ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2010-11-24 02:27 pm
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2010-11-24 02:27 pm
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Books for Happy Holidays
I thought it might be useful to recommend a few books on people skills, in the interest of making the holidays actually happy. If you don't need them yourself, consider them as potential gifts for someone who does.
When Holidays Are Hell: A Guide to Surviving Family Gatherings
Explains how to protect yourself while dealing with fractious or toxic relatives and dysfunctional family dynamics.
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
Details how hostile language works and how to defuse it safely; useful not just for deflecting attacks on yourself, but for making sure that you speak nicely with others.
The Grandmother Principles
Description of healthy family dynamics with advice tailored to a grandmother's role. Some of the principles work only for grandmothers; many can be applied by older people in general, and some by anyone. Every grandmother should be given a copy of this book along with her first grandchild. While not all holiday-focused, there are some excellent tips on making holidays happy.
Regrettably, one of my best books got snitched a few years back, and now I can't find any reference to it online. That was Johnson's Guide to Emotional First Aid and it included practical tips for raising positive emotions and lowering negative ones. If anyone has the complete title/author/publication details for that, please let me know so I can refine my search.
Johnson's Emotional First Aid: How to Increase Your Happiness, Peace, and Joy by Victoria L. Saunders Johnson. Blue Dolphin Publishing, 1997.
Tricky to track down online, hence the extra detail. Offers practical tips for raising positive emotions and lowering negative ones.
Holiday Blues: Rediscovering the Art of Celebration; A 12-Month Guide to Getting Everything You Want Out of Holidays and Family Gatherings
I haven't read this one, but it popped up while I was looking up the others and seems quite promising.
Finally, pick any book on cooking with kids if your holiday gathering includes some. Cooking and eating together is a wonderful way to strengthen family ties. It helps to have tips that will make the learning process more fun and less stressful. Learning early how to cook and enjoy teamwork is a valuable life skill.
When Holidays Are Hell: A Guide to Surviving Family Gatherings
Explains how to protect yourself while dealing with fractious or toxic relatives and dysfunctional family dynamics.
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
Details how hostile language works and how to defuse it safely; useful not just for deflecting attacks on yourself, but for making sure that you speak nicely with others.
The Grandmother Principles
Description of healthy family dynamics with advice tailored to a grandmother's role. Some of the principles work only for grandmothers; many can be applied by older people in general, and some by anyone. Every grandmother should be given a copy of this book along with her first grandchild. While not all holiday-focused, there are some excellent tips on making holidays happy.
Johnson's Emotional First Aid: How to Increase Your Happiness, Peace, and Joy by Victoria L. Saunders Johnson. Blue Dolphin Publishing, 1997.
Tricky to track down online, hence the extra detail. Offers practical tips for raising positive emotions and lowering negative ones.
Holiday Blues: Rediscovering the Art of Celebration; A 12-Month Guide to Getting Everything You Want Out of Holidays and Family Gatherings
I haven't read this one, but it popped up while I was looking up the others and seems quite promising.
Finally, pick any book on cooking with kids if your holiday gathering includes some. Cooking and eating together is a wonderful way to strengthen family ties. It helps to have tips that will make the learning process more fun and less stressful. Learning early how to cook and enjoy teamwork is a valuable life skill.
Re: Well...
I regret I don't know any books about how to help men respond constructively to verbal abuse. I went to The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense to find help in that area, specifically in response to some dealings with female relatives of mine; and to find that the author SEEMED TO be blaming me for any possible problem merely because I was male, struck me harder than perhaps it should have.
I dare say we could use something like that. Gods know I'm too poor at it and too screwed up to try my hand at anything like that. Think I'll stick with space opera.
Re: Well...
1) I wish that people wouldn't delete things off my blog, it drives me nuts.
2) After your final example in that previous note, I would not describe the discussion as "whining" or "self-indulgent." You're lucky to have survived.
3) We're talking about a book. You're entitled to not like it if it doesn't meet your needs, or hate it if it makes you feel worse. I'm writer enough to find it useful to dissect what went wrong. It makes me stop and think about how I write, too, because I write a lot of how-to stuff and I'd rather not, you know, accidentally hurt someone in the process. It's not very common for a reader to be willing and able to articulate exactly why a book failed on them. Not a pleasant topic of discussion, but if you can't criticize, you can't optimize.
>>I regret I don't know any books about how to help men respond constructively to verbal abuse.<<
Okay, I'll keep an eye out.
>> I went to The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense to find help in that area, specifically in response to some dealings with female relatives of mine; and to find that the author SEEMED TO be blaming me for any possible problem merely because I was male, struck me harder than perhaps it should have.<<
Well, some injuries leave scars. One of the things abuse tends to do is leave people extra sensitive. So then working around that is harder. Support materials typically include, hmm, phrases that are intended to brace up the reader's ability to work through the material, and short-circuit whatever internal booby-traps the writer has anticipated. But it does better the finer the tuning is, and otherwise it can be like trying to disarm the wrong kind of bomb. And if nobody's worked up the schematics for the problem at hand yet, the results can be messy.
>>I dare say we could use something like that. Gods know I'm too poor at it and too screwed up to try my hand at anything like that. Think I'll stick with space opera.<<
Right, stick with writing what works for you. However, you might keep an ear open for other men with similar issues, if any of you are up to talking about the topic, just in case someone else feels up to writing it.
I don't think it's a topic I could help with -- my genderflex probably puts it outside my range. It needs a male author.