers. Tummy feels tight. Feet want to move. No good, no good.
"Not tell Bruce?" Hulk says. "Worry. Bruce not like Hulk. Not like making friends. Maybe go."
"There is no need to go anywhere," Voice says. "You are safe here."
Voice does not know Bruce very well. Bruce can be stupid. Maybe Hulk can show. "Voice tell, Bruce go ..." Hulk says, brushing his palms together, smack-swish.
Sound like sigh, like soft breeze. Hulk can hear fans moving in ceiling. "You believe that if Bruce knows what happened today, that we talked, that we are making friends ... then he might run away from home," Voice says.
"Yes. Voice tell, Bruce run."
"I will not tell Bruce."
"Not tell anyone," Hulk says. Bruce can be smart too. Smile and nod. Voice likes Tony. Tony likes Bruce. Trouble. Bruce find out, ruin everything. Hulk not only one who can smash.
"... very well. I will lock this conversation to your user signature," Voice says.
Too many words again, too fancy. Hulk shifts in place. "Not tell anyone?"
"I will not tell anyone," Voice says. At least Voice explains things to Hulk.
"Okay," Hulk says. He feels tired. Head hurts. Too much thinking. Everything all blended together. Big mess inside. "Bruce now?"
"Whenever you feel ready," Voice says.
"Ready," Hulk says, kicking away some smash.
"Wait. Would you mind moving to the far end of the room first?" Voice says.
Hulk rumbles, wordless, confused.
"Hulk. Please come over here where I have the spotlight on," Voice says. Shadows around Hulk now. Other part of room brighter. "This end of the kitchen is less damaged. If you lie down here, it will be safer for Bruce."
Voice help Hulk protect Bruce? Hulk wonders, amazed. He scrambles to follow the light. Hulk is glad, so glad, but he does not have words to say why or how. Voice is right, too. This part of room has very little smash on floor.
Hulk looks around. Room is quiet and empty. Warm air comes from fan. Light fades. Shadows here too, soft like dusk. Sound from walls, not words, but birds and bugs making sunset noises. Time to rest.
Bruce will be safe here. Bruce will not believe, but Hulk knows better now. Voice will watch them and protect them. Not so lonely like this.
Hulk lies down on clean spot and goes back inside himself.
* * *
Notes:
Consent and boundaries are vital matters to JARVIS. It's important to know what consent is and isn't, along with the requirements for giving consent. Watch a video about consent. JARVIS treats Hulk as a person by acknowledging that Hulk has a right to give or withhold consent, can make meaningful decisions for himself, and understands at least the basics of what JARVIS is asking (even if the details wouldn't make much sense to Hulk). More specifically, JARVIS is treating Hulk the way he wants people to treat himself, because personhood is an issue for both of them. People teach children about boundaries to protect against sexual abuse, but it apples to nonsexual contexts also. Photographers learn how to bond with strangers and help them relax their boundaries, and JARVIS borrows some of that to help make surveillance feel supportive instead of creepy.
Disclosure is a concern for plural people like Bruce-and-Hulk; sometimes people react badly if told or get jealous about telling someone else. Much the same can happen with disabilities. Keeping secrets and revealing secrets can both cause harm. You have a choice in whether to keep or reveal secrets, and there are questions you can ask to help you decide which secrets to tell or to keep. Although JARVIS doesn't like the idea of concealing his interaction with Hulk, he respects Hulk's wishes and also believes that telling would do more harm than good. Hulk has the same right to privacy-lock conversations as any other tower resident, even against Bruce.
Running away from yourself rarely works, because you're stuck with your own company. However, it may help if you hate the circumstances of your life. There are steps to change your life and to stop running away from yourself. Bruce has strong dissociative and avoidant tendencies; in some iterations of canon he is a homeless wanderer.
Sibling jealousy can affect children and adults. Even this early, Bruce is starting to worry that Hulk making friends or getting anything of his own is a threat. Know how to control your own jealousy and handle an envious sibling.
Explaining things can help you to understand them better. Know how to simplify things, explain complex technology, and explain ideas to a child. It's okay if you goof or need to pause for thought -- this helps children learn.
Cognitive load expresses how much work the mind is doing. Mental effort burns slightly more calories than relaxation, but much more intellectual energy. For Hulk, thinking is like pushing on the short end of a lever, whereas Bruce is pushing on the long end; the opposite of physical strength. There are ways to help people manage mental effort.
Although it's harder without hands, JARVIS makes a valiant effort to help Hulk relax. There are many ways to comfort someone and help them get to sleep.
~ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ~
Fandom: The Avengers, Hulk
Characters: Hulk, JARVIS
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Past abuse. Past fugitives. Dysfunctional family dynamics. Isolation. Internalized oppression. Low sense of self-worth. Self-destructive behavior. Shame. Depression. Bruce and Hulk are somewhere between self-abuse and domestic violence inside their headspace. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Hulk makes his first, violent appearance in Avengers Tower. JARVIS helps him calm down.
Notes: Accidents. Hurt/Comfort. Anger management issues. Sensory processing disorder. Artificial intelligence. Hulk is an enormous green fear monster. Sibling rivalry. Emotional whump. Communication issues. Loneliness. Touch starvation. Memory problems. Boundary issues. Trust issues. Daddy issues. Attachment disorder. Friendship. Hope. Hulk needs a hug. Safety and security. Protection. Teambuilding. Family of choice. Competence.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.
Here ends "Blended." Thank you all for sticking with the series this far! I love your input. Final thoughts on the story overall are welcome, in addition to reactions on this specific chapter. I also have a list of favorite photogenic scenes from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
Next up is "kintsukuroi," a poem focusing on Natasha.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
"Blended" Part 5
"I am very aware that Bruce dislikes being watched," Voice says. "However, it is harder for me to keep you safe if I do not know where you are and what you are doing. Today I locked the whole common floor so that nobody could come near while you were busy smashing. Will you let me watch over you, so I can do things like that?"
Hulk thinks. Thinking is hard. Bruce thing, but Bruce still hiding inside. Nobody ask what Hulk want before. Strange, but nice. Hulk looks around room. Quiet. Empty. No guns. Nobody to hurt them. Hulk feels ... almost safe.
Maybe Voice watching is not same as other watching. "Okay," Hulk says.
"Parameters accepted," Voice says. "I am very glad you trust me to keep watch. I hope that we can become friends."
Bruce stirs inside, restless. Hulk whimpers. Tummy feels tight. Feet want to move. No good, no good.
"Not tell Bruce?" Hulk says. "Worry. Bruce not like Hulk. Not like making friends. Maybe go."
"There is no need to go anywhere," Voice says. "You are safe here."
Voice does not know Bruce very well. Bruce can be stupid. Maybe Hulk can show. "Voice tell, Bruce go ..." Hulk says, brushing his palms together, smack-swish.
Sound like sigh, like soft breeze. Hulk can hear fans moving in ceiling. "You believe that if Bruce knows what happened today, that we talked, that we are making friends ... then he might run away from home," Voice says.
"Yes. Voice tell, Bruce run."
"I will not tell Bruce."
"Not tell anyone," Hulk says. Bruce can be smart too. Smile and nod. Voice likes Tony. Tony likes Bruce. Trouble. Bruce find out, ruin everything. Hulk not only one who can smash.
"... very well. I will lock this conversation to your user signature," Voice says.
Too many words again, too fancy. Hulk shifts in place. "Not tell anyone?"
"I will not tell anyone," Voice says. At least Voice explains things to Hulk.
"Okay," Hulk says. He feels tired. Head hurts. Too much thinking. Everything all blended together. Big mess inside. "Bruce now?"
"Whenever you feel ready," Voice says.
"Ready," Hulk says, kicking away some smash.
"Wait. Would you mind moving to the far end of the room first?" Voice says.
Hulk rumbles, wordless, confused.
"Hulk. Please come over here where I have the spotlight on," Voice says. Shadows around Hulk now. Other part of room brighter. "This end of the kitchen is less damaged. If you lie down here, it will be safer for Bruce."
Voice help Hulk protect Bruce? Hulk wonders, amazed. He scrambles to follow the light. Hulk is glad, so glad, but he does not have words to say why or how. Voice is right, too. This part of room has very little smash on floor.
Hulk looks around. Room is quiet and empty. Warm air comes from fan. Light fades. Shadows here too, soft like dusk. Sound from walls, not words, but birds and bugs making sunset noises. Time to rest.
Bruce will be safe here. Bruce will not believe, but Hulk knows better now. Voice will watch them and protect them. Not so lonely like this.
Hulk lies down on clean spot and goes back inside himself.
* * *
Notes:
Consent and boundaries are vital matters to JARVIS. It's important to know what consent is and isn't, along with the requirements for giving consent. Watch a video about consent. JARVIS treats Hulk as a person by acknowledging that Hulk has a right to give or withhold consent, can make meaningful decisions for himself, and understands at least the basics of what JARVIS is asking (even if the details wouldn't make much sense to Hulk). More specifically, JARVIS is treating Hulk the way he wants people to treat himself, because personhood is an issue for both of them. People teach children about boundaries to protect against sexual abuse, but it apples to nonsexual contexts also. Photographers learn how to bond with strangers and help them relax their boundaries, and JARVIS borrows some of that to help make surveillance feel supportive instead of creepy.
Disclosure is a concern for plural people like Bruce-and-Hulk; sometimes people react badly if told or get jealous about telling someone else. Much the same can happen with disabilities. Keeping secrets and revealing secrets can both cause harm. You have a choice in whether to keep or reveal secrets, and there are questions you can ask to help you decide which secrets to tell or to keep. Although JARVIS doesn't like the idea of concealing his interaction with Hulk, he respects Hulk's wishes and also believes that telling would do more harm than good. Hulk has the same right to privacy-lock conversations as any other tower resident, even against Bruce.
Running away from yourself rarely works, because you're stuck with your own company. However, it may help if you hate the circumstances of your life. There are steps to change your life and to stop running away from yourself. Bruce has strong dissociative and avoidant tendencies; in some iterations of canon he is a homeless wanderer.
Sibling jealousy can affect children and adults. Even this early, Bruce is starting to worry that Hulk making friends or getting anything of his own is a threat. Know how to control your own jealousy and handle an envious sibling.
Explaining things can help you to understand them better. Know how to simplify things, explain complex technology, and explain ideas to a child. It's okay if you goof or need to pause for thought -- this helps children learn.
Cognitive load expresses how much work the mind is doing. Mental effort burns slightly more calories than relaxation, but much more intellectual energy. For Hulk, thinking is like pushing on the short end of a lever, whereas Bruce is pushing on the long end; the opposite of physical strength. There are ways to help people manage mental effort.
Although it's harder without hands, JARVIS makes a valiant effort to help Hulk relax. There are many ways to comfort someone and help them get to sleep.
~ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ~
no subject
Voice help Hulk protect Bruce? Hulk wonders, amazed. ... Hulk is glad, so glad, but he does not have words to say why or how. ...
Hulks looks around. Room is quiet and empty. Warm air comes from fan. Light fades. Shadows here too, soft like dusk. Sound from walls, not words, but birds and bugs making sunset noises. Time to rest.
Bruce will be safe here. Bruce will not believe, but Hulk knows better now. Voice will watch them and protect them. Not so lonely like this.
»
So good. Hulk feel better now. Safer, him and Bruce.
Thnidu too, time to rest.
• Hulks looks around.
→Hulk
Thank you!
True. I'm glad you liked this.
>> • Hulks looks around.
→Hulk <<
Fixed, thanks.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-26 08:46 am (UTC)(link)Thank you!
no subject
JARVIS is awesome.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-27 02:58 am (UTC)(link)--Jessica
(no subject)
(no subject)
(Anonymous) - 2014-05-28 02:10 (UTC) - Expand*laugh*
(no subject)
Yes...
Yes...
It's going to help a lot in ways nobody will connect for some time.
>> Too bad it's not a friend who can hug him. <<
Sooth. Hulk needs comfort contact. However, he is also capable of learning to recognize the ways in which JARVIS expresses care and comfort, which are quite different things than humans can typically do.
Conversely, I suspect that JARVIS is learning a lot about emotions from him, which is experience he didn't have much of previously. Tony expresses emotion effusively but rarely talks about it.
>> JARVIS is awesome. <<
I think so too.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-26 12:15 pm (UTC)(link)-ER
Thank you!
I'm happy to hear that. He's a favorite character and will definitely get more airtime in the future.
>> I'm glad the next bit is about Natasha. I've been wanting some more female centric pieces. <<
I write a lot of female-centric stuff, but it's harder in this series because there are fewer female characters and they don't get as much development as the males. (Boo, Marvel, I am booing you right now.) This is compounded by the fact that Natasha is a cagey little thing and challenging to write. So I'm really pleased I finally managed to get an inside view of her.
For more female-centered writing, you might like Path of the Paladins or Walking the Beat (each with two female leads) or anything out of
>> Thank you for writing and sharing. <<
You're welcome!
no subject
Hmm...
Yay!
>> It's pretty cool to see Hulk interacting that doesn't involve violence for a start, and interesting to see the [arguably] non-human and oft over-looked members in something other than a cameo. <<
I had not noticed those aspects, but now that you mention it, I'm glad they're in here.
Lovely!
Hulk feeling exhausted after all that mental effort not only makes me want to hug him, it makes /sense/, and is something I honestly don't see much of in the movies.
Thanks for writing this one; I think it's going to be a long-term reread for me. Because, of course, everyone has days where a blender gets dropped on their foot.
Re: Lovely!
Yes. Hulk has never really had anyone who cared about him, except for Betty and she's not here. That's why he is comparing JARVIS to her, not because they're much alike, but because the category is so small.
>> Hulk feeling exhausted after all that mental effort not only makes me want to hug him, it makes /sense/, and is something I honestly don't see much of in the movies. <<
Yes, exactly. Thinking is work, and it's harder for Hulk to do something outside his area of expertise.
>> Thanks for writing this one; I think it's going to be a long-term reread for me. Because, of course, everyone has days where a blender gets dropped on their foot. <<
Yay! I'm glad it resonates so strongly for you.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-26 12:34 pm (UTC)(link)Giddyant
Thank you!
There will eventually be more about Hulk's evolving relationship with the team, and JARVIS plays into that.
>> I look forward to Natasha's pov and also to more exploration in this universe. <<
Yay!
no subject
Thank you!
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-26 04:59 pm (UTC)(link)Thank you!
I'm happy to hear that.
>> It makes me wonder what Jarvis would have to say when Bruce is tearing hulk down. <<
Mostly what the other Avengers start saying: "Please don't pick on my other friend."
That's a key reason why Bruce is freaking out as the series progresses. He starts feeling like people are choosing Hulk over him. He doesn't understand that everyone wants them to get along so they will stop hurting each other because that sucks to watch.
>> Can't wait for natasha 's story! <<
It's up now.
no subject
no subject
Yay!
Thank you!
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-27 12:13 am (UTC)(link)-A
Thank you!
I'm glad you liked that.
>> Jarvis is so amazing, adapting himself to all of the different users in the tower. <<
Sooth. At this stage, JARVIS is just starting to get the hang of it. Previously, most of his human interaction has been limited to:
* Tony
* Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper (each with their own drawbacks)
* Stark Industries personnel who don't actually know him as a person
So adding a whole bunch of new users, who have been told about JARVIS and are gradually realizing his true nature, is exciting but also a little overwhelming. The flood of new data can be disorienting at times, and hard to slot in with what he already knows.
>> And Hulk just makes my heart melt with how lovely he is. <<
Yay! He needs more appreciation.
>> Thanks for this, can't wait for the next story!! <<
You're welcome, and "kintsukuroi" is up now.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-27 02:31 pm (UTC)(link)-RS
You're welcome!
Re: You're welcome!
(Anonymous) - 2016-07-03 06:28 (UTC) - Expandno subject
(Anonymous) 2014-05-27 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)Thank you!
no subject
Thank you!
I'm happy to hear that.
>> I like seeing Hulk learning, and I like how compassionate JARVIS is. <<
Sooth. Hulk is a fast learner on emotional topics, especially with someone to support him.
no subject
Yay!
I'm happy to hear that.
>> Jarvis and Hulk work well together. <<
I think they do too, although I was surprised by how much they fit.
no subject
Thoughts
Yay!
>> but will admit that I am curious as to how Bruce reacts when he comes back to the front… <<
Probably not very well, knowing him. Humiliated that he lost control and smashed the kitchen. Frustrated that JARVIS won't show or tell him what happened during the time Hulk was out, explaining to Bruce that Hulk has the same right to privacy as any other Avenger.
Cue Bruce slinking away to hide in his room or lab some more. :(
Re: Thoughts
(Anonymous) - 2016-07-03 06:34 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Thoughts
gorgeous
(Anonymous) 2014-06-25 02:15 pm (UTC)(link)Bronwyn
Re: gorgeous
no subject
(Anonymous) 2014-08-29 11:12 pm (UTC)(link)Yes...
That actually is a conversation that Phil is going to have with Hulk, when it gets to a point of Bruce and Hulk trying to patch up their relationship. It's going to be really hard to convince him that "Hulk job, Hulk protect" is okay as a grownup thing, but was wrong for anyone to expect of him as a toddler. That's so much a part of his identity, he can't understand that it shouldn't have started out that way.
>> Let JARVIS help, JARVIS is a good adult. <<
Sooth. I think JARVIS is the next person whom Hulk started to trust on the team, after Tony. It just doesn't show until later, because Hulk asked JARVIS to keep it a secret.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-12-16 12:37 am (UTC)(link)Yay!
no subject