ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2013-04-26 02:19 am
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2013-04-26 02:19 am
Entry tags:
Touch Aversion
As part of the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger." Continue to later sections: "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop."
"Touch Aversion"
Touch aversion is the counterpoint to skin hunger. Some people prefer to abstain from physical contact with other people. This is also known as chiraptophobia, touch avoidance, or tactile defensiveness. It can be considered a subtype of sensory defensiveness. There is a quiz to explore whether you have touch aversion.
Causes may be psychological, physical, or both. Autistic people may dislike touching due to hypersensitivity or difficulty filtering out sensations. Premature birth is also associated with touch aversion. Child abuse often leaves survivors resistant to physical contact; other traumatic experiences such as rape may do the same. Pregnant women sometimes do not want to be touched, although this usually fades after childbirth. Chronic pain and other illnesses can turn mild contact into agony. Someone may resist having one body part touched, but feel okay about others.
Some people may wish to overcome touch aversion, others not. Frequently relatives desire or demand physical contact -- not just spouses, but also parents of tactile-defensive children. It's not a good idea to harass anyone on this point. However, gradual introduction of loving touch can make progress toward finding mutually agreeable forms of contact. Therapy techniques such as anchoring can help overcome touch aversion.
There's a useful saying that sometimes appears in PTSD discussions: "You don't have to eat the eggplant." That means if something bothers you a lot, but comes up rarely, you can just skip it. Things that come up frequently, or are necessary for some reason, may justify the amount of work required to tolerate them. Do a cost-effectiveness assessment. Think about how much time, effort, and expense would be required to get over a particular hangup vs. what you would gain by being able to do that thing with less upset. Then work on the issue(s) that will give you the best bang for your buck. It's up to you whether touching, or certain types of touching, are worth doing or not.
In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. I must admit, I've seen almost none of those anywhere. The Eldritch characters by M.C.A. Hogarth include a few examples; they're touch-telempaths. If I look at my own work, I can identify at least one: Solvig in Hart's Farm. If you read "After Dark," that's typical of her interactions with other people; she rarely seems to touch more than minimally and briefly. Solvig is asexual, aromantic, and reserved in general. She dresses in very sober, modest clothing by choice. She has close positive relationships; she just isn't a physically demonstrative person.
So I'm curious: would folks like to see more coverage of characters who are touch-averse and not otherwise a complete mess?
* * *
Read two Torn World poems featuring touch aversion: "Stinging Like Nettles" and "Wandering the Heights."
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger." Continue to later sections: "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop.""Touch Aversion"
Touch aversion is the counterpoint to skin hunger. Some people prefer to abstain from physical contact with other people. This is also known as chiraptophobia, touch avoidance, or tactile defensiveness. It can be considered a subtype of sensory defensiveness. There is a quiz to explore whether you have touch aversion.
Causes may be psychological, physical, or both. Autistic people may dislike touching due to hypersensitivity or difficulty filtering out sensations. Premature birth is also associated with touch aversion. Child abuse often leaves survivors resistant to physical contact; other traumatic experiences such as rape may do the same. Pregnant women sometimes do not want to be touched, although this usually fades after childbirth. Chronic pain and other illnesses can turn mild contact into agony. Someone may resist having one body part touched, but feel okay about others.
Some people may wish to overcome touch aversion, others not. Frequently relatives desire or demand physical contact -- not just spouses, but also parents of tactile-defensive children. It's not a good idea to harass anyone on this point. However, gradual introduction of loving touch can make progress toward finding mutually agreeable forms of contact. Therapy techniques such as anchoring can help overcome touch aversion.
There's a useful saying that sometimes appears in PTSD discussions: "You don't have to eat the eggplant." That means if something bothers you a lot, but comes up rarely, you can just skip it. Things that come up frequently, or are necessary for some reason, may justify the amount of work required to tolerate them. Do a cost-effectiveness assessment. Think about how much time, effort, and expense would be required to get over a particular hangup vs. what you would gain by being able to do that thing with less upset. Then work on the issue(s) that will give you the best bang for your buck. It's up to you whether touching, or certain types of touching, are worth doing or not.
In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. I must admit, I've seen almost none of those anywhere. The Eldritch characters by M.C.A. Hogarth include a few examples; they're touch-telempaths. If I look at my own work, I can identify at least one: Solvig in Hart's Farm. If you read "After Dark," that's typical of her interactions with other people; she rarely seems to touch more than minimally and briefly. Solvig is asexual, aromantic, and reserved in general. She dresses in very sober, modest clothing by choice. She has close positive relationships; she just isn't a physically demonstrative person.
So I'm curious: would folks like to see more coverage of characters who are touch-averse and not otherwise a complete mess?
* * *
Read two Torn World poems featuring touch aversion: "Stinging Like Nettles" and "Wandering the Heights."
Respect in fiction
Navigating this is /incredibly/ difficult for me, as I am touch averse for a /third/ set of reasons, LOL. What I want to show is that they can have /trouble/ navigating what's okay for whom, even when they are doing their VERY best to respect and comfort each other.
Re: Respect in fiction
Let's see, I have Lakia who is not so much averse but indifferent to a lot of touch or interaction because she was neglected. Nathaniel has sensory processing disorder and super-senses, so he's more tactile-defensive because some things are just really uncomfortable for him. Hadyn is contact and conflict avoidant because her superpower is self-detonation, which went off the first time when her father tried to molest her, and now she's terrified it will happen again. Their current family is understanding about these things and trying to figure out where the boundaries are and how to meet everyone's needs.
Lawrence has both touch-aversion and skin-hunger, which is confusing and frustrating, because he's neglected by his mother and was abused by his father. His boyfriend Stan wants to be supportive, but does not always know how -- Lawrence is still learning to articulate his needs, so they're going back and forth a lot as they work out parameters of their relationship.
I write Bruce-and-Hulk as having both touch-aversion and skin-hunger, plus intermittent SPD issues, based on some canon references -- things like "I'm exposed, like a nerve. It's a nightmare." Generally speaking I like to have other characters respect things like contact permission, but challenge Bruce's hostile treatment of Hulk.
Re: Respect in fiction
Glyn, whose sister was the Bridezilla in "Brittle Words" is both touch-averse and has a level of skin-hunger that would be clocked at 'voracious' if she acknowledged it. Her friend Drew is one of six kids, who express different levels of touch /preference/, but no outright avoidance behaviors, and their limits are respected by the rest of the family. What they tend to do isn't asking-permission type limits, but rather, making it clear who is always up for more contact and just letting the less-tactile person move in and out of contact at their tolerance level, which makes the different needs less obvious.
Re: Respect in fiction
... yet. ;) I am hopeful of more.
>> Glyn, whose sister was the Bridezilla in "Brittle Words" is both touch-averse and has a level of skin-hunger that would be clocked at 'voracious' if she acknowledged it. <<
I think she'll get there eventually, and learn how to feed it in healthier ways.
>> Her friend Drew is one of six kids, who express different levels of touch /preference/, but no outright avoidance behaviors, and their limits are respected by the rest of the family. <<
I think it's interesting to see who tends to glom all over people, who's in the middle, and who is reserved. It means something different if a normally less-huggy person plasters herself all over someone.
Re: Respect in fiction
Re: Respect in fiction
Reserved or moderate to huggy is a shift that indicates someone is safe, but more often as a friend than a love interest. There are fewer stories like this.
Re: Respect in fiction
That reminds me, it would be fascinating to see how other people view Delia. She may be popular in places where she is performing or volunteering, but I bet the florist, baker, seamstress, etc. who catered the wedding all hate her and her whole damn family. There are some people who seem popular, privileged, and charming on the surface but if you look deeper then the rot shows.
Or in dating advice: someone who is rude to the waiter is not a nice person.
Re: Respect in fiction
Re: Respect in fiction