ysabetwordsmith | Cuddle Party

>> Yeah, it done helped a lot. Jus knowin' someone care enough to do did shit mean loads, ya'know? <<

Yay!

>> I mean It really the only way I git did shit right now. Even doe we got a physical body don't mean we can physically feel each other sometime an' it sucks. <<

That is hard.

>>There been times where I wish I could be holdin' Fallon-heah-an' I can't. Bein' able to type it an' be feelin' at least a bit of it jus be makin' mah day an' shit.<<

Have you ever tried hug-passing? Usually it's done where Person A is talking to Person B on the phone, and Person B says "Give my love to C," and then A goes to hug C for B. In your case, Fallon could front and hug me for Jay, then switch, and I'd hug Jay for Fallon -- trying to mimic the personal style as much as possible. That bit takes some practice, but is a skill people can learn. You can try it with any of your support crew who are willing.

>>Weren't thinkin' I'd be one for cuddles. Ain't till I was heah that I realized healthy touch were a thing I been missin. No I heah, ... dunno what I'd do without bein' here at least once ever so often like.<<

Healthy touch is good, but if you've seen mostly the unhealthy kind, this is a difficult discovery to make. Well, you saw how Shiv flipped out with Pain's Gray. Recreational pain, no problem; aftercare, *panic*.

Have you ever tried hug-passing? Usually it's done where Person A is talking to Person B on the phone, and Person B says "Give my love to C," and then
A goes to hug C for B. In your case, Fallon could front and hug me for Jay, then switch, and I'd hug Jay for Fallon -- trying to mimic the personal style
as much as possible. That bit takes some practice, but is a skill people can learn. You can try it with any of your support crew who are willing.

huh, uh. I mean we done it one way, but not the other way 'roun'. "Hug A for me, would ya?" been about as far as we got.

Healthy touch is good, but if you've seen mostly the unhealthy kind, this is a difficult discovery to make. Well, you saw how Shiv flipped out with Pain's
Gray. Recreational pain, no problem; aftercare, *panic*.

Yeah...an' this empendin' mopve got mah brain all fucked. I mean, it been moved out some, but last time I moved...bad. :(

Jus now figuring I can get touch without beoin' ridiculed for it. Lotta the family befoe I met Fallons felt boys don't need much touch as girls, so they didn't give it-'long with thinkin' boys ain't one for cryin'.

Mah crew done broke some of dat, but I still have a hard time wid...a lot of it. *nervous about dat*

>>Yeah...an' this empendin' mopve got mah brain all fucked. I mean, it been moved out some, but last time I moved...bad. :( <<

Moving is hard on anyone, even if they want it. When you have negative past experiences, it's a lot worse. :( However, there are things you can do to buffer it a bit.

One is throw out some stuff you don't need, and as you do that, imagine throwing out past emotional baggage or other virtual shit.

Another is that when you move into your new place, take some time to really make it yours. If you have a household token, place that first. (If not, now's a perfect time to get one -- any object that symbolizes your household will work.) Think about the new place and what traditions you can set there. Understand that it'll take you a while to anchor yourself in it, but you can do it.

>> Jus now figuring I can get touch without beoin' ridiculed for it. Lotta the family befoe I met Fallons felt boys don't need much touch as girls, so they didn't give it-'long with thinkin' boys ain't one for cryin'.<<

What a mess. Boys and men need as much touch as girls and women. Everyone cries. All that macho shit does it make it hard to identify and handle emotions like a grownup. >_< Come here, cuddle if you want, cry if you need to. People who say boys don't need cuddles or tears are dumbasses. So speaks the gender scholar.

>> Mah crew done broke some of dat, but I still have a hard time wid...a lot of it. *nervous about dat* <<

Well yeah. Any topic people mess you up is going to be nerve-wracking later. It's fixable, though, if you get with better people.

One is throw out some stuff you don't need, and as you do that, imagine throwing out past emotional baggage or other virtual shit.

...Gunna do that. Like hardcoh do dat shit.

Another is that when you move into your new place, take some time to really make it yours. If you have a household token, place that first. (If not,
now's a perfect time to get one -- any object that symbolizes your household will work.) Think about the new place and what traditions you can set there.
Understand that it'll take you a while to anchor yourself in it, but you can do it.

Thankfually the peeps we movin' in wid git mah triggers. Been good about makin' me not feel stupid for'em. I hate when triggers fuck me up. :/

What a mess. Boys and men need as much touch as girls and women. Everyone cries. All that macho shit does it make it hard to identify and handle emotions
like a grownup. >_< Come here, cuddle if you want, cry if you need to. People who say boys don't need cuddles or tears are dumbasses. So speaks the
gender scholar.

Y-Ya sho? Gunna git bad if I let go really. *he looks up at her*...ya serious, ain't ya.

Well yeah. Any topic people mess you up is going to be nerve-wracking later. It's fixable, though, if you get with better people.

Mah Fallon's family's...dey bettah people. I love mah Cassie. She my OSO an'...we had some serious shit for a while, but we done got past it an' we really damn close now. Cool an' shit. Dat mah girl :)

>>...Gunna do that. Like hardcoh do dat shit.<<

Yay!

>> Thankfually the peeps we movin' in wid git mah triggers. Been good about makin' me not feel stupid for'em.<<

That's good.

>> I hate when triggers fuck me up. :/ <<

Everyone who has triggers hates them. When you get into a safer environment, you can work on smoothing them down some, and over time they'll bother you less.

>> Y-Ya sho? <<

Quite sure. Everyone gets hurt sometimes, which means everyone needs to cry. It can be messy and unpleasant, but it's like throwing up -- that's what happens when you swallow something that isn't good for you, and it's less awful than leaving it in there.

Telling boys not to cry is harmful. Men need to cry too. (Everyone does.) Lack of touch is destructive to men's mental and physical health. (This is true for mammals in general.) It's caused by everything from homophobia to fear of sexual complaints. Men need more touch than they usually get. This is a problem, because touch starvation correlates with more violence. Basically, if you don't express your emotions and connect with other people, that makes it harder to understand and control your urges.

>> Gunna git bad if I let go really.
*he looks up at her*...ya serious, ain't ya. <<

I am serious, and yes, people who haven't had a good cry in a long time tend to release a flood. That's okay. I've been cried on before. The cuddle room has been cried in before. If you fall apart in here, most that'll happen is folks asking how you are and if you want a fresh shoulder or hankie.

>>Mah Fallon's family's...dey bettah people. I love mah Cassie. She my OSO an'...we had some serious shit for a while, but we done got past it an' we really damn close now. Cool an' shit. Dat mah girl :) <<

That's good. Support helps.

I am serious, and yes, people who haven't had a good cry in a long time tend to release a flood. That's okay. I've been cried on before. The cuddle
room has been cried in before. If you fall apart in here, most that'll happen is folks asking how you are and if you want a fresh shoulder or hankie.
...OK...

He tenses at first, trying to still hold it in, but then, finally starts to relax.

It starts slow at first, a few trickles, and he experimentally moves closer to snug against Ysabit, barely noticing Fallon coming to lay, gently, a hand on his back, as he finally breaks apart, the sobs shaking his frame.

Despite his best efforts, those around him can hear them as hiccupping, or even a bit of a tiger rumble sound-even in human form-and the sniffles make his cheeks go red with sudden embarrassment.

After some time, they finally tapper off, and he feels slightly better, if quite a bit drained from that.

He almost buries his face in his hands befoe remembering he don't have to do that heah.

...

He still has tears coming off and on as he accepts the calming presence of the PurrBeast, and tries to breath whatever's left out as shit he doen't want nomore.

He feel like he could do this again, though,if he ain't careful-just break into those sobs again, an' it still make him nervous as hell that he gunna get namecalled for it. Even if he ain't been...for a while now, it still theah. He don't like that. :(

As Jay cries, Fallon scoots forward to gently lay a hand on his back.

My poor bonded. She doesn't say it out loud, but she gently rubs his back from waist to shoulder and down again once before just leaving her hand at the small ina light, static touch.

She smiles to K'in, sending a silent 'hello' his way before she asks to lean against him for a little while Jay collects himself: This is going to tak a long while now.

-Fallon~

He can take as long as he needs. This isn't a race.

He can indeed. I'ma be nearby so long as is needed. :)

-Fallon~

<3 Fallon. s'much <3

>>It starts slow at first, a few trickles, and he experimentally moves closer to snug against Ysabit, barely noticing Fallon coming to lay, gently, a hand on his back, as he finally breaks apart, the sobs shaking his frame.<<

*gentle cuddles*

>> After some time, they finally tapper off, and he feels slightly better, if quite a bit drained from that. <<

Yeah, it's a storm, but crying helps some.

>> He almost buries his face in his hands befoe remembering he don't have to do that heah.<<

Quite right.

>> He feel like he could do this again, though,if he ain't careful-just break into those sobs again, an' it still make him nervous as hell that he gunna get namecalled for it. <<

Anybody who makes fun of someone for crying in here will get a boot to the rear, and I mightn't bother to open the door first.

>>Even if he ain't been...for a while now, it still theah. He don't like that. :( <<

It comes out the way it goes in: one line at a time. Eventually, it'll wear down. In the meantime, it's just an aggravation, like wearing wet clothes. Everyone cries. It's natural and necessary. Cuddling is good for people. You are wanted here. And the people who roughed you up are a sorry waste of carbon that could be put to better use elsewhere.

Yeah, it's a storm, but crying helps some.

...Findin' that out...need did so much. th..thank ya...

Anybody who makes fun of someone for crying in here will get a boot to the rear, and I mightn't bother to open the door first.

That gits a watery chuckle out of him before he went cat. ~Like ya...so much...~

It comes out the way it goes in: one line at a time. Eventually, it'll wear down. In the meantime, it's just an aggravation, like wearing wet clothes.
Everyone cries. It's natural and necessary. Cuddling is good for people. You are wanted here. And the people who roughed you up are a sorry waste
of carbon that could be put to better use elsewhere.

Like not heah. Somethin' tells me if anyone in family do this ya gunna be on they ass. I'ma not wanna piss you off...

*purr-sort-of-laugh*

>>...Findin' that out...need did so much. th..thank ya...<<

Welcome anytime.

>> Like not heah. Somethin' tells me if anyone in family do this ya gunna be on they ass.<<

Like ugly on an ape.

>> I'ma not wanna piss you off... <<

It takes some doing. You seem not like the kind of person who does the sort of things that really rile me up. Everyone rubs each other the wrong way occasionally, but it's no big deal; friends can talk it out.

Welcome anytime.
:)

Like ugly on an ape.
Mental smuhk at that an' shit.:d *Fallon gigglesnort*

It takes some doing. You seem not like the kind of person who does the sort of things that really rile me up. Everyone rubs each other the wrong way
occasionally, but it's no big deal; friends can talk it out.

Yeah. Seem like ain't puhson who piss a lot of people heah off. 'snice dat.

Nice to talk homelike too.

Glad she don't mind dialect bein' everywhere but right. Been hangin' 'round peeps got different ways of speakin' dat he pick up sometimes an' drop. Weihd to be able to do did without bein' thought weihd fo it. Pro'ly bodyfears, but dey stil theah.

Sometimes wanna correct hisself 'cause he don't think he be understood an' shit.

Gets wohse when he stressed like dis. Then go back to sorta right, but not really.

>> Glad she don't mind dialect bein' everywhere but right. Been hangin' 'round peeps got different ways of speakin' dat he pick up sometimes an' drop. Weihd to be able to do did without bein' thought weihd fo it. Pro'ly bodyfears, but dey stil theah. <<

It's just codeswitching between different registers of language. Lots of folks do it. Me, I tend to drop into dialect if someone else is, I'm linguistic SillyPutty. But Southern's strongest, because my mama's people come from Tennessee. So if I'm around it, then it comes back, and thick as molasses in winter. People think I'm teasing them, sometimes, but I'm not. Talk about fishin' and it comes up too, cause we did that together.

>> Sometimes wanna correct hisself 'cause he don't think he be understood an' shit. <<

Well, folks might miss a few words, but it's close enough for grabs. Cajun now, that's harder, cause it crosses with French.

>> Gets wohse when he stressed like dis. Then go back to sorta right, but not really.<<

*pet pet pet* You'll be okay eventually.

It's just codeswitching between different registers of language. Lots of folks do it. Me, I tend to drop into dialect if someone else is, I'm linguistic
SillyPutty. But Southern's strongest, because my mama's people come from Tennessee. So if I'm around it, then it comes back, and thick as molasses in
winter. People think I'm teasing them, sometimes, but I'm not. Talk about fishin' and it comes up too, cause we did that together.

Yeah body like dat. Pick up Spanish, Irish and Southahn like it were born to it. Cajun sort of, buit not like da oder three. Easier to writ Black-whtevah dialect is 'cause ain't so afraid of bein' caught that way. 'cause writin' was sanity for most of life. Talkin' different doe.

Well, folks might miss a few words, but it's close enough for grabs. Cajun now, that's harder, cause it crosses with French.

Yeah. Got somewhat Cajun kid named Evan. He go mor southahn when he heah 'cause body do it better. Mississippe born No'ohlans raised by grandma. 'nuff to be considered half-Cajun by fam. Good guy. Like him a li'l too when I sees him.

*pet pet pet* You'll be okay eventually.

Ya sho I still OK. Dis...feels weihd bein this...like dis. Vulnerable usually ain't me. *nervous*

Brush? ... Brush plz? Won't fix dreds, but make me feel les...scattahed. les...everwhere.

>>Yeah body like dat. Pick up Spanish, Irish and Southahn like it were born to it. Cajun sort of, buit not like da oder three. <<

For me, Spanish is a field of marigolds in my head. Took one year, and it just kept growing. Now I can understand some stuff I know we never covered in class.

>>Easier to writ Black-whtevah dialect is 'cause ain't so afraid of bein' caught that way. 'cause writin' was sanity for most of life. Talkin' different doe.<<

Sure, because talking puts you face to face and writing doesn't have to.

>> Ya sho I still OK. Dis...feels weihd bein this...like dis. Vulnerable usually ain't me. *nervous* <<

Takes a lot of practice to feel comfortable with vulnerability. Ever see a crawdad shed its skin? All soft and white underneath for a while, so they tend to hide. But that's the only way they can grow.

>> Brush? ... Brush plz? Won't fix dreds, but make me feel les...scattahed. les...everwhere <<

Might could be this is where I say that I'm a strong enough shapeshifter it can affect other people. Energy worker, too. So if I'm brushing and wishing you more together, might happen. You still want brushed?

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-19 09:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-19 09:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-19 10:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-19 10:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-19 10:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-19 10:37 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-19 22:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-19 22:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-20 00:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-20 01:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-20 02:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-20 02:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-20 03:14 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-20 03:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-20 03:40 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-20 03:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

djbluejay - 2018-01-20 05:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

we_are_spc - 2018-01-19 10:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

ysabetwordsmith - 2018-01-19 10:37 (UTC) - Expand

Like ugly on an ape.
*gigglesnort*...yeah, I figured. It's a good thing I'ma be right behind you. None in the family's gunna stand for that shit. If they do, Rose'll be all on their ass, too.

We're a very heart-on-sleeve family-and he's stil getting used to that.

-Fallon~

Well, that kind of openness is daunting when you're not used to it. Most folks get used to it. He just needs the option of backing off a bit sometimes when he gets overloaded.

Which he gets...most days.

He must feel safe here, like he said. Outside of family, you and DD's places (Which he didn't mention) are litterally the only places he feels like he can actually fall apart in, for the most part except for here inthe house, obvs) and not feel like he'll be judged for it. He'll probably need reassuring later that this was OK once he figures out what the hell he did.

Or maybe he won't, it depends on the day, actually, and the people.

*reaches out to run fingers down Jay's side from sholder down* *gentle hum with smile in it* <3 Jay. Still here, Love.

-Fallon~

>>Which he gets...most days.<<

Aww.

>> He must feel safe here, like he said.<<

That's good.

>> Outside of family, you and DD's places (Which he didn't mention) are litterally the only places he feels like he can actually fall apart in, for the most part except for here inthe house, obvs) and not feel like he'll be judged for it.<<

Yeah, the wider society is not very welcoming. And then they wonder why so many people are anxious and unhealthy. Well, duh.

>> He'll probably need reassuring later that this was OK once he figures out what the hell he did.<<

Totally okay. People often need confirmation afterwards, if they're not used to having safe emotional space.

Yeah, the wider society is not very welcoming. And then they wonder why so many people are anxious and unhealthy. Well, duh.

Yeah. So much is caught up in money these days it's insane. I didn't realize how much of that was the case until I started trying to be an independent contractor, and the doctor said it was a good thing that they're going toard licensing of massage therapists, not just certification )Whatever the difference was; I never can relly know, to me it's all the same, really). So...yeah there's that.

Totally okay. People often need confirmation afterwards, if they're not used to having safe emotional space.

He's getting there, but he's not quite there yet. Cassie and I give him what he needs ad do most of the rest of the family who know (And those who don't are kicked out so those who do can), but he's still got a long way to go.

I had no idea until recently that moving was this hard on the poor man. :(

-Fallon~

>> I didn't realize how much of that was the case until I started trying to be an independent contractor, and the doctor said it was a good thing that they're going toard licensing of massage therapists, not just certification )Whatever the difference was; I never can relly know, to me it's all the same, really). <<

They probably want to ban it altogether for everyone who lacks a license, which will destroy massage the way they largely destroyed midwifery. It keeps the cash cows from escaping the pen.

Re: Does virtual touch make you feel better?

we_are_spc - 2018-01-19 22:02 (UTC) - Expand