Autistic Communication

[ysabetwordsmith]

Here's a thoughtful post about autistic communication.  Notice the observation that the neurovariant person is ALWAYS WRONG.  They have no right to comfort or sanity; they are always expected to hurt themselves to make other people happy.  Which is a horrible thing to do to anyone.

One reason I don't have a lot of friends is that I demand equality in relationships.  I will respect your quirks to the extent you respect mine.  If I can't accommodate something I will say so.  But I am nobody's doormat, and I think that people who treat folks as doormats are themselves assholes.  I don't want to socialize with assholes.

Comments

[alatefeline]

Thank you. Difficult reading because *--> points to self* topic of text. Nonetheless *many finger-snaps* appreciation.

I like your stance on avoiding asshole-itude.

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Thank you. Difficult reading because *--> points to self* topic of text. Nonetheless *many finger-snaps* appreciation. <<

*hugs offered* The least I can do is point it out as an issue.

>> I like your stance on avoiding asshole-itude. <<

Basically, you get what you permit. If you hurt yourself to make other people happy, they'll just demand more of it. This isn't just about disability, it's a general pattern of how advantaged people treat disadvantaged people. If you want freedom, you have to take it, because people won't give it to you. If you want respect, you have to be worthy of it and insist on it. You won't always get it -- but you can usually manage to avoid the worst offenders. You have to think about what kind of relationships and people you want in your life, and gravitate toward those. It's hard if what you want is in short supply, but solitude is usually better than being abused.

Re: Thoughts

[alatefeline]

*hugs accepted, briefly*

*catshape*

*purring, headbomp, purring, paw-kneading*

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

*pet kitty*

Re: Thoughts

[thnidu]

Mrrrowwwww....

Re: Thoughts

[alatefeline]

Mrrrrowrpf!

*purring, kitty-cuddles if wanted*

Re: Thoughts

[thnidu]

*kitty-cuddle*

[cmcmck]

This!

Absolutely!

Hey wait, I know that song.

[curiosity]

Ah yes. The bitter and familiar space of "Articulate, erudite, and still at fault." This sort of dust up is a semi-regular occurrence in my life as well. Still almost always the 'wrong' one. I can count the number of times the light switch has flipped on for someone else - and hasn't been used against me in some fashion -on one hand.

Gave up caring. I'm rude? Cool. I'm rude. I said something mean? Cool, I'm mean. You don't like me because I use big words? Cool. Here's some more big words. People don't HAVE these feelings? Cool. Not a person. I just don't care anymore.

I don't have a label for my not-like-everyone-else-ness but this strikes a chord.

Re: Hey wait, I know that song.

[ysabetwordsmith]

I got brutal about that at a very young age. "If you're normal, I'm glad I'm not." And then I'd list things wrong with "normal" society. Most people learned that they didn't want to have this conversation with me, because it hurt too much and I'd tell them things they couldn't afford to know.

Re: Hey wait, I know that song.

[curiosity]

Verily. People stop asking questions when they realize you'll answer them. They leave off with the biting words if they know you'll bite back harder. They just comfort themselves in the knowing that they're right and you're strange.

Re: Hey wait, I know that song.

[ysabetwordsmith]

I fly my freak flag proudly.

It would be different if the world were in better shape, if the people bitching about me had created a generally functional society and weren't, you know, destroying the biosphere. But I refuse to consider sane a species that is sawing off the branch it's standing on. I will only listen to constructive criticism from people who are doing quite bit better than me in ways that I think could be replicated to improve my own life. If theirs is shit, the last thing I need is advice on how to fuck up in whole new ways.

Put me with a group of generally decent people and a common interest of some kind, and I do fine. I'm actually popular. That was a mind-blowing discovery. It's easy to forget because that's not a common situation. But I'm not anti-social. I just don't like assholes, and sadly, most people seem to be assholes.

Re: Hey wait, I know that song.

[cmcmck]

Yeah! Given my background, I'm not sure being a normo is much fun anyway!

[serpentine]

Trying to get people to understand what I'm trying to say is the hardest thing in the world and this is why I kinda have given up on people for the most part. :/

[callibr8]

My definition of treating someone like a doormat includes someone who uses me, or my skills, without expressing appreciation or providing feedback in a timely fashion when such is requested, particularly when these behaviors happen across multiple occasions.
That, fundamentally, is why I've excused myself from PolyChrome indexing.