ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2021-05-06 03:11 pm
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2021-05-06 03:11 pm
Entry tags:
Poem: "Quicker Than You Can Lower Them"
This poem is spillover from the December 1, 2020 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from chanter1944 and Anonymous. It also fills the "Baby It's Cold Outside" square in my 12-1-20 card for the Winter Fest Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by librarygeek in honor of the National Day of Awareness for Missing and Murdered Native Women and Girls. It belongs to the Iron Horses thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. For the introduction of the main characters, begin with "Whatever You Do to the Animals," "Reaching Out to Rescue One Another," and "To Prevent Future Tragedies." This poem is the second in a set of four, after "Ways to Make the Pain Go Away" and followed by "A Crazy and Drunk Life" and "Repair Just About Anything."
Warning: This poem contains intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes a trivial hangover, panic and anger, arguing over consent, feelings of betrayal, physical roughness, self-condemnation, violation of personal standards, needing to talk with someone, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Quicker Than You Can Lower Them"
[Saturday, October 3, 2015]
Warshirt woke up feeling
surprisingly okay.
Last night's bender
was no more than
a faint ache and
a bit of brain fog.
That was unusual,
but certainly welcome.
Looking around, he
found a bottle of water
and a packet of aspirin
on the bedside table.
Warshirt swallowed both.
Also on the table was
a folded pile of clothes.
Shaking them out
revealed a gray Henley,
a blue-and-gray plaid shirt,
and a pair of blue jeans.
Underwear and socks
were tucked in the shoes
that waited beside the bed.
It was so nice to get dressed
without having to think first.
Wind blew dead leaves
to rattle against the window.
It must be cold outside.
It was also nice to dress
for the weather without
needing to turn on a radio
or peek outside to check.
Warshirt ambled into
the bathroom and went
through his morning routine.
After that, he headed
into the kitchen.
Spotted Deer was
already up and
making toast.
"Good morning,"
she said. "I wasn't
sure what you would
be able to eat today.
How are you feeling?"
"Better than expected,"
Warshirt admitted.
"Oh, good," she said.
"I know how to handle
drunks, but not everyone
responds the same way.
I'm glad it worked for you."
Spotted Deer put a plate
of toast in front of him.
Warshirt started eating
automatically, and then
the words sank in.
"Glad what worked
for me?" he demanded.
"What the fuck did you
do to me while I was
too smashed to notice?"
Warshirt looked down at
what he could see of himself,
but there were no rude drawings
or new tattoos. This time.
Spotted Deer waved a hand,
drifting her scent toward him.
"You were drunk, so I did
what I could," she said.
"You used your powers
on me?" he squawked.
"Without even asking?"
"You were barely talking,"
Spotted Deer said, fidgeting.
"I was just trying to keep you
comfortable ... and alive."
Betrayal seethed in his belly.
Warshirt shoved away from
the table and snatched his toast.
"I'm heading out," he snapped.
"I didn't mean --" she said,
reaching out to him.
Warshirt smacked
her hand away. "Don't
fucking touch me!"
He stormed out
to his pickup truck.
The air was damp and
raw, the kind of cold that
sank through your clothes
to settle in your bones.
Warshirt slumped over
the steering wheel.
He hated losing
his temper like that.
Yeah, he was also terrified
of someone using powers on
him when he was drunk, but
sometimes he scared himself.
Fuck. What a fucking mess.
It reminded him of something
he had heard before: As
a drunk, you will violate
your standards quicker
than you can lower them.
Warshirt should have known
that nothing good would ever last
without him fucking it up somehow.
Grumbling, he stuffed more toast
in his mouth and then backed
the truck out of the driveway.
He needed to talk to someone.
Allan would listen, all right,
but Allan would also offer him
another beer, and that was ...
probably not what he needed now.
Many Tongues could help, though,
and he wouldn't suggest beer as
a first solution to the problems.
He lived in Rocky Boy's Reservation,
but that wasn't too far to drive.
Warshirt made the right turn.
* * *
Notes:
"As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them."
-- Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction
Alcohol misuse in general and binge drinking in particular tends to cause hangovers. Understand how to prevent and treat hangovers.
Brain fog often comes with a hangover. Learn how to reduce it.
This is Warshirt's blue flannel outfit.
Informed consent applies to all contexts, but is most often discussed in regard to medical care and human studies. In this case, the tangled relationship makes consent iffy for Warshirt and Spotted Deer. Everyone just has to do the best they can in that situation, which doesn't turn out very well. Here's a discussion about the spectrum of consent.
A moral compass is an inner sense that guides ethical decisions and influences other people. While people worry that superpowers would make everyone evil, that's not what happens. Power doesn't corrupt, it reveals. What it reveals in this case is that Spotted Deer wants to take care of people but has impaired boundaries due to past abuse. Understand how to calibrate your moral compass and how to teach moral behavior to others.
Boundaries are necessary for good relationships. Understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. Abuse survivors often have an impaired sense of boundaries and thus may need help managing healthy ones.
Passing out in public makes people vulnerable to things like drunk drawing and drunk tattoos. Warshirt is touchy about this due to bad experiences in the past.
Betrayal is a violation of expectations or agreements. It tends to have serious, long-term effects. Warshirt feels betrayed because Spotted Deer did things to him without asking first. Spotted Deer feels betrayed by him smacking her. Understand how to deal with being betrayed and make up for betraying someone.
Trust has multiple aspects and stages. Healthy touch helps it grow. Both Warshirt and Spotted Deer have previously made good progress with trusting each other, but they also have some trust issues from past trauma. There are ways to learn how to trust again. Know how to recognize a trustworthy person, become trustworthy yourself, build trust with other people, and rebuild damaged trust.
Domestic violence often occurs in fraught relationships. Here's a questionnaire about relationship health. This page explains different types of abuse. Know how to deal with it. In this case, it's neither severe nor particularly intentional, more a defensive reflex -- but it's definitely the kind of thing that could cause serious trouble if not addressed.
Anger is a natural and necessary emotion, but too much can cause problems. There are brochures on expressing emotion, feeling angry, and anger management. For people who feel powerless to control their anger -- a very common condition -- support groups with that premise may help, such as Emotions Anonymous or Rageaholics Anonymous. Bullying brochures sometimes address questions of whether you could be hurting people. This is the most useful post I found on how to stop abusing others.
Negative emotions such as guilt and/or shame are essential to mental health. Guilt prods people to respect social standards. Shame demands that people live up to their own standards. Right now, Warshirt is still furious with Spotted Deer for doing things to him while he was drunk, but he also feels bad about losing his temper, which is a downright miserable combination. Understand how to get over guilt and release shame. You can break the cycle of self-judgement and stop beating yourself up.
Talking about problems can help in several ways. It's particularly useful when you have painted yourself into a corner and have no idea how to get out. Know what to do when you need someone to talk with and how to talk about difficult topics.
chanter1944 and Anonymous. It also fills the "Baby It's Cold Outside" square in my 12-1-20 card for the Winter Fest Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by librarygeek in honor of the National Day of Awareness for Missing and Murdered Native Women and Girls. It belongs to the Iron Horses thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. For the introduction of the main characters, begin with "Whatever You Do to the Animals," "Reaching Out to Rescue One Another," and "To Prevent Future Tragedies." This poem is the second in a set of four, after "Ways to Make the Pain Go Away" and followed by "A Crazy and Drunk Life" and "Repair Just About Anything." Warning: This poem contains intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes a trivial hangover, panic and anger, arguing over consent, feelings of betrayal, physical roughness, self-condemnation, violation of personal standards, needing to talk with someone, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Quicker Than You Can Lower Them"
[Saturday, October 3, 2015]
Warshirt woke up feeling
surprisingly okay.
Last night's bender
was no more than
a faint ache and
a bit of brain fog.
That was unusual,
but certainly welcome.
Looking around, he
found a bottle of water
and a packet of aspirin
on the bedside table.
Warshirt swallowed both.
Also on the table was
a folded pile of clothes.
Shaking them out
revealed a gray Henley,
a blue-and-gray plaid shirt,
and a pair of blue jeans.
Underwear and socks
were tucked in the shoes
that waited beside the bed.
It was so nice to get dressed
without having to think first.
Wind blew dead leaves
to rattle against the window.
It must be cold outside.
It was also nice to dress
for the weather without
needing to turn on a radio
or peek outside to check.
Warshirt ambled into
the bathroom and went
through his morning routine.
After that, he headed
into the kitchen.
Spotted Deer was
already up and
making toast.
"Good morning,"
she said. "I wasn't
sure what you would
be able to eat today.
How are you feeling?"
"Better than expected,"
Warshirt admitted.
"Oh, good," she said.
"I know how to handle
drunks, but not everyone
responds the same way.
I'm glad it worked for you."
Spotted Deer put a plate
of toast in front of him.
Warshirt started eating
automatically, and then
the words sank in.
"Glad what worked
for me?" he demanded.
"What the fuck did you
do to me while I was
too smashed to notice?"
Warshirt looked down at
what he could see of himself,
but there were no rude drawings
or new tattoos. This time.
Spotted Deer waved a hand,
drifting her scent toward him.
"You were drunk, so I did
what I could," she said.
"You used your powers
on me?" he squawked.
"Without even asking?"
"You were barely talking,"
Spotted Deer said, fidgeting.
"I was just trying to keep you
comfortable ... and alive."
Betrayal seethed in his belly.
Warshirt shoved away from
the table and snatched his toast.
"I'm heading out," he snapped.
"I didn't mean --" she said,
reaching out to him.
Warshirt smacked
her hand away. "Don't
fucking touch me!"
He stormed out
to his pickup truck.
The air was damp and
raw, the kind of cold that
sank through your clothes
to settle in your bones.
Warshirt slumped over
the steering wheel.
He hated losing
his temper like that.
Yeah, he was also terrified
of someone using powers on
him when he was drunk, but
sometimes he scared himself.
Fuck. What a fucking mess.
It reminded him of something
he had heard before: As
a drunk, you will violate
your standards quicker
than you can lower them.
Warshirt should have known
that nothing good would ever last
without him fucking it up somehow.
Grumbling, he stuffed more toast
in his mouth and then backed
the truck out of the driveway.
He needed to talk to someone.
Allan would listen, all right,
but Allan would also offer him
another beer, and that was ...
probably not what he needed now.
Many Tongues could help, though,
and he wouldn't suggest beer as
a first solution to the problems.
He lived in Rocky Boy's Reservation,
but that wasn't too far to drive.
Warshirt made the right turn.
* * *
Notes:
"As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them."
-- Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction
Alcohol misuse in general and binge drinking in particular tends to cause hangovers. Understand how to prevent and treat hangovers.
Brain fog often comes with a hangover. Learn how to reduce it.
This is Warshirt's blue flannel outfit.
Informed consent applies to all contexts, but is most often discussed in regard to medical care and human studies. In this case, the tangled relationship makes consent iffy for Warshirt and Spotted Deer. Everyone just has to do the best they can in that situation, which doesn't turn out very well. Here's a discussion about the spectrum of consent.
A moral compass is an inner sense that guides ethical decisions and influences other people. While people worry that superpowers would make everyone evil, that's not what happens. Power doesn't corrupt, it reveals. What it reveals in this case is that Spotted Deer wants to take care of people but has impaired boundaries due to past abuse. Understand how to calibrate your moral compass and how to teach moral behavior to others.
Boundaries are necessary for good relationships. Understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. Abuse survivors often have an impaired sense of boundaries and thus may need help managing healthy ones.
Passing out in public makes people vulnerable to things like drunk drawing and drunk tattoos. Warshirt is touchy about this due to bad experiences in the past.
Betrayal is a violation of expectations or agreements. It tends to have serious, long-term effects. Warshirt feels betrayed because Spotted Deer did things to him without asking first. Spotted Deer feels betrayed by him smacking her. Understand how to deal with being betrayed and make up for betraying someone.
Trust has multiple aspects and stages. Healthy touch helps it grow. Both Warshirt and Spotted Deer have previously made good progress with trusting each other, but they also have some trust issues from past trauma. There are ways to learn how to trust again. Know how to recognize a trustworthy person, become trustworthy yourself, build trust with other people, and rebuild damaged trust.
Domestic violence often occurs in fraught relationships. Here's a questionnaire about relationship health. This page explains different types of abuse. Know how to deal with it. In this case, it's neither severe nor particularly intentional, more a defensive reflex -- but it's definitely the kind of thing that could cause serious trouble if not addressed.
Anger is a natural and necessary emotion, but too much can cause problems. There are brochures on expressing emotion, feeling angry, and anger management. For people who feel powerless to control their anger -- a very common condition -- support groups with that premise may help, such as Emotions Anonymous or Rageaholics Anonymous. Bullying brochures sometimes address questions of whether you could be hurting people. This is the most useful post I found on how to stop abusing others.
Negative emotions such as guilt and/or shame are essential to mental health. Guilt prods people to respect social standards. Shame demands that people live up to their own standards. Right now, Warshirt is still furious with Spotted Deer for doing things to him while he was drunk, but he also feels bad about losing his temper, which is a downright miserable combination. Understand how to get over guilt and release shame. You can break the cycle of self-judgement and stop beating yourself up.
Talking about problems can help in several ways. It's particularly useful when you have painted yourself into a corner and have no idea how to get out. Know what to do when you need someone to talk with and how to talk about difficult topics.